R.J.
I grew up in Japan... so I understand what you are saying.... although you may be from another country (Russia, Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, etc.) the idea that "A man may always remarry or have more children but only has one mother" is very strong in Japan.
((For those unfamiliar with Asia... here in the US if your family is in a boat, your wife and mother, and the boat capsizes... the husband is expected to save the wife, as the mother is old and has lived her life already. In the US...If you are in a boat with your mother, wife, and children... you are expected to save your children, as they are least able to save themselves. In ASIA... you are expected to save your mother, as you can always remarry or have more children... but only have one mother. SIMILARLY, households are often 3 generation. Grandparents, parents, children. The elders rule, and the adult children have the same sort of "status" as children do, here. It's a tiered system. The oldest generation is the only one with complete say / full vote. Everyone else must do as they say, follow their wishes. The same way children must heed their parents here. No one is fully "adult" until their parents have passed. ))
I would suggest that you find a cultural center, or the Asian Studies dept at your husband's school. There are often people who can help with the assimilation process and have many good tips/ tricks/ ideas in dealing with family and culture at home... while living here and wanting to be different. (The military also has classes and support for spouses marrying into an american family and similar help in dealing with family back home, and sometimes community outreach for nonmilitary folk in similar positions, but I don't know if there is any military presence in Tempe Az?) Another avenue to explore, since you English is superb, would be translating communities. If you can get a work permit, you may find a lot of support there.
ONE IDEA... would be 2 facebook accounts. One that is for family only, and one that is for your new american friends.