My daughter had her first lesson today (level 1 age 3) and did great. However, one of the little boys in there was not having a good time. I taught swim lessons for years. I remember there were always those who struggled, but it was an olympic pool and moms had to sit on the bleachers. No kid that I remember cried this hard or this long. The pool we go to is a very small pool and parents sit all around and are very close to the kids. The teacher had a pretty unorthadox way of dealing with the sobbing child ( to be as breif as possible, he was made to sit out on the ledge ((67 degrees out)), was repetely asked to be quiet, and could not wait in the 90 degree pool in between turns like the rest of them. Mom was aked to stop speaking to her child and it was requested of her that she leave the area and take a walk in hopes that he'd calm down, she didn't go though). When I taught, we never did it this way, i have no judgment, only that it didn't seem to work. It just got me wondering for you moms whos kids went into fits of sobs during swiming class, in retrospect what is the best way to deal with it? What would you do the same and what would you do different? FYI, the kid will go underwater, he just doesn't want to be lead by the teacher, or do anything on command. I feel sorry for the mom to a point, but really think she should have left the area, because the kid just screamed and cried the whole time for her. When class was over she threatended never to take him to another swim class. I feel bad for the kid and the mom but at the same time, it didn't make the environment great for the other kids.
I would have removed my child and left. He's not ready for the lessons, I think and was distracting to the other kids.
To me the mom was the rude one for not removing her child from the class and area so the others who paid their hard earned money could get what they needed to out of the class. A swim teacher is not there to babysit a tantrum thrower, they need to be able to give equal time to all the kids. If I was the teacher I would have not only asked the mom to leave, but would have asked her to take the child with her.
He was about 3? Good grief, I would have taken him by the hand, apologized to the teacher because he obviously wasn't ready yet, and LEFT the pool with him. And try just going to the pool with Mom for fun this summer. Next year try again someplace else. I would be so not willing for my child to throw a fit like that in public distracting the rest of the class.
Sounds like the kid wasn't ready, plain & simple. Hovering parents almost NEVER make a situation like that better, so I can understand why the teacher asker her to leave. It wasn't fair to the other kids in the class. I've had my DD in classes like that and they are NOT cheap. The parent should've used more common sense & had more sensitivity towards her own child & removed him. Either that, or the school should've recommended that maybe the child go home & try again next week. I am not a fan of forcing your kid to do things, especially when it's negatively affecting others, not mention the kid. It isn't everyone else's problem or fault that your kid isn't ready or can't handle the lessons, strangers, new environment, etc.
it's one thing to be nervous and unwilling, but sobbing and screaming? that is a child who should not be taking that class yet.
i think the mother and the teacher both could have reacted better. hope the poor little guy gets a break until he's ready.
khairete
S.
when my daughter took swim lessons with the park district in chicago there was a boy who would get upset and cry and his mom was actually allowed to get into the pool with him and do all the exercises with him - these were older kids 6-8 year old class.
I wouldn't think that would be effective and I agree it would be distracting for the other kids. I wonder what the coach's reasoning was? This seems to be punishment oriented, which I don't necessarily agree with.
I hope the mom doesn't bring him back next week.
I agree completely with Annette on this O.. What's the point? To torture your child and make him have even more horrid days? The kid was 3, for goodness sake...the mom should have taken him and left.
We started taking our son to swim classes at age 6 months. These classes, however, we parent/child classes where the instructor guided the parent through the lesson and the parent guided the child. Truth be told, I wouldn't do it any other way.
In the specific case you mentioned, I think the parent should have grabbed her child and left. The was no benefit being gained from the way it was handled.
my boys did not have screaming fits, they just did not want to do what the class was doing. They hated to get their face wet. Imagine that!! Well, the swim teacher was the sweetest lady, and she enlisted the help of her son in law, who also taught swim lessons, just not at the times that we went. He ended up helping my boys, and they were diving off the diving board by the end of summer. For us, I think it was the fact that the boys had a man for a teacher. They wouldn't do anything for the women. They were very respectful of her and liked her, they just couldn't get themselves to do what she wanted. I'm just glad that she helped us in the way she did.
I can honestly say that every kid in my child care, over 13 years, except one stopped crying almost as soon and the parent was out of sight. The one exception was a child whose mom lingered, keep trying to "comfort" their child, it was pretty annoying to all the teachers. We all know that when the parent is out of sight the kids are fine and cooperate.
This mom should have left and then came back at the end of class so the teacher could do his job and he could have let her know he is the authority figure during swim lessons and that she should listen to him. The lesson might have turned out very differently.
She was asked to stop speaking to her child? No offense to their policy, but I would've been mad if someone said that to me. My daughter cried a lot summer 2010 when we went to the pool... I carried her out of the water (I was in it) and tried to see if she would gradually get in but she started crying again. I accepted that she wasn't ready for it anymore (she was basically a fish summer 2009) and took her out and played with a ball.
This year she did swim lessons and if she had been freaking out I would've taken her out after asking her what was wrong, especially if she was crying the whole time for me. I think the swim lessons should be parent guided though or what brenna m was saying (getting in the pool wit him if he gets upset... maybe he was just scared b/c he's with strangers). I saw instructor guided lessons at the aquatic center I had mommy/me swim lessons at and the instructor was pretty short with the kids a lot. I can't judge the instructor in your situation because I don't know how they spoke to the mom or the child. They aren't there to babysit obviously, but they should at least show a little compassion. And I don't see it as me being a helicopter parent, just caring about my child and if they need me to help them feel secure then it's okay... tough love doesn't apply all the time :P
I taught lessons for years, and once a year or so, we'd get a "screamer." There is ALWAYS one of these kids, and probably before they got there, his mother told him (wait for it...), "Don't be scared, okay?" And that got the kid to thinking, "Wait! There's something to be scared of?!" Sigh. This is totally typical of about 5% of kids, I think. And the parents are all the same - freaked out, not sure if little Johnny is "ready" for lessons (eyeroll), and they tend to helicopter-parent.
That said, yes, it is the most effective way to deal with it by having the child sit or lay on the pool deck. Sobbing kids in the pool tend to inhale water, which doesn't help them or the teacher. The child's mother needs to drop him off next time, and head to Starbucks, or sit in the car, or otherwise hide so her son can't see her. I'd give the kid 3 days to get it out of his system; as long as his mother doesn't helicopter-parent during swimming lessons, he will be totally fine in a few days, and will probably be swimming by the end of the session.
Our swim instructor was the same , except making kid wait outside in the cold air. She would have never done that. If a child was throwing a fit, it was discussed with parents before , that it would be better if they leave. There were always a couple kids freaking out & the parents would leave. By the end of sessions , they always recovered & became little swimmers.
If I were her I would drop out too....that instructor just sounds mean. And the kids is obviously not ready anyhow.
My son hated swimming lessons last year...the reason....he was FREEZING. He would be sitting on the edge after his turn shaking he was so cold. He would happily go and sit by the side and dunk his feet but if they made him get in he screamed. Kids are smart at 3 they still don't have the best communication skills especially when they get upset. He was probably getting very cold sitting there waiting for his turn it's no wonder he didn't want to wait his turn. Mom knows her child best I know for my youngest my leaving would have set him off even worse. After two days of my son refusing to get in I asked if I could go in with him the next day and they said whatever it took to get him in the water. With me in the water he didn't have to get out while he waited his turn and that made a big difference for him. I think the best way to deal with the child that is afraid is to let a parent sit on the side and soak their feet in the water with the child to gradually warm them to the idea of getting in the pool. It should be slow and on the child's comfort level.
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I think if the mom had left, it would have been a much better experience for all of the children and the mother. As a former swim instructor, I would have gotten up from my seat, and asked the mom if she'd like to go for a walk. I'm sure she was upset and torn and and and... She doesn't want to see her kid cry. She doesn't want her child to disrupt the whole class. She doesn't want her child to be unhappy, but swimming lessons are a safety issue. She is embarrassed by her kid's behavior. The list goes on.
Next time, ask the mom if she'd like to take a walk and get a cup of coffee during the lesson... Help her help her kid.
LBC
