Trying to Make a Decision on Starting Kindergarten

I wouldn't base this decision on size....what if he is small his whole life, then It won't really matter anyway. As a teacher, I would hold him back, there are studies that show that kids are not really ready to go to school until they are closer to 6. I was the youngest in my class, everyone was older than me, so I wouldn't worry about him being "older". Most people my senior year in high school were already 18 in the fall. In fact, I hated being the one of the youngest. He sounds bright...he needs some kind of school and I would consider young 5's, those kids do read and do math like addition and subtraction. If he ends up being "gifted", they wouldn't be able to tell until he is in third grade, and then he could skip a grade if needed or be given more challenging assignments.

If he is bright and ready for school, send him. Why hold him back for his size. There are kids in my boys that are a good foot taller and a lot stockier than him. It just does'nt matter. My twins have never asked why they are smaller.

I work in an early childhood center that has prek through 2nd grade. There are 1st graders that are the same height as my 18 month old and kindergarteners taller than 2nd graders. If you think he is academically and socially ready for kindergarten, I say go for it. He may just be a shorter guy and if that's the case, one year won't make a difference. Good luck with your decision!

If your family runs to small stature, then he will still be smaller than the other kids next year, and if not then... he will be when it really starts to get mean, in junior high anyway. Why add being held back as another issue.

C.,

I have a 5 year old in Young-5's this year who is also very small for his age. He is also in the 3rd percentile. He turned 5 in Aug and is only in size 4T, I did my school clothes shopping for him in the toddlers dept.

Although he is a bright boy, I put him in Young-5's because sometimes boys have trouble sitting still and just being emotionally ready for the structure of school. I wanted to give him that extra year. There are lots of other things they learn besides letters, math, science. If he has a good teacher she can give him things to stimulate him academically if he seems too advanced.

They have been working on staying in their seats, raising hands, quiet voices, waiting turns, sharing, walking single file. All these seem like basic concepts, and I thought my son was good with them, but I have noticed that they ALL need practice in these things (I volunteer in the classroom one day a week) to be consistent in them, so that school as a whole is easier for them.

For me I would rather he be the oldest in his class instead of the youngest, especially because of his small size. He will be the first in his class to get his drivers license, not the last one driving around with other kids. I think it increases the likelihood that he will be in leadership positions instead of just following the older kids, who may be more mature than he is. I just think that the extra year will give him an advantage in so many other ways, not just for his size, because chances are that he is going to always be small and in high school it will even out, and he is most likely going to be the little guy, but maybe if he has that extra year now he will be able to handle it with a little more grace, and maturity? (I am hopeing).

I have 5 boys, and I didn't put the oldest 2 in a Young-5's program simply because my school system at the time wasn't good at communication and I wasn't made aware of it. My 3rd son is in First Grade now and I think it helped him, he is more shy and sweet and I think he is better able to navigate socially because of that extra year. My youngest is only 23 months old but I am already thinking I will go this route with him too.

I hope this was helpful to you.

C.,

My son, who is now 14, was small too. His birthday is late July. He was recommended for Pre-K and I chose to put him in Kindergarten. However, my school district offered Junior 1st grade. After seeing how he was in Kindergarten, I knew Jr. 1st grade was for him. So he had an extra year. It was the best decision I made. He is now a straight A student. He is a little late in puberty, but healthy.

The director of pre-school and community ed in our school district said "it is not how old a child is when he/she graduates, it is the education and what they learn is what is important". Personally I would rather have a mature 18 year old entering college than an imature 17 year old.

Confiden in oneself is so important, especially with what our children encounter in today's society.

As far as challenging him scholastically, I think a montessouri would be great for him.

Hope this helps.

M.

i would send him my boys are small as well and as a parent you need to give them the tools to over come the smallness i was small growing up as well and i did get made fun of for being small up i can do everything the other kids did i just could not reach everything high good luck

I have a feeling if you don't make an issue of his size he it won't bother him.

He may get teased or mocked but anyone can find something to mock about somebody, if it's not his size it will something else. Not saying your son is easily mockable, I don't know him, I am just saying kids will mock no matter what the person looks like, they always find something.

So just let your son know that some are tall, med and short, and he's just as special and gifted as any other kid out there and he may get teased for different things throughout his school days, just teach him how to handle it.

Just some random thoughts.

A lot of people have typed all the reasons why to hold him back and why not to...so I will keep mine short: Wait until he is five. If he ends up being ahead academically, taller, older, etc. than everyone, there is much less chance for low self esteem issues. If you send him at four and he struggles, it would be much worse to have to hold him back a grade at some point. Most of the "side effects" of sending him at five would be positive ones.

I had to make this same decision with my son (October) and got advice from tons of people. But the advice that meant the most to me was from my 26 yr. old nephew whose birthday is one day away from my son's on the calendar. He asked me when I was going to send him, (we hadn't decided yet) then he told me why he wished his parents would have waited until he was five. He ended up having to repeat a grade. Only when he was repeating the grade did he say he felt like he finally fit in, that he finally "got" what he was supposed to get in school. It meant more to me than any other advice I got...and I have since shared it with many people who had to make the same decision.

good luck

C. -

My son's birthday is at the end of September. I struggled with the decision for months as well. My son is on the small side and very bright. In the end, I decided to keep him home for 2 reasons - one, I wanted some ono-on-one time with him that we didn't get because he is 2nd born. The other reason was something the pediatrican told me - she gets many, many patients in the upper elementary and lower middle school grades that are having issues at school. She said 9 times out of 10, she opens the chart and it's a fall birthday. No one ever comes in and has problems because they didn't go the year they could have.

My son in now in 3rd grade and in the TAG (Talented and Gifted) program. I have not doubts I made the right decision.

Another way to think about - in 20 years, will you look back and say I wish I would have kept in home that extra year, or I wish I would have sent him earlier. Look at it from the big picture of life.

Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you. Don't torture yourself about. You know your child best.

Hope this helps. Merry Christmas!

K.

Have you ever considered homeschooling?

While I do currently homeschool my children, my oldest(now 16)was in public schools through 8th grade. He is a December baby so was almost a year older than everyone else in his class as well. It really wasn't a big deal. Now my daughter who has a late September birthday was one of the youngest in her class. There were kids an entire 14 months older than her and she definitely struggled. One of the things I love about homeschooling is the social interaction my kids have with ALL ages. In real life you are not with just people your age, you need to be able to relate to all ages. As far as academics, I am sure you are more than capable of teaching your child anything he needs at this(or any)age. If you want some websites with books and such to get you through this next year feel free to email me! I can send you a bunch:)
Good luck!

I agree wholeheartedly with what Dina says - I too have twins with a late Sept birthday and too small to even show on the percentile charts but I did not hold them back. They are now in 2nd grade and the brightest in their class. I work the lunch room at school and size never seems to come up as a bullying thing at our school. People come in all shapes and sizes and if they are ready to learn then don't hold them back. In the UK kids HAVE to go the year they turn 4 even if they are born the day before the cut off date and were 3 months premature - I know because this happened to my sisters son. He gets on fine despite being the youngest and smallest in the class. I think here in the US formal schooling starts way too late - half day kindergarten for a 6 year old? Get real! If you don't make it an issue the kids won't notice and make it an issue either...good luck!

Hi C. - here's my take on this. One of my kids has an October birthday but is also super-bright - he would have been incredibly bored and got into even more trouble than he did in elementary school. Now he's in middle school and doing brilliantly. I know you're worried about your little one's size but in my kindergartener's class there are some tiny children and some really big ones - I think you should really go with where he is academically. If he's already beginning to read and do sums it sounds like he's advanced for his age - I think you should keep him with kids who are his age because he will otherwise be bored and, as you said, wonder why everyone in the class is a year younger than him. Also, if he's so tiny, he's probably still going to be the smallest in the class if you hold him back a year - then he'll be the oldest and the smallest. Best of luck - Alison

HI! Just curious..when is his birthday? My middle boy - his birthday is in May and we held him back because he wasn't socially ready. Academically (I dont' know if I spelled that right)! ha-ha-..he is GREAT he is now in 3rd grade and yes, he is one of the oldest but doing really well. Now my youngest is in KD this year (he just turned 6 the end of the October) we held him back because we just thought - it's better to be oldest in the class then youngest (esp. when it comes to boys) and he is doing GREAT! How come you are against "young fives" classes? Some of them are pretty much comparable to KD. anyway..keep us updated and good luck!! :) Thank goodness u have all summer to think about it right?

When in doubt...wait. I read a lot of responses of really bright kids doing well academically in grade school. Remember that is the easiest part of school. Middle school and high school are full of social, peer and academic pressure. Even my child is average size, but almost a year behind some kids in her class that are driving...she has to wait. They are dating...she has to wait. They are more mature physically and she is right where she needs to be but it is a difficult time if you are not "normal" by preteen and teen standards. Academics are only part of what they learn and deal with in school...and life.

My daughter is a young 5 in Kindergarten this year (she has an early November birthday). I've spent a lot of time in her classroom this past week and the kids are varied in size. The smallest girl is actually 6 now and on her second time through Kindergarten. I'm not sure the full extent of why she was held back, but do know that part of it was that she wasn't academically ready to go to first grade. My own daughter is the second tallest in the class. The smallest girl (again she is 6) is about the same size as my 3.5 year old and is probably wearing a 4T or 5. Her mom is also on the shorter side. Observing her in the classroom, she interacts with the other kids just fine, plays with them, and no one really seems to notice that she is the smallest. There are also other kids that are close to her same size as well.

My advice, after giving you my experience, would be to talk to your school district - maybe the teacher even if you can (sounds like you have other kids at the school, is one of their old teachers still there??). Get their thoughts on it, bring your son so they can see him. It may be that waiting a year won't give him the height advantage that you want, but he'll end up being a lot smarter then other kids in the class and that could cause problems as well. The teachers will be able to tell you if they have seem size be a problem in the classroom. I will also add that both the two tallest girls are friends with the shorter kids in the class, but not really each other.

I say wait a year. We waited to enroll three of our kids and because they have summer birthdays they were all 6 years old on the first day of Kindergarten. Many parents are deciding to wait so if you enroll him now many of his classmates might be a year or more older (and bigger) than him. I have never, ever found a downside to waiting to enroll my kids.

Good luck!

My kindergartener is an October birthday and we debated to hold her back. After reading all the research, in the end there really isn't any benefit to holding back. Around 3rd grade they all tend to level out anyways (at least in reading). My dtr is an early reader too but is on the way far end of the shy scale. She didn't talk almost the first whole year of preschool so we were concerned about her readiness. After taking the advice from the school we sent her on thru to Kindergarten and she has just blossomed. She is smaller than her peers but that's okay. Good luck to you, she will do fine either way. My pediatrician told me you have to supplement your child's education at home and provide a nuturing environment to help you child learn and grow and it sure sounds like this is your family!
L.

When is his birthday? As a teacher....we don't advise to hold back for that kind of reason.

I grew up being the youngest in my class. I started K when I was 4 (Oct. bday). I hated it! Everybody was always older than me, meaning they were teenagers before me, they drove before me, etc. It didn't ruin my life...but it did bug me. Now that I am 34 and all my friends are 35, it's okay, too...LOL! It's your call...good luck deciding.

~L.

My kids were in preschool at 4 and Kindergarden at 5, and Lexi is really tiny...I mean really tiny! At 4 years old she was wearing a 2T still. She has done just fine. She is in 3rd grade now. Just do it. You can always hold back later if you need to, but don't just hold back now. What if you do and realize you are regretting it later and it's only hurting him by holding him back. You have to give him a chance. Size doesn't matter. Trust me, I'm 4' 11". I would have hated my parents if they would have held me back because of my size.

Boy, where is that crystal ball when we really neeed it? It is so hard to predict the what-if's, isn't it? I needed to hold one of my children back. In this class of 60, 8 are one year older, so he is not alone. Kid's reading capabilities vary from age 4-7, so even if he can read now and is ahead of the other kids, doesn't mean that he will be advanced throughout the next 13 years. All of my children started reading early, and he won't be bored because he can read books at his own level. It is really important to look a his maturity level, is he ready to socialize in a kindergarten setting? Younger kids may need that extra year for maturity to be able to follow directions, sit still, focused. But if the question is size alone, there is no way to tell if he will be smaller forever. In Michigan the cut-off is December, but in other states it is as early as June. Does his birthday fall into that young 5 category? If he is ready to be with his peers, that should be your deciding factor. If he is not, do the young 5's. Good Luck

I feel that starting school would be a very positive thing for your son. If he is bright, size should not hold him back. If you don't make him feel that size is a problem, he won't either. If a person is small, they're just small. That will be part of his life and I really feel you should allow him the opportunity to accept this as part of his individuality. No parent wants to see their child be hurt but holding him back may hurt him more. A good idea would be to ask him what he wants. Good luck. :)

Hi C.,
I started my daughter at 4 and am so sorry I did. She was very smart..way past many in her preschool class. She helped teach the kids to read,etc. but it was after 5th grade that we started to see the decline. She went backwards..in grades and in social skills. Since I was sorry for sending my daughter early I had my son go into developmental kindergarten to give him extra social time..he too was very smart..but the social skills are very critical too!!...really equal in my book. Schools have gifted programs for highly intelligent students and you can help them get into other programs outside of school also...give it a lot of consideration...there is no hurry...
Best to you and your family,
C.

Hi! My son is also in the 3rd percentile. He is 6 1/2, the smallest in his class by far, and doing marvelously in first grade. I had no choice, he had a June birthday and the cutoff for young five evaluation was August birthdays. But he is doing wonderfully, and so far his size is not an issue. In fact, he excels at running, and can run faster than the 4th graders. He has mentioned a "bully" at school that tries to knock him over during sport activities but he seems to handle it very well. He is well liked according to his teachers; everyone wants to stand by him, be his partner, etc. Academically he is among the best in his class. My husband also experienced being among the smallest in his class. He did fine too. I think it has more to do with their personality. If a child whose size is different has a great personality and social skills, size won't be an issue. Hope this helps!

From my own experience I would for sure hold him back and find another program for this coming fall. I started my oldest daughter the fall she would turn 5. She was fine with the school work for quite a time. The "youngness" didn't show up until middle school. So many parents DO hold kids back and we found that by the time she was in middle school and into high school, some kids were almost 2 years older than she was. She did fine with the schoolwork, but the peer thing and maturity of the other kids was difficult to deal with. It's also my understanding that boys (I had all girls) mature a little later emotionally. I would give him the advantage of being a bit more mature now so the other issues don't come into play in a few years. His size shouldn't be the issue. His emotional maturity is what's important. Good luck with your decision.

As a teacher, and as a "grammy" to 4 grandkids, I say, "do NOT hold him back. Kids get their self esteem from their families and from being successful, not their size only. My daughter's 3 children are all small. The middle child does not even make the 5% on the charts. The oldest, who is in kindergarten, has already qualified for the talented and gifted program (5% for height). Your picture says it all--You read to your children, and I'll bet you are a wonderful parent. SEND your beautiful children to school on time! I love parents like you.

I dealt with this for my 2 oldest boys. The oldest has a Nov 5 and younger Nov 28 b'day. It was clear that my oldest was very bright so I asked the questions you're asking. I heard the size and self-esteem side and the bored side. My husband and I aren't small, but my husband didn't grow until 10th grade, so he knew the score there. In the end, it was my sister, who has a Masters in early childhood ed., that made my mind up. She had been advocating for waiting since, especially for boys, they seem to do better starting later. She lives in Oregon so hadn't been around him, just heard my stories. Then she came to visit when my daughter was born. After a week she said "Start him!" Never regretted it, but he did somehow grow earlier than many of the older boys in his class so that wasn't an issue after all. Maturity however, has some concerns. The logistics of middle school was tough and dealing with being smart has been his challenge. (He says "Gifted" is the stupidist name for being smart because he thinks its a curse. How sad is that?) Maturity may have helped him deal with boredom and feeling different. Then there is son 2. He was very emotionally immature as a toddler: Sucked his thumb until he was 10, cried easily, very frustrated, etc. I was sure having the boys almost exactly 2 years apart in age, yet 3 in school would be a negative. But I couldn't start him on that merit, so we waited. Being older has been good for him. He's not the biggest kid and he's more confident. He's also very intelligent and we deal with boredom some, but not as much as the older one! Go figure? They are now in 9th and 6th grades. Since starting high school my son is more challenged and has found his place in the band crowd. He's happier with school than he's ever been. Now he just has to apply himself! I think it would be easier to supplement the academic side than the self esteem side. I had good relationships with most elementary teachers and made sure they weren't being "left ahead" so to speak. We send them to Sat classes at Schoolcraft College and I plan to cash in on the school's promise to offer college level classes for qualified students in 11th & 12th grade.
So, my advice to you is to put him in a Montessori or similar program, and see how it goes when it come time for considering 1st grade. The public school dynamic is tough on anyone that's different. Middle School especially, so if you can manage an alternative, great. I wish I could have for my kids. I did splurge on Montessori for the younger 2 for preschool and I swear they're better students because of it. My oldest was in a play-based co-op preschool. There are so many variables to consider and in the end you'll have to take risks on some things. He'll give you the answer. How you feel about the decision can make a big difference. Good luck!

I can see how this is a very hard concern for you. I can also understand both sides of the argument as well. For me I grew up 6 mo to a year older than all of the other kids in my school. It did bother me some times, but on the whole not so much. I think you are right to be sure and put him in something to help him progress as well as maintain his social skills. I think I would look into private schooling if at all possible. It may cost a little bit, however. I think I would be more worried about his self-esteem. I know that keeping him learning is important, but with a private program that should be taken care of. Then you would be protecting that fragile self-esteem as well. I think he would get used to being an older child in school, and you are probably not the only one who is considering waiting a year. He will not be alone in the "older" group, I wasn't. I hope this helps,
Trish

The kindergarten class that I work in has children of all sizes. Follow your heart.

S.

being small shouldn't be a reason to wait, if he isn't ready emotionally, or mentally that should be your reason.
but you need to do what you think is right.

C.,

The size of your child shouldn't be the determining factor in starting school at age 4 or waiting a year. Growth can catch them up or your children may just be predisposed to being smaller physically. You need to decide if they are ready socially and emotionally. My boys were both October birthdays so with the first one the school tested him and thought it best if we put him in young fives which we did. It was more about being ready socially, which he wasn't, so it made sense to hold him back. Because our second son was also an October baby we naturally put him into the young fives class without having him tested by the school. As it turned out he fell into the gifted/talented category and would have been fine starting early. He was never bored with school but was often frustrated with his classmates who were less mature and that was his only problem with starting school late. The oldest graduated with honors and the second one will be also so it didn't hurt to err on the side of an extra year of school.

S.

C. ~
If he is emotionally and academically ready for school, then you should send him. I've never heard of anyone holding their child back because of their size. Who's to say he'll ever be bigger? My brother was very small until he turned 16 (he was 4' 11"), when he grew a foot in one year! Yes, he was teased, some, but kids tease about everything. My son was never very big, but he was smart, and since his birthday is at Christmas he was almost 6 when he started kindergarden. He never had trouble keeping up, in fact he was advanced, but his size was never an issue, either. I would say send him, he'll be fine. There's nothing you can do about how tall you are, it's genes. Teach him to accept his size and use it as a positive (like when he's older, he'd probably be great for wrestling!).
good luck!
D.

Have you considered a Montessori school? I know that the one in my neighborhood groups many grades together and the older kids help the younger kids learn, etc. It might be good for your little boy, since he'll eventually be in a class with older and younger kids and won't be the only small boy around. Of course, this is after Kindergarten (I think)...but it was just a thought. Maybe something to check out for his elementary school. They let them progress academically at their own speed, too...while adhering to state academic provisions. That way, he might not get "bored" with being too advanced for the grade he is in if you do hold him back a year.

It sounds like he is in perschool and already has friends. His friends are going to Kindergarten next year and there is no reason academically to hold him back. It sounds like he is always going to be the little kid in the class even if you keep him home another year. It shouldn't be too big of a problem as long as he has a good attitude and is a social person. Think of how he is going to feel in the fall when all of his friends are going to school and he tells them he can't go because he is too small. If he is academically ready, which it sounds like he is more than academically ready for Kindergarten, then send him. How are his motor skills? If his motor skills are also similar to children his age then there is really no reason to keep him home other than the thought that he might get picked on someday. I know kids can be mean, but it may be worse for him if you keep him home another year, I know kids who got picked on for starting kindergartn late, they would get asked of they were dumb, and would get picked on for not being smart enough to start with the rest of their peers. So you need to look what is academically best for him, because he may get picked on eaither way you go. I did not want this to sound like I am attacking you, I am just trying to give you the other side of the story. I know you will make the decision you feel is right for your son, because you obvously love him and care about how he is going to be treated by others through his life. We can't protect them from everyone, even though we try our hardest to. Good Luck with this tough decision.

I agree with the response about sending him if he is bright and already reading and adding. I work in a Kindergarten class and we don't have problems with the sizes of kids and the size affecting how they get along. Kids at this age size doesn't matter to them and I think when size does start to matter he will have grown more. However I have seen discipline problem with kids who are bored because they are older and academically ahead of their classmates. Some teachers can help this with providing additional activities/classwork to these students to help them stay challenged but not all can because of various reasons like class size. The one things though I would look at also is his social and emotional skills. Do you feel he is ready for Kindergatern in these areas because even if he is ready academically if he's not ready emotionally it can be better to hold him back. Emotionall I mean things like, will he miss you a lot and want to be at home. Can he handle a friend who one minute might play with him them the next get up and go play with someone else (not being mean but just not realizing he's hurting your son's feelings). If he can't handle these type of situations then maybe holding him back would be best. Go with your heart because most things will fix themselves and he will be well adjusted by time he's in 2nd or 3rd grade.

C., i come from a family of short people, when i say short i mean dwarf short, so i understand the short, in my case cant just hold back cause of size, but in your case, first of all, the old addage is size does not matter, hahahahaahahaah sorry bad pun, any way , you will either have a size issue to deal with or an age issue to deal with, its way easier to put in a smart child, and do well, then to put in an older child and perform badly, kids are made fun of no matter of size or age, or smarts or religion or looks, they get made fun of, and its hard on them at any age, i would rather my child be in an age appropriate class than a size appropriate class, if that makes sense, what is best for your child? smart children need to be challenge and he probably could cope with age alot easier than his person being attacked, your other children survived their issues what ever those were, if the school accepts them at that age and the child is ready , do what is best for the child, sounds like to me, you and him and school does not have an issue with him starting early , they usualy put kids through a test to see if they are ready, if proven ready and you are ready go for it, just have fun and enjoy life, D. s

Good Morning, C.! I understand your situation. Both my kids (now 12 and almost 9) were smaller than the others in their class. They both started Kindergarten when they were 4. I think it's important to get them started as soon as they are mentally ready. If your child is already reading and so on, then by all means get your child enrolled. I think self-esteem is important, but I also think that schools, etc. put too much emphasis on the subject, making kids think too much about it. God makes us the way we are, and kids need to realize that no one is perfect! Kids need to know how to properly handle any critism they receive, and they will get plenty in school "life". My daughter is still one of the smallest in her 3rd grade class, but she is also at the top of her class in academics. There's a lot of pressure on how people look on the outside..too much, in fact. Parents need to teach kids early on that there's more to a person than what they look like on the outside. God bless! L.-Michigan