Ugh. the Grandparents!

Although I understand your point, limiting those words from your mother may be a bit much. You have a right to limit any words you wants, but no matter what sooner or later they will hear htem, use them and you will have a chance to teach them the appropriatness of them. A three year old is at the point where she can begin to understand what should and what should not be used. Im sure your mom doesnt use them all that often, so I wouldnt worry as much. This is part of them growing uop and experiencing the world!

You can request that your mother respect your desires, but if she doesn't, I would suggest talking to your 3 year old and telling her that although some people use those words, "we don't use them in our family". If she is precocious, she will understand already that there are some words that grown-ups use that kids don't. I have had conversations with my 4 year old about why we don't use certain words because they hurt people's feelings.

Hi, K.,

I just want to say that I think you are handling things very well. Unfortunately, kids will eventually hear, and say, things that we don't want them to, but we have to do our best as moms to make sure that they understand the damage that words can do. Who can blame you for wanting to put off that moment for as long as possible?

As for your mom, she really needs to respect the way that you choose to raise your kids. I know it's easy for me to say, but you just need to put your foot down regarding the words she uses in front of your kids. It sounds like you have a nice relationship with her, so, hopefully, she will eventually respect your wishes, and you can all continue great relationship that you all have together.

Good luck!
S.

I agree with Cindy. The profanities, completely understandable, but words such as "fat" and "ugly", are just too commonplace. They will hear them, you can't control it, and it would be more proactive to teach them WHY not to use those words, than to avoid them altogether. I have two extremely bright children myself, and I can sit down and explain almost anything to my oldest, who is also 3.
Also, if you do happen to experience one of those embarrassing situations in public, you can't worry about it. It's in a child's nature to be curious and observant. You can only handle it is as best you can, but also, if the person in question is upset, it's not your child's fault. I personally believe that if someone cannot understand that a child is just being a child, and not deliberately making hurtful comments, then they have some serious self esteem issues they have to work out for themselves.

I agree that the "profanities" that you refer to should not be used, period. But the commonplace words like fat, hate, ugly etc are going to be said on playgrounds (unfortunately) and schools. If my son hears an adult say stupid or hate, he sometimes "tattles" on the adult, which I find unacceptable. I remind him that big people, adults, can say words that little ones can't.

Well, first of all K., they're YOUR kids. I did the same thing with my kids (I have 3: 20, 18, 11yo). For the most part, my family respected how I decided to raise my children. My sisters, especially, backed me up. I would NEVER tell them how to raise their children & I expect the same in return. Once, my mother tried to tell me how to raise my kids. I (suprisingly tactfully) reminded her that she is alienated from 5 of her 6 kids, and that parenting children is different from how her generation did it. I said it to her in that order. She & I still don't see eye-to-eye on child rearing. In a nutshell, she's the one who's missing out on her grandchildren growing up. The only time she sees my kids is at family gatherings: weddings & funerals.
I hope what I've said helps you in some way.

Your mom may not agree with the way you raise your kids, but she does need to respect it! I would try to not to focus on trying to get validation from your mom. You know that you are doing the right thing for your kids, and if she want's to see them, she will have to respect your wishes. You're doing a great job. If it means anything, I agree with you. Take care! -N.

While I agree that having "certain" words purposely left out of everyday vocabulary, I do agree that you might be going overboard. You write that your daughter is very bright. If you explain the meaning behind these "bad words" and these words can hurt other's feelings you will tend to "head off" the situations that you want to avoid. You cannot avoid having your children overhear certain words while in the public - and believe me when I say it it inevitable that they WILL hear them in public as well.

I have always discussed anything openly with my children. At an early age, they learned that there are many words that can really hurt others feelings. Parents are "life-time" teachers for their children. As long as you teach tem as much as you can, they will be able to make informed decisions when they start making decisions on their own. IF you do not teach them the meaning behind these "bad words", they might overhear them anyway without your knowledge and use them because they did not "know" any better.

Having said that, only you and your husband should decide what and when your children should learn these "certain" words. It is up to the both of you to explain this (ever so nicely) to your Mom.

You are also correct in wanting to cherish this time as it DOES go by fast : )

A little about me:

I have 3 sons - 27 (married with a very sucessful career), 19 (never been in trouble and just getting out on his own), 11 (very bright, straight-A student looking forward to becoming a Paleontologist since he was 3). My husband and I are very fortunate for having 3 wonderful sons!