Understanding Effects of Being Raised by Someone Who Is Emotionally Disconnected

My husband grew up with a very cold enviroment, no hugs or kisses. nobody verbally connecting emotionally...the result.. my husband is a carbon copy of it. doing the same to me and kids. VERY PAINFUL to watch the kids try and reach out and he has no expression, practically ignores them. for example, my 5 year old daughter could fall down and skin her knee..be crying. he has no expression, doesn't run to her ( which is my instinct and probably the same as most parents )

also, if i am sick..God help me cause he will not bring me things to care for me. i grew up in a very loving enviroment. someone is sad you respond with kindness, someone speaks to you , you respond, especially to a child. when someone you love is sick, you make them soup..

he does none of it, i truly believe this is from how he was raised, and i time to time wonder if it's not close to a the behavior of a sociopath...no feelings for others...

in sum....bad situation.... i am constantly over compensating for husbands very very short comings...it's not enough, the children feel it

Funny you should ask. I am reading Self Psychology by Kohut. Kohut states that a person's neurotic defense is not resolved because of their parents failure to meet their needs when they were a child, specifically empathy.
As a result, the child grows up to become an unhealthy adult and develop unhealthy defenses to cope with their parent's failings. Parents who lack empathy deprive their children the safety they need to venture out and explore the world. They grow up to become insecure adults.

This is not to suggest that this is your in-laws family dynamic. I'm merely regurgitating my interpretation of Kohut's Self Psychology.

I'd say that would make for a cold, distant, bitter, angry MIL

Birds of a feather flock together.

Depending on the extent, it would cause issues with attachment. This person probably feels insecure and also compensates for that insecurity by needing to control everything aroudn them, as they cannot trust others to meet their needs to take care of them. They also may be quite manipulative, acting loving when necessary to get their way and also may be very angry and prone to outbursts. Just wondering...dos that sound like their behavior?