vent-Husband Not Listening

Did the egg cook? Did the frying pan shatter? Did the world end? If not, who cares? He's not an infant, he's an adult. Let him cook an egg how he wants and stop micromanaging him. Would you appreciate him telling you how to cook food, do the dishes, put on makeup, etc?

My husband puts forks in the dishwasher tines up. I put them in tines down. Either way, the forks get washed.
He makes a grilled cheese sandwich by buttering the bread before he puts it in the sklillet. I melt the butter in the skillet and then put the bread in. Either way, the bread gets cooked.
When he cleans the litter boxes, he starts in the back bathroom and works his way forward through the house. I start in the laundry room and make my way aftward through the house. Either way, the litter boxes get cleaned.

This is not a battle you want to go into. It really doesn't matter how he cooks the egg, as long as the egg was cooked.

i have a vague memory of nutting up over this sort of thing when i was a younger gal and felt i had some gods-given right to dictate what how my family members got things accomplished.
i'm very glad my patient husband hung around until i got over it.
either method will end up with fried eggs.
if your husband asks for your input, give it to him. otherwise smile and be glad he's frying eggs. maybe he'll give you one.
khairete
S.

My personal cooking rule is: "If it tastes good you did it right". After reading your post I have added another cooking rule: "If someone else is cooking it for me they can cook it however the heck they want to."

If you think that you should have the right to tell your husband, or he to tell you, how to do things, than you have a bigger problem than how to cook an egg.

You created an issue over something this trivial? I don't understand your thought process that he cooked a certain way to prove you wrong.

If my hubby is willing to cook what he wants and clean up.... I'm thankful.

We each have different ways of doing some things and something that trivial is not worth arguing about. I load the dishwasher differently than he does but when he is cleaning up after himself I keep my mouth shut and don't nag.

We are both adults and partners. He's not my dad and I'm not his mom so we don't treat each other like it. We communicate with each other, not at each other.

I'm sorry you are bent out if shape over this. Is there some reason behind it?

1) He cooks it the way he feels like it. Why in the world do you think he did it to "prove you wrong"? Is this what your relationship is like? REALLY doesn't sound healthy.

Why is this even an issue? He cooks differently than you do. If the egg cooked the way he liked it, fine. A cold pan takes longer. Unless he's cooking for Gordon Ramsey and needs to have perfect carmelization on a steak or something, just let it go.

Just because he doesn't cook like you think he should doesn't mean he can't cook.

2) Google.

Did the eggs cook?

ETA: You don't need facts so you can prove him wrong. Just stop, hon. This mentality, "my husband didn't do it my way on purpose!" is not healthy. So he cooks differently than you. Probably loads the dishwasher differently too. Big deal. Go find something else to do.

Your husband was a functioning adult before you came along. People do things differently. It's okay. The sooner you accept that, the happier you'll be. When you see him do something differently that will get the same end result...hush up and let it be. The job is done, isn't it? It's soooo not worth the energy expended to feel aggravated.

I think that if the suggestion is silly micromanaging then I don't blame him for doing the opposite. I would, just to be contrary :)

Actions that I hear people doing that I would put in this category include micromanaging how others:
load the dishwasher
cook
change a diaper
play with a child (as long as the child is not being hurt)
fold laundry
replace toilet paper rolls

In all the cases above, I'm just so happy that someone else is doing it, there is no WAY I'm going to say a word about it.

There's a story of a newly wed couple where the wife decides to cook a ham. She cuts off both ends of the ham before placing it in the over. Husband asks why, and wife says she doesn't know, that's just the way her mom always did it. Wife asks Mom, "Why did you always cut off both ends of the ham before placing it in the oven?" Mom says, "Not sure, that's how your grandmother always did it." Mom asks Grandma who says, "The pan was too small to fit the entire ham."

To answer your question about why you "should" heat the pan first, the only thing I can think of is if you were making a fried egg in oil. I could be wrong (that's very likely), but I think it's because it's slightly less fattening. If the cold egg sits in the oil as it's heating up, it sits there longer and soaks up more oil. Also, I think it makes the eggs a bit soggy. Again, I'm not sure that's true. If you're not using oil, I don't think it matters one way or the other.

This is one of those choose your battles moments. It's best not to micromanage husbands when at all possible. You need to save micromanagement for really important things, or you risk harming your marriage.

Walk away and let him cook eggs the way he wants to. Don't eat them yourself if it bothers you, but don't let him know you are boycotting his eggs.

Did he ask you how to fry an egg or did you just offer your opinion? I usually ignore people that tell me what to do as well.

As far as the eggs go it depends on how you like your eggs. If he like them that way then what is the problem?

It is a fact like I like my eggs fried with the yoke nearly hard. I put a tablespoon of butter into a med pan, put in the eggs, add a 1/4 of water and put a lid on. Does this make how you make eggs wrong?

Can you tell I really don't like when people tell me I am doing something wrong?

My husband is 41 and I'm pretty sure he can do things on his own without my constant input. Unless I feel he REALLY needs my direction or specifically asks me, I let him do it how he wants. I would HATE if he micro-managed me so I try not to do that to him.

I am grateful when my hubby cooks anything so he can cook however he sees fit.
Our biggest cooking issue is seasoning, he likes stuff seasoned a certain way so he seasons and i cook. works out for us.

Many blessings

Was it just this one time? Or is this an ongoing "battle of wits?" I only ask because my husband will ALWAYS do the opposite of what I say, almost always to his detriment. While most of the time I just shrug my shoulders and think to myself "what a goofball," it is extremely frustrating when his "opposite way he just had to have" either affects/damages something of mine or something I need. For example, my husbands phone would not access the internet. I happen to know the solution (why? because I have the same phone.). I offer to help. Nope. Doesn't want my help AND he knows the answer himself. 2 hours later, NO ONE has internet in the house and I depend on the internet for my job as my office is in my home. Now I'm a little pissed. 3 hours later, he is on the phone with contract carrier for our cell phones. 4 hours later, our internet provider is at our home because he called them. I finally walked over, picked up the phone without his permission, and in front of him (and the internet guy) pushed 3 buttons and had his phone working. Embarrassing for him? Yes, and I feel bad, but honestly him wanting to do it his way was starting to cost us money AND was affecting my ability to work (not only that, he was getting so peeved that he was not being a very good role model for the kids in the house).

Long story short: My husband always 2nd guesses me and almost never "follows instructions" - mine or otherwise. He is an engineer and his brain works differently than mine does. Super annoying I totally agree. But it is how you handle it that makes the difference. The egg thing? Let it go. Loading the dishwasher? Let it go. If it doesn't cost money (or so little it isn't worth a fight), what difference does it make? You didn't marry a reflection of yourself :) However, I do understand that putting a foot down when it gets completely out of control is sometimes necessary. Do it gently whenever you can, though. Nothing like a bruising a guys ego to make him feel unloved. I didn't handle my situation the best and I did apologize to my husband for embarrassing him.

Best of luck!

Your question made me think of a quote I saw on Pinterest:

"If a husband is alone in the woods and says something and his wife doesn't hear him, is he still wrong?"

Please don't sweat the small stuff in life.

Best,
T. Y

I don't know what your husband's motive was or if here is a reason why to preheat the pan. I never preheat the pan. I'm notorious for preheating a pan and forgetting about it. For safety reasons (because I'm so forgetful) I never do it. I think my cooking always turns out fine. My husband does a lot of cooking. I don't think he ever preheats the pans either.

It drives me crazy how my husband uses the stuff and jam method of putting away clothes. I always nearly fold. But at least he is putting clothes away so I don't make it an issue.

i always heat the pan first. for eggs anyway
my hubby does not listen even when it matters.. told him about 2 wks ago that we were having our childs b-day party on a friday night because there were no saturdays avalable for his family... i remind him today and he had a cow about me not telling him... i was like "dude i complained to you for like 20 min about having to have it on a friday night because your family can't sit still and stay home on the weekends." his response.. i don't remember that so it must not of happened... (eyeroll)

I don't micromanage my husband, and he doesn't micromanage me so this isn't an issue. We both listen and respect one another.

The most effective method varies depending on the circumstances. The type of pan (nonstick, steel, cast iron) and intended style of eggs matter when determining how to use heat. Sometimes you heat, sometimes you do not.

You didn't give those details, so the best I can say is: If your husband's eggs turned out badly then you may have been correct. If they turned out the way he wanted, then you were wrong.

Here is the most important thing I can tell you about cooling differences between spouses - unless his method is ruining the pots (like using metal in a non-stick pan) my advice to you is to keep quiet and remove yourself from the kitchen when he is using it.

The compulsion to have it your way and nag at him is probably strong, so leaving the room will help you swallow the words. If you stop forcing your will on him, then when your husband has a legitimate need for advice he will ask for your help. You'll look like a savior instead of a harridan.

This made me chuckle.
I've personally learned and observed over the years
that my husband does
EVERY SINGLE THING, EVER
differently than I would.
He always gets it done tho.
Occasionally even better than me!

Unless he asked for advice I have learned that a huge percentage of people in my life, either at home, work, school, on the street, oh gosh anywhere else I can think of? they do not want to be told what to do. Gosh, i think I'm like that. My husband is always telling my son what to do, oftentimes with little knowledge and I know darn well my son will do the opposite because it steams him. I have even told that to my husband. He still does it. I fight giving advice really fight it. Most people just don't want to hear it.
I myself do not like being told what to do.And I know people who keep doing this over and over.
In the matter of eggs. I like my eggs a certain way and my husband insists on making eggs, absolutely insists on this and never, ever makes them the way I want. I even say I will make them. The dog is learning to enjoy eggs.
The preheat seems to make them sizzle right away.
So did I answer your question? hmm, well, I vented a bit and oh yes, in some cases I am convinced my husband does the opposite. I am afraid this could take a couple of pages.
Been married over twenty years in spite of all this.
He's so cute.

My EX HUSBAND...Thank god in heaven i don't have to deal with him anymore...did EVERYTHING contrary to what I asked. Including refusing to preheat pans.

And BELIEVE me, I ONLY asked when things were really bugging me, not just any little thing.

He wouldn't open shower curtains out to dry after showers (so they would mold), he wouldn't fill the Brita pitcher when he emptied it at night when I was in bed (so I would come down in morning bleary-eyed to get kids to school and I'd need to drain an new pitcher before making my coffee), he wouldn't fill the gas tank when it was on the warning light (so I'd be running late with kids to an apt. and we'd need a trip to gas station first), he wouldn't stop rearranging the cupboards (I'm the only one who cooked and I couldn't find stuff), he wouldn't stop letting underage kids ride in front car seat (dangerous and against the law).....you NAME IT..if I said, it, he wouldn't do it. We had a running joke when I really needed him to listen, I'd say, "I need you to ask Cristian (his best friend of 25 years) because you won't listen to me on this." That was code for, "Dude, I really mean it, it's a universally accepted fact".

He still wouldn't comply with anything though.

Whatever.

If your husband wants to cook like a dolt I guess you have to let him. As long as it frees you up to do other stuff and gets the job done.

My husband always says "you can tell me to do something, but you can't tell me how to do it." I've come to learn that he is right, but it absolutely goes both ways. Embrace this philosophy and your life will become significantly smoother. It is a nice communication tool for couples. Good luck!

Well didn't the eggs totally stick or at least cook poorly? Seems to me the "facts" are in the results.

Funny. I'm happy if my husband cooks :)

My mom always says you have to prepare your pan first (get it good and hot) before adding the oil. The metal pan will heat faster if it's empty. When it's hot you add the oil, which heats up very quickly in a hot pan, and then you add your food. She claims then your food won't stick.

Not sure if that's a fact but my food tends to stick (I'm impatient) and hers doesn't :)

#1 - Who cares? Do you two fight about every trivial issue, or just eggs? If it tastes good, eat it. If it's stuck to the pan or ruined, he'll learn on his own. No one likes to be bossed around like that.

#2 - do you honestly think your husband would listen to you if you said, "I asked a bunch of anonymous women on the internet, and they say you're wrong"?? Google any of the major cooks/chefs and see if you can find consensus. Bobby Flay, Mario Batali, Rachael Ray, etc. But I think you can find 10 different ways to cook fried eggs just as you can for hard boiled eggs or grilled steak or any other item.

Here's the question you didn't ask: Why is it so all-fired important to you to manage the egg cooking? My guess is, this is just a symptom of communication or bossiness problems in your marriage. Maybe he's pushy in other areas so you try to assert that the kitchen is your domain? Maybe you have a low opinion of him and feel he can't manage in any area without your supervision?

Sounds to me that you should just let him eat his bad cooking. Fix your own eggs, eat them and ignore him.

And don't ever fall for the "helpless and never have to cook again."

Of course he had to show you that you were wrong, because I bet the egg cooked just how he wanted it. So, you were wrong.

When we were taught to cook an egg we heated the pan so the butter would melt and coat the pan. Then the egg was "fried" in the butter and it didn't stick as much. Those of us who still use butter do in fact heat the pan up. But it's not a necessary thing to do unless he's using cold refrigerated butter. And if he wants to put a chunk of butter in the pan with the eggs and heat it up together...well, it's his eggs.

Hi S.,

I say this with all due respect to you and your husband...my mom always says picking your battles is an art form and I don't think this rises to that level.

I know this forum is designed for rants and vents just like this and appreciate the resource when I need to express mine, all I can think is...if that's the worst thing your husband does on a given basis....you are a truly blessed woman. go give him a hug and tell him you love him.

If you don't like how his eggs turn out?? Just don't eat them. And he's welcome to come and cook for us anytime! Less meals for me to fuss over. :-) S.