Update: Husband Having Nightmares/depression

Have you tried to get him into counseling?
Exercise has been shown to be as effective as medication for depression amd stress. He should srtart an exercise program that increases heart rate and respirations for about 20 minutes a day. Running -- biking -- punching a bag -- pounding nails ect are all positive forms of exercise that help with depression and stress.

Feng shui and holistic practioners will tell you that putting a bowl of water on a table next to the bed will stop nightmares. Friends of mine have tried it and it worked.

Please - if he is not getting professional help already, and plenty of it, he must start TODAY. No matter the cost. Depression in daylight would be tough enough, but these dreams sound like he is going beyond depression. If he truly "starts to believe these dreams are real," he needs some immediate help and possibly medication. Do not let it get to the point that he "self-medicates" with alcohol or drugs, or you will have another huge problem to fight along with his mental health issues. Someone said to ask him if pot had previously helped him sleep -- don't! Why introduce that idea into his head when he's already not thinking straight? He needs therapy and medication, not suggestions about finding some (illegal) temporary relief.

He truly, truly needs to give very serious consideration to dumping this stressful job. If he carries your health insurance -- which is essential for him to get treatment -- you and he need to find out now about whether he can get disability leave. Please talk to his therapist if he has one (if not, why not??) and discuss getting him some leave from this job to get this under control. His job MUST give him disability leave if his doctor orders it, but you may need some form of advocate like someone in the HR department and/or legal help if his workplace is cruddy and punishes people who are sick.

He cannot go on like this. If his sleep is broken up, he will eventually start to hallucinate and have other serious mental health issues -- we cannot go too long without proper sleep. If he actually begins to believe you are cheating on him, he is becoming paranoid and delusional and those conditions are more than "dealing with some depression issues." Once he goes down that road it will be extremely difficult to get him to accept help -- and you may find your marriage disintegrating.

Act now before he gets to a point where he's refusing help because he's so convinced people are out to get him, or you're lying to him,etc. He MUST see a professional. Don't expect to stop these dreams on your own or on advice you get here on Mamapedia.

If he's already seeing a therapist -- is he hiding these dreams from the therapist? Why?

Perhaps you have posted more about your husband before, but has he been to see either a counselor or a prescribing psychotherapist? Is he suffering from some PTSD, either due to military service in combat or did something very bad happen to him in the past?

You don't need to answer to us.....I ask these nosy questions because it sounds like he is really suffering. Without any further information than what you've given, it sounds like he is needing more help than you or a self-help book can offer. It would be good for him to talk to his physician, because this may be covered by your health insurance. If he really doesn't want to go that route (embarrassment?) and he's willing to pay out of pocket, many counselors can offer sliding scale fees and if they feel he might benefit from some medication, they can refer him to a prescribing psychotherapist for a prescription.

Also know that if he's willing to go the more medical route, that there are tests which can be done which can determine how his brain chemistry works and will help the doctors to know which medication would work best for his unique body chemistry. It's expensive, but I know of someone who had it done and they were able to get on one good medication and not bounce around from med to med, because they got the right 'fit' the first time. Good luck, and don't be afraid to get some support yourself. This sounds very difficult for you too. And the changes that come with a spouse getting better can also shake up our world a bit.

Hugs, H.

More than likely, it is his job. The stress from it is getting to him. My sister's husband went through the same exact thing. His doctor put him on some sort of sedative at night and depression meds during the day. My brother in law called up my sister and said weird things like he was screwing up his job and he was going to get fired and that my husband and I were going to move away because we didn't like them. Stress/depression messes w/ your head bad. Get him to the doctor and ask about some meds for him. Oh and one more thing, my brother in law would wake up in the middle of the nights sobbing too. So get him checked and very soon.

He needs to talk to his doctor. Anything we dwell on during the day is going to effect our dreams.

Try an INTEGRATIVE medical doctor. My younger daughter had terrible nightmares. Which comes first... the depression or the disturbed sleep? What else is going on in his body (including his brain)? It took years before we branched out and found medical doctors who ran sleep study, endocrine testing, food allergy testing, etc. Everything is so intertwined.

On our way to just trying to help our younger daughter FEEL better, we also, incidentally, resolved her "mental" problems as well.

In college my friends parents would come and help her arrange the dorm room. Her bed couldn't be directly facing the doorway and her bed couldn't be in the reflection of a mirror. I can't remember the exact reason but something to do with dreams reflecting on one and I cannot remember the doorway.
I am also into dream dictionaries (but you can look the info up online!). You can type in the type of dream you have and it lists different reasons of why you may be having these dreams. I find it INCREDIBLY therapeutic to do this and am alot more comfortable with my dreams after I have read the dream definition.

Hi, Mom:

Touch him in a Sexual Way:
"I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me." Song of Solomon 7:10
Every part of your body responds to sexual touch. A caress in the small of your back, a lingering hand on your thigh, a slow stroke on your arm can all send tingles to the tips of your toes.

God created your husband's body in a very different way. Seventeen sexual glands are concentrated in one location on his body, but in that one area there are so may stimulation points that even a mild touch drives him wild.

So, dear wives...Touch him where he longs to be touched. Touch him often. Touch him skillfully.

Good luck.
D.

Simply Romantic Nights
2000 Published by Family Life
www.familylife.com

sounds more likely that he has or is considering "a little something on the side" if you know what i mean , he wants you to spend all your energy making him feel better over..what exactly ?? has he been spending more time at work lately or has he suddenly stopped talking about the new office secretary? something to consider
K. h.

Hey... Sounds like you are all going through a rough time right now... Please get to therapy together and separately - I saw your update - yes, even for yourself, your peace of mind. The Dr. might be able to give you tools to deal with the situation and help your husband. I wish you the very best of luck on that.

On a side note: Please don't mis-name night terrors, though. They are very different animals... Nightmares might not be strong enough language to describe what your husband is experiencing right now, but it doesn't sound like night terrors. My son has night terrors... sweaty, screaming, disoriented, bolting straight up into a sitting position, waving arms wildly, doesn't recognize me, then when I'm able to calm him enough, he'll cling to me like he's just survived the worst shipwreck/explosion/attack/younameit and mumble/whimper incoherently until he drifts back to sleep. In the morning... no recollection whatsoever. Amazing. And there is no major stress in his young life. Still upsetting, drags on my sleep cycle and psyche, but doesn't affect him at all. I've stopped even mentioning them to him.

My point is, when there is help to get, first identify it properly, then get the proper help and don't stop until you're all better. Best of luck.

EMDR Therapy....for him. You can't control the thoughts he has in his dreams so there's nothing "you" can do to convince him his dreams are wrong...unless you like the color of your face staying blue.

It has been my experience that if they are accusing, they are doing it themselves and having these dreams... the guilt in their mind is manifesting through these dreams causing you to reassure him are not leaving or did anything wrong.

I could go into so much more, but I am still on my first cup of coffee and could get a little harsh and unprofessional.