Values Vs. Peer Pressure

It depends upon the child. My #3 a daughter wanted to be a part of the school elite and intellectually she met the qualification. She was doing college level algebra in 4th grade. But being a part of that group meant that their clothes came from Holister or Ambrocrombie or Aeropostle all way over priced and in my opinion cheeply made. But the cool kids wouldn't let her be in that group (even though she was on the dance team) unless she had the right clothes. She had to work to pay for them and babysat a lot.

Then when they get into middle school and are changing for PE class you find another form or harressment. The girls all want or need the cute bras and matching panties or thongs not because they want the boys to see them --- it's so some loud mouthed bratty girl doesn't yell across the lunchroom here comes Patty she wears grannie panties and bras.

I know it's stupid and they outgrow it usually in high school or right after high school. But it would have been like wearing a crew cut or bobby socks in 1967 -- the year of the Summer of Love. You just weren't cool maaaan--peace.

It depends upon the peer pressure. If it's pressure to join a gang or tag or other vandelism or theft or drinking or drugs it's not easy to go against the peer group. It's the time when you have to have a strong enough bond with you child that they know they can come to you and talk about anything and you won't jump the gun and start yelling. Hey dad, Tommy and Bobby are having a party and Jimmy is bringing the pot and Susie is bringing the beer can I go? Ahhh no honey you can't and this is why.... (calmly)

Several years ago my son got caught stealing, the neighbor kids told him if he didn't do it they would beat him up. He got caught and the the police were at my door. I just looked at him and said why didn't you come and get me? He said he was to scared. I said yell through the window Mom I need you!!!! They were standing only about 10 feet from my window. Anyway I would have handled it. I am a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, I could have handled a couple of middle school kids scaring my son--without hitting them. And I would have taken him in the house and called the police and reported them to the police. But he crashed to peer presure. Even though he had seen me through my training to Black Belt--he didn't equate it to hey Mom can kick some serious @$$ because I have always been a gentle person.
Kids shoplift because 'everybody does it'. UMMM no not everybody because I don't and neither do you.

No books just a lot of talk between them and you and teaching right from wrong and the strength to stand up to bullies.

we use a lot of analogies at home.....mixed with lots of humor.

As in, "OMGosh, did you just cave to peer pressure?" when my son is pushing past my younger son (9 years btwn them). Followed by "don't let him bully you!"

& I searched Amazon & could not find both of the books which I used for my sons. They each had their own....each suited their own sense of humor. Sorry.....

Keep your lines of communication wide open. This should be established from early on.

The worst time for us was around 9th grade.

Most of the students at her Sr. High school now which is only 11-12 grades are active in the community, AP/Honors courses and athletes. Daughter is in all that and a cheerleader in 11th grade. They are very focused on college visits, SAT's etc. vs drama of what someone is wearing. What I hear mostly is what college are you visiting this week?

They start growing up fast when they think of after high school.

Chicken Soup books were good... she also enjoyed them.

I think that's a hard one. I've been blessed by the extras I didn't expect in my son's school. Initially we enrolled him in a paraochial school, because the public school wouldn't take him. (He missed the cut-off for public school and the paraochial school agreed to test him.) Well that was a long time ago. Hubby thought about taking him out when he was in 3rd grade, but I had him wait until 5th grade. Guess what? 5th grade came and they skipped our son over 6th grade, so hubby was happy and kept him there. Our son is now in 9th grade. So what was I amazed about? There's more freedom at my son's school than in our local public schools with the addtion of values being taught. Sure paraochial schools aren't perfect and there is teasing, drug use, smoking, x35 just like at the public school, but on a much smaller scale making it easier for parents to get support from one another. Stuff I worry about, I find my son rolling his eyes at me and telling me how much smoking stinks, how bad drugs are, and he'd never even try the junk. Him and his friends are just too busy trying to figure out how to get into Princeton and Harvard. I guess the bottom line is the peers your teen makes friends with and how strong willed of an individual they are. I still let him know that I won't yell no matter what, so he knows I'm there when he needs me. I will admit to really grossing him out with storys, statistics, and science on numberous topics like drugs, alcohol, x35, etc. Never hurts to put a little fear into them.

I don't know of any books to recommend and never felt the need for those with my own kids (12 and 16 years old). My suggestion would be to ask the guidance counselor at your kids' school/s for some recommendations. They may suggest some books or parent workshops in the community. Good luck!

Steady and Slow. Quiet reminders. Let the kids learn the lesson. Impose your values when it makes sense. Here is an itty bitty example of how it worked when my son wanted what everyone else had in elementary school.

He wanted Nike socks! Everyone had Nike socks (or so he claimed). I told him they were too expensive for our budget and that what all the kids think is great isn't always so great. But he wanted them. I told him I would pay what an ordinary pair of socks cost, and he could pay the rest if he wanted the socks. He did!

Within 2 weeks the Nike emblem started to come off the socks and his saved money went down the drain. Lesson learned.

Hi Neighbor, Maybe try the Chicken Soup For The Soul series? There's a few aimed at teenagers. My teenagers loved them, they're hilarious.

:)