My son is 2 1/2 years old, and attends a local preschool. I am concerned because his behavior and personality seem to be incredibly different at school. At school he will not talk at all, not even to me, he rarely interacts with the other kids, he will not participate in water day (really wierd because he LOVES the water), he will not even walk into the bathroom to go potty, and he will not really play when they go outside (also wierd because that is his favorite place to be). According to his teacher, he is almost perfect in the fact that he never gets into trouble, does almost everything the teacher asks (except go potty), completes the activities that the teacher gives him, cleans up his messes, and doesn't ever get hyper or get into things he shouldn't. His teacher adores him because he is so easy, and she says his learning abilities seem to be right where they should be. He has been at his current school for 2 1/2 months, and was at a different school for 7 months prior to his current school. He acted the same way at his previous school as he does at his current school. Both schools are very good schools with great teachers. Outside of school, my son speaks very well and non stop, never stops moving, talking, laughing, playing, etc. He tests our patience on a regular basis, and goes to the bathroom to go potty every time we take him. He plays well with his cousins, and our friends' children, although sometimes he may be a little bit shy for a few minutes when seeing someone he hasn't seen in awhile. My husband and I have tried dropping him off at school earlier, then later, then tried picking him up earlier. We have tried just me taking him to school, then just my husband, then both of us. We have tried staying in the classroom with him for a little while, and we have tried just saying good bye, telling him we will pick him up later, hug and then leaving. We have tried taking him 5 days a week , 4 days, 3 days, 2 days, to see if the amount of days would have any impact. The results are always the same. He does not cry when we drop him off, but he isn't excited to go to school. At both schools he has attended, he was the only child in the whole school who would not get his picture taken for school pictures. We take him to places where he is around kids that he doesn't know (park, local events for kids, etc.), and sometimes he is fine and jumps right in with the other kids, and other times, he will not even consider playing with the other kids. He seems confident, and even his teacher says that he is confident, makes eye contact, and isn't "timid" even though he acts so shy/reserved. I have asked every one I know if this seems normal, but no one that I know has experienced this with their children. We have talked to his doctor and were told to monitor the situation, keep doing what we are doing, but that we should not be worried. Well, I am worried and do not know if I should be doing more, or possibly less? It is hard not to be concerned when I see such a different child when he is at school. Any suggestions? Encouragement?
Thanks!
It seems like you're asking all the right questions and doing all the right things. It also seems that you're getting all the right answers! I mean in terms of the fact that he's right on in learning, he doesn't seem timid, he makes eye contact, etc. etc...it seems he's right on track everywhere else and that's good! I would venture to say that maybe he's just a reserved kid. I taught 3rd grade for a few years, and over the years I saw lots of different personalities. It's not that unusual to see a kid who acts differently at school than at home and some kids are just more reserved in a big group setting. I would continue to put him around other kids, go places and when he gets a little older put him on sports teams, etc. I know it's probably nerve wracking as a parent to see this behavior but I think it's normal.
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P.L.
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Washington DC
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I have a 15 year old who was like this as a toddler. She's selective mute. We didn't have her diagnosed until age 10. Evidently it's much easier to treat when they are younger. Look it up, and see if you think it fits.
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D.P.
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Pittsburgh
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You know, all kids are different. My son was VERY shy when he started nursery school at 3. Not very into it. Kept a lot to himself but did group activities and shared well. Did all activities as directed. He was just shy. Now he's going into 2nd grade and he is not shy now. He's always been a more "serious" kid (even though he can be a real clown at times and loves to make other kids laugh), I guess "intense" is a better word. he's never been the kind of kid to push a car around saying "vroom, vroom" if you know what I mean. He's very bright. Kids have all different personalities and just because he's shy now doesn't mean he'll always be that way. My son has a friend that used to sit under a table at birthday parties when they were younger. He's not like that anymore.
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J.K.
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Atlanta
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My son is turning 3 and is with an in-home care. He's been "opening up" a little at a time on his own terms, and doing well, so I'm sure by 3 1/2-4 he'll be ready for PreK. Maybe your son would do better in a smaller care environment -- less people and run-around?
If you have any questions, I've used in-home care for 7 years, and would be happy to help should you like.
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S.T.
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Washington DC
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every child is different, of course, but yours reminds me of a neighborhood friend when my boys were little. shannon didn't speak to adults in school or at daycare. at all. not a word. beautiful, bright and apparently very articulate little girl, and a will of iron. it lasted two years. during that time, anything that she wanted to say to any adult other than her parents got relayed through my kid or their friend shane. she's a gorgeous teenager now, and if you ask her why she did it, she just shrugs. i'm still in awe of that accomplishment.
in shannon's case it was definitely not shyness, more a matter of 'how far can i take this?' she did it all the way through kindergarten and first grade. your son doesn't necessarily sound shy either, although of course that could be it. i'm with your doctor. let him be his unique, quirky self, and enjoy it. see where it takes him (and you.) what an interesting little soul!
:) khairete
S.
