HI K.,
First let me commend you on caring so much for your child, that you are concerned with his grades and attitude. It comes so easily for some parents to ignore an issue or denie that there could be some problems with our own children. It's so much easier to comment on other children but not our own.
Having read your only other response I can't wait to look into the program that Julie recommends.
I have a 12 year old that has been diagnosed with ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder. This was diagnosed at 6 years old, so it is nothing new to me. We live in Nevada and having placed my child in 6th grade last year, she ran into many obsticles. She is also has severe exercised induced asthma. I had been called tothe school 2-3 times a week to deal with her asthma. The ambulance only had to be at the school for one of those occasions but thats more than enough. Needless to say her PE was 3 rd period and she would miss 4,5,6 period 2-3 times a week. This would cause her to fall behind and when I asked about homework, well, she never had any. I had enough. I was in the process of getting her into a child psychiatrist and the school teachers had to fill out evaulation checklists to determine behavior at school. This only took me 4 months because of the "helpfulness" of the teachers and school system. Finally by the last week of the school year, i had a meeting regarding her individual evaluation plan. This is a recommendation that I would suggest. The school counselors, teachers, principle, dean and other members of the school were there for a 1 hour meeting. Granted I was not too happy being at the end of the year but that put us ahead of the game this year. What will happen is
1. Your childs IQ will be tested, this was not helpful for me because she was above level on the iq testing. Great for her but your IQ doesn not get you a job. She did not qualify for special education but would be in a tutoring class prior to school and needs to have a tracking sheet filled out every day by each teacher in her classes. They will let me know when tests are planned, exactly what homework is required and how her studies and behavior is in class. Ok, she's not thrilled with it but so far, it's working. Nevada believes in passing your child until they get into high school, then if they don't pass the classes, they start holding them back or denie credits. I have no problem with not passing them due to failure but who is failing? The child or the school system. If you do not recieve enough credits in high school they will either keep you back, make you repeat the course or not graduate you. I think this sucks!!!!! Nevada sets up our children to either fail highschool or quit because they are so far behind that nothing makes sence. I would insist that your school have your child evaluated. Its called IEP (individual evaulation plan) This can be repeated 4-5 times a year if you feel it necessary. Not that the schools would be happy with you! I would find out if your school has a tracking sheet. This could be established before the IEP even takes place. Just yesterday, I placed a note on the tracking sheet about an upcoming test that Deanna "claimed" to have no information to study. Too bad for her, the teacher supplied me with the study sheet and I can keep up on things. She does not appreciate the invasion of privacy or the fact that most of her teachers know me by name. I have a personal relationship with the school nurse (wasn't my chioce but she was considered the worst asthmatic in school last year) out of 6,7 & 8 grade. We also have a wonderful program that if you have internet access (dah) we can pull all records for all classes and it is updated weekly. This lists all scores of homework, daily class work and unturned in assigments. THis is a program that has only been in effect for the second year. I would find out if your childs school has anything similar. That way when I am at work, I can look at last weeks grades and find out if we have any concerns. THis is easier than finding out 1 week before midterm testing. If they don't pass the midterm test (which usually accounts for 1/4 to 1/2 grade.) Then they will not give them the credits for the course.
Stand firm in your convictions! Continue to thank God that about not having a worse teenager that does worth things. Sometimes in our time of need, it's hard to remember the good things we have.
Do not expect your child to be all gunhoe about your involvement. I did not appreciate my Mother until 5 years after moving out. Now I'm 35 and we have an ausome relationship! (As long as we don't have to live together) We are very much alike, and that seems to be our biggest problem right now.
Last but not least.... Have you considered counseling? Sometimes its easier to discuss our problems &/or concerns with a stranger. Or atleast someone with impartial judgment.
Counseling is something that can move mountains if you find the right person. Do not get discourraged, get mad, then get the problem or concern talked over with the school. Maybe a guidence counselor or school psychologist. If that does not work, go to the Dean, then principle, then the school board. What ever it takes. And yes, this is an exhastive process.
Good luck and god bless!
H. B.