Vent Are Men That Dumb

Not everyone's man is that dumb. I couldn't stand it, if I had to mother my husband while he was doing things!! I guess, I'm one of the lucky ones...?? This seems to be such a common question!!

i hate not being able to take my son to the doctor's myself for that reason! my hubby always forgets to ask everything that i wanted him to ask and he doesn't listen as well as i do to the doctor and usually forgets some of what he had heard on the way home =P we've now got this system where i email him or text him the questions i have and he jsut shows it to the doctor. lol. works for us :)

I have to write everything down if I want him to actually remember to ask or do something like that. He gets it honestly! Men just work differently than women! This is so normal. At least he's taking her, some Dads wouldn't!

Men aren't the problem. It is your husband. Please don't put my husband in the same category! Geesh. :)

That goes to all you women that agree it is MEN: Hey, you married them! How does that make you look, now???

(meant in a light-hearted way, of course)

LOL... last night my guy was complaining he hadn't had dinner. I was like 'I'm sorry'.... (he had been out fishing)... he was like 'Is there anything to make?' ... I said 'YOU can make yourself a sandwich, the kitchen's closed. After opening/slamming shut every cabinet, he asks 'Is there tuna made?'... 'Look in the fridge'... 'Is this enough for a sandwich?'.... 'DID YOU LOOK IN THE BOWL?'... 'You can't look and tell me?'... 'NO, YOU'RE HOLDING THE BOWL, OPEN IT UP!!'... [makes sandwich]... 'What do I do with the rest?'... 'Is there any left?'... 'Yeah'... PUT IT BACK IN THE FRIDGE!!

OMG HOW DID THEY SURVIVE WITHOUT US?! ;)

Tell him you aren't answering the question again. If he wants to know, he can call the pediatrician to find out. Leave when it's time for work. He'll figure out how to function. If he takes her to the pedi in her pajamas because he can't figure out how to dress her, so what? If he forgets to mention the cough, you can hope that the baby coughed while the doctor was there, or your husband can call back and mention it after the fact. If he doesn't know the phone number, he can use a phone book (how retro!) or look it up on line. Let him learn to take a list of things to ask, like the rest of us do. If he doesn't take a diaper bag, then he can stop while he's out to buy new diapers. Let him cope instead of doing everything to ensure that it's done your way. Sometimes men are being lazy, and sometimes they are afraid of doing things the "wrong" way so they keep asking. And they don't retain it because they know you are there, hovering, to provide the info at a moment's notice.

My husband was always very hands on so we never had this problem. He doesn't always listen the first time on other things, so if I really need him to hear me, I say "This is the THIRD time I've told you, and I'm not going to do it a fourth time." Usually it is the third time, but even if it's the first, he doesn't know that, and he believes it's the third time!! LOL.

So, stop enabling him and let him learn and cope. Also plan a few days "off" for yourself where he has the baby all day. It's not babysitting - it's parenting! Just allow him to do things his own way. It doesn't matter if her clothes match or if she doesn't have a completely balanced diet for one day. Let him figure it out, bond with her, and respect what you do.

Yes... they are all retarded. Seriously!

No, it's not a man thing. It's a personality thing. Your husband is bad at time management and is forgetful - as am I.
My husband never forgets anything and is always thinking ahead.

I don't have to give instructions for anything. I have to write things down for MYSELF to remember, but never for my husband.

Edit* I came back and read your post again, and do you think mabey he didn't want to take your baby to the doctor? I am not excusing the way that he acted, but he may have been nervous or felt awkward taking her to the doctor. Some people just don't do well in those situations. My sister used to be like that. Someone would always have to go accompany her to doctor appointments and now she is fully comfortable going on her own. For whatever reason, she just felt intimidated by the process. Mabey your husband is the same way.

haha! Just laugh it off. Don't degrade him. It's a typical man thing (though I'm sure not all men do it). My husband is highly intelligent. He is finishing up his master's degree and is just a hair away from a 4.0. He is very successful at his job....does excellent work. He regularly is noticed & given bonuses for the above & beyond work he does in his field. He was voted as the favorite manager out of the whole hospital. So, he is very capable and intelligent and typically a deep thinker.

Now to our kids...

It's like his brain has leaked out his ears. Some examples:

For church, the girls always wear dresses, and the boys always wear suits or something dressy similar. One morning I was short on time and only had time to get myself ready. so hubby was in charge of getting our four kids dressed and ready to go. We've had kids for a little over eight years now. He got all the kids ready and in the van, and then I ran out and got in. As we were driving, I turned and saw that the baby was wearing normal clothes - not a dress. I burst out laughing because I SWEAR if I don't tell him every single little thing, he does something weird. Why was it supposed to cross my mind that after eight years of having children, he suddenly wouldn't know to put the baby in a dress? It's just part of how our church does things. It wasn't a big deal in reality. Who cares what a baby is wearing really, but it struck me as hilarious.

I was like "Okay! Now when you act like I'm nagging you because I'm going through a list of all possible outcomes and telling you what needs to be done in case you think of something else - this is a perfect example of why! I never know what new thing you're going to come up with, so I try to think of it all!"

Whenever we go somewhere, I have a checklist of things to go through to make sure he's thought of them. No matter how many times we go places and need the SAME things, he still doesn't seem to get it all. He is trying. He'll remember a lot of it, but there are always those things he forgets...like putting baby girl in a dress for church like we've done for the past eight years with our other two girls! He kept telling me, "Well, the outfit is really girlie." As though we usually dress her in boy outfits? It was just so funny and was a perfect example of what keeps happening in our marriage when it comes to kids. He also forgot the baby's blanket and some water for the kids, which are other things we always bring.

I have tried to keep my mouth closed and let him think things through himself to see if he'll come to the normal conclusion, but most of the time - no. If I don't remind him, it just doesn't get done. And, if we are on our way out somewhere, I don't want to be caught without important things. He used to act like I was telling him stuff he already knows, but I think he's seeing there is a reason why I go through my list! hehe... It's so funny.

And, in our marriage, I do not wear the pants. We are very respectful of each other and don't try to boss each other around. So, it's not like he's become a brainless drone or anything.

He is good going to the doctor and knowing the symptoms himself. So, he likely wouldn't be asking me repeatedly like your husband was unless he wasn't there to see it. But he works in the medical field, so that might give him an advantage. Though one time our daughter was very, very sick, and he was taking her in to Urgent Care. I told him to make sure that they do a CBC because I was really worried about her blood counts (she's in bone marrow failure). Did he? No. He just didn't think about it (?!!). A couple weeks later she had her routine blood drawn, and she needed her first set of blood transfusions. Her counts were so low, that there was no doubt she would have needed a transfusion earlier. That one was hard to not feel really upset over. He has since learned and remembers those things now when it comes to her blood work.

So, point being, yes, it's very normal. I have no solution except to try to not take it personal and keep it light. Sometimes I try to ask my husband questions to encourage the proper line of thinking to come to the right conclusion, etc. But I think women tend to think better about things when ti comes to kids. I've heard women can concentrate on several things at once, whereas men typically do better focusing really well on one thing. This seems to be obvious to me when dealing with our kids. and he is a great father. He's very responsible and such...just a guy too:-)

EDIT: As though this isn't already long enough, I just read some of the new comments. Oh my gosh! the kitchen one and my hubby wanting food...so similar. It's like he's a little kid and needs mommy to feed him. hehe! He'll wonder where something is. I'll ask if he's looked in the fridge (since that is where that item always is). I'll hear him open the fridge, and immediately tell me he can't find it. Obviously he hasn't had time to even look! Then he suddenly finds it. Anyway, it makes me laugh. Men definitely need women or they would starve to death... I love & adore my hubby. He's my best friend, so I don't mean any of this disrespectfully...mostly just entertaining!

Please, make his life easier - write it down for him.
I'm sure he is nervous and doesn't want to forget anything.

I say that you are blessed to have him there for you.

If you had to do his job, you might get a bit confused as well.

= )

He was probably just nervous. If you do everything then he probably is unsure of himself. I don't have a whole lot of confidence in a lot of areas but I am super confident as a mom my husband on the other hand has tons of confidence and yet is a nervous wreck when it comes to certain kid things..I remember the first time he drove our oldest by himself..drove 35 on the freeway..lol the first dr appointment was similar to your situation. 500 questions and the whole time I am just like it's not that hard. Hang in there it gets easier. I would say have your husband do more but if you're like me you just want to do it because your the mom. So if that't the case develop a sense of humor over his dumbness!

i think they act'dumb' to get out of something they don't want to do----

Ummm yep. My husband has the common sense god gave a door knob!

Yes... Men can be that 'dumb', but hopefully it all balances out and they are good/smart at other things.

Makes you wonder: HOW the heck, did they manage on their own when they were still single?

Last night: I had my husband cook dinner. (I usually do but I, was not in the mood and I wanted, just this once, to not cook dinner). Plus I had to take our daughter to Karate and my son was napping. So he has 'his' time. So I show him the recipe etc. Easy recipe. Only 3 steps. I explain he HAS to cook and have it done by 6:00pm. Because my Mom (who lives with us) has a meeting and has to eat dinner and leave BY 6:30. I repeat this several times. He says okay.
I call him... at 6:45pm to see how dinner went. He says: "oh I'm starting to cook now." DUH. So then I say "What about Mom? Remember- she had a meeting and had to leave the house BY 6:30 and eat dinner before then etc." He says "Oh, I forgot. She already left." I then say "Well I guess she didn't get to eat ANYTHING for dinner? She won't get home until 9:00 and they don't serve anything there and she'll be real hungry." Then he says: "I guess so. I saw her grab a thing of crackers for the car."
UGH UGH UGH!
DUH!

But, at least he cooked dinner. And he cooked well. And he didn't leave ALL the dishes in the sink for me when me/my daughter got home later at night. To then, eat dinner.

Yes, Husbands have nothing between their ears sometimes!

now I know i should be thrilled my husband diapers, and feeds the baby. Or that he will help with laundry. But do you know how many times i've found my daughters underpants in my sons drawers? or how many times I have had to show him how to fold and unfold the stroller, or OMG where the baby's jammies and extra blankets are (he's 6 months old).

I'm not being mean here, but I think we do to much for them when it comes to the kids and house. We learn as we go because there is no one there to ask 101 questions and we just figure it out. Men on the other hand think it's easier to ask rather than mess up or guess and do what works, so they ask, and ask, and ask.

Ever since the where's this at got annoying, I stopped doing things like getting clothes out for the baby ahead of time, DH didn't even notice the first night and since I wasn't here he actually had to go look in the dresser. guess what, he hasn't asked since! lol. and the baby was changed and ready for bed that night.

They can do things, they just don't do it as often and I think lack the confidence to just make a decision and go with it like most moms do. And heck I know plenty of sahd's that could be saying the same thing about their wives.

OMG are you Married to MY Husband???? :-(

Its Ridiculous isn't it??????

Oh, sweety, you are preaching to the choir! I thought for a sec that you were referring to MY husband! lol! I get pissy every time he has to take our girls to the doctor, because every time, without fail, he forgets to tell them something that he was supposed to tell them, or ask a question he was supposed to ask. Makes me crazy!!!

You are so not alone!

I think it is a mom thing.
Men are not dumb. We are just able to do somethings better :)

Men are just that. They think in single minded boxes. So unless they have a daughter to doctor box, they are completely clueless. Yes sadly you have to write it down step by step or go to the doc yourself.

I have learned that it is point less to send my husband with the kiddos. Good luck.

My husband workd crazy long hours when our kids were small (and is gone completely right now with the military), so he just isn't clued into their daily routine and needs. He had to take our three year old to the doctor (we had a menengitis scare) when our daughter was three days old, and even though he had been home because of the new baby, I made sure I wrote down every symptom - by the hour - and any meds and dosages I had given our son. I handed it to him, with the packed diaper bag in case our son threw up again, and said "Give this list to the doctor."
Turned out it was just an ear infection that was causing all kinds of other crazy symptoms, and my hubby went to the pharmacy, got the scrip, and I took over from there.
Fast foward one year, I was working full time and my husband was home with the kids. He learned how to get them both up and dressed and out the door to get our son to preschool. He even put our daughters hair in pigtails every day. He taught her how to count to ten, and managed to keep their laundry done. He read books and played playdoh, and even kept track of meds when our daughter had an ear infection! :)

I think it's just a difference in humans.

My hubs will ask all the questions I give him and his own, remember the appt but when it comes to answers...all i get are "He/she is fine"...

Then to get more information I have to say what did the dr. say about....????
Then I get more answers, but really I should just do it myself. Oh and I have to call an hour after the appt is over...he never calls me to tell me anything.

When I go, after leaving I immediately call him and give him a play by play.

I feel bad for him because it sounded like he didn't want to screw anything up, because he knew you would be disappointed in him and grill his butt! They are programmed differently, we're more detail-oriented and they're more simple-minded...not to be confused with DUMB :) However, our skills can be learned if they are willing...if not, we get played into thinking they are dumb a$$es and end up doing things ourself!

.

You aren't alone my dear! I think some men are better at it wheras some are not and I sure would like to know what sets them apart??? My husband was the same exact way with our twin girls. He didn't even know what meds to give them~when they needed them. I cannot tell you how many times I would get a call at work and him ask so what am I supposed to give them and how much? Even though he had done it the week before???? We used to get into tiffs about it and I would tell him if I died tomorrow he would have no clue how to care for our kids because I always handled everything and he never would step up to the plate. The kids are older now and we are getting older too and I have learned to pick my battles. I am OCD as well so that has a huge impact on our arguements and the way I like things to be done and so forth-I just can't help it but I do try my very best to control it when I can but there are just some things I cannot refuse to give into and my OCD totally takes over. He knows this though and for the most part I have to say that I am lucky he deals with it so well. Other times not so well -lol! Pick your battles though.....I think its pretty standard for "most" men to feel this way when the kids are younger. I had two to keep up with as well so as you can imagine it was like an act of congress trying to keep it straight and trying to keep him to keep it straight as well-lol! Depending on your babies age -did he remember to give the tylenol or motrin before the shots??? lol!

All I have to do is read your title to answer that question.....YES! They are!

Actually, I think your husband is really smart. Exasperate you enough and you'll do all the work.
You need to change your tactic on how to get him to do things. I don't have tell my husband a thing. I just hand him the appointment card with date/time/location.

I think sometimes they want step by step instructions, not because they ARE dumb, but because they know we women have our exact way of doing things. Our men are worried they are going to mess up our perfect "Mommy Knows Best" routine and get "yelled" at for being dumb. (Not saying you would "yell", just a figure of speech.) At least, that is the way it is as my house. (I don't yell either, my husband just has a healthy fear that I will disaprove of his way of managing my usual tasks.)

I learned somewhere a long time ago that men turn into helpless messes when we do everything for them and/or micro manage them to the point where they CAN'T do anything. Having said that, I do think there are men who really are clueless about some things - especially things they don't usually do. As women, we tend to do everything for everyone (guilty) and when someone is trying to do something on their own, we criticize how they're doing it and end up doing it for them.
Before I had my daughter (almost 12 years ago), I had one moment of clarity - I decided to tell my husband that I had virtually no experience with babies and he and I were starting out at the same skill level. He and I took an infant parenting class together and the light went off in his head - they told us that babies are pretty sturdy as long as you hold them properly and don't drop them. Once I had my daughter, I made a decision to never criticize my husband about how he was caring for her (diapering, feeding, etc. - unless it was something dangerous). I made a special point of telling him that he was better at changing her diaper and burping her - not true really, but it did build his confidence - until he caught on a few months later. I left plenty of room for him to do things his own way and he eventually learned how to do everything himself. I had complete confidence in him that he could care for her every need for any length of time and I was able to get out of the house for much needed breaks often enough to keep my sanity. So he became exactly what I wanted and needed. Now, that's his personality but I like to think I helped him along a little.
So the answer is - men hold down jobs and they learn what they need to for that, so why can't they learn what they need to do to care for their children? No, they're not ALL that dumb, but we make them think they are sometimes.

I have not read your question yet, nor the responses, but........ Yes, men are that dumb - lol!

First, men are not dumb. When YOU do all of this regularly and you already know what to do/say/ask etc it's easy but for anyone who does not know the "Dr. drill" it can be overwhelming. I took one of my nephews to the Dr. and not knowing did not discuss a few points that my sister asked me about when she picked him up after work. I do not remember what they were now but they were important to her at the time. We all like things done to our way and unless we flat out say what our way is and they fully understand it you can not blame him. He was overwhelmed and did not want to "screw up" since he knew he would not hear the last of it or would be called dumb! What I do in the event is type out a cheat sheet and print it out hand it over to him the night before review it and ask if he needs any clarification ... type up the clarifications and move on, my son has quite a few medical issues and a "medical wrap sheet" a mile long... it's hard for daddy, anyone really and sometimes me to keep them all straight.

Oh my goodness I love it! My hubby has had to do this trip once or twice with our kids...I remember one time we both went and I thought I was gonna have to take him over to the ER...When it came to shot time..he dropped to the floor! So, much for the knight and shining armor theory...I should have seen it coming though...He fainted when I had my first baby too...After that he had a hall pass to miss the pushing phase of delivering a baby.

Men can be very aloof, clueless when it comes to things about baby...I found that when he is taking on something like a doctors visit I have to hold his hand all the way to the car...I send a note with him to the doctors office, so I know nothing is missed...I will also ask to have anything important written down by the doctor.

I really cant be too hard on him about being horribly clueless...He is an only child. I probably would have been just as clueless(at least to some degree)had it not been for the fact I was given a little sister when I was seven...I got to see first hand how having more then one kiddo goes...and the mental readiness that needs to happen...before say, a doctors appt.

My husband had to take our son to the orthodontist recently. He called me from the ortho office and said "they don't have him down for an appointment today". Turns out he was at the dentist's office! Oh brother.

Yep...they can be! LOL

BUT it gets a little better as the kids get older. Not totally, but some!

Not all men :)
I must admit my hubby has taken our boys to more doctor and dentist appts than I have b/c he has 2 days off during the week. I'm not about to take time off work if he isn't working. I go to the appts if it's something I am really concerned about (like when our 3 y/o split open a huge gash above his eye), but typically Dad takes them and comes back with a full report.