D.B.
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Charlotte
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I am having a big feelings week.
The family dog decided to go on a 'honeymoon' with the neighbor dog (i.e. she just went missing). Great. She was gone for 48 hours and didn't leave a note. So that's where it started.
She returned, and I had the *awesome* idea of taking things off the "I'm too scared to think about this rationally shelf". Fantastic. Except for not really, because I dropped the darn jar and am just SITTING in my feelings. Court (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), custody (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), family of origin grief, loss, resentment (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). Have I mentioned how much I hate to cry/feel afraid? Well, I'll say it now. I hate it. And that's what's going on, and it's just not stopping.
I feel incompetent, anxious, terrified of what's not in my control, alone, chaotic, sad.
Bummer.
So what to do? I've talked it over, written about it, looked at it (hello feelings, I see you!) and have been willing to let it go.
I get a lot of support, help, advice from wise women. I've stepped up self care. I've prayed (for strength and clarity and solace and guidance).
And still, I'm having big feelings and (here's the important part) I'm dealing with them poorly - as in, I'm irritable, grouchy, having bad dreams, and am trying to force my feelings into a story/externalizing 'em/feeling guilty for having 'em.
Suggestions? I'm OPEN!
Big hugs all around...I think you are all fantastic.
You guys are amazing. Thank you so much.
I'm going to go camping on the river. Violin, river, sun, kids. Yes. You have brightened my day. Not exaggerating. Thanks for reminding me to keep things real.
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And what in the WORLD is so terrible about BIG FEELINGS?!
If you were a damn door knob I wouldn't be looking forward to your posts/responses everyday.
Here, listen to this. If you gotta pee, really really bad, and wait and wait, the piss is just gonna squirt all out all over the place where don't want it, make an awful mess, smell bad, then you'll have to change.
When if you had JUST GONE PEE WHEN YOU HAD TO GO RIGHT AWAY, none of this would ever have happened!
So yeah, HAVE YOUR BIG FEELINGS, have 'em WHILE your peeing, let em both rip at the same time! Then you won't have to change your pants, or your plans!
(Sorry, weird mood today here, too)
:)
You are one of the most amazing writers!!! Just throwing that out there.
Go to your junk drawer and organize it! That can be, but is not limited to, throwing everything away. If you can organize a junk drawer in one night you can do anything!!!!
My dear,
I always read anything you wriye. Your witty and funny and you make me feel good. When im overwhelmed I think to myself, ok H., you can do something about this or you can drown it. I don't like water :) I take one thing at a time and deal with it the best I can. That's all I can do. I heard a saying a while back, this too shall pass. I repeat that over and over. Life sucks and I always get lemons and I hate lemonade :) therefore a snickers does a good job filling that in!
BREATHE!!!!! Deeply...and, again....breathe...
Wow! That's a lot on your plate. All sorts of platitudes are running through my mind, but I'll stick with these two. First, focus on what you can control and "baby steps" your way through them. If you can't control it, let it go.
That leads to my second thought. The school counselor at the first school I ever taught at had this in her counseling office AND in her bathroom at home. I'm going to type it big....LET GO, LET GOD!
Big feelings, while often annoying, are a positive. They mean your passionate about life. The alternatives are much worse. Love yourself more.
Good luck.
I guess I don't understand how the dog led to big feelings, but that's not really your point. I'm going through kind of the same thing. Feelings! I hate them too. But I guess it's better than not having any at all.
HUGS!
I'm a little confused. No one wants to be chaotic, but I really don't understand the 'family dog/honeymoon'?
EDIT - OK - I apologize! We can't always be in contol of everything. I, too, get these really weird anxiety dreams - they throw your whole day off! Do you have a dream journal? Or a nice looooooong walk to clear your mind. Take care of yourself!
Ephie, you are a quality gal. I admire you for admitting that you don't have it all together. Cut yourself some slack! We all deal with feelings poorly at one time, but that means that we are learning. If we just dealt with everything perfectly all the time we would be mindless robots and that, my dear, is something that you are NOT.
All the same, being irritable, grouchy, stressed, anxious and having bad dreams is no picnic and I hope you feel at peace, strong, and joyful very soon!
Praying for sweet sleep for you tonight!
