Ugh, Almost 5 Year Old Son Having Daily Accidents Again!

Updated on July 03, 2011
P.M. asks from Dallas, TX
6 answers

Hi, mommas. We just had a big, major move three months ago when DH left the army and we moved back home to Dallas from Hawaii. I expected some setbacks with the kids, it's a major life change and all. Well, we've been totally moved into our new home and keeping the same routine for almost 2 months -every day of which my son has at least one soiled pair of underwear. I kept waiting to ask for advice, really hoping that he just needed some time, but ohhhhhh my gosh he will be 5 in three weeks and won't poo in the toilet!! And he FLIPS OUT when we tell him to go to the bathroom. (There is nothing scary or uncomfortable about the kids bathroom. They have little step-stools for the sinks and toilet, it's well lit and clean)

Here is what we have done so far:

Timed toilet breaks- we remind him about every two hours to sit on the toilet. Still have accidents and good heaven does he scream at me that he 'HATES THE POTTY!!' despite my sitting in the bathroom with him or providing him his little Nintendo DSi to play with while he sits

Reward sticker charts- self explanatory :)

Probiotics and an increase in fiber, just to make sure there isn't that sort of issue going on

Plain getting frustrated and now just dealing with the accidents while running to my Momma boards for HELP!!!

Thanks so much, ladies. I love this board! EDIT: Thanks for your reply so far! We will try just after meals. DH and I had tummy troubles when we were little, so we are always very, VERY careful to never yell or make him feel shamed when he has an accident (despite wanting to jump up and down and rip out my hair!). We just deal with the mess matter-of-factually and tell him we will try again, and make a BIG DEAL out of it when he does go.

UPDATE: We did take him to the doc to be evaluated for encropsis, he does not have that but we were thinking he might.

Thank you Peg M. for the book recommendation, I actually just got it in the mail a few days ago and have been reading through it, maybe there will be something in there to help!

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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Actually, the best time to go is right AFTER meals (I say this as a son who had diagnosed encropresis and constant clogged toilets from emptying his underpants-smooshed poo). Eating triggers the bowels. Don't go every two hours, it's too much. Sit him on the potty after every meal, let him complain, be very matter of fact and simply say "this is the routine for now..." You could explain "things got messed up after this big move, so we need to re-train your body to do this on the potty, I know you don't do it on purpose." Absolutely use the step stool under his feet when he's sitting, and give him the DS or a book. Set the timer for 10 minutes, and get him off no matter what happened. Thank him/Praise him for trying, and go about your business.
Do your best to keep your emotions in check and have patience. He'll get through it, and so will you.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Sometimes this is a control issue. He had a lifestyle and friends in Hawaii and all of that changed when you moved. He had no control in the moving issue, and I am not trying to make you feel guilty. He may feel that he has some control in going poo and choses to go poo in his pants.

Honestly, I am not trying to make you feel guilty. I just thought I would offer an idea to what may be going on.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.M.

answers from Portland on

The most wonderful little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, would recommend finding out what your son thinks about the situation, and getting his suggestions on how to correct it. Kids are remarkably good problem solvers when giving a little respectful coaching and support, and they are invested in making their own solutions work.

I hope you will read this book – you will seriously wonder how you've made it this far without it.

ADDED: If your son does not seem to be aware he's about to soil his pants, he could indeed be suffering from encopresis. Google for more information, and see if it fits.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.D.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter did this a few months ago. We started daily putting a mark on her calendar for every day she kept her panties clean and dry. Once she got 7 marks, we went out on a momma/daughter day to have ice cream. The next time I increased it to 14 days... 21 days... 28 days... etc... Each time she got rewarded with a special 'date'.

Potty is a control issue. It's their way of controlling that and you. If you get frustrated over it or they get a negative response, they are going to continue the behavior. If she did not keep her panties dry, I would just tell her I was sad we weren't getting closer to our date... nothing more. No negative marks on the calendar and nothing else said.

During the day, don't make him sit for long periods of time on the potty. If he does, he will just hold it. Ask occasionally if he has kept his undies clean. If he says yes, give him a high five and move on. If not, have him take care of it, clean him self up and move on reminding him you are sad you aren't getting closer to your date. The other things is when sitting on the potty trying, interact with him by asking him to name things like things of a particular color or name the cars characters or anything he likes. Count these things on your fingers. It takes his mind off the task at hand and gives him your undivided attention.

These worked for us... I hope it helps! Good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

This could be a condition called encopresis. My son had this. It was very frustrating until I found out what it was. Our pediatrition treated it very well. It's not a medical problem, but it can be caused by stressful changes. Here's the article I read:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sick/encopresis.html

1 mom found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Bloomington on

Does he have problems when he just needs to pee? Are you making him clean up his messes?

Maybe if you focus potty times, right before meals and right before outings. You may eat lunch right after you go potty. We will leave to go play at the park after you go potty.

If you know he should need to go, then make sure he goes prior to eating etc. I think he's just throwing a fit for the most part.

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