Trying to See the Bright Side of This...

It could be worse.
She could have moved in next door or across the street.
So you'll have a few locations in common - so what?
You guys are both remarried and have moved on.
You're both doing what's best for the kids - and that's a good thing.
It's going to be an adjustment, but you'll all adjust and it will be fine.

The bright side is that their kids know both parents love them and will want to spend time with them.

You now have trusted back up for the kids if you need anything.

You now have an opportunity to set boundaries w/each other and stick to them.

Remember, the kids didn't ask for their parents to split up, so I hardly think its fair to ask the kids to continue to adjust their emotions and feelings when they see their parents or the parents run into each other. Let the kids be kids, let them know what the boundaries are and maybe its time the parents deal w/their situation as best they can w/o asking more of the children.

My ex is a tool but it would not bother me if he moved into my subdivision. The reason is simple, it would be great for the kids.

You may want to sit down and figure out ground rules. Like no running to mom's house because dad said no and things like that.

I don't understand why it would bother you if the kids went to sit with their mom. They are not a possession that you keep, they are little humans, if they want to sit with their mom so what. They still have to go home with you, ya know?

I guess in the end if he pushes to "protect" the time with the kids he will actually be pushing them away. If you love your kids and care for them they will want to be with you. There is nothing to protect.

My ex and I have 1 block between us ( so two blocks away). Its not awkard in any way. Its nice, I get to see what the kids are doing and see them daily. When they want to go to thier dad's all they have to do is stick thier head down the side walk to see if he is home or not. We eat at the same places, go to the bars, my ex and his family and his wife's family all come in to the bar i work at and I cook thier food ( good thing they trust me! lol). Its not weird or distrupting our family, routine in any way. Actually its the oppisite its nice having him that close. They forgot something at his house/ my house they can come over and get it. I understand where your hubby is coming from, we had our house for two year before they bought that one. But it all works out, its not like they are next door so we don't have to see them on a daily basis... really other than out and about in town we dont see them ( ex and wife) at all.

Also... my son is in the same pre- k class and will be in the same grade until he graduates with thier son, so I get to deal with him above and beyond our kids graduating. So I get to see them for the next 18 years at school functions.

This isn't about your husband, and he needs to get over it. This is about the kids and what's best for them. My mother and step mother are great friends. There is no reason that everyone can't get along for the sake of these children. How great would it be for them to know that they have two homes so close together, two safe havens, two families who love them. The best advise that I can give to you is for all adult involved to be just that, INVOLVED. If everyone is on the same page with each other as far as who goes where and when, boundaries, discipline, what is acceptable and what is not, then this can work out great. BUT the kids need to KNOW that everyone is on the same page. Believe me when I tell you, if they believe that there is animosity, they will try to play sides and it could make this a nightmare. If they believe that everyone is A-OK they might still try, but a few times of adults being team players, they will learn that the adults make the rules. Good luck. This CAN work out.

Really? Who cares if the kids are running between houses? How wonderful for them to be able to see both sets of parents regularly and to have THEIR lives less disrupted by the shuffling back-and-forth.

It's going to be fine. If you bump into her- say hello, ask how things are going and remind her that ____ is happening that week. If you take the children out to dinner and mom comes in with her new husband... say hello, ask how things are going and then either invite them to join you or let the kids go between tables.

When people divorce they need to focus on what makes their children's lives feel less disrupted. Your husband may feel invaded, but think about how much better this really is for the kids. Tell him that you will address each situation as it comes up, but the "bright sides" here are much brighter than he's willing to see.

One of my favorite family judges (from my former life) used to assign the children to the home during a separation and make the parents rotate so that they could experience how difficult it really is to pack up your life every few days. Think of it that way!

I don't think kids can ever have too many people around them that love them.

YOUR job is to make sure the relationship is friendly and cordial.

It won't be "weird" if everyone puts the kids feelings ahead of their own.

It shouldn't be that complicated or difficult. Since you are cordial with her continue to be. All of the adults need to be on the same page with the rearing of the children. It really is the adults against the children and if they see a gap in the communication they will play one set of parents against the other. Communication is key. This could be a win, win, win for all if you just allow it to be. The kids will have more access to their mom if possible. You and husband could get more breaks to spend time togethter without the children.

If you are out and the ex shows up and the children was to sit with her and it is fine with her, why should it be a problem for you or your husband? They love their mother. Perhaps getting a table together could happen.

Long story short, in my family on my father's side, I have eight uncles and aunts. All of them have been divorced at least once and some are remarried. Some have children from both marriages and others have children from not being married at all. When there are weddings and funerals and reunions we all attend and we all get along. It is so interesting to see the in-laws and the out-laws all getting along. This has been 30 years in the making but life goes on and it is possible. It requires good intentions on the part of all the adults.

Do what is best for the kids and you won't go wrong. I hope this helps.

Michelle:

I would be thankful that my step children's mother was being receptive to MY step children's needs and not trying to juggle me between two different towns...

Why would it be awkward if you met in public? While I am not best friends with my ex husband - we have managed to be nice and civil to each other for our daughter's sake. It's called being an adult and parent.

I do get that your husband feels invaded - 3 blocks is a little close - however, you can still set boundaries and rules. And I personally think it will be great for the kids - they won't have to juggle friends and school events from one school to another...

Don't take it personally and tell your husband not to either...this is supporting and loving the children. set aside any animosity either of you have for the ex and be nice, cordial....set rules and boundaries...it will be good for the kids!!

OH BOY!!! What fond memories you've brought back to me.

When I was little, my folks split. My mom's house was 1/2 mile down the road. We lived in the country, so our homes were only one house/driveway away.

(((LAUGING))) They had split custody of the riding lawn mower. My job was to drive the mower back and forth between houses. It was great when I was ten. Heck, I got to DRIVE. And then puberty hit - and that awful adam sandler movie came out, "water boy" or some such thing.

Oh the agony of having to drive a *lawn mower* back and forth and risk being SEEN. Teehee hee. Goodness I was a little snot.

It was actually great having parents in such close proximity. I loved being able to pop over for a visit, or to switch out clothes, and just knowing that we were still close together. My sister and I would ride horses through our fields, and our neighbors let us go through their property to our own. It was sort of glorious.

My parents weren't quite as fond of the arrangement, but we were!

It will not be weird or strange unless you make it that way. There are sooo many families like this at our daughters schools and my niece and nephews schools. Some of the couples are just cordial with each other and some are pretty close.

I always try to congratulate them on putting their children first and trying to make every thing amicable. .

I am a child of divorce and it was AWFUL. I still have nightmares and memories of the screaming, the uncomfortable gatherings, hand offs.. Events..

If you all will make an agreement to respect each others space it can make you all feel more comfortable.

My sister and her ex, trade off weeks. Their homes are less than a mile from each other. The kids have their things at both houses. But the kids are responsible for making sure whatever they need or want is taken to the other house so there is not a lot of running back and forth. Of course there are times when the kids will need to go back to their other house and get something. When a child is at their home with their dad, they follow his rules and are there for that whole week. No running back and forth, no drop ins by the other parents. They are of course allowed to call their mom, but they are living in that house for that week. That parent makes the decisions for that week. Sleepovers, field trips, they are responsible for that weeks transportation to sporting events or school obligations. Of course there are phone calls made to trade or ask for help etc.

Yes, they run into each other (grocery store, gas stations, neighborhood eateries), but are polite. If the kids are with one parent of course they still greet the other parent naturally.

They do not eat together at restaurants if they run into each other... But I do know many divorced families that after an event they will all agree to meet at a neighborhood place with the kids.

My sister does date. Her boyfriend will go to the sporting events or performances of the kids with my sister. Everybody is polite, but they are not friends and so not even sit together.

In the beginning my sister and her ex had to have 2 separate conferences with the teachers because the refused to go together, but after a few years realized it was not fair to the teacher. and now they either both go or one goes and then updates the other on what was said.

It is better but not perfect. My BIL's wife is very nice. They have a baby together now and it is my sister who has a problem with them.. But I really admire and am thankful about the new wife. She is kind and loving to my niece and nephew and has always been gracious to our family.. She is the mother of my niece and nephews baby sister. She will always be part of our lives. My sister is just immature (even though she is the one that wanted the divorce) I have had to apologize for her behavior so many times. But that is a whole other subject.

Just keep in mind you all are doing a great job of making the children's lives easier. They will realize this at some point.

I don't know about your town, but we live 4 houses away from my husband's boss. While it's not the same thing, we never see them, ever. I've never run into them at the store, the park, etc. To tell you the truth, I've never seen any of my neighbors outside of my neighborhood. I don't think you will see her as much as you think.

As for your kids, I grew up with a kid who's parents lived in the same area, and he loved it and couldn't have been more well adjusted. He would spend a week at each parent's house.

I don't know the relationship between both families, but would it be the end of the world that on the off chance you are at a restaurant together and you sit together for the kids? It could be. I have friends who's parents have been divorced for 20 years and still can't be in the same room as one and other. But what I can tell you from my friends who's parents were divorced growing up, that there was an amazing difference between the kids who's parents put their differences aside and those that didn't. My good friend's parents have been divorced for 23 years and my friend is 38 and still suffering the fallout because his parents couldn't get along.

Relax! It will be fine.
Don't play the what if game -- you handle each thing as it happens.
They might run back and forth between houses in the beginning, but it will get old fast. You have rules and days... just stick with it.
LBC

My ex and I see each other all the time when I am visiting their town. I go to the grandkids soccer games, go to their house for birthday parties, we have worked out our past issues and are grown ups.

We get along and are friends now. It wasn't like that at first of course but that was years ago. I moved out first and lived at my moms. I hated living there but did it because I was just not in love with him, I don't think I ever was. I got pregnant and he asked me to marry him so I did. He eventually found his current wife and they moved in together. We divorced a couple of years later, seriously, I just didn't believe in divorce. We finally divorced and he married her, she is the best thing that ever happened to my family.

I think if your hubby will open him mind and realize she has moved on and that the kids will be much better off if he and the ex work together to provide parents that are adults and able to differ and still work it out.

I can't change how DH feels about this, but if he could change his thinking, it would be helpful.

Neither of you should be threatened and uncomfortable with this. This situation is IDEAL! Are you kidding, both parents within walking distance of each other? That's perfect!!

And you guys are cordial with each other?? Even MORE perfect!!

Why on earth would it be weird if she walks in with her new husband? Don't all of you now know you all are married to other people? If she walks in with her new husband, you all should say, "Hi!" and strike up a friendly conversation.

Come on people, you all need to be adults. It would actually be VERY HEALTHY for the kids if all adults live nearby and get along well, and better yet, all LIKE each other.

Come on, adjust your attitudes! This is blessing!!

Awkward, yes. W/out a doubt.
But what I'm reading is that she's moved on and is putting the kids first. Just my personal opinion, but it sounds like you and DH need to refocus. He and the ex now have new spouses, so where's the confidence?

It's the kids that should now be the priority.