Trying to Understand Son's Behavior

The first thing that came to my mind is that he was not the center of attention. Maybe that was bothering him, it was not just him everyone came to see?

I think it's normal.
It's also a sign he's not a "sheep" (follower) or he would have never left the group of kids!
I remember the initial horror I felt at O. preschool show when all of the kids were lined up in a row against the wall singing their songs and my son s-l-o-w-l-y made his way from O. end of the row, dancing, walking, crawling, hamming it up, to the other end of the row. The other kids never moved. I wanted to crawl under the table! My husband (clueless) looks at me and asks "Is that part of the show?" I said "Well, it is now." We'll never forget it!

Was the audience larger than what he normally encounters? It could have been overwhelming. Do his shows usually only star him? Maybe he was upset because you were watching everyone and he was not the center of attention (although I'm sure he was YOUR center of attention). Maybe he and a sibling, cousin or friend can practice a dance that requires holding hands or some other cooperative move that need both of them to work and they can perform for a family audience. Then slowly move up to more people, both in the dance and the audience.
Other than that I'm drawing a blank. Hope it helps.

He probably freaked-out b/c of the size of the crowd. Talk with him and find out- he may be able to tell you. I would use words like "I was surprised that you didn't enjoy yourself during..." and then ask him how he felt. At his age, he may be able to articulate the reason.

Next time he will have a chance to perform in front of a crowd, make sure he knows that it will be a big audience, but that he can look for you and focus on you rather than the others!

He may have just gotten overwhelmed. there isn't much you can do becasue the next time he may be fine. I wouldn't worry about it.

Hi J.,
Maybe because this is the first time you were also watching other children and not just your son. The other children were getting attention as well. Maybe that upset your son who usually gets all the focus when he is singing to the family.
Kids are very jealous especially if they see a parent paying attention to another childs talented side.. If it is not that then maybe he got embarrassed in front of the other parents and acted out to cover up his embarrassment.
Either way you need to try to find out his feelings.. Boys are tough to get any feelings from but if you work on them they often crack open and tell all.

Good Luck
L.

Totally normal so don't worry!! He had stage fright and because he was only 4 and too young to know that it is normal he acted out. I have seen this happen many times. In my older sons class there was a kid who was the most talkative kid you ever met-a real class clown-who would break down in tears at their shows and have to sit with the teacher.

sounds like he may have been a little jealous.

Your expectations of a 4 year old need to be proportionate to what he is capable of doing. Basically, teach and expect honesty and appropriate behavior. Beyond that you will set yourself up for serious disappointment and "embarrassment" if this poor child doesn't "perform" for you each and every time you expect it. Encourage him but don't put your performance expectations on anyone, let alone a 4 year old who still has a lot to learn about behavior. As moms we all go through trying times when our children act out. Drop the anger and embarrassment; focus on teaching and modeling good behavior to your son. Give consequences when necessary, remove him if necessary, but he's 4 and 4 year olds can not be counted on to fulfill our desires and whims. They can be taught good behavior. Opportunities for teaching come everyday in many situations. Take those opportunities to teach and encourage good behavior, not as a reflection on you and how well your son can perform before an audience. Perhaps he only wants to perform for the family, maybe he had stage fright, maybe he sensed the pressure you were putting him under with all your expectations for a spectacular performance. You were sad, angry, disappointed. He's 4. It's preschool, not Broadway. Ease up. He sang a song. That wasn't enough? My daughter refused to participate in anything until she was 10; she was so shy. Kids perform on their timeframe, not ours. But my daughter learned good behavior. Our children aren't actors or performers; their children full of whims and frivolity. Again, expect good behavior. If you want a performance; buy tickets to a show. Praise your child for the things he does right, don't frustrate him for not meeting your stage mom expectations of him. Obviously, he has a degreee of comfort around the people he does "perform" for. Thats great, but don't push him beyond his comfort zone in that area right now. Kids have so much to learn. Take it slow. Sorry, if I sound harsh, but you sound like a good mom. Keep your focus on behavior and enjoying your son. Kids are so much fun when you let them be kids.

Very normal for a child his age, and any child at all. Eventhough they could be the class clown, or the joker of the house; when it is an event and they see the crowds they freak out. So, don't worry! He'll be fine, it'll take him a little time to get used to the crowds; or maybe he is just likes the one on one better, especially when this is something he 'has' to do instead of something he 'wants' to do.
Enjoy him, and try to record him, so you'll get to see his many changes as he grows older.

Wish I had a good answer for you. Our son will be 4 in June, and I'm at a loss every day to understand at least something he does. So, I empathize completely. We're good, involved parents who really stress good behavior and correct poor behavior. Sometimes, I'm completely embarrassed at how he and his 2 yo sister act in public.

Lots of times kids are different for a show where parents are present and they are put on the spot. Definitely don't be angry, sometimes,you just don't get to see what you want to see your child do, and the other parents happened to be lucky this time.
As for the acting out and trying to disrupt other kids, this is a major boundary push, and you say he's usually totally opposite. Does this mean he has never needed discipline for being disruptive (at home with parents, interrupting guests, in stores, restaurants, anything?) ever before, so he didn't know how to act, because he's always accidentally behaved the perfectly right way? This would be super uncommon at 4 years old. Or maybe, he has acted this way a little at times, but not enough to warrant a warning and consequence that would have been meaningful this time if you gave him a verbal warning to stop being disruptive.

When my kids were at some of their training phases, they would ALWAYS try the sketchy stuff "out of nowhere" at a public event, and it would notify me that I had gotten comfy and been pretty lax at home. As soon as I tightened up the rules at home, they improved everywhere else with each new boundary testing .

Don't sweat the fear to perform. This happens sometimes, and he may be brilliant next time, or he may hate performing. But as for any wrong behavior, be sure to be very firm with it at all other times, so he knows it isn't allowed in public either. Each discipline episode if handled correctly is prevention for future ones, and if he gets used to doing what you say at all times, it will be easier to say to him, "Honey, it's your turn to sing, go ahead" etc for things less disruptive too. Don't worry, that's what these events are for-to prime the 4 year olds for the years ahead! Your son sounds very sweet-he'll be fine.

It's completely normal. Sudden stage fright. When my son was that age he went to The Little Gym, they spent time learning to do lots of things, and he enjoyed it so much. Then came last day of class where all the parents show up and take pictures of everything the kids were doing. My son completely froze up. He would not leave my lap if a herd of wild horses dragged him. He was intimidated by all the grown-ups and the flashing cameras and it was all too much for him. He out grew it. Now he's quite the comedian, and he performs well for taekwondo belt tests (HEAPS of parents, grand parents, cameras and video recorders everywhere) and he sings fine with everyone else on the school stage. Some adults have trouble with public speaking. It's pretty much the same thing. Don't worry about it.

Hi there,

I'm a preschool/kindergarten teacher, and I can tell you that children will often act very differently when their parents come to school... this can be for many reasons, including feeling confused at the change in their day (school and home are two very different parts of a child's day), wanting to be close to mom or dad (and therefore not participating), and feeling shy and self-conscious (because of the multitude of parents in the room).

As a parent, I also find that my child will want to be near me, and drop whatever he is doing at that time. It is very normal at your son's age to act differently in the classroom setting when you are there. Don't worry about it, and do praise your son for whatever he did manage to do, and maybe ask him for a repeat performance when you are home, and he is in his comfort zone. He sounds like a very normal and delightful little boy, who maybe prefers to share his talents with his loved ones at home, rather than show them off at school.

Don't worry about it at all!

My SD is a comedian and loves to be a ham. She'll dance, act, sing etc. for the family. She even gave a toast and sang a song at our wedding!

But put her in front of total strangers and you'd think she was the shyest thing ever!

So don't worry. Completely normal!

I agree with others who said it was a matter of normal 4-year-old behavior and stage fright. If you have lingering doubts, talk to the teacher. She can let you in on any additional information that might be helpful to know.