Unhappy with Husband

Have you signed a lease? If not, you can still get out of it. NO WAY would I settle for that. Call me a harpy if you want, but he had NO RIGHT to make that kind of decision without you and then make you stick to it when you absolutely didn't want to. That's not fair.

If it is not possible to get out of it at least look at it this way - it's one year and you can move from there.

Make a paper chain and "snip" one link each day or week until the year is over.

You'll be fine. It's ONE year. Look at it as an opportunity to "purge", less house to clean, more "fresh foods" because you can't store canned foods... If it's absolutely awful, talk with the landloard about getting out of the lease early.

Make up your mind to put it behind you then.
It's only O. year.
If you cannot get out of the lease, you'll HAVE to deal. Can you sublet?

NEW RULE: No life-changing decisions can ever be made buy only O. spouse from now on!

I don't know the history with hubby but if my husband had done this I would be pretty upset.

If you want to stay married then you have to decide how to handle this.

If this was my hubby I know what I would be thinking. I would figure he panicked knowing I was coming to town and he better have something to show for his time and effort in house hunting. I admit I have become quite gripy since going through menopause.

The point is, I guess, that you can live in a tent if you have too. You can live in a mansion too. I think that letting hubby know you are a good sport is okay too.

I know I would be pissed he didn't wait for me. BUT, it would not be worth my marriage to get all pissy and hold a grudge.

Here's what I would do to make it through this year. I would get to know the land lord. If he is an easy going sort of person I would find out if you can get out of the lease early. Hint that you have found a home you'd like to buy but are worried about his lease. If he says it's okay then you guys could start looking for a home to buy pretty soon.

If not then you are going to have to make do for a year. That last 3-4 months you need to be pounding the pavement looking for the perfect place though.

You are going to be gone quite a bit if I'm reading this right. You are going to be helping this family member through a very difficult time. So, perhaps you can make do with the living arrangements at home easier since you won't be there every day all day.

Don't you need to sign the lease, too?? Talk to the landlord, and see if you can renegotiate the amount, time frame, etc. Tell him/her you don't think the house will fit your family's needs. Look around for something else before you finalize anything.

If it is finalized (lease signed, no backing out), still talk to the landlord and see if you can renegotiate the amount and terms. Maybe turn it into a 6-9 month lease? Beginning of summer next year instead of end of summer.

Then you will know that everything has been exhausted and you know what you are really dealing with. 1 year goes by very quickly. It will make you much more appreciative of the next place you move to.

And like OneandDone said, no more major life decisions without the other partner!!!

Hi Mama
Try your best to get out of the lease.
Sorry if you can't ,make it in your head it's for one year.
Forgive him and move on,easier said than done I know,I would be furious too.

B. k

Okay, your husband felt he had to take care of the family while you were away with you mom. He jumped at the first place he "thought' would serve to house his family. Possibly he couldn't get in touch with you when he was looking and in his mind he "had" to do it then - a male time line thing.

Okay what is done is done. It is for one year. Know that you can do this. Just keep things organzed and downsize as much as you can or store it for the year. At the nine month mark start looking for something better to move into. Think of it as a short set back in life and you will go for the gusto the next time around.

Talk with hubby and get him on board. Thank him for thinking about providing shelter for the family. I know you are fuming but he did do something. He could have had waited and told you two days prior to the lease being up that there was no place for you all to go.

I am retired military wife and there were times the housing did not have what I wanted but I made do knowing that in two to three years I would be moving. When we got to the next location we made up for the bad housing as best as we could within our budget. Think of it as an adventure and don't get your panties all bunched up. There could be worse things to get upset over.

LIfe is what you make it. Image is what you make it. Home is where the heart is. People know days want the Ritz on champagne budget and sometimes we have to go backwards to go forward.

This too shall pass and in the future you may look back and laugh about it. Peace all the way around. Do thank him for thinking about providing for the family. Get Act Like a Woman and Think Like a Man to help you get over this and to make him feel better (his ego is at stake here).

It's one year! I've been in a house I can't stand for 3 because it's what we can afford and it's in a good school district and in the area we like.

I just keep my dream alive re: my dream home! I day dream about it. I have created other ways to store things that my kitchen (and other rooms) don't hold.

To let go...find out how you can change things in the house to suit your needs or if you can paint or make it your own...that's how you can let go.

Assuming you've signed the lease, consider breaking it. What will it cost to break a lease? Talk with the landlord and see what can be done. Talk with an attorney. Since you're married it might be the law that you both sign.

If you haven't signed the lease it is not a done deal. You call and cancel the deal.

I, too, had a husband who was passive and unwilling to do anything that might cause someone to be displeased with him. He would sneak items back on the shelf rather than go to a cashier and getting his money back. I took over when the consequences were this severe. It seemed odd and caused me much anger that he was unwilling to displease someone else but was willing to make me unhappy.

Set a time limit on how long you'll accept the anger and then consciously let go of the anger by focusing on positive things. Consciously let go. Perhaps visualize putting the anger in a box and destroying the box and the anger.

I urge you to get into couples counseling to see if this pattern can be changed. If he won't go, you go so that you can either learn how to get along with this or find a way out of the marriage.

You deserve to be mad, unhappy and upset.

If you are sure YOU cannot get you all out of this lease, then at least you know you tried. it will give you some control..

Call and just see if maybe they have something else you could move to, It would still be one of their properties, just not this one.. Or see if they will shorten the lease. Maybe search for a storage shed to place in the back yard and store the things that will not fit in the house.

I agree, tell your husband he is never to make a decision like this again, without you.. Make it clear there will dire consequences if he does not follow this new agreement.

Tell him "fine, you picked this place, next year I get to choose and you don't have a say in it".

Be glad it is a lease and not a purchase. Rent a storage facility to store the things that don't fit, that you will want when the year is up and you can move on. Make a list of things you still have. Each other. your family. an income. Look around the town so you know what you can choose when the lease is up. And consider counselling if needed so that each of you feels the next place was a place you had a say in choosing. I am in the same boat, in a way. I agreed to move into a house that was built in the 40s. Charming, but the electrical outlets need more of them and with three prongs. Smaller than our old place. Less to clean though, and we will make it better. And I have the love of my husband and we are finally under one roof...

Oh man, this is a toughie for me..since I am very opinionated and usually voice my issue.

Is it possible for you to go with him to try and undo this contract?

3 cabinets? That's unthinkable...Good Luck!!!

I would speak with him and get him on board to you calling and resolving the issue.

If the security deposit is less than what you will save in rent at another place you may have to lose it...but normally they will charge a fee of x dollars and not keep the security deposit. i dont think they can legally keep the security deposit before you sign a lease...and you need to sign the lease too

That is really annoying.

Agree with him that YOU will get to pick the next house, and remember that a year will go by in a heartbeat.

Claremont, huh? Nice.

I feel for you, I am the queen of can't-let-things-go and dwelling. I know it's hard. First, let yourself feel disappointment and whatever else you feel. We are so quick to try and force ourselves to get past feelings- let them in for a short time.

But then- you do need to find some positives. This gives you a year to really figure out the next place you want to live- do tons of research and enjoy the luxury of time. Often, people buying homes have to pick one rather quickly because they have to get out of their current home. You have some time to find out what matters to you in terms of living space and neighborhood.

This gives you the opportunity to resolve this issue with your husband. If he has this personality, how can you work around it? If he's not able to negotiate things or return things, then you'll need to work together to avoid situations like this- and maybe he shouldn't shop!

And know that (I'm assuming) hubby wasn't trying to screw things up, he's just impulsive. My husband would probably do the same thing. For this reason, I usually make the big decisions. :-)

Consider this question:
Is your husband intentionally trying to hurt or harm you and your family in the decisions he makes or does he mean you ill will?

If the answer is no, then forgive him and move on. The size of a kitchen or the number of cabinets doesn't make a house a home. Your love does. Perhaps it is time to purge and simplify your life. 1 year isn't the end of the world. My current kitchen doesn't have adequate storage space. So I purchased two racks like the first link that work great. Also think of having a pot rack and that will certainly clear even more space. Under my sink I have 3 plastic stackable bins that holds all of my plastic wear. I always get the kind that nests in sizing which helps keep that space neat and manageable.

Or perhaps a bakers rack would work better for you. Any way you look at it, he probably did his best and shouldn't be slammed because he didn't maintain your standard. Encourage him by saying something like this for next time, "honey do you think that the next time we have to move we could do it together?" You aren't really asking his permission but letting him know you want to be a part of the process. Only you know the best way to communicate with your husband but a wise woman builds her house. Make this move an adventure. You will find out plenty of wonderful things about yourself and your family if you are open to the experience.
http://www.amazon.com/Seville-Classics-SHE18370B-18-Inch-...

http://www.target.com/p/baker-s-rack-with-cutting-board/-...

Start planning for next year and find a place or area you'd like to live in then. In the meantime pack what you can and only use a small amount of things to keep clutter and crowding down. Then next year be sure you go together, both of you, to look for the new place.
We had to live in a small apartment after moving out of a huge home while our new home was built. I thought I would not make it but the year went fast and it really was not as bad as I thought. We did eat out a lot with little cabinet space and not much room to eat at a table. We made it and so will you. Try not to think about the 'what could have been' idea and think of plans for what you'll do in a year. Have a garage sale and get rid of things you find out you don't even need. You'll be surprised how many things you can't fit in this house that you don't even really need. Be glad your husband found a place but then realize men are often like this about homes, cars, etc., etc. We, women, are usually more able to look around for the bargains and find what we need. Let it go. Be happy for a year.

Step back and look at the bigger picture. Is it really going to be the end of life as you know it if you have to live in this space for the lease term? Hubby probably thought it was a deal and a money saver long term. Who knows why husbands do some of the things they do. Look at it as temporary and make the best of the situation. It might not be your first choice, but ask yourself how to make it work. If you can't be happy in a small house, you can't be happy in a bigger one. Just let him know that the next place you want to be involved in selecting.