Unexpected Reaction to Finding Out I'm Pregnant with #2! - Cumming,GA

I felt the same way. We started trying for #2 when my son was 18 months old. Well, it didn't happen until he was 4. I also loved it just being the three of us, but now my attitude has totally changed. My baby is now 18 months and the love my two boys have for each other is amazing. I love experiencing and watching their little lives come together and I can honestly say that I love them both equally. I think the best thing for a child is a sibling, so relax, enjoy, and congratulations!

Totally normal reaction but I guarantee you that when the second one comes along you will instanly realize that you have a gift with plenty of love to share. I truly believe we are given 9 months to prepare.
Enjoy the ride. One piece of advice don't obsess over it just let it happen!
B. B

I think it's not at all uncommon to worry that you won't have enough love to go around once you have a second (third, fourth, etc) child, but I think it's an unfounded fear! Love expands, and you're enriching not only your own life, but the life of your little girl! A sibling is a precious gift- a playmate, a companion throughout adulthood, even someone to be there when the day comes that you are not.

Congratulations on your new little one!

This is completely normal!!! Most moms I have talked to about this felt exactly the same way. My husband and I very much wanted to have our second child. We were very excited when we got pregnant, but often when I would look at my first, I would feel like I was going to burst into tears, because I felt like I was going to ruin our relationship with her. Whenever I was having special time with her, I would question our decision to get pregnant again and wonder if I would ever feel this close to her again.

However, the saying is true: "Love doesn't divide, it multiplies". I think seeing her as a big sister and sharing her brother with her has made me love her that much more. Also, siblings are gifts to our children. I have three siblings, and I am so glad I have all of them. My husband only has one sibling, and when we talk about it, he wishes he had more.

Everything will be ok. Just be sure to include your daughter (your little lady) while you are caring for the new baby and she will feel like "big sis". You will love both of them very much. She may take this much better than you think. Have you talked with her about it yet? You can get her excited about being a big sister in so many ways, but don't forget to baby her too when the new baby arrives.

Good Luck to you.

i first want to say 'congratulations!!', because at some point you'll appreciate it :)

second, i'd like to change focus for just a second - this child is going to be your daughters life-long sibling - something you can't be being 20-30 yrs older than she.. she'll have such a rich life loving and being loved by a peer vs a parent, a companion, a fight partner which is so important in learning how to get along with other people and learning to compromise, and if all goes as God intended, a lifelong best friend.

all these things your daughter is going to be the richer for. i think it's wonderful for your daughter that she's going to have a sibling. and you're going to be totally infatuated when you hold this child for the first time.. you will eventually not be able to even fathom life without him/her ;) right this minute you're life is in a bit of a tumble, but it's a good tumble.

God bless

You reaction is totally normal. When I found out I was pregnant with #3 my first reaction was "no". I cried a lot. In fact, I was not happy with the thought for the whole 9 months. My other two were 4 and 6. The thought of starting over was depressing. BUT the moment I saw our little gift, it all changed. He has been such a joy, I would not change it at all. You will feel blessed (because you are)!
One of the best things I did with all my kids was talk about how they were going to be best friends. That God gave them each other and that was good.
Congrats and enjoy!

Considering I am expecting #2 in January and feel the same way, I would say it is normal! We tried to get pregnant for 10 months this go round and I have been so excited, but so sad at the same time since I got pregnant. I am so nervous about how my dd (03/07) is going to react. I am her world and I am so scared of taking away from her and our relationship and time together. At the same time I am nervous about not being able to give to #2 like I was able to w/ my dd. Everyone that I speak to w/ more than one child says that they felt the same as I do and once #2 gets here you will learn to love him/her just as you did #1 and that you will continue to love #1 more and more. Rambling, and crying, but yes, I think your feelings are normal.

I guess that's what happens when you get used to how things are -- they change! What you are feeling is a lot like how I felt when #2 was on the way, that it would be a disservice (sp?) to the one already here, that all of our time would be spent with the baby and not with our older son. But then I remembered how wonderful it was to have a brother growing up with me, for playing AND fighting, and realized this is a wonderful thing for both of our children and for the parents. When the parents are gone (hopefully not for a LONG time!), the siblings will have each other, and that's a great thing. And the way our two boys interact is a wonderful thing to witness. So, yes, you're normal, and yes, your feelings will probably change (except at midnight feeding time!).

Having a sibling is one of the greatest gifts you can give your daughter, like some one else said, think of when you and your husband get older she will want some one to help her or be there for her as well. A friend in life who will always have each others backs. That said I remember being with my only(at the time) a few days before I gave birth again and feeling sad wondering if I was doing the right thing, would I ever have this closeness with her again ect... I loved my 2nd so much when she was born but it took a little while to get to know her I think I still felt protective of my 1st but it didn't take long and the love in our family had just multiplied, we could not imagine our life without our 2nd daughter. You there are certain things you just don't get until you have a child of your own? Well this is like that, when you have your 2nd you will just get! best of luck to your growing family! There will be more than enough love to go around!

M.,
You are not a horrible person. I remember feeling such enormous love for my first that I secretly worried if I would be capable of such love again. I found out that love always multiplies, that I couldn't imagine life without my second son and I felt complete again, as though I had waited my whole life for this little being to appear and call me "Mama." The circle you have now is a precious gift and you are sensing that. When your second comes along, things will change and shift to accomodate this new little creature. But the circle just gets bigger and love fills it up again. You sound like a great mom!

M.--Always wanted a big family and I have one. I have four children. If I could afford it I would have more...I would adopt now...I am not having any more!!! But I felt that way about the pregnancy each time. I think that is very natural. I felt it EVERY TIME!!! I kind of mourned my freedom when I got pregnant the first time. Always been a little tied--with pets--but I think that what you feel is very normal. I think you have to tell her right away what is coming. It gives her the most time to adjust. Let her participate in everything possible. I had to tell my eighteen month old because I was so sick. He thought something was very wrong. He is now 14 and the best big brother to the whole clan--a daughter 12, a son 7 and a son 2----but let me assure you that you are just normal and soon all of you will be excited and you will soon wonder what you would have done without the new addition! CONGRATS!!

Hi there, M.: I had the same experience when my daughter was around 2 yrs old. I decided that one was all I could handle and I liked the closeness we shared with her and the whole family dynamic with her in it. Well, around that time I thought I was pregnant and panicked but was totally relieved when I found out I wasn't pregnant. So I don't think your reaction is strange at all but I bet when you have your precious little one, you will feel truly blessed in spite of your feelings now. God bless, M.

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and was so worried about my relationship with my first son. I have 2 boys ages 5.5 and 2.5. My husband and I waited a long time to have children and when we had our first son I simply loved being his mom! I walked away from a great career & proudly poured myself into my new role as Connor’s mom!

My husband traveled a lot for business and me and my little boy spent tons of time together over his first few years. My husband & I had talked about having a 2nd child, but I was reluctant as I adored my relationship with my first born. Like you, I wasn't sure I would have room to love another child or that I wanted to mess up the relationship with my oldest.

The first few months were hard when my 2nd son arrived, but I could not believe that I could love my 2nd son just as much as my first. But guess what? I did and I do! It’s so fun now watching my boys play together and we could not imagine our family without our youngest.

You sound like a great mom and your new little one will find his or her place in your heart, schedule and with your daughter. Try no to be too hard on yourself as emotions are part of the process of adjusting your mindset to a new normal.

M.,
This is a blessing! You will love this child as much as your little daughter. It's understandable that you feel a bit blue as your dynamic changes but really you'll get into the change. I am a bit jealous, we would love to have a sibling for our daughter. I fear she's get lonely for a sibling as she gets older.

Take care!

I totally understand your feelings being 8 months pregnant with my second baby. Everything you're feeling is COMPLETELY normal especially considering you just found out about the pregnancy today, so don't waste precious time beating yourself up about your initial emotional response! Go ahead and allow yourself a (short) time to mourn the loss of your comfortable situation and then make a conscious decision to allow yourself to move on to the excitement/anticipation about the new one coming - this baby deserves that from you. I highly recommend spending time early on reading up on the best ways to slowly incorporate your daughter into the whole process in a way that will allow her to participate in this family change and get excited about it.

Our situation is an exact mirror of yours, exact. We now have a happy kindergartner and a amazing 1 year old. I mourned the loss of our family dynamic as well, and I'm not going to tell you that the first few months of our baby's life weren't hard, they were. You just have to find that place in your heart for her and give everyone the time they need to let him/her find their place in your family. You will still have special time with your first born, only now you have to plan it! ;) You had 4 and 1/2 special years alone with your first, you can send her off to kindergarten knowing that. She won't feel left out either, because she has a new journey to begin too! Then while that one is at school you will have the special alone time with your second. Don't for a minute feel bad about feeling the way you do, its normal. And you will love your second one just as much once they steal your heart! (which they will!)

All the others have said what I was thinking; I'll just reinforce that if you WEREN'T a bit nervous about the upcoming changes, you would be abnormal. Now especially, you know the challenges of parenting, it makes total sense to be nervous. I do think you'll quickly see that the interactions between your daughter and her younger sibling will be so rewarding to watch that you won't miss this family world. It's not always easy, since siblings know exactly how to annoy each other and will do it pretty often (at least our two do), however they spend at least as much time helping each other and trying to make the other happy, which makes up for the rest of it. Good luck and enjoy the next phase of family life.

Having had 5 children, I can honestly say that I too felt that way between number 1 and number 2. But as time went on, I became very excited. It was just that way with the first two. I think it's just that we get settled in our lives and now a 'disruption' has happened and our lives aren't so sure and normal now. But, it will be again...you'll be a great mom to both and be able to love both of them so very much!

Mother of 4 living children