Trying to Make a Decision on Age for School, Please Help

I do not think that a childs' grade has any bearing on their relationship. That mostly comes from their home environment. I have 3 girls and my 2 oldest are 2 years apart in school. When they were in school, they did not have the opportunity to interact except at Girl Scouts anyways. They are very close and I now homeschool them and they are best friends. My youngest will be 3 or 4 years apart from the middle girl depending on how her schooling goes. Since she is only 4 years old sometimes it is hard for her to be able to do things with the older girls, but I teach them to include everyone and I believe that this is what will keep them close. My brother was 3 years older than me and we are very close.

C.,

I have a boy and girl, myself. They are almost 3 years apart (another 19 days and they would be EXACTLY 3 yrs apart). They are great friends! They go to a smallish private school and see each other often in the hallways and cafeteria at school. (They are 10 and 7). They have always been very close- best friends even. They get along with and are quite friendly with each other's friends too. I think that your kids will be close, regardless of what class they are in, if they are close to begin with. Their relationship has less to do with their class, than with their personalities and home/family life.

As for giving him the opportunity to start early, I'd say, at this age, go for it - If he is intellectually able to follow the material and able to not be a distraction to the other kids. Keep in mind, however, that emotional maturity is a big part of the class "age" during the preschool years and is definitely something to weigh heavily. You can always supplement at home for the academic growth...

One other thing I'd like to add:
If your son is as advanced as you say, and can sit for long enough to pay attention, try teaching him to read before he goes to preschool (k4). It will help you know if he can "hang" with kids with more maturity. Being able to sit still and pay attention is a HUGE obstacle for kids at his age, especially boys. "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" is what I used to teach both my kids. My son at 4 yrs, my daughter at 3.5 yrs. As for Sunday School at church, let him go where he enjoys it the most. Knowing numbers, etc isn't a big deal with what they normally are doing in Sunday School. Grasping complex abstract thoughts will eventually come into play, though. How does he fit on that "scale"?

Hi C..

My brother and I are two years apart, with he being the elder. We fought like crazy as children, but now (at 37 and 39) we are closer than ever. I must tell you that ALL siblings fight. Now, if it were you, would you want your mother to hold you back from all you are capable of because of someone else? He may resent her (or you) in the future. It certainly sounds like he is a bright boy, and that he is ready for school.

HTH,

C.

I would be careful about pushing him ahead. My oldest son (now 13) was very much like yours(smart, high vocab etc.) BUT I still recommend that parents of boys keep them home as long as they can. Boys just mature later than girls. I've known SO many who wished they held their son back and NONE that were sorry that they did. This has nothing to do with their ability to learn but everything to do with their mental maturity. It just gives them an advantage. My 2 oldest are 2 years apart in school and are close (of course I homeschool now anyway) You can foster their closeness through other ways than just being back to back grades.
If he's bored in school you can always homeschool him and let him work ahead. God bless you and your family!

Hello C. O.

Same thing my experience, my son was a gifted child but Massachusetts put him in same aged children in class by State law. I recommond you to research your local school board because some State allow children move higher level than their ages after they do evaluate on children and put properly level for their educate. Other States require follow their law that ages no matter if children are smart or not, school board put same aged children in same grade and level class.
I am not sure which State you live in and advise you to check your local school board and get more information. it might help your decide what to do with your kids in future. Good Luck

1) my son is also gifted was able to read in preschool. We chose NOT to skip any grades because we wanted him to have a normal childhood! I myself started kindergarten at 4 and was just not emotionally mature enough to be there. Kids grow up so fast....why rush it? If you put him in a good school with a gifted program, or a teacher who gives him work at his level, he will not be bored.

2) my kids are 2 years apart in school, and are as close as 2 peas in a pod. (except for when they are fighting!!) I find that it makes little difference what grade they are in. My son is so smart, he has always been able to keep up with his sister in games, reading, or whatever. It really hasn't been an issue.

Feel free to write me if you have any more questions!!

Been there, done that.....

I know you have already received a lot of great responses. I believe that you have made the right decision by keeping him with his own age group. I am raising my niece who is now 9 1/2 years old. She taught herself to read and write by age 4, and has been in the gifted and talented program since 1st grade. She has a late birthday (November) so she is just finishing up 3rd grade now. While academically she has always been ahead, when it comes to emotional maturity it is a different matter altogether. Remaining in her own grade level and with her own age group has allowed her to fit in with the other students and continue to excel, rather than struggle or fall behind. As intelligent as she is, she would never make it with those a grade above her. She still lacks the level of discipline and dedication required of the older students.
The great thing about the gifted and talented program is that she never gets bored. She has a wonderful teacher who has raised the bar, and challenges her students to work hard and keep up. And, as a few other mothers said, you will always have the option to home school if necessary and there is private education available as well.

Our son is 13 now and has been tested to be noted as "gifted" and we started him at school at 4 1/2. It is a good decision when he is young, but the future may hold other issues. He may be ready now, but why rush it? What happens when his peers are teenagers and he is not? He won't be ready emotionally with good reason - he isn't the same age. I noticed a HUGE difference in developement form 3rd to 4th grade and 6th to 7th grade. HUGE! He and his sister will be close no matter what grade they are in. I think staying with his appropriate age is the best call - you don't know how he will develope, mature, etc. From a sports perspective, another year to grow physically could benefit him. I just think he should be a kid as long as he can with kids his own age. Good luck! :)

You may want to check with the schools. If you are in Fl. they are strict about the cut off dates. The only way around it is to send your child to a private school for kindergarten. Other states may be more lenient on the age.
L.

I'll respond based on my own personal life; my sister and I are a few months short of being 2 years apart and we were and still are very close! 2 years is still very close in age and in school; the difference will start to come when one goes away to college but 2 years later I went to the same college and we had a couple more years together. I'm 37 now and we're still the best of friends even though we haven't lived in the same place since she graduated from college. It's all about the family values that you instill in your kids....

Good luck to you!

If he is ready, then do not hold him back. He and his sister will grow close and apart naturally, as they will have some common and some separate friends throughout their lives.

Keep him with his age. I was always the youngest one in my class growing up and I hated that everone did everything before me. I know you want to think your kid is a genius (i like to think it too) but just because he is excelling now, doesn't mean he always will in everything.

You have 2 issues to address here...

The sibling thing-- how close your children are as they grow up has very little if anything to do with if they are one or 2 years apart in school. They will either get along and be close or they won't. Your parenting (ie teaching them how to treat each other, teaching them to respect each other's space, etc)is the #1 factor in play here.

The school thing-- I was skipped a year (with just a few months of kindergarten, they put me in 1st grade) and it was AWFUL being a year younger than all of my friends growing up. My daughter is gifted and I'm soooo glad we didn't skip her a year up. She entered kindergarten already reading on at least a 2nd grade level while the other kids were learning the letter sounds. I am an involved parent and always make sure my daughter's teachers do things every year to challenge her beyond the every day curriculum, plus we do things at home to keep her mind active. Public school will not allow him to start kindergarten early, but if you find a private school that will, I advise against it. It's very difficult socailly when you are younger and smaller than every one else -- it is much easier to find ways to be challenged academically than to deal with being a year ahead socially- trust me!

i understand the thought of him being understimulated. however he is only 2.5. do not make him grow up too fast. let him be a child a play. my niece is in gifted and always has been. she didn't have kids to play with when she was little. much better to tlet them play when they can.

C.

I think I am also in the same position you are, and I am anxious to find out what the other mothers think. I think my 3yr old son too is very smart beyond what they are preparing him for in pre-school (I know every M. thinks their kid is smart), but based on the curriculums I looked at, he would really be behind with his age group, and for my son, he can't start early because his birthday is after Sept 1st. PS. I skipped twice in school and I loved it. I was always the youngest but later in life I became more mature because I adjusted to the older kids. Good luck.

Hi C.,
This goes back many years, but I also started preschool at age two with a class of three-year-olds becasue I was potty trained. I continued with that class, but then went to a Montessori Kindergarten (private) when they all went to Public school because I was too far from the cut off date for Kindergarten (I was pretty much a full year younger than all the other kids). The following year, I started Public School Kindergarten with kids my own age. So, essentially I went to Kindergarten twice. I wouldn't say I was bored, but I was definitely ahead of the game, all through school. My mom made the decision NOT to skip me ahead, becasue she didn't want me in the same grade as my brother...kind of the opposite if your situation.

Really, I think what it comes down to is will the school allow him to start kindergarten early? I think the public schools in FL are pretty strict when it comes to making the age for the cutoff date for VPK and Kindergarten by Sept 1. I would look into it and make sure it is even possible before you make any decisions.

My boys are only 18 months apart, but will be two years apart in school becasue of when their birthdays fall, but I don't think it will be that big of a deal. I think your kids will still be close. I wouldn't worry about it.

My mom thought she was going to have two kids close together in school because my brother and I were only two years different in age, but we ended up being four years apart in school between my moving up a year and my brother's late birthday. It can really be a good thing for both of them, especially if your son continues to be ahead of his age group. My brother was bright, but just not as interested in school-types stuff as I was, but we were far enough apart in grades that he mostly escaped being compared to me all the time. He actually ended up being a sports-star type in high school, as he was really as different from me as you can get! But we always spent a lot of time together growing up and were great friends. The time they spend at home will be what's important in their friendship, not their years in school.

Florida law states a child has to be 5 before September 1 and if they go through kindergarten in a private school the state will make them redo it. My daughter is September 29 baby she had to wait.She also ended un in the gifted program through high school and went to an honors college.
Third in her graduating class. But they would not let her jump a grade
survey as done when the cut off date was Jan 1 and those that got retained were bithdays in the fall so they switched to Sept.1