Ungrateful Kid!!! Ggggrrrrhhhhh!!!!

He'll evolve-just keep being patient and instructional-he'll get it-he is still very young for the concept of gratitude.

Take things away and make him earn them back. He will learn to respect how hard it is to obtain things and he will appreciate them more when he gets them.

Also, make him earn money for things he wants. If it's an expensive item, offer to match him dollar for dollar, but he has to earn 1/2 of the cost.

And next year at birthday time, let him know that this year you'll be giving him a present so there won't be a party.

Also, take him to volunteer at a homeless shelter. I know when I was a kid, I had NO IDEA that there were homeless children out there. Expose him to that so he can start appreciating the things he's taking for granted.

He DOESN'T grasp how hard you work for what you have. How could he? He's seven.

As far as the party being the present.... I wouldn't threaten him with no party next year.... that's pretty aggressive and will not make him understand, it will just make him know that he still won't get any presents. And he won't really understand what he did to make you angry... when he was just pointing out a fact, as he saw it.

Starting when I had my daughter make "lists" for occasions, I started talking with her about budgeting. "Make sure you have items that are different SIZES when she was young and then PRICES when she was older". So that people can pick what fits into their budget.

By the time she was 9.... she knew what my budget was for her birthday..... how would she like to help determine how it was spent? You can have THIS kind of party and I can also get you the sweatpants you want. Or you can have THIS kind of party and I can get you sweatpants, a shirt and converse. or you can have THIS kind of party and that will use all of the money allocated to your birthday.

Same thing with buying clothes. By 4th grade I took CASH with me to the store to buy seasonal clothes. SHE got to help determine how it was spent.... if we spend this amount of money on jeans from THIS store, that only give us THIS much left for the rest. If you want THESE boots you don't have enough for a coat. etc.

There was one year that she wanted clothes from Abercrombie. Ok - well, let's see how much $200 will buy you. She didn't want sale clothes. She wanted ONLY Abercrombie. I COULD have yelled at her or told her she was ungrateful. Instead we went to Abercrombie and spent $200. On 5 items.
We didn't even make it out of the mall and she had figured it out. That was ALL she was getting. Until SPRING. Back to Abercrombie. Where she explained to the salesperson she had made a budgeting mistake and would need to return the clothing.

THAT is how kids learn to understand money and how it's spent.

I also have friends from all different soci-economic statuses. If all your son ever sees are people who are EXACTLY like you.... he won't learn that people are different. So, some days we were at my friend A's house. where all 3 kids slept in one room and we had peanut butter and jelly and each kid only ever got ONE gift from their parents. Some days we were at my friend B's house. Where each kid has their own room, with their own bathroom. And they got TONS of presents. And it also let her know that some kids get different amounts. So my daughter got to see that either way was ok. It didn't mean one friend loved her kids less.
Unless your son has been exposed to people who have more and people who have less.... he CAN'T understand.

When I was a kid I had to walk ten miles to school, through the snow, uphill, both ways...
Don't you know that NO generation of children REALLY appreciates what they have until they grow up and LEARN IT FOR THEMSELVES?
And EVERY generation of parents believes they were wonderful, appreciative, respectful children?
So he commented about getting a party and no presents from you. Just shrug it off and say, yep, the party was our gift to you, it was fun wasn't it?
I'm not sure why you're so negative about the tiny house for a good school, that sounds like a compromise most parents would be willing to make, and playdates, time with family and friends, it sounds like a good life to me, something YOU should be grateful for.
If you want to teach him the value of a dollar then start giving him the opportunity to earn and save for the little extras he wants, but don't expect him to understand or appreciate your sacrifices until he is much, much older.

He's seven.

At seven he does not have any concept of how you sacrificed by getting a tiny house so he could go to a good school. He doesn't know that his school is good or bad or anything -- it's just school and he doesn't comprehend that it ranks better than the one a few blocks away. He has no concept of your family income. He does not fully understand just how your jobs put food on the table; why should he grasp that idea when he is too young to have had to work or go hungry if he doesn't work? He is too young to know that adults sacrifice things for him. And you can tell him that all you like but it is a lesson we all learn only with experience, and the experience is a long, long way off for him. In other words, I think it's unrealistic to expect a seven-year-old to grasp any of the things you bring up like your house or his good school, etc. To him playdates and trips are part of his normal life, not special stuff. And that is OKAY. We adults make sacrifices so our kids can have a good education, good experiences on trips, a good home.

The key is to work on gratitude on a level he can comprehend. When he said "You only gave me a party, others gave me presents," did you get angry or did you just say matter-of-factly, "The party WAS your present. Next year we can just skip a party, then, and get a present instead." That will get his attention for sure. And do just that -- next year tell him up front, you can have a party or you can have a present from us. Pick one.

Have him earn things. If he wants to visit a particular place for a play date, like an arcade, put the play date far enough away that he has time to wash some floors, do dishes x times or whatever chores will earn him X dollars to use in the arcade, for instance. That's just one example, but there are lots of ways to have him earn at least parts of fun things he does.

Have him do regular chores around the house --NOT for money but because those chores must be done for the household to function for everyone, not just him. I don't like allowances tied to chores because I think it pays the child for a task that must be done for the entire household's sake.

Have him volunteer, as someone else said. Be sure he sees why and for what he's volunteering and understands that some kids his age have much less than he does (but don't talk to him about it over and over or he will stop hearing you). Does his school have any form of charity drives? Do they collect winter coats for the local homeless shelters, or Toys for Tots, or "pennies for patients" programs where money goes to children's hospitals? If there are zero charity drives at his school, you could go to the PTA and volunteer to organize some -- there are lots of charities around and lots of ways schoolkids can help them (my daughter's school does all the above as well as canned food drives). That would get him involved in volunteering with his peers.

It sounds like you're mostly angry over the party comment and you do have good reason to be angry over that. But take a breath and realize that he is being seven; he does not have enough life experience to really understand that he has it better than so many kids, and he can't be blamed for not having that experience. Start giving him more chances to earn things he wants and to give to the community.

Kids don't generally learn by osmosis or from the ice-cold look of shock you probably gave him when he complained about his birthday. We have to tell them what's up...and explain it in a way that they understand.

Kids need to understand where money comes from, and where it goes. My boys know that we have bills. BIG bills (mortgage, vehicle, insurance, utilities, food) that MUST be paid before anything else can be purchased. They understand that sometimes we just don't have the money to buy things, or sometimes we only have the money to buy something that isn't very expensive.

These are lessons that are taught over time. They're taught when you go shopping (does he know how much a gallon of milk costs? Or a container of laundry detergent?). When you're paying the bills ("Son,did you know that we spent $_____ on electricity this month? That's $_____ every hour! WOW! I'll bet we can turn off a few lights or the TV and save some money this month...what do you think?"). And when you can't afford birthday gifts because you're paying for the party ("Okay, son, if you want to go to this location for your party, it's going to cost $_____. Which means that we can't afford to buy you presents because we're paying for the cake, the food, the goody bags, and the play-place. I'm sure you'll get really nice presents from your friends and family though...which reminds me, we need to get some 'Thank You' cards too. Are you sure you want to have the party at _______?").

I understand that it can be tough...but it kind of comes with the age. Just keep on using real-life as a teaching tool and understand that he WILL learn gratitude so long as you work on it with him over time. He won't just "get it" right away, but he will eventually.

Not for nothing, but your child is ONLY SEVEN YEARS OLD. He's still learning. Gratitude and appreciation are things that must be learned, and it's a concept that many, many, many adults have trouble with. You're demanding an awful lot of a child his age. It's not a matter of nipping it in the bud, but being patient with him enough to teach and be consistent in the lessons.

These aren't easy concepts. We're selfish by nature, and children are the most selfish little creatures on the face of the planet. Plus he's ONLY SEVEN and he frankly has every right to feel selfish about certain things. Maybe this morning he didn't phrase something correctly, but he was asking you why guests at his party gave him gifts but you and his father didn't. He doesn't see the party as a birthday gift in and of itself, and why should he? He's seven.

I do think that you need to lighten up a little bit and relax your expectations on where your son should be developmentally regarding selfishness and gratitude. This is a work in progress, trust me. I'm in various stages of it myself with all three of my daughters. They each show wonderful strides forward and then two steps back. But then again, so does my husband.

When you tell your child that you didn't have all he has, and try to impress on him how much you sacrifice for his sake, he doesn't learn to be grateful. Instead, he learns to be resentful, feel guilty and to complain. Because that what you are modeling to him and children learn by our example. I found this out the hard way.

You can teach your child to notice what you do for him and be grateful by catching him doing good things and showing gratitude for it. Tell him how much you enjoy spending time with him and your family. Quit trying to please him or get him to appreciate you. Instead, watch for those moments when he does the right thing and call it out. Both you and he will be grateful for it.

Reading Laura Ingles Wilder's "The Long Winter" was a good book to teach gratitude and inequities. Read a few pages at night together and have some frank discussions on appreciation, yours and his.

What do you do?

I really like Leigh's suggestion of "The party WAS your present. Next year we can just skip a party, then, and get a present instead." Jo is right--kids don't really *get it* that the party cost money and your time and is not something he can 'hold'.

For other instances~ Wait a beat and then just say calmly "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." Then, keep on doing whatever you were doing. Don't engage any further, because at this point, the conversation is only going to go downhill. You can't make him understand 'gratitude' if he is already mad and feeling selfish... all he can see is his own anger that he didn't get what he want.

Next, stop trying to please him. He's a child. He could have 1,000 of everything and it still wouldn't be enough. Please believe me, I know this! I see it all the time.

I don't know what place you are starting from with your son, however, I want to ask-- does he do some chores around the house? He *should* be helping the family at this age. Here's a link to a site with chores which are appropriate for seven year olds:

http://www.chores-help-kids.com/age-appropriate-chores.html

When he finishes his chores or helps out with something, be sure YOU are modeling your gratitude with a 'thank you'. I would also recommend some allowance at this age. (Love and Logic has some good advice on allowance, fyi.) My son is five and he receives a dollar a week -- this is so he can learn how to save and spend money wisely. He is expected to do his self-care tasks, set the table, help with the recycling/trash and put his laundry away. Those are the basics. THEN, he can earn extra money for 'above and beyond' jobs like folding the kitchen linens and helping with vacuuming. (For his level of ability and for our house, these are the best options) When he whines for a toy, we remind him that he can save his allowance; when he wishes he had more money, we remind him that he does have opportunities to earn more. When the weather's better, I can also give him extra work in the yard. In summer, he can have a garage sale to sell toys he's outgrown. (we did this the past two years, now)

I have, on a few occasions when Kiddo's ugly ungratefulness is showing, just told him (calmly and matter-of-fact like-- it's important not to be mad) "You know, Daddy and I work hard so we can all have a good life. I'm sorry you are disappointed, and none of us get everything we want, either. I'd love your cheerful company, but if you are going to be a grump, you may go play in your room. I'm not interested in you trying to make me feel bad because you don't want to work to get what you want. That's about you, not me."

That clears things up pretty quickly. Empower them, then let them deal with the responsibility that comes with it.

Lastly, if you want to take him to do something hands-on, have him start volunteering with you at the local food bank. Take him to buy clothes for people in need, even if it's just socks and toothbrushes to drop off at the shelter. I do want to say, though, that the parents do have to model the gratitude as much as possible, so be sure you are also vocal in front of the kids in how much you appreciate what your husband is doing when he helps you too. I like to give my guy a hug and a kiss, and tell him 'thanks for working so hard for us' in front of Kiddo. We try to set a 'tone of gratitude' in our home.

stop trying to please him, when kids live a life of things that have not be "gotten" for them and expected. They start to learn what it is they might be missing. I think that if your going to give your child everything they want, when they want it. You have to also deal with ungratefulness. It goes hand in hand. Might want to ground him (when I say this I do not mean the punishment) and get some reality life lessons by volunteering with homeless and disaster relief. Gives a different perspective for growing children that do not have to fight for everything they own. its also just age.

I agree with Jo W.

He is a kid...at only 7y/o at that. Kids want presents on their birthdays, there is nothing wrong with that!

I say again, he is *only* 7! He is NOT being ungrateful, he is being 7!
Eventually he will get gratitude, I promise. In the mean time, if it bothers you that much, it never hurts to have a chat about what comes out of his mouth, just be kind when doing so. it would be *WAY* over the top to start in on him about 'how ungrateful' he is sounding because he will not fully understand what you are saying and it will just make him sad and probably embarrassed.

For the record, his question about why he didn't get any actual gifts from you and just the party was a valid one, IMO. I am sure he is used to getting gifts from you, not getting them was probably very weird to him. Most parents I know (my sister included) tells her kids up front, "You can have a 'friend party' with all the whoopla OR gifts, your choice. But keep in mind the party will be our gift to you". Maybe next time you could just address this with him if you do not plan on actually getting him anything to un-wrap? Not to dis my sister or you, but I could NEVER have my child's b-day come and NOT buy them *something* to unwrap....b/c it's their b-day and kids want PRESENTS!!! :)

I have a 7y/o (just turned 7 in Oct.) and we had to have a nice chat about being/sounding grateful when opening gifts. Nothing major, just a little chat about how important it is to say 'Thank You' even if you are a lil' disappointed. **All my boys have b-days in Oct. so we have a lil' family party w/my in-laws all at once for all the boys. This year the boys turned 21, 18, 9 & 7 and Grandpa suggested they open gifts one at a time going from oldest to youngest, in a circle. Which was fine.....EXCEPT...they got both the 9 & 7 y/o's all matching gifts, so when the 7y/o (being last) went to open his presents, he knew exactly what they were b/c he just watched his brother open the same thing....and he was visably and a lil' verbally disappointed by this, rightly so, IMO. None the less a lil' chat was in order.

Our son was like this but his issue and still is, he equates what we spend on him to how much we love him. He was not raised like this so it can be difficult to parent. IMO kids are inherently self centered. They don't understand "sacrifice, hard work." That is really taught over a period of time. Did you ask him what he meant by his statement? Is it because he didn't have anything to unwrap? Did he know that the party was his present?

Our son (20) is very black and white. Very hard to please, if its not his way its wrong. We have made a lot of stride with him. We were very strict with him and very black and white. We would tell him before hand, the party is your present. You will not receive a gift from us. We are not doing ..... I never used the phrase "let me think about it". If I did, well that meant yes and if I later said, "well that's not going to work", I heard from him "you lied"! We went through counseling and that is what helped us learn to parent him.

He is a wonderful young man and has matured so much since he joined the military and started college. He also moved away from home and that helps as well.

One idea you might consider next year, if it's still a problem, is to have him plan his own party with *your* planned budget. This is what we did for my daughter's 7th birthday. She wanted a birthday party at home, so we agreed and gave her a budget of what we thought we'd spend on a party. Then, we had her write down everything she wanted at the party, reminding her of things like paper good items and food that might be over looked. We had her decide how she wanted to spend all the money. For example, if she wanted a custom made cake, she'd have to spend less on decorations. We did all of this while guiding her and letting her know what a realistic cost of each item was, depending on what she wanted. Here's the catch. We told her that if she had any money left over, that was the amount that we'd spend on a birthday gift for her.

This taught her some good lessons about budgeting money, how much things cost (she went with me to buy everything and made sure she stayed within her budget), and how much time it takes to plan even the simplest of parties. She really wanted a gift as a bonus, so she was able to find ways (with our help, of course) to cut corners. We purchased our paper goods from the Dollar Tree store instead of Party City (however, I would recommend to skip the drink cups from any dollar store) and we made our own cake instead of purchasing one from the store. Just be sure to write out your own budget ahead of time so that your son has some guidelines and you don't have to overspend.

Good luck, mama!

Your seven year old probably thinks money grows on trees. lol And unless you've taught him he won't know. I always tried to explain to my kids how the real world works. When my son was three and didn't want to stay in daycare while I worked I gave him an explanation he could understand. I told him that mommy does work for someone who gives her money for the work. Then I take the money and buy the cereal he likes to eat in the morning. Make it personal.

Kids need a way to understand the cost of living. They need to learn there are trade offs. Explain your decision making and make them a part of it.

Obviously you tailor the explanation for his age and the situation. One day you'll be rewarded with a comment I received from my son (he was a bit older) when I treated them to a slushie at the theater. He said "mom, that's too expensive. We can get it cheaper somewhere else."

A lot of "experts" say that around 7 is the right age to start volunteering. Before then it's hard for them to grasp some of the concepts of empathy and understanding the plight of others.

Maybe find a soup kitchen, or other similar organization, in your area and start making weekly trips there as a family (or one parent and him if your other child is younger).

My kids are just turning 7 and 8 and the older one can be like this. I think it's partly age... It's infuriating at times but I just keep explaining reality. I think the world is just all about them (for the next 8-10 years too) and they don't get it. Maybe it's a natural thing too. It's instinctive to want to "gather" things. I think so long as he's not always like this I wouldn't worry too much. My same 8 year old cries hysterically at the idea of orphans and often wants to give some of her things to "poor kids". You say nothing is ever to his liking though and that's kind of a separate issue.

You need to start talking about what things cost. How you all budget. why you make purchase choices. Let him know what work is.. and how you are paid. Once that money is spent on mortgage, gasoline, monthly bills and groceries.. the rest usually has to go to savings... the extras are usually basics. Shoes clothes, school supplies.. etc..

When we went shopping, we always started at the clearance rack and then the sell rack. If we did not find what we needed, we went to another store and started over.. We rarely purchased anything at full price.

If we were going to make a large purchase like a piece of furniture, we talked about it. We made a budget, we researched it. we looked on craigslist, garage sales.. etc.. sales.. usually we found the item slightly used. But our daughter saw the process and understood the worth.

At the grocery store, we purchased basics.. Extras, like cookies, chips, etc.. we talked about alternatives, or made sure it was on sale. Same with produce.. yes, we got tired of oranges and apples all fall and winter.. but our daughter knew to look for special prices on "summer fruits".

When our daughter wanted a toy, book, or whatever, I told her to remind us for Christmas or her birthday, because we did not just willy nilly purchase anything we wanted at any time. OR we suggested our daughter save up for the things she wanted.

We had budgets for gifts for friends and families. We all looked for free or really low cost events to attend.

We also were honest about when we were getting low on money. We would plan a garage sale so that we could use the money to purchase an item we needed.. Or to take a small camping trip. we really never went on a real vacation, we just could not afford it.

We drove older used cars.. again, because that is all we could afford.

We live in the smallest home on our block. Some of our daughters classmates had their own "wing" of the house. She was amazed. But she knew we just did not have that kind of money..

We used to ask our daughter. Do you want a party, a gift or go and do something fun.. Meaning.. go to the movies and out to eat as a family.

I have an 8yr old ungrateful son that drives me nuts so I don't really have any answers, sorry.
As for the birthday party, my kids know that we either pay for a party for them and their friends or we buy them a gift (not both). It's their choice. Usually they pick the party because they know that all of their friends will buy them cool presents.