Using Credit Card

Well first off - you report the card stolen and get a new one issued so the old one can not be used again.
Next - he only gets to play games that do not require an internet connection.
They do still exist.
Lock his devices down so that they do not connect with the internet.
You unlock the connection for him when he needs to do homework and then close the connection down when homework is finished.
Or you use parental controls which determine which sites he can visit (no pay to play sites).
Any device which can't be controlled by you is history.
Make sure the kids do not have access to your credit cards!

Ellen:

Medical cards should not allow charges that are not medically related. The company called to let you know that you are responsible for that amount and will have to send in $100 for payment.

Your family needs help. Your son is stealing from you. He got into your purse without your permission and stole a credit card. If he does that to someone else, they might press charges and your son will have a record. No excuses on his behavior.

Stop walking on egg shells in your own home. You are "afraid" to tell your husband? HUGE RED FLAG.

Allowing your son or worse, using his Aspberger's as an excuse for his behavior.

You go to your son and tell him that "the HSA company called today to inform me of $100 in charges they will not cover because they were not medically related. Do you have any idea how this could have happened??"

If he pitches a fit? Tell your son you need the credit card back RIGHT NOW. Tell him if it is not returned within 5 minutes, you will have to call the police and file charges of a stolen credit card and when it comes back to him? You can't help him. Let him throw a fit. It won't change that fact that you MUST call and get report a fraudulent charge on your card.

Then you tell your husband what happened. You pay the HSA card and make your son work off the amount or take the items back.

Get your family into counseling. IF he does have Aspbergers, you should be going to a therapist regularly anyway to help him deal with his triggers. If not - you need to GET 'ER DONE!!

Tell your son you are EXTREMELY disappointed that he stole from you. Aspbergers or not - your son needs to be held accountable for his actions, tantrums or not.

Get control of your household, Ellen!! If your son isn't held accountable now - just imagine what will happen if he goes to a friend's house and steals from them?? Or worse - grandparents - what will you do then?? Make excuses for him?? STOP THE INSANITY!!! Get your family in counseling now...

Figure out why your husband isn't close with his son. They need to learn to communicate.

I hope you cancelled the card since you can't find it.

Do not ask your son if he took the credit card and used it. You already know that he did. He will lie to you.

You need to talk to your ped about this. He knows your son's condition. You need to talk to him about the obsession. You and the doctor need to come to a decision together about this obsession and how to deal with it.

As as child with autism, he may not be able to actually understand like a normal 13 year old why he cannot steal. He may know it's wrong, but that doesn't mean he has normal understanding. That doesn't mean that you don't give a serious consequence. It does mean that you put things into the proper perspective.

Ask the doctor how to manage the fallout of taking the electronics. Have a plan together so that you aren't vascillating and second guessing yourself.

I think you need to get as much information as possible, first. Did the credit card company tell you where the charge was made (which store, on-line or in person, what was purchased, etc). I wouldn't do anything until you have as many facts as possible.

Also, your husband's (his father?) relationship with him is not relevant right now. Kids are going to make mistakes, and kids are going to try and get away with things. Our job is to guide them, not stop loving them. Your husband needs to learn how to still work towards a good relationship with your son, even when he screws up.

That being said, my boys are 5 & 8, so I have no idea what an appropriate response is. Sorry :-(

((Ellen)) - I'm more concerned about what you said about your husbands and your son's relationship. Your husband doesn't get to dial out because he has a child with Aspergers. He HAS to find a way to connect and bond with him. This may mean your husband is going to have to get out of his comfort zone. It's his JOB to meet HIS son at his son's level not vise versa. It's gonna be too late very soon. You guys need to go out and have a heart to heart. You should not be in a situation where you can not parent with your spouse.

Hugs to you I know this has to be a difficult situation!

What was the $100 charge for?

EDIT:

I would talk with him about it. It might be that your card was linked to the Wii (I assume it's an Wii) for your Wii U subscription and he didn't realize that he was costing you money. Our credit card is linked to our Xbox, but we had already set the controls to avoid the kids making purchases. You can change the parental controls on the console to limit his game time and also make it so no game, app or in-play purchases can be made without a pin only you know.

Best of luck!

Best to find out first if it was him. Cancel or stop the card from being used for now. Doesn't really matter if he has a fit. Sit him down and ask him if he took the card and tell him why you think he did it. Nintendo stuff. It doesn't matter what is wrong with him. He need to know he can not just steel things just because he wants things. Time to put up your valuables.