Very Attached 13 Month Old

It's a phase. I don't think there's much you can do except ride it out. Just hang in there, he'll get over it.

Get an Ergo or mei tai baby carrier and wear him on your back. Dr. Sears recommends wearing babies three hours a day!!! These carriers make it very easy on your back. I can still wear my three-year-old comfortably. Even he still needs the reassurance of mom's snuggle time! It's also very good for kids to be at eye level - they can learn and take in so much!

My son is 30 months and he still has moments like this (luckily not that often anymore). I just explain to him that mommy will be right back and he should keep playing or I distract him with a fun toy and that gives me a few moments, otherwise I just find ways for him to help me and I try to enjoy the tag-along.

When he was younger and he first started acting this way I would play peek a boo a lot with him and I would go around a corner and pop out the other side, gradually I would be gone a little bit longer stretches, like 30 seconds, 1 minute, 2 minutes, just gradual times so he could see that I would be back just as I said. I would also talk to him the entire time I was walking away from him so he could still hear my voice and he knew I was still their, he just couldn’t see me. If I was in the kitchen and he was in the living room I would just keep talking to him and make him feel like I was right there with him. Sometimes its hard to find something to say, but sometimes I would just read my dinner directions or something else that was sitting around just so he could hear my voice.

I was told that they do this cause they don’t think you are ever coming back, so you need to get thru to them that you will be back. If they can’t see you they think you are gone for good.

Also, remember it is a phase, enjoy it while it lasts and while they want you around, the day will come when they don’t want you anywhere near them and you will miss your little tag-along.

This sounds very much like my kids at 13 months! With our first, we just backpacked him everywhere, and let him participate in what we did--even cooking dinner, washing dishes, whatever household chores. It worked well for us; he was interested in "helping" around home for quite a while. Our second is a little more inclined to play on his own in our home, but freaks out whenever we place him somewhere else, since I've been at home with him (our 1st was in daycare). I'd say it sounds normal; try to comfort him with your presence; toddlers that age are notorious up-down-up-down children who want to both explore and be reassured.

I am also a full-time working Mom.

First -- this will pass. Here are a few strategies I have used to help...

1) When you are home -- get on the floor and give him your full attention. The house chores can wait until he is sleeping. Trust me they will still get done.

2) Talk, talk, talk. My son, who is now 25 months old, fully understands that Mommy needs to go to work --- on weekends though I make sure to tell him Mommy DOESN'T have to work. Knowing what to expect really seems to help.

Good Luck!

I don't have any magical words of wisdom other than to say, this is a phase. He is going through this with you and he will also do the same to your husband at some time.

I think it may be a phase. Not sure if he has his 1st yr molars already but I always thought teething brought on a lot of extra comfort care. My oldest was just very clingy and needy whenever she was cutting a new tooth - I couldn't always see the tooth but then all of a sudden a couple days later - it broke through and all of her behaviors made sense. Otherwise, both of my kids are not so "mommy-focused" - I am a SAHM tho too so, maybe they just want a break. Ha! My daughter was an only child for her first 4 years so that may be why she has an easier time entertaining herself, using her imagination with her dolls/toys, and being independent. My son has a harder time playing by himself for long periods of time b/c he's used to be entertained by his sister, so while she's in school - he demands a bit more att'n from me. So, if your son is used to daycare - he may just be used to that type of play. I think it's harder for kids then to play by themselves. I think it'd be hard to hold my child in a sling but I think if you can engage him in some fun things wherever you're at - like have a specific kitchen drawer for him to play in. Have a storage bin in your bathroom for times that you're getting ready. I have to do a lot of tricks since my husband travels a lot for his job so, to get ready or really get anything done - I have to dance around and be somewhat entertaining. Sometimes I just give him rides in the laundry basket to make it fun for him to move room to room with me or play some fun kid music and sing along. Whatever you can do to keep it fun, not so stressful and stop the insanity, right?

I would say that your son is just wanting the love and attention that you give him. Since he doesn't see you all day he wants all of your attention when you are around. Another thing to remember is that is the age in which most children start separation anxiety and that he just doesn't want you to leave once you are already home. Maybe he is teething too. I know my son started getting his molars at that age. He is now a year and a half and is still fighting with that last molar. He was getting 2 teeth in at a time and with his molars it was one at a time. My son stays home with me and always wants me. He hates it when I leave the room he is in. And when I put him in his room to play by himself so I can get my own thing done he turns around and brings his toys into the living room or whatever room I am in.

As for the person suggesting that you have someone come in and give your son some of the comforting that you should be doing is totally not something you should do. I would have been happy to stay home with my oldest but was working full-time that time and now she rebels because the little one is home with me all day while she is in school.

Just remember that if you have someone else come in and basically raise your son he is more likely to call that person mom since they would be giving him the attention he wants from his "mommy." If he is at your feet while you are trying to make meals have a basket of toys in the next room over that he can play with while you are in the kitchen. My son even loves playing with his own kitchen set that I had when I was younger.

Do you have a sling or Baby Bjorn that you could don? He might enjoy that and then you could at lease walk across the room :=)
In all seriousness, this is going to sound corny - but it goes so fast. Just say to yourself "this will be a memory someday." I'm already noticing how independent my 2 yr old is and it kind of saddens me... Good luck!

At 13 months he can probably understand a lot of what you say to him even if he can't respond verbally. I agree with spending some "floortime" (Dr. Stanley Greenspan) with him right when you get home. Don't try to teach anything or lead the play, just respond to what he does. Its pretty relaxing. Then, try to remember (at first its hard) to tell him when you are going to the other side or even leaving the room. Ask him if he wants to come with and hold your hand or stay where he is. Giving him a choice can empower him and get rid of the idea that he has to control you with crying to have his feelings acknowledged.

Is he stressing you out because he wants you to hold him or is something different stressing you out? I don't even know what to tell you, this sounds like normal toddler behavior. You could hire a mother's helper to comfort him, play games with him, sing with him, read him stories...etc

Hi B.!

I remember when each of my three children went through this stage and I was a SAHM with the second two. I think the most important thing to remember is that your baby is appropriately attached and developmentally right on target! Right around this age, when babies start to walk, or get ready to walk, they go through a heightened period of separation anxiety. It has to do with a biological conflict. They are now getting ready to seperate(physical ability to actually walk around) and thus put themselves at greater danger (think of our earlier ancestor's environment and WAY before baby-proofing!) yet they also have an inborn hesitancy that makes them gravitate toward safety and comfort (YOU!). If you are thinking this is because you are working too much, please relieve yourself of that guilt and remind yourself that you are working because you must provide the basic care for yourself and child. And, that this is not what this is about. It is a normal, developmental stage that all babies go through as they learn to manage exploration and attachment. Then, once you let go of any guilt or worry that this might go on forever, it will be easier to provide him with what he needs psychologically right now. Comfort, assurance, extra holding, telling him he will be o.k. when you walk around the room.The key is calmness from within you which will be much easier when you don't feel guilty, know it is normal, etc. He will pick up on your emotional reaction very quickly. I think singing and continuing to talk when you step out of the room helps too. I'm always amazed at how much babies at a young age understand before they can actually speak. Hope this helps! S.

I went through the same thing with my little boy around the same age. He would pull me all over, and if I didn't feel like going or didn't go, he would get upset and cry. I work outside the home too, and I think you're right, I think he just wants to be with you as much as he can. But it is just a phase. He'll get over it. It's just an attachment thing. Ever thought about dropping your work hours a little? I have Wednesdays off now to be at home with my 2 little ones and it really helps break up the week and gives me a little more time with them. Good luck to you.

this sounds like a normal part of development.

you just need to be as sensitive as you can to his feelings. make sure that when you are to be separated, you need to make sure you spend lots of special time together before you leave, and upon your return.
www.askdrsears.com has lots of info for this - i havent had to deal with it often because i do in home child care... so my son stays with me... however, when we do leave him, we never give him the idea that its something to be sad about, we make sure we say goodbye, never sneak out, we just do it confidentally. usually kids are fine 2 seconds after you leave, so dont worry.

i would be WAY more worried about a kid who doesnt care that mom is leaving, than one who is sad about it.
dont act like hes being unreasonable, or a pest. just respond to his emotional need, and he will be confident that you love him and care for his needs. :D
good luck

Dear B.,
I think you need to indulge him during this clingy phase. The holding onto you is instinctive because, as you already know, he loves you and you are the most important person in his entire life; this is his way of showing that to you. Keep in mind that if he does not get what he is asking for attention-wise from you now, that later you can bet he'll do what he can to make up for what he didn't get when he needed it. Right now he is gently letting you know in his own 13 month-old way what he needs in order to move onto his more secure phase of childhood. Later, when he is older, it may not come out so sweetly. I suggest investing in or borrowing from someone a baby backpack. You can easily turn it into a routine by putting him in the baby backpack for the first time and going for a walk after you get home from 'work' (have someone help you bundle up--brrr!), and then once you get home leaving him in it until suppertime. The next day when you get home, put him in it and wear him around the house. Eventually he may even just feel comfort by knowing the backpack is available for him to request riding in with you and he might not even want to be worn that way for very long. I did a magnitude of baby/childwearing with my high-maintenance ones and it worked beautifully. Now they will hardly let me kiss them bye-bye when they go to school. I hope it gets easier for you--right now it may not feel easy at all but let me tell you, indulge them with the things that make them feel secure now and life gets a heck of a lot simpler a few months down the road from here...and it stays simpler!! Good luck!