Uuuggggg!!! Help

Sounds like she is getting into a power struggle with you. The only way to deal with that is to not engage in the power struggle and let her say what ever she wants right or wrong - She will eventually get bored trying to argue with someone who refuses to argue back.

This is the hill you will die on?

I always let my mom and mil sort of revel in their little special things with my kids. My mil could get my first to sleep like no other. Now did I do it daily, yeah, did I have a problem with her using her special baby whisper sleepy powers when she was around, nope! Did I giver her props as super Nana, yup! Why not the next time she tells you that, say, 'what??!! He has never said that for me, go grandma!' Heck, we homeschool, and I let my mom do handwriting bc she is better at it and she and my son are both lefties. My point is Mama, save your mama bear for the big stuff and let the small stuff roll. One time my hubby and I were having a 'discussion' in the kitchen, my mil tried to intervene and I simply said 'excuse me, I know how to talk to my own husband,' case closed. So I say pick your battles, grandma thinking your baby is talking better for her doesn't seem too bad to me. As for the shoes thing, I think it's rude to ask people to take off shoes period. Have a box by the door, and don't wear shoes and most people will take them off. Those that don't, clearly have a reason and should be left alone. Flooring comes and goes, relationships last a lifetime :)

Don't engage. Part of this is your attitude with her. What's wrong with letting her think she knows what he's saying when you KNOW that she doesn't. It's just not that big of a deal to get so worked up over! She's a grandma - she's proud. Perhaps she hears what he's saying differently than how you hear it. Two people can listen to the same conversation and come away with two different opinions about what was said. Maybe you aren't hearing a pitch that she hears. Who knows, but really who cares?!

Seems like to me you are looking for reasons to not get along with her and these are VERY trivial things. Back up and give her a placating smile and move on. Life is way to short to be raising your blood pressure over minute things like this.

I don't see the issue she hears birdie, you don't. She hears pider, you don't. I can hear mine say one thing and everyone else might hear something else, sometimes not always in a good way :).

What's the point of arguing with her? As Dr.Phil would say...what are you getting out of the argument? Being right, do you 'have' to be right? Will the world end if you just drop it and let her believe what she believes? No...I didn't think so.

As for shoe's, what's her age? If she is decently older, then this is not something I would fight over. I get it, I want people to take their shoes off also, we have goatheads where I live. They are vicious little thorny things that hurt, but one person with their shoes still on every now and then isn't the end of the world. It's not like I can just vacuum again (and I am an avid vacuumer, like 2-3 times a day cause of those little bastards).

Just stop, your husband sides with her because he doesn't see the big deal either.

The word pronunciations are not worth arguing about. Of course you know his speech better. There's no need to try to get her to believe it. As long as you know it, let it go.

As far as the shoes go, I hate being asked to take my shoes off. It's one thing if you want to ask a bunch of kids going in and out to take their shoes off. I'd never ask an adult to remove their shoes to enter. My husband and I crack up when this is asked of us. Once our neighbors had their used slippers at the door for us to use. We politely declined.

I'm with your MIL on that one.

This really isn't the stuff that's worth getting fired up about. First, let her wear her shoes in your house - unless she's walking through mud on the way in, it's really not a big deal. There are many legitimate reasons for people to prefer to keep their shoes on, none which are any of your business - and if it's just her preference, that's reason enough. As a host you can ask that people remove their shoes but if a guest prefers not to, it's rude to make a big deal out of it. I mean, really, really, 100% wrong rude.

Aside from that, you're really going to argue with a grown woman about baby talk? Really? What do you have to prove? Nothing, right? He's your baby, of course you know him best. If she wants to try to one up you, that's her own issue. Just smile and nod and let it roll off your back.

I would say "Wow, that's great that he can say bird and spider for you. He doesn't say those words for me. Maybe you can get him to say them for me?" and "Oh, yeah, I got you a pair of slippers to wear when you are at our house. You know how ds likes to play on the floor, so I'd like to keep it clean for him."

Why are you arguing over what your child's gibberish means? You two should be enjoying this child's efforts instead of arguing. Good grief.

Ask your MIL to bring some indoor shoes that are not worn outside and leave them at your house so that when she comes, she can put them on. Or slippers, either one. Stop putting your husband in between you two. Being respectful of your MIL would probably lessen the instances of yelling. Meanwhile, just walk out of the room if she starts it. Who will she yell at if she's alone?

you've got to let it go - you sound like you're about to stroke out!

This little stuff is annoying - but you can't control her. But please control that anger, I can feel the blood pressure rising over here. That's not good for your heart.

For the taking the shoes off problem: Go to the store and get her some nice slippers that she can wear when she visits your home. We have a no shoes policy in our home too. My parents and brothers always bring slippers with them when they come to visit us. Every family member I visit also has a No Shoes policy. Only elderly guests don't remove their shoes, because they usually need the support their orthopedic shoes offer.

For the fighting over what words he uses: agree to disagree. Does it really matter?

Would it enrage you so much if it was your mother? I think most of us forget that our MILs are our husbands mothers, and we should treat them the same way we would treat our own mothers. So ask yourself, if you mother did this would it really be that big of a deal?

I agree with Jen C. I believe you just have an issue with your MIL in general.

At least she is trying to be involved in your children's lives and who cares if she does not remove her shoes when she comes into your house, REALLY?

Do you have the same "rules" for everyone?

You can keep a clean house if someone is wearing shoes as long as they are not muddy and I wouldn't think she walks across mud just before she comes to your house.

You both need to lighten up or your grandchildren will miss out on a relationship with someone THEY love.

you both sound pretty dang rude to me.
your poor husband.
khairete
S.

I'm with JB, Flaming Turnip and Liv. Seriously. This sounds like two grown women in an 'one-upsmanship' battle. No one really ever wins.

Take a deep breath, and then take a second, or third. Arguing with her to prove you 'know' your son better is just going to come across as immature, insecure or both. In the big picture, does it matter if she needs to think she 'hears' him saying those things?

She's a grown woman.... let her wear shoes. One person wearing shoes in the house shouldn't be a big deal unless she's tracking in dog poop. Please believe me, I wear shoes in my house *all the time*. My feet stay warm and I feel better and happier that way. Why is this an issue? I just can't picture one woman tracking in so much dirt that it should cause a meltdown.

Please believe me, in the grand scheme of things, this is not worth confrontation. Save confrontation for things which are truly earth-shattering, like feeding him peanuts when he's allergic. I think this is more to do with your husband not having separated from his mom. If that's the case, couples counseling will get you much farther than being mad at her. Don't misdirect your anger because it's easier than dealing with him.

Oh, and maybe get some different childcare (if that's the 7-8 hours a week he spends with her) if this is killing you... if she is providing care, you do need to let them have their own relationship.

I HATE walking around in just my socks..I mean I REALLY HATE it! It gives me the heebie-jeebies! Do you have house shoes or slippers just for her to wear when she comes over? That might be something you could do for her IF you insist on making a huge deal out of her having to take off her shoes!

And I get where you are coming from with her thinking she knows your child better BUT is it really the worst thing in the world if Grandma feels like she knows her grandchild really well?

Neither of these issues are something I would make a huge deal out of but that is just me.

Good Luck!! Please try to remember that she is your husband's MOTHER and your child's GRANDMOTHER!! She deserves a LOT of respect and love, without her you wouldn't have either of the 2 men/boys in your life that you love so much! And she is not going anywhere for a very long time, best not to make enemies, ya know?!

This sounds like a power struggle between you and your mil. You can stop the struggle by realizing it is your home and you don't have to force her to do anything. Let her wear her shoes. It won't make much difference. She's only one person and isn't walking in mud.

Having a fight over it, not only with her but also with your husband, does a lot of damage to both of those relationships. Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy. By choosing to fight you're choosing being right over being happy.

As for what your son says or doesn't say. What difference does it make? Really? If either of you are concerned about speech issues, then take him for an evaluation. It's always better to know for sure than to not have an evaluation and find he needed one.

If the concern is not about speech issues then just let it go. Know that people hear things in different ways. Know that one of you may have lost some ability to hear higher ranges. So, perhaps, one of you might benefit from a hearing test. Bottom line, tho, is it's up to you to do what you want. It's your home and your child. You don't have to prove anything by fighting her and your husband. Just let it go.

These sound like two fights not worth fighting, especially if you want to get along with your husband and have your child have a loving grandmother. Grandmothers are an important part of a child's life. Why risk both of those relationships to just prove you're right.

I like what Liv B posted.
I would let it go!
Not engage.
Ignore her snotty remarks.
Let her think what she wants.
Let her think she knows what your daughter says.
I, also, would let the "shoe" thing go.
It will cause you less strife.
It's a battle you can't win and really.......there's no need to win, cause
more strife or hope your husband picks your side.
It's not worth it in the big scheme of things.
Again, while I may be able to understand where you are coming from,
it's not worth it & I would not start a fight. Your husb will most likely
pick his mom's side.

I want to start this off by saying I understand your frustration. My MIL loves to try to trump everything I do, good or bad. If something good happens, something better must have happened to her (Or else something completely tragic happened and how dare I be happy), if something bad happens to me, I no room to be upset because there are people dying somewhere. I completely understand your anger.
I will give you the advice my mother gave me and her mother gave to her: Don't put your husband in the position to have to choose between you and his mother. You. Will. Not. Win. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's that it's his mother. His Mom. The woman who fed him and changed his diapers as a baby, the woman who raised the man you fell in love with. You will never see eye to eye with her, but don't let it mar your relationship with your husband.
There are times when I want to explode at petty annoyances that are stirred up, but I have learned they really aren't worth the stress and unhappiness they cause me. Allowing her to make me unhappy is like letting her win. Letting her get into my head and wreak havoc wasn't worth me being crabby and angry. I am still working on these things, and am still learning to just keep my mellow happiness and know that she doesn't live in my home, her son chose to marry me, and my children will always call me Mommy, not her.

You need to have a talk iwth your husband about siding with her. That's not cool!!! If you don't wear shoes in the house there should be nothing wrong with you asking her to take hers off as well.

oh, a mamas boy..been there. done that. never again, my friend, never again . make certain that all lines of credit or property you own are in your name, otherwise, your monster in laws money problems will become your money problems, and/or she will decide that anything you own with her son is hers , money wise, steer clear of her completely..anytime she has busy work that just has to be done by someone else, volunteer her son..she will love it and he will grit his teeth and smile and do it, and you wont have her breathing down your neck looking for something to complain about, but not be willing be pay you to do it for her. dont drive her anywhere without gas money in hand, and when all else fails, remember you will probably outlive her
K. h. ps..we have a box for shoes at the door, we tell people," take your shoes off at the door,because we have a a toddler who picks things up off the floor and anyone who steps on her tiny little toes with their shoes on, will be dealing with me".