Upset About Last Night Need Some Input - Updated.

Even with high emotions over a funeral, and his being tired due to drill this weekend... Travis treats you like this constantly. You should have been more supportive of each other sure. Both of you should have been able to apologize together quickly, sure. Why do you insist that this is a good relationship? Why do you make excuses for him by saying that when you're upset you're prone to say things incorrectly?

You're not with a great, amazing, wonderful guy. This moody guy that acts like an immature jerk the majority of the time? He's the real Travis. Not the sometimes-nice-guy. The occasional nice guy doesn't make up for the rest of it. You deserve better, and the fact that you don't show your children a better example of what a man should be and what a woman should and shouldn't tolerate worries me.

you know, i am a pretty comprehensive reader, but i'm finding this story awfully hard to follow.
sounds like everyone's emotions are in a state of high tizzy, and no one is cutting anyone else any slack.
that being said, when i lost my little mumsie recently, my husband was a rock. i'd have been devastated to have been coping with that loss, and not having a supportive partner to help me through.
are you both very young? this mostly sounds like a lot of selfishness and immaturity.
khairete
S.

Are you both in your early 20's? Seems to me that I was super immature and insecure at that age. While I realize there are some who are mature at age 22, those of us who've had rocky family upbringings tend to be pretty insecure and haven't gotten a hold on our temperments.

Yes, your BF should have been more kind to you the weekend of your dad's funeral. It's a very emotional time and youru nerves were raw. If it were me I wouldn't have been at my inlaws. (I'm somewhat confused - are you married?) Not sure what drills are either. Is he in the reserves? Was he up all night and his sleep was his night's sleep (during hte day) or was this a nap? Had you both been drinking? (even a beer or two can affect a person's mood)

My DH was not a nice guy when he had a couple of drinks (he no longer drinks thankfully) - and he would allow himself to get mad about stupid stuff - then in turn I would respond horribly. But time has changed things. We've been through some really tough times, (death & illness of family, his horrible life altering auto accident, our daughter's serious illness) and we've gained immense perspective. My husband almost never raises his voice anymore - but when he does it's when he's exhausted at the end of the week of working midnights.

I think you need to evalute your man with a clear eye and weight out whether he's truly a good guy and gets cranky when he's tired - or if he's nuts, has a drinking problem or whatever. People do grow up but it usually only happens after going through some tough stuff.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad - that's just a tough time in any family. give yourself a break - emotionally. Get some sleep and re-consider everything in a few weeks when you're in a better place. And pray.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like this?? Don't yyou deserve better??

why did you sleep over if they are 2 blocks away? where was your son? did you walk him home too?

i'd be annoyed if someone woke M. at 8am and said lets go and couldnt wait 20 minutes and replied with "its fine i'll J. walk" because in girl language that ussually means "fine you jerk sleep even though i'm tired and had a crappy weekend, i'll J. walk"

honestly from past posts travis always seems to be on edge and you always defend him, but then when people say you deserve better you gety upset. does eh really treat you the way you want your son to treat women in the future?

You are both over-tired, over-emotional and need to just let this go.

I'm still not really sure what happened, but when you get home... apologize. You have no way of knowing "how" you said "Fine, I'll just walk" or how it was perceived by someone who just woke up from a night of drills.

Apologize for upsetting him and let it go. You are all tired and emotional so trying to figure out "why he did... why you said..." is irrelevant.

This whole situation sounds like a mess, sorry. You ought to be grieving the loss of your father, not dealing with what appears to be some very childish drama. Why in the world were you visiting HIS family on the day of your father's funeral?

My only advice...you seem to be really, really dependent on this man, who hasn't bothered to give you the respect of making you his wife. I think it's time to evaluate your own needs, your own wants, and to stand up for yourself like a mature woman and not act like an insecure teenager.

My heart goes out to you, honestly. I didn't mean this to sound so harsh, ad my prayers for your loss, but sometimes tough love is the best.

Ditto to JessicaWessica's post.

I just wanted to throw out there...I have been where you are at before. I lived with a boyfriend for about 4 years and I thought it was a "good relationship" because there were SOME good things about it and I was happy SOME of the time. Mostly, I did not know any better/did not think I deserved better/was scared to be by myself and a big factor was how close I was to his family. It was very hard to move on. I am sooooo glad that I did, though. Yes, I am no longer in contact with his family and that is sad. They were good people. But HE was not. I would have had a very unhappy life with him. He did not treat me well. He did not respect me. I have wonderful in-laws and a husband that respects me and I have my self esteem now. Travis does not treat you with respect. This is a recurring theme in your posts.
I would suggest getting counseling on your own and I would also suggest looking toward being on your own. I would not marry this "man". That is just my 2 cents.
I am really sorry about your dad passing away.

Way too much thinking. Try to just be. Why would you wake him up? Why not just tell your mil you're going home and she can relay the message when he gets up. Then, you've woken him up so why now tell him you'll walk? Sounds like you were upset and he responded upset because he doesn't understand why you're upset. He's now defensive.

Then you keep sending him him texts and messages. You haven't given him his space to deal with his emotions. You want him to deal with yours, NOW.

And why are you so upset you can't sleep? You slept on the couch. That tells him you're still mad at him. So he stays mad at you.

Find a way to let situations drop. First, find a way to be more independent. You want to go home, you go home. Don't expect him to reassure you that it's OK. Then, when both of you are upset, stop talking with each other until you're both in a calm space. You know that he won't react well when he's mad.

Have enough confidence in you and your relationship that you don't keep needing his reassurace that he cares, that he approves, etc. Be your own person first; then work together to find a way for you both to be comfortable with each other.

I urge you to get into counseling. You know you're needy. It's really hard to be in a relationship with a needy person. It feels like no matter what you do you can never do enough for that person. He knows something is wrong and he doesn't know how to fix it. Men are fixers. They frequently don't do well with lots of emotion. Get counseling to find out how to be more independent. Learn how to get some of your needs met elsewhere.

You have not described an immature man in this post. You've described a needy women seeking reassurance who isn't able to just let the first angry words go. There was a "scratch" (his angry retort) and you won't let it heal. You keep scratching at it making it hurt worse.

Both of you go to counseling if he'll go but if he won't you go. You do not have to feel this way. I would not leave until you are clear about how your thoughts and actions are a part of this situation. Look at this as an opportunity for you to grow and become a more secure person. Do not leave until you've tried working out ways in which the two of you can learn and grow together. You've invested these years and have a child together. Don't just throw it away until you've tried counseling and know for sure that you're not compatible. You have nothing to lose by working on making things better.

Hit the restart button.
Stop sending your guy texts or trying to talk about it. You are both in a lousy space right now.

I say this as someone who, right now, is livid at my husband and at my son's bratty behavior this weekend. I actually skipped out on a volunteer shift I do (there's coverage, not a problem) because I NEED the three hours of down time before I go pick my son up from half-day kindergarten.

Sometimes, it's hard to let go. But hanging onto it is harder and takes more energy. In the next few days, when I am less hormonal and things are calmer, I'll talk to my husband about "so, the next time X happens, could you please..." Kiddo's in a hard season, and I will try to take this afternoon as it is, without imposing the weekend or this very hard morning on it.

Strategize, be proactive as much as possible. I'll do this in solidarity with you, 2boys. We can just chalk it up to "crappy moments" and take a deep breath and try to move forward.

And I do know, from experience, that guys *really* do not want to hash things out over the phone/email while they are at work. Give him time to cool off. I know that it's rarely worked well for me to interrupt his day with this sort of thing. I also know that his down time away from family while at work usually gives him more emotional space to be able to come back home with a bit more awareness of his part of the situation.

Hang in there. It'sstarting out as a sucky day, but staying mad only makes it worse.

If emotions were on a scale of 1-10, this weekend would be a 10.

Don't equate it with any other weekend in your life.
Don't make a huge all encompasing statement , i. e. He Aways, he never, this always, this never..about the situation this week end.
Back it down about 5 notches.

You are hurt. He was rude. He did not comfort you when you really needed it. At some point you need to talk about it but probably not anytime soon!

He is over reacting. He was tired. Everybody tends to be grumpy and unreasonable when woken up and reaaly tired. Combine that with men being really bad at comforting or knowing the right thing to do. Most are mot emotionally intelegent! I cried once visiting my dads grave the first time after 6 mths. My H walked away! Later, he said he thought i would want to be alone! NOT. Arguments are something men know. They can handle it. Your greif is an unknown situation for H. It's safer to be "mad". JMO

Neither is perfectly a reflection of real life.
Press restart. What would your Dad have wanted from you?

Put a different spin on this. Find a way to break the tension, for both to feel free from emotional burdens. This is a reflecting time. Don't act like it is not.
Be good to yourself and him.

Your Dads funeral. His Dads funeral. Is there more to this post. Seems like there might be a lot of stressful things going on. Please clarify.

I completely agree with Krista P.!

I think I need more info...if its your dads funeral, then he needs to relax!!! sit him down, and tell him as it is....if its his dads funeral, then I would just let him be...he is displacing his emotions on you(because he is comfortable to be able to do that with you)... if it continues for a while then you may need to sit him down and talk it out.. there is nothing that open communication cant cure...