Ungrateful Spoiled Children ??

Dear B., yes sad to say this is the behavior of todays kids. I have 3 myself 14,7, and 2 1/2 and I have to remind a little more than I should have to to say Thanks.Just be firm and definitely get the sitter. You and hubby deserve some alone time w/out the 'Thankless' children. I truly can relate because there are times when I so want to go somewhere fun,for a release and they have pushed the envelope. So what do you do? Suffer or reward them and take them with- Like this pass Sunday I wanted to see "UP" but they did not deserve to go,but I ended up taking them anyway because I wanted that release. You won't win them all,but if you don't make a stand now it wil only get worse and you'll look at them and wonder"Who are these people and did I do this?"

Good Luck

I think you are expecting a little much for a 5 and 6 yr old. I have a 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 yr old so I don't know if it gets worse as they get older but I thank my 3 1/2 yr old for little things she does. I give tons of praise and that has worked for me so far. She rarely puts up a fuss if I ask her to do something. I do chore type things right along with her. I really hope this doesn't change as she gets older but maybe you are expecting too much for that age. I started a chore chart and it has basic things as making bed, brushing hair, teeth etc. When she completes the task she puts a sticker by the task. She loves that. I will be interested to hear the other ideas.
Good Luck...I know how frustrating it can be....I think we all have bad days.

B.

This is a relatively simple answer, but , CHORES with SMALL rewards for good behavior. You have to "mean business" and not repeat everything you tell them/ask them to do. Very calmly set down some new "house rules" with consequences (that you have to stick to) and privileges when work is done consistently and cheerfully. Start by doing things with them, try to make it ( the chores you expect from them on a daily basis) as normal a part of their day as possible. Make the consequences things you can live with..in other words, keep the loss of something ( a toy or an earlier bedtime) equal to the offense, and look for opportunities to reward them with praise for work well done. If they are the right age for a sticker chart or something that they can "earn" a treat, positive reinforcement works well for motivating little ones.
Trust me, if you don't intervene now, you will find it much harder to do as they get older. Also sounds like you and hubby need to get a babysitter and have a "date-night".
L.

I am a disabled mom, so going out every weekend is not even an option for me. I can't tell you from one day to the next whether I will even be able to get out of bed in the morning, which makes it very difficult to plan on Monday what we'll be doing on Saturday. Once a month we get a babysitter (we have 3 teenagers in the surrounding area to call upon. No, those days are not gone!) Since I am always home with the kids, babysitter nights are a treat in themselves. However, my kids still get upset when they have to stay with a babysitter and they know hubby and I are going somewhere they'd also like to go, like the movies. Bottom line is, if they've been rude or not doing their part in the household, they don't get to go, and I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt (anymore) about leaving them behind. Hubby and I really enjoy our time alone together (even just once a month) and the kids get so much more time out than we do just playing with their friends in the neighborhood that there's really nothing to feel guilty about. Really, how often do WE get to go ride our bikes to go hang out with our friends? I'd wager it's not nearly as much as our kids do, for any parents. My kids have gotten to go out with us for so many things, whether it's camping, movies, the park, going for ice cream, out to dinner, trips to Myrtle Beach and even Puerto Rico. We don't do these things every weekend, but we get out at least once or twice a month with the kids and I promise you I still hear "we never go anywhere or do anything fun". We just went to the Renaissance Faire YESTERDAY and my son's comment to me was "it's so close, we can go again tomorrow". It was almost a 2 hour drive. One way. My point is, you're not going to escape the sense of entitlement that kids have these days. Showing them that they don't get to set the rules but allowing them to earn a say so in their activities by doing their part gives them a sense of control and a better appreciation for working toward what they want. I also make a point of thanking them for doing their part so that the whole family can go out and have a good time together. We all had a great time at Ren Faire yesterday, but I can tell you, if the kids had not behaved well all week, I would not have gone without them. I would have done the typical dinner and movie, or something similar, instead. This way they know that their actions affect everyone in the household. They are much more grateful now that they know these outings are a privilege that must be earned and they can be taken away in a heartbeat.

Oh, the joys of motherhood....:) B., the truth is, moms who don't experience this kind of behavior are in the very fortunate minority. It's part and parcel of the price tag for living in a safe, secure and wealthy nation, where society encourages us to give, give, give to our children. We love our children, so we're happy to oblige. And thus the entitlement trap is set.

But our children's expectations don't diminish as they age; in fact, the list of wants and needs grows faster than their shoe sizes. And they rarely grow a grateful heart along with permanent teeth. Controlled expectations and gratitude are skills that must be cultured and nurtured over time, preferably in a loving environment just like the one your family offers to your girls, so keep trying. (And although child psychologists probably won't say so, I'm convinced that personality traits really do provide the most important component inthe gratitude equation; some folks are just naturally more inclined to feel gratitude than others, including little children!)

In fact, the only thing I see wrong with the scenario you've described is that you're the only one who is paying the price for the failure of your girls to step up to the plate. Dad's not suffering; he's off on a bike ride. The girls aren't suffering; they're enjoying the sunshine outdoors. And I know just how you feel, because that's the way things often seem to work around my house, too!!!

So, at the risk of sounding like the dirty fork telling the dirty spoon to jump into the dishwasher, here is what I think you should do:

Sit down with the girls and tell them what is expected of them during the coming week. Set three or four goals (not too many for this age, of course) that might include feeding the cat each day, cleaning their rooms, etc. On Thursday, review how well the girls have met their goals for the week. If they're on target, go ahead and plan a fun family outing.

If not, call a babysitter. Go out with your husband and have a great time, guilt-free, just the two of you....knowing that the girls had every opportunity to be part of the fun and will have other opportunities in the future. You may well be able to enjoy a meal at a restaurant not kid-friendly enough to frequent with the girls, or see a great suspense-thriller movie that would not have been possible to see as a family.

If a babysitter is a problem, divide up the free time between yourself and your husband. Let dad have a long morning bike ride, and maybe a free afternoon to drive across town and check out the new bike shop he's been wanting to visit or something like that. He'll probably be thrilled to have a whole day to himself, to do fun things. Then, that evening, you go out to dinner with a couple of girlfriends. When's the last time you had a great, relaxed evening in the company of other moms who can laugh with you about your life? These outings are just good for the soul, and refresh and recharge us as women, wives and moms.

Try this a few times and see whether you see an improvement, even a small one....

And, remember, this motherhood thing is a process, which keeps evolving over time as we change and our children change and our interaction with them changes and our family circumstances change...We do the best we can, at any given moment, and keep tweaking things until we find something that works. But it's unrealistic to expect perfection of ourselves in this area...so stop beating yourself up, and don't feel guilty if your girls miss out on a great opportunity or two. Sometimes children learn more from missed opportuntities than from things they have but don't appreciate.

:)

You are not alone! My boys are 8 & 5 and we have the same issues. Make your weekend activities a reward system for them. Make a chore/behavior chart for the week and establish how many of the items need to be done before they are rewarded. Remember most kids at their ages still need help and guidance to complete the tasks you have listed. Your expectations may be too high but only you can know that based on your children's maturity & capabilities. At five & six they are so looking for control, not necessarily intentionally being rude.
Also find a babysitter! If your children do not do what they'vd been asked and you take away their reward...call the babysitter and you and your husband go out! It will be good for both of you and them. Good luck!

You're absolutely not asking to much of them. I have a 3 1/2 year old who is very capable of picking up his own toys and brushing his teeth and getting dressed on his own. And by 6 I assume he will put his dishes in the dishwasher himself too.

I think you need to make a chore list of what's expected from them every day. Pick the family day activity as a family every Monday. Set a number that you feel the activity is worth and then award them points or tokens to earn for their chores to have the Sunday activity. For example feeding the cat could be 1 token, cleaning their room is one token, etc. Then going to the movies is 20 tokens. I would give a little room for uncompleted chores at that age but if they are mostly consistent through the week then they are rewarded with a trip to the movies.

Also, in the instance they don't earn their tokens don't go out or find a sitter for the selected child who doesn't complete their chores and the rest of you go out. You should definitely set up a weekly date night for you and your husband to get out regardless, it will help you connect as a couple and give you a much needed break. That way you won't feel bummed out when you have to stay home if they don't complete their end of the responsiblilties.

Hang in there and good luck!

I think the previous poster had a great idea in suggesting the date night. I would suggest making plans that you can all enjoy but let them know at the beginning of the week what the plans are and what they have to do to earn the privelage of going. If they do not follow through on their part then get a sitter and leave them at home and the 2 of you go out instead. Hopefully they will not like being left behind and will start doing what you request so they can join in the fun.

You are NOT alone! I really like the post about cutting back on the frequency of going out and doing more at home... and the outings will be more meaningful. That's what we do. My idea for curbing bad behavior was a bean jar. I have two tiny mason jars with beans in them. One is the "beans waiting" jar and one is the "happy beans" jar. My almost 5 year old really responds to this one. If I see him doing something really nice, or if he does what he's asked the first time I ask, or does NOT whine at a time when he usually would, he gets a bean. I also take beans out for the opposite behavior. He has to transfer all the beans before he gets something special. Ours takes weeks to accomplish (40 beans) and when he gets his something special, it really means something.

I also included him in the whole process. I told him what I was thinking, he agreed, then we went to the store to buy some beans. I was thinking kidney beans, but he chose white beans... he got to choose - that's the point. He also gets to transfer the beans. His involvement is important and meaningful to him, and it reinforces the lesson. Good luck.

Hi, B.,
I feel for you!
It sounds like you and your hubby could use some time for yourself to recharge your batteries. That way it gets a little bit easier to deal with the kids.
How about if you get a babysitter once a week (or how often you need it) and do something just with your husband?
It works wonders for the soul.
Afterwards you feel stronger and have more patience to deal with the kiddie issue.
This is just an idea and I hope whatever you try will work for you.
Take care of yourself!

You are honest and I truly appreciate your message. Have struggled with this myself, so you are not alone. Your children are so blessed and this generation has many privileges that others have not. Even in the midst of a troubled economy, many have not felt the pain so many of our countrymen and women are experiencing. Unfortunately, our children are probably still too young to do many service oriented activities that will allow them to see the differences up close and personal. But, they can serve within their family. Charity starts at home. We try to regularly visit an infirmed family elder and have the children sing, read, and perform for her. She is so happy to see them, it makes a huge difference in her day and I'm seeking more opportunities like that. If your relatives are not here, you can find opportunities maybe at your church or in your neighborhood where they can clean up. The lesson is that charity starts at home, and we all make a difference. Life is more than just our own pleasure. We all have responsibility. Your children will grumble because they are children who do not know what it's like to have nothing. Parenting is teaching and teaching is repeating until learning takes place. Your children are very young and may not understand what you mean until they are grown. But, don't give up. Keep pressing. Don't get upset, though I do sometimes, too. Don't let your pride get in the way of the fact that they have not lived the years you have yet. Be the example, continue teaching, and continue balancing family time with life lessons.

Hello

Check out the website love and logic. Some of there techniques have helped me. I like the one I am not having fun anymore lets go. It works. You might having crying children but after a few times they get the idea. Just be consistent and don't give them warnings. Another idea would be to have them pay for a babysiter while you go out if during the week they were rude. Hope this helps. Good luck and they are not to young to correct the rudeness and impolite manners. http://www.loveandlogic.com/articles.html#all

Well it does sound like the girls are a little spoilt, but only by your desire to give them a good time. It could well be that they don't want to go out. That after a week at school all they want to do is play at home. My daughter loved going out every weekend and seeing new places. We had moved to Northern California and wanted to see the whole area.

Our Grandson has no desire to go out and see places. He wants to be out with his friends playing and riding his bike. He does not want to spend his time visiting places he really has little interest in. Sometimes we take him anyway and he does enjoy it but on the return journey he always wants to know the time. He then calculates how long he has left to play out until he is required to come home. ( We live in rural France so he is able to go around the village without us having to supervise his every move). Your saying that the girls are happily playing outside I think sums it up.

Five and six is still rather young for some of the chores you want them to perform. It seems like the girls are not grateful and are too young to pretend to be. Rudeness of course is another issue. But that is part of the age, they need to find out how much they can get away with.

Find out if you can what they really want to do. Just play is a very important part of growing up. You may have to put off going out until they are ready. Family fun days at home may be the answer.

You are definitely not alone, and I don't think your kids are spoiled or ungrateful, I think they are like most kids today where the parens can just provide more, so they do. I also think kids are like adults, and sometimes just dont "FEEL" like doing it. If that makes sense. Sometimes I let a load of laundry sit in the dryer for a couple of days because I dont feel like it, and if someone tells me to do something, I am just stubborn enough that I won't do it. And if they are used to doing fun things, it is just the norm for them - not something special. Even though it is special. Have you tried sitting down and talking to them and explaining that they are lucky to have the things that they do and do the things they do, and they need to appreciate it? I think this is such a hard thing to teach. As far as the "thank you," "please," etc....that is just something you have to keep at - as annoying as it is. And no parents are perfect by any means - but you are doing a great job that you are sticking to your guns!! Keep it up and things will get easier :).

I think it's probably mostly the age, they all go through this to one extent or another. However, it does sound like maybe your girls have it a little too good, which I think we can all agree isn't really good for children. They do need to learn those lessons about delayed gratification and gratitude after all. I would suggest that you find a way for you and your husband to have your own fun. Get a babysitter and go to a movie, just the two of you. Leave the girls behind. This is also good for them. They need to see that a marriage needs nurturing and time to be alone together. Showing them a healthy marriage independent of anything else (meaning that your marriage is healthy all by itself with nothing else holding it together) is really very good for them.

Also, if you can work this out then your fun won't be dependent on the girls' behavior and you can finally get serious about discipline.

Do you know about--CARITAS (Congregations Around Richmond Involved To Assure Shelter) caritasshelter.org

Our church is involved and hosts CARITAS a few times a year. (We usually host families so we get to see the children) I took both my 4 and 7 year old to serve a meal one night and you can stay and play games. But you see what little they have, everything they have.... clothes belongings have to fit in 1 plastic tub. The clildren might have 1 toy each.

Thake your kids to see some homeless children.

How about if they don't do their chores etc. then you two get a sitter and go do something for yourselves! you should be doing that once a week anyway just to keep your sanity!
good luck!

B.,

Sorry for your disappointing weekend. My suggestion would be this.. Plan your weekends and have your girls earn the fun activities through the week by helping with chores, getting dressed, brushing teeth, going to bed on time,etc. Make a little check sheet and have them mark/stamp/sticker it when they complete each task that is expected of them. Maybe they have to earn 90% of checks/stamps or such. If they don't earn it, then they don't earn it. Perhaps you and your husband can plan a date night instead if you have access to a sitter. I bet it won't be many weekends that they miss the activity and hopefully you won't be so frustrated pestering them to help. It helps to set the expectation that these special weekend activities aren't a given. They are earned by doing the things that are expected. Good Luck!

You are not alone. Many of us go through this all the time. But in my house the words "thank you" don't need to be spoken to know that they appreciate things, it is the way that the act and the attitude. In my opinion, that speaks volumes!! My kids "earn" the trips to the movies etc by doing household chores. They have one week to do them and have the same chores each week. two of my kids are older but I do have a 6 year old who loads his dishes in the dishwasher. I have the after dinner chore broken down into: clear the table, load the dishwasher and wipe down the table and the counters. Three kids, three chores. That chore isn't on their weekly list because they are expected to do it daily. I cook, so they have to clean.

You should look into getting a baby sitter. There are local teenagers out there looking to make some money. Also, many places offer "parents night out". There is a place in Haymarket and one in Leesburg and I am sure that there are many more out there!! You could take advantage of one of those places and go out just you and your husband!! Also, your kids may want to just stay at home. My kids are so busy that there are days they tell me that they don't want to go to the movies etc, they just want to stay at home and play with their friends. Maybe take a break from the trips and just spend some family time at home. Good luck.

Hi B.,

I know you didn't get to go the movies, but you absolutely did the right thing. Next time, though, you should tell them what the punishment will be or tell them what they will miss if they don't do what you ask (if you didn't already). That's all you have to do and make it realistic and consistent. They'll get it eventually. You might be staying home more :( but you will be in charge.

I'm always having conflicts with my 6 year old, but I step back and think "what will hurt most?" Man, does it hurt when they apologize and cry and all you want to do is take back what you said, but you can't. They've got to know who makes the rules and they've got to learn not to take you or those trips for granted.

You pretty much answered your own questions and know what it is has to be done. You yourself said that you guys go places even if they've been bad. That right there tells you that you know you shouldn't be. Maybe give them a '3 strikes, you're out' rule during the week(between the 2, not each). Make sure you tell them what you expect from them--they're old enough to understand. Write it down, keep a chart, whatever. Chores, picking up when you're told, brush your teeth when you're told (that's a tough one in my house). If they deviate 3 times, they don't go.

Get a sitter and leave them home!

I have a friend who one day told her daughter if she couldn't ask politely for things and say thank you that she had to wait five minutes, come back and try again. She gave her a formula, to say "Excuse me Person's Name (mom) may I please have __." She did not get any snacks, TV, etc. unless she followed that formula. In ONE DAY her daughter learned to be consistently polite. Kids will do whatever we let them get away with, I know, when I firm up with my son, things get better! He's three and I work on tone of voice with him. He sometimes has to ask for things four times (I calmly say "try again"), but you know what, now he'll start a sentence cranky and end it pleasantly because he's more tuned in to how he sounds. Do not let them battle with you. If I ask my son to do something and he doesn't I simply say, "Then I won't be willing to do things for you today either" and nine times out of ten he takes a minute and then quietly does what I've asked. GOOD LUCK!!

Hi B.,

No, all kids aren't rude. You have to do exactly what did and put your foot down!! Short term you could hire a sitter to stay home with them while you and your hubby go out. Or you could have an 'at home date night', put kid to bed or at least into their rooms, watch a movie etc, alone.

Long term sounds like you need to lay out the rules and expectations more clearly for your kids. Maybe a chore/behavior chart and then they 'earn' outings and treats. Sounds like it will be a big change for them so expect some balking at first but stay firm. If you let this keep going in the 'brat' direction can you imagine them as teens?? Yikes! Good luck!
S.

In an area like this, where there's a lot to offer kids, it's so easy for them (and us as parents) to take outings for granted! I agree that you and you husband need to get out without the kids - easier said than done, since I find getting a babysitter is very difficult without family in the area (gone are the days of local teenagers looking to babysit). Anyway, do check with other local moms for babysitters. But here's another tactic too:

You have a chore chart and reward system in the making here. You listed chores you want your girls to do -- Well, with your husband on board, and involving the girls themselves, make a chart for each girl (making chore charts has been discussed in other threads on Mamasource in the past so you could look there) and talk with them about the rewards you and they can agree they really want.

First, the chores -- I don't think it's too much to have them put their dishes in the dishwasher and have them feed the cat (maybe taking that in turns, one morning, one evening) but "clean your room" is too vague and overwhelming for kids this age, so break that down into maybe one small chore per week, such as "put your clothes into the hamper each day." Don't put too many chores on a chart -- you can add more later. Think hard about your kids and what they're really capable of so the chores are reasonable and achievable. Make the chore chart an exciting "you're so grown up, that's why we're doing this" thing. And make the rewards something they really want -- like another mom said, they may not really care about movies if they go so often, but they may agree that a good weekly reward is getting ice cream and a good monthly reward is going to a museum one Saturday (research great exhibits they'd like). If they don't get their chores done they don't get the reward that week, etc. With two kids, you may find it tougher to do this as they probably need different chores and might want different rewards, and it's unfair to deny a reward to the one who does her chores if the other one doesn't get chores done. You may have to work through how to do that -- and believe me, if one sister heads out the door with mom for the movies or museum while the other stays home reminded that "maybe next time you can try again and complete your chore chart," it should have an effect. But keep the chores doable, be very positive and consistent, remind them calmly every day for a while, and give it a try.

First off...WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD!! lol...I have three kids myself (16, 13, 11) and it's like pulling teeth to get them to do anything. I feel like I bend over backwards to do things for them but they can't seem to put their shoes away to help me!! The only advice I can give is that you just have to keep at it. Maybe don't take away the activity, because it seems everyone benefits from it and you don't want to seperate your family (husband out riding, you by yourself, girls outside playing), but maybe delay the activity until the girls do what you want them to do. After awhile it really will stick. The girls will realize they aren't going to get "fun time" until their chores are done. Good Luck!!

do not reward bad behavoir hire a babysitter go to the movies and tell the kids until your behavoir changes no more fun. you and your husband go. set the ground rules room clean respect for you and your husband. good luck

you are definatly not alone my daughter is the same way I tell he this is not for you this is for me you are just along for the ride sometimes I even take her to activies but make her sit them out if she has not behaved that week because my husband feels that she should be in her room if she has not behaved but I love to do the kiddy things with other moms and there is nothing like seeing your children smile ...... when they are all grown up they will look back and see what a wonderfull childhood experience you provided for them .... after I had my daghter I called my mom and appoligized for the way I was when I was young and thanked her for loving me unconditionally and providing me with a wonderfull child hood

L.

I am sympathetic. My five year old has become very demanding of things I always saw as "treats." If we go out to eat lunch after school one day, she will ask to do it again every day for the next two weeks and whine and complain and sulk when we don't go.

I think it is a little bit of the age, but I also think that is my fault for equating fun/treats with spending money. I do not feel guilty in the least that my child has nice things or that we spend money on her. We work hard and are principled - we have chores, focus on being a good friend, make cards and gifts from scratch, etc. But I think that the message is confusing for kids because they don't understand how we work and where the money comes from. Dailey life (chores, school, etc.) costs nothing, but the fun stuff (ice cream, eating out, etc.) we pay for. Personally, I think I need to do better at making the more mundane activites seem valuable and finding fun stuff that doesn't cost.

What I try to fucos on is the activity and the giving of time by the family to the family and not the money part. So, I try to scheule activities with my daughter - "It will be nice to spend time with Daddy this weekend, what shall we do?" And I try to come up with things that involve not just the end result - so we go for a walk and have a picnic at the end. We rent movies but make a pizza at home. If we go somewhere I pack a lunch not just eat out. And I focus on asking the girls to say thank you not just in the normal polit way, but to make an exagerated effort like "Tell Daddy thank you for driving us all the way out to the farm today" or "Can you say thanks to mom for doing the dishes tonight?" I try to not buy memorabillia but make a project for her - instead of buying a t-shirt at a museum, I might suggest taking a family photo and making a scrapbook page together.

So basically, I focus on putting some effort in to the activity as a family... even though, frankly, that is not even what I feel like doing. And I concur, go out with your husband or individually and make a point of telling the kids tha tMommy wants to go do something by herself or Mommy and Daddy have a date.

Have you thought about making the weekend trips an earned reward? Set up a behavior/chore chart and tell them they have to have so many points, or stickers or whatever, or they don't go. Then if they don't earn it, get a sitter and you and your husband go. This may help them see that their behavior negatively affects their fun. That is my only suggestion. We still sometimes fight that battle with our 6 and 12 year old. We will have a good run, where they are using manners and are well behaved, then a few days (or weeks) of not so great behavior. Remember, they are learning how to interact with you and the world. You are their teacher in life. If you don't say thank you, they won't. I am not saying you don't... I find myself forgetting to thank them for completing a task or getting something for me. We all need to practice. :)

Hire a babysitter, and go out without them. Tell them why you are doing it. Don't fall for the fake apologies, and have fun.

No, you're not expecting too much of them at all. I can't blame you for being frustrated. One thing I'd do is get a sitter so you and DH can go out and leave the kids home. You don't have to lose your fun without rewarding them for bad behavior. They're old enough to sit down with them and tell them that from now on you ask once, remind the second time and the third time there's a consequence. Take away play time, television, video games, computer time, family fun time, etc.

You can also make a chore chart or a behavior chart that shows them what is expected (without asking) and is a visual reminder of their behavior. You can find free ones to print online.

I'm afraid I haven't read through all of the posts, so please forgive me if this is a repeat of something that has already been said. I wonder if it is worthwhile to bring in a babysitter sometimes so your husband and you can enjoy a night out while the kids have to stay at home if they misbehave.
Also, I think it would be good to make sure you set your expectations for them up front (clean your room once a week, put the dirty dishes away after every meal, say thank you and please as appropriate, whatever), and if they don't do as you ask, then put a mark on a calendar. After so many marks, then they lose some kind of privilege. And maybe remove marks if they do something kind and unexpected.

It has been my experience with children of 5 and 6 (I am a mother of two daughters and grandmother of 6) that they do need frequent reminding and you also need to be with them when you want them to clean their room or do other chores. Just telling them to clean their rooms can be a bit overwhelming for them because they don't know where to start and they get interested in other things so quickly and easily. Also, as to not being grateful when you do all the "family" things that you do. It sounds to me like you are the one that is tired of being home and you want to go off and whoop it up. Perhaps your husband who is gone all day and works long hours, as well as your kids would like to stay home and have some family time there. Five and 6 year olds can learn to plant flowers and seeds and with a small watering can and a trowel, take care of their own pumpkins or watermelons, marigolds or whatever. Also. outings are nice, but every weekend??? How about making those outings a lot more special by making them less frequent? I would think that going on a pic-nic would be fun or spending some time at a park where you actually get on the swings with your daughters would be nice. Rent a canoe and take a quiet paddle on a lake or quiet stream. Have your movie nights at home and make popcorn. Let the kids help. Perhaps you could arrange sleepovers with another Mom so you and your husband could go out alone, and they could go out too when you watch their kids.
I would think that making family time less frenetic and overwhelming could help. Also, the frequency of your outings makes it almost sound like another day at work or school.
Find chores for your kids to do that will help you that they can be good at. One grandson is great at emptying trashcans,a granddaughter is wonderful at cleaning mirrors and dusting and an older grandson is a great vacuumer. I have had them ask me what else they can do to help.
You were their ages once...what did you like to do? What were you good at? Did your mom teach you things by letting you help? Did someone teach you to crochet or knit at that age and help you make simple projects? Have you asked your husband what he would like to do? I think that it is pretty clear that both your husband and kids need some unstructured time...playing happily outside and going for a bike ride??? That seems like a clue to me.

Hi B.,
You are not alone. A lot of kids these days seem to have more and more things, activities, etc, that they don't seem to appreciate it. I have a 9 yr old, who seemed to be just the same way when he was the age of your girls, and here is what we did to nip it in the bud. I created a star chart, with tasks and behavior items.
1. Do what you are asked, when you are asked
2. Being polite
3. Brushing teeth, Other items that seemed to be problem areas, etc.
Well, I hung this chart on the wall, with lines going down one side with the tasks, and columns for each day of the week. When my son did a task on point, I gave him a star. When he did something that was not so good, I took one away. At the end of the week, if he had earned the pre determined amount of stars, he got a reward. That could be the trip to the amusement park, or whatever you have planned. If not, you have to stick to the child NOT getting the reward. If you give in, they will think that whatever they do, or don't do, they will still get rewarded. Consistancy is the key.
Also, timeouts work very well for us too. 1 minute for each age. I even put my 2 yr old in timeout. I learned that from watching Supernanny, and beleive me, it works!

I hope these tips help!