VERY Picky Eater - Phoenix,AZ

How long did you actually use the dinner is dinner approach before you gave in because you were tired of her whining?

She's not going to starve. Eventually she'll be hungry enough to eat what she's given.

Sorry, Gamma is wrong. Only someone who has an actual behavioral disorder will starve until they are sick. Normal kids will eat when they're hungry.

ETA: Mymission is absolutely right on...getting her in the kitchen will make her more interested in trying new things. My youngest was picky too...until we watched the movie Ratatoulle, I put an apron on him and started calling him my "Little Chef." Now he LOVES to cook, and loves to try everything.

I was a poor and picky eater. I grew out of it. My son is a picky eater, but eats those few foods that he does like well when he is hungry. She may or may not change. At some point, the decision is hers.

Could you coax her into a try it bite? Start with stuff she will like. The point is to get her habituated into a try it bite. Once you establish that habit, you can go for more challenging foods.

Best,
F. B.

Looks pretty healthy to me.
And look, she's five. She's old enough to make herself a peanut butter sandwich, grab a piece of fruit or a cheese stick, or pour herself a bowl of cereal.
You do NOT have to cook a separate meal for her (nor should you) but I see nothing wrong with offering healthy choices she can get for herself.
Don't turn it into a battle. My son was way pickier than your daughter and he now eats almost everything, including Indian, Thai and Vietnamese food!

It's time to back off. Your child is eating way more healthy than a lot of kids.

The more YOU focus on food the more she'll dig in her heels.

Kids DO NOT eat when they get hungry enough, they go without and get sick. Do you really want to eventually take your kiddo to the ER for not eating for several days because you are demanding they eat a plate of food that she didn't want to eat?

If this was a friends situation what would you tell them when you saw their child struggling in this situation? You'd tell your friend their child was doing just fine.

I have always been an extremely picky eater. Even as an adult I haven't been able to really expand my food variety much even though I would love to.

My parents never catered to me, and I literally went days without eating anything. Mealtimes became a very negative experience for me, and I became very preoccupied with thoughts of food. As soon as I was old enough to buy my own food, I ate ridiculous amounts. I quickly became morbidly obese after having been thin my whole childhood.

Recently, I began seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Even though my food variety hasn't changed, I am much healthier and more than halfway to my 150 lb weight loss goal.

I may be an extreme case, but I feel strongly that a different approach as a child would have helped me immensely.

Your child has a good variety of healthy foods that she enjoys-green and orange vegetables, fruit, dairy, and protein. She can be very healthy with what she eats as long as you limit the chips, fries, and sugary cereals. As long as she doesn't mind eating the same things, why not let her? She will probably expand her repertoire. If not, at least food isn't a battle zone. You don't have to prepare completely separate meals. Maybe have fruit, vegetables, nuts, and cheese available to fill her up. There is no extra preparation on your part for those foods.

That's a longer list then my husbands. It looks fine to me. Healthy and typical for that age.

The list of foods she likes looks pretty good to me. My now 13 year old daughter is in the 15% for weight and height. She was in the 1% for a long time and only liked pasta. We added pediasure as a morning drink and afternoon snack for a few years since she did not eat enough to gain weight. But now she grazes all day long. We just make sure there is food that she likes. Sometimes she just eats a slice of ham or cheese, another time half a cup of rice, then maybe 5 cooked carrots, sometimes 2 scrambled eggs, etc. Now that she is 13 she can get these things herself. I would not worry too much about your daughter as long as the doctor tells you she is healthy. Our doctor was fine as long as she stayed on the same height and weight curves. If Pediasure costs too much (it is very pricey) you can use Carnation Instant Breakfast in milk, which we switched to after the first year or so on Pediasure. Good luck.
PS: the doc said that my job is to put healthy foods in front of her, her job is to decide how much to eat.

I see that you have a lot of answers. And there are a lot of ways to try to get her to eat. I appreciate that you are trying to do the right thing for your daughter. Thanks! I see here that most of the things she likes are carbohydrates. They turn to sugar and give you an immediate high, then drops you flat. That is why she gets hungry again soon. She needs some protein for staying power. Mushrooms, spinach, kidney beans, lentils, eggs, cheese, chicken, beef, fish, etc., are all good proteins. Or you get a children's ensure or boost or whatever to make sure she has all her nutrients. I would sit down and talk with her about her making good choices. She is old enough for that talk. Tell her about what carbohydrates do and that she needs some proteins, too. Give her the choice of protein drinks or eating a wider variety of food. Tell her that you will have some of what she likes at each meal, but she should try what everyone else eats. If not, she gets her nutrient drink and waits until the next meal. No whining or complaining, because she made her choice. Eventually she will want to try things. Don't make a big deal out of it then, just thank her for trying something new. She has made some good choices on fruits and vegetables and other things, so she can make more good choices. Be positive. And thanks, again!

She's in a power struggle with you. As long as you play her game - she will continue to whine.

When you say "dinner is dinner" - do you mean it? Or do you cave when she starts whining?

Is she losing weight?
Does she have an aversion to food?
Does she have food allergies?

As long as you "fret" over her eating - IT WILL BE A BATTLE and something where food becomes the object and THAT will be a HUGE problem. Stop making this about food and her eating...

You are NOT a short order cook.
DO NOT fight with her over eating. When she doesn't eat what's presented - YOU HAVE to say "okay- you're excused" and remind her that is IT until the next meal. PERIOD. No snacks. No caving in because she's whining... and that goes for your husband too... you BOTH MUST be on the same page...

She's already a "healthy" eater for the most part. So stop fretting and stop fighting. It's no longer a power struggle for you. she will NOT starve herself to death. Our bodies will NOT allow that. Now if she has a disorder then yeah...her mind will win over and NOT allow her to eat...does she have this problem or is she doing the typical power struggle?? personally? I think it's a power struggle...if she's NOT a diabetic or has any other health problems...STOP playing her game. STOP being her short order cook. Take control - NO MEANS NO...and you will eat what the rest of us eat...

No this relationship isn't forever. My nephew did that. My sister was beside herself. He went on to eat everything became a wonderful semi pro wrestler and went from starving himself to filling himself depending on what the weight level was. I see almost all healthy things on your list. Don't worry, her body knows what to do about eating and seriously sometimes its a control issue.
Maybe not in her case but ohhhh did he get lots of attention. Of course as always if you are that worried take her to counseling. I always feel like I should say that.

Compared to my daughter that has autism, that list is fabulous. Especially considering that she's five years old. Her palate right now shouldn't be expansive. It's a built-in self-preservation instinctive ... thingie ... that humans have. What she's going through is normal.

You should still always introduce new things to try, especially paired with things you know she likes to make positive associations. And keep having her try new things she has already rejected. It takes something insane like 20-25 times for a child to try a new food before they can really decide if they like it or not.

At 5 yrs old, my autistic daughter seriously would only eat 3 foods. At 11 yrs old, there are still only 3-5 foods she'll consistently eat all the time no matter when I serve them. Three-five foods, S.. And they could be off The List at any time. I panic at the thought because I can't force her to suddenly like something new. I AM lucky that she's willing to taste test new things, and she'll ask me to buy things she's never tried before. Most of the time she hates them.

I'm still clinging to the cauliflower. :-) For some reason she loves cauliflower.

Anyway, for my daughter it's related to her autism, and it's definitely related to her Sensory Processing Disorder. She really can't handle certain textures, odors, and other stuff.

The only thing she seems to be low on is protein (which is probably why she is often hungry). I would encourage the peanut-butter or nuts for snack to compensate.

Try the no-thank-you-bite rule. She must try one bite of everything. Make each meal with only one new food. Reoffer the food (in rotation with other new foods) at least 6 times before retiring it to try again at a later date. It will take time to expand her palette but it will happen.

Time for a trip to a local farmers market! Veggies and new foods look so much more exciting there than they do in the grocery store. Let her pick out a few things and then cook them at home together.

Get her involved. I know now isn't the season for gardening, but maybe buy a basil plant to keep on your kitchen counter in the sun. Have her water it daily (luckily basil needs tons of watering so this keeps the plant interesting). Then pick the leaves and make homemade pesto together. Use one of the kinds of nuts she already likes - no need to use expensive pine nuts - and have her grate the parmesan, which she also already likes. Dip raw carrot sticks in the pesto. Boom! Now she likes pesto, and next you can try pesto on a pizza, pesto chicken, pesto tuna, etc...

I'm not normally an advocate for television, but I remember liking spinach because Popeye did... I like the Ratatouille suggestion! Maybe some fun books about food if she likes to read?

And, at the end of the day I agree that kids aren't going to starve themselves to death (unless there is some actual medical issue or eating disorder going on). She eats pretty well, so probably safe to rule out a disorder. There will be whining and tears and maybe a few skipped meals, but eventually hunger will win and she will eat.

Good luck!

Make sure she has the produce she likes everyday and you've got a good start. I had a picky eater that would throw up whatever he didn't like. If he had liked that much produce, we would be good.

When he was at his worst, I gave him vitamins which stimulated his appetite and drove him to eat better. Hunger is your helper, not the enemy.

Use the foods she likes in a different way.

Have her help in the kitchen. Start with a dough kind of thing, from scratch.
Maybe something with apples. A Dutch apple pie would be great. Then substitute some other fruit pie. Cherries? Put some nuts in it.

Put a different spice in your carrots, like ginger. Have her make a dip for them.

Make a pasta with pesto. Make your own pizza dough, let her pick the toppings. Make a stir fry with the broccoli and carrots and edamame.

Help her to own her food and expand her palate.

I'm going to jump the gun and say it sounds like a texture thing to me. Her choices seem like she likes crunchy, hard things that don't feel gooey, slimey or chewy in her mouth. Try giving her more things that are solid to bite into, and that don't mush very easily. Whole wheat toast, beans (that haven't been overcooked or cooked with animal fat that might make the bean feel greasy), hard boiled egg (she may only eat the white part), just some ideas.

Another thing: sauces give no indication of flavor or consistency, they could be really runny, chunky, chewy, spicy, tart, bitter, garlicky, onion-y, you name it, so I have a feeling she will not be eating sauces (including dips) for a long time, buttered noodles are okay.

Mine tend to be whiny and hungry. I offer healthy choices. And these choices are not always the most filling.
I don't even push WHEN they eat them. Whatever, as long as it's healthy.
Given junk food, they'd eat and be full...and not whiny. But I won't do that!

So you see, one could go insane. (Dinner is dinner never worked so well when they are preschool age).

Once they get to be about 5 or 6 (depending) they learn that gee, if hungry I'd better eat something. But again, I don't push when they eat. And the school schedule takes care of the rest. (I am also happy to fix healthy cereal and such, rather than hear kids whine). But we won't serve junk.

My son, was a very....picky eater since starting on solids at 6 months old.
He is now 7 years old, and naturally... has expanded his palate and eats a range of foods now. And he also eats at school just fine, whatever the cafeteria makes for lunch.
How?
By not forcing it.
By teaching him his body's cues for: hunger and fulness.
By not making it a power thing.
By not punishing or rewarding or bribing him for eating. Why? Because this sets up a child for eating dysfunctions.... and once started in childhood it is hard to correct it because: "eating" then becomes an 'emotional' thing.
By not making eating, a result of emotional reasons.
My son does not eat, out of boredom or 'stress'. He eats and stops, per his body's cues. Which our Pediatrician said is the healthy, way to eat.
By knowing... my son's eating style. He and my Husband are "grazers." Which means, they eat in smaller amounts throughout the day per their body's cues and/or growth spurts.
By making eating enjoyable, not an issue.
In fact, my Mom/Grandma, would make comments about my son and how "little" he eats or how "picky" he eats... and she would 'nag' my son about eating. And so I took her to the Pediatrician check up with, me. And told the Pediatrician that Grandma has an issue with how my son eats or what he eats. The Doctor told her: That my son's percentiles and BMI and growth and development, was "PERFECT" and that, my son is HEALTHY and eats well, and not to worry. Why? Because, my son DOES know his body's cues for eating and it is not based on behavioral problems or out of emotional reasons, and that "grazing" was actually a healthy way to eat. At that point, Grandma, backed off. She understood.
She was of the frame of mind, that a kid has to eat tons at the table and finish everything on his plate. And that was not, the point.
Even an adult, does not eat that way. So why expect a child to.
Even adults, have food preferences or likes/dislikes.
I also don't expect my kids to have the exact same... food likes or dislikes as me. They are not me.
As long as my kids eat healthy, fine.
We don't routinely have junk food in the house.
I cook healthy.
What I cook, they eat.
There is no battles about it.

At each age, a kid's "taste" for things, changes. And their taste buds, also develop more. It just is.

A kid's relationship with food... is mostly based on the emotionality of it and how they are taught about it.
And hopefully, food/eating is not an emotion based problem or battle.
Because, then, it becomes a dysfunctional eating habit.

My son as I said, is now 7 years old.
And he eats a wide range of stuff now. Some things which I... don't even like. He doesn't call me, picky.
He even eats, very exotic ethnic foods. Which my locale is abundant with. He knows himself. And that is good.

As an aside: Here is a link for you about picky eating kids:
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/extremely-picky-eaters-st...

That list looks pretty good actually. My son is 6 and his whole life he has refused cheese, bread, pasta and any type of veggie. He literally gags and will throw up if I try to get him to eat any of those. So far though his dr. is not concerned since he is growing and he does eat dairy fruit and chicken.

This isn't the worst list I've ever seen although I understand you want to have her branch out more.

Some kids also have a "thing" with texture and will eat foods in certain forms but not others - I think that may be the deal with shredded cheese but not slices. Which is fine if she'll eat it in another form.

Can you try very slowly mixing some things together? For example, she eats nuts and lo mein noodles - try mixing them. Will she eat a tortilla? Try making a tortilla wrap with some shredded cheese and some shredded raw carrots - just to get her trying new things. Later, you can try to add shredded lettuce and thin strips of turkey. Try putting some peanut butter on a slice of apple just to start mixing flavors and textures.

Take her off the pretzels and potato chips, and cut back on the cereal which has a lot of sugar and salt with limited nutrition. She's filling up on those I think. Same with the french fries. Try making oven fried potatoes - slice them in wedges and drizzle with a little oil and maybe a little salt. Start with peeled potatoes but shift when you can to unpeeled. Instead of high salt processed tater tots, try making your own potato pancakes with shredded potatoes (or half Yukon gold and half sweet potatoes), maybe a little onion, an egg or two, and some bread crumbs or matzo meal (use whole wheat). Both the pancakes and the oven fries can be made in canola oil, then graduate to half canola and half olive oil, then eventually just olive oil. I made my son my own chicken nuggets with chicken tenders, a combination of wheat germ and whole wheat bread crumbs, and olive oil.

You could try experimenting with other nut butters (almond, for example). Try a mix of nuts with some raisins or craisins, and even a few small bits of pretzels or cereal bits - then she's getting some protein and fruit with her cereal. It also gets her used to mixing foods and having different foods actually touch each other! It expands her tastes a little bit at a time.

I would get rid of the Carnation instant breakfast - it's not very good and it's full of junk she doesn't need. It has a few isolated vitamins but those aren't very beneficial without the full complement of minerals and traces elements we all need. There's a patented children's supplement you can add to the milk or to water (or any other liquid) that's available in both vanilla and chocolate. It has everything she needs - kids can live on it even if they eat nothing else. It also has a natural peptide which is tied to increase immunity and DHA for brain function. I can give you a referral for that - it's available on line but you need a nutritional consultant to connect you (and you get all kinds of free help too!).

I mostly let my picky eater be. I require that he tries one bite of everything on his plate, and then if he truly does not like it he does not have to eat it, but that does not mean there is a free for all, he is allowed fruit if he does not want to eat, sometimes along with a greek yogurt. In the end most of her foods are decent choices, so keep insisting she try new things, but give her options she can get for herself if she refuses to eat what you cook, just limit them to only the healthiest of options. She is only 5, so chances are she will out grow this just like my son did eventually. He still has his nights (he is 8) but he is slowly growing his list of foods he likes and he is much more willing to try new things.

Somewhere between 5 and 6 my picky daughter had a breakthrough. I think it could have been seeing children at school eat different things that she was dead set she didn't like....there is hope....give it time....my daughter wouldn't touch red meat only poultry for a very long time...now she requests hamburgers, and is willingly trying more foods. Little kids don't feel much in control of anything in their lives, I think the dinner plate is where they can feel more in charge....as frustrating as that is...make sure she is balanced out the best you can for now and I think everything will turn out okay!

Well if it makes you feel any better, my nephew who is 8 will only eat vanilla yogurt, cheese pizza, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And grapes. That is IT. He eats these 4 things over and over each day. I have 2 kids and one is a picky eater and one eats everything. My 9 year old picky eater has a list of foods he eats that is pretty long (longer than your daughter's list...but still)...but he never really learns to like new foods. We just encourage him to try and enjoy food. Besides that I am not going to worry about it. If he is an adult who only eats certain foods that is his problem...his friends and girlfriend/wife will give him a hard time I'm sure! I had a guy friend in grad school who was pretty darn picky and we all teased him. His wife loves to cook and now (12 years later) he eats everything. I have decided not to waste any time worrying about my son eating more of a variety of foods...that it is not something I can control.

Sounds exactly like my 7 year olds food choices.