Very Upset

A.:

This totally sucks! Get over the JAG office NOW and get legal help from them - that is what they are there for.

DO NOT give the kids up until the investigation is done.

DO NOT panic.
Remember to breathe. Deep breaths and let them out slowly. If you panic or over react - I know it's not easy - this happened to me in Germany - CPS and JAG. It was a nightmare - but we got through it. We had JAG with us as well. We didn't lose her and it was determined to be unfounded.

I wonder if it would be best for your family if you and the kids moved back to the U.S. until his tour is up there so you can get the support you need. I am surprised that Family Services wasn't called when your son was admitted to the hospital so that you could get help with your older child.

How much longer is his tour?
Would it be feasible for you and the kids to come back to the U.S. while he finishes his tour?

I knew a family that this type of thing happened to. The dad used to put his son up on his shoulders all the time & then for the "dismount", he would take his hands/arms and let him flip forward. Arm dislocated. They, too, experienced suspicion, etc. at the hospital. At first they didn't realize that they were suspected of something...but by the time the FOURTH person came in and asked for "the story" they realized what the docs and nurses were thinking. Nothing happened in their case.
Pray that the truth will be revealed. Speak the truth and try to keep a lid on the immediate anger you feel right now. Calmly state what happened (your husband) and the facts. Get legal help if you can. Good luck.

Yep Gamma G is wrong. My dad dislocated my shoulder in exactly the same way. He was walking with me, just holding my hand, when I decided to just drop. Popped my shoulder right out. They took me right to the ER and while he was sitting there gently rubbing my back, POP. Right back in, I was completely fine after wards.

I witnessed what you are describing happen in a playground too. Mom was holding a kid by the wrist, he tripped over the side walk. So what's your first instinct? To pull up so they don't smash face first, right? Well, that's what happened and she dislocated his elbow. You know, I never thought that their might be a an issue with it. Now I wish I would have given her my name and number, in case there was a problem later.

I would also head over to the JAG.

What happened to your son, happened to my son.
He was running by and my oldest grabbed his arm, playing and it pulled out. They told me it is VERY common! Its called nurses maid elbow. The Dr even told me how to put it back in after the 3rd time we had to go there. Please know that now that this has happened one time, it will keep happing to his elbow until he is about 3-4! Look it up on Youtube on how to put it back in. Its so easy and you wont have to go back to the Dr for it again ( less documentation... not that anyone did anything wrong!!!).

Im sure with the Drs notes everything should be cleared up in no time. Good luck.

My son dislocated his elbow by falling off a chair at a restaurant. It blew my mind. I had no idea something like that could happen (he had just turned 2 at the time). We rushed him to the doctor thinking he had broken his wrist, and the doctor just popped it back in, and said it's actually very common at this age. Do a google search for "nurse maid elbow" or something like that. One of my best friends actually said her son has had it 3 times because he just has a loose joint or something. Do you have a standard pediatrician that you trust? Call them, get them to write something up for you about it. If you're pretty sure it wasn't the ER doctor that reported you, call them too and ask about it. I think with the proper experts on your side, this should be an easy case, but I can't imagine your stress levels. It must be really scary, and I'm so sorry you had some creep who didn't know anything who heard about it.

A., I am so sorry. I thought at first that it had something to do with the hospital. But obviously the people at his workplace started talking about this.

Do you two have couples who you do things with who have seen how your husband normally acts with your children? Ask them to write a letter about your husband being a good father. If your son has temper tantrums in front of others, have them mention that too.

I hope this will blow over - I really do. Hugs to you,
Dawn

I swear to God A., this post makes me want to WRITE A LETTER. This is NOT what CPS is for. Especially since I have the knowledge of children REALLY being abused/neglected at the hands of a family member and there's 'Nothing They Can Do'?!

I wish I had some advice for you. I hope you will put your foot down and fight for yourself and your husband.

Geez. That sucks.

:(

I'm very sorry. In the 26 years I've cared for little ones, I've been very scared of this happening. I can't say how many times a child just suddenly jerks real hard and throws themselves down. It's the most natural thing in the world to hold that little hand tightly when they start to "fall". It's not like we have the instinct to just drop them and let them land wherever they fall.

I hear in your writing of this that this happened the opposite way when he picked him back up. I'm sorry. I've been guilty of doing that and then realizing that I just did a potential real bad thing. I've been so careful and yet, my husband has been a witness to these tantrums and has stopped me and told me that he didn't think I was gentle enough. I'm saying this to say, that we are not always sure of our own strength with little ones. Men especially are too strong to be "yanking" a child up off the floor.

I don't believe they are blowing this out of proportion. This does NOT happen everyday. But, I really don't believe in the end he should be convicted of anything. He made a mistake. I pray they see it that way.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. A similar thing happened to my husband. His daughter was 2 and she was playing on the bed. She went to jump to her father's lap unexpectedly and she missed and fell off the bed and hit her head on the nightstand. When the daycare people asked what happened, she said "daddy hurt me" because in her mind, she was blaming her dad for not catching her. Her dad got reported and he had a huge battle. It took his ex-wife coming in to daycare and saying that he'd NEVER do anything like that to get them to stop. They didn't believe what he was saying when he told them what happened. When they asked his daughter she said "I was jumping on the bed and daddy hurt me." It took the grandma coming in and asking the right questions to finally pull the story out. Eventually she admitted "well, I was jumping on the bed and I jumped to Daddy but he missed me and I fell." It was a month of trauma for everyone (as the daughter had to stay at mom's) for an incident that wasn't anyone's fault, and a child that wasn't old enough to articulate what really happened. Couldn't they see she was a happy kid, with no other bumps or bruises?

It saddens me that honest, good parents are getting in trouble and abused kids are going back to their abusers.

Also, a few years back I was in Tae Kwon Do. We did a lot of sparring and blocking, and as a result, I got bruises on my arms and legs. Someone at my work reported it, thinking I was being abused. I had to straighten that one out!

So it happens to good people. I will pray for you.

Unless your child has a muscle/joint/ligament disorder this story does not seem plausible. A child will stop doing something if it hurts. My son has thrown righteous tantrums, kicking and squirming while I was holding him and he's never had so much as a bruise. There's no amount of "gentle" that can dislocate a child's elbow.

You think she's going overboard but you weren't there. If it were my child I'd be highly skeptical of his story, not so quick to come to his defense. I don't care that he cried. People can have tears of remorse just as well as anything else.

I found this question by reading your most recent question and I honestly believe you have a BIG problem on your hands. I really hope that you are able to view this realistically.

If your husband has difficulty maintaining his conduct--and it seems like he does...then he has no business in the military. There is an honor code, and a code of conduct and he seems to have trouble with both.

If it's encouragement you're looking for, here's what I can offer: if your husband is a jerk, it's not your fault. You can take care of your children by doing what's right for them and not defending him for being wrong.