Trying to Avoid Ripping

When I had my first child, my doctor did perineal massage and I did not tear. (she was 4 weeks early too so I don't know if that had anything to do with it). With my second I did tear a little...my son came really fast though (no time for massage). There is hope. Even if you do need stitches it's not tooo bad, but they did make me do sitz baths after the 2nd one...I don't know if that was a hospital thing or a stitches thing though. Good luck!

Have you thought about getting a mid wife or a doula??? They can help out a lot with info on that plus they will help you so much!

I would go with a midwife and/or doula. They will help you during the delivery (with a vitamin E rub, massage, etc.) to help make sure you won't rip. I've heard massaging the perineum before hand doesn't actually work.

Good luck!

Hi R.! I had my first child last summer, and I also really researched everything about natural pain relief, as I also don't have a very high pain tolerance and was a little nervous about the delivery. I think what surprised me most about the birth was how active it was! I somehow thought that I could practice some techniques and just relax, while the birth just happened (hopefully somewhere in the distant background!)but, at least for me, it was like my body decided it was going to hike up a mountain that day, no if's and's or but's. I thought that the challenging part was less about the pain, than just being able to feel like I could keep up my endurance while I was exhausted. I had a doula, and she was an amazing coach for me. During contractions, I felt best walking, standing, sitting on the ball,"slow-dancing" with her while gazing into her eyes, and relaxing/deep breathing when I could in between. Just having someone experienced there to tell me, "hey you're doing great, this is normal" was immensely helpful. You can go to the DONA website, and interview several doulas to find one that you really "click" with in person, someone that you feel comfortable enough with to spend hours together.

It was also helpful for me to have light snacks and juice available during my whole labor. As I side note, I did decide to have an epidural towards the end, had an episiotomy, and I actually had a 3rd degree tear. But- it was literally no problem at all- things were a little swollen down there for a few days, and then everything healed up just fine- very little discomfort. I never even felt I needed Motrin, except for the first few hours after the birth. And I've never had any pain or problems related to the tear.

About the doula, it was also encouraging to have someone who just followed my lead- sometimes a position or activity worked well for me, and she just supported me at whatever I wanted to do.

As a final note, one of the best pieces of advice I got was from my friend who said- don't worry about the birth- it is over in a flash (compared to everything else about pregnancy and parenting) but just enjoy your days and months before the birth and don't wish that time away in your excitement. Having your baby is wonderful, but you'll appreciate the time you took to enjoy being just a couple for a while longer... :)

This is just my two cent about delivering. Epidurals dont always work!!! I was all for it and got it, and it did nothing. As far as your concern about tearing, if your doctor is aware of the baby's size, a epiziotomy (sp)will be easier to heal from rather than if you tear,so the DR can make that decision when the time comes. After having 2 births, one with epidural, one with epidural that didnt work, as a woman, you will find it with in yourself to get through the pain. Honestly, I found mustering up the energy was a lot more of a challenge than dealing with any pain...... Just remain calm, you can do it!!!!
I wish you all the luck.......

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It is such a wonderful part of being a woman, enjoy every minute of it. I had a great unmedicated childbirth and did so by doing LOTS of research on childbirth. There is a ton of info, but I highly recommend the Hypnobirth methods, Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and/or finding a doula (a labor support person).
Our bodies are made to give birth and the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques teach you how to breath in order to support the natural process of labor instead of fighting it. I had only minimal tearing and a wonderful birth experience. Other than that you can use olive oil to help the perineum stretch. All I can say is EDUCATE yourself, there are lots of ways to ensure that you have a wonderful birth experience. Enjoy and congratulations!

Hi R.. Everyone has such a different experience during birth so it is hard to know how your experience will end up being. I can say that it was nothing like I thought it would be. My biggest fear was about tearing (large heads run on both sides of the family) and I discussed perineal massage with my doctor. The nurses were VERY good about doing it. But I did end up having to have an episiotomy anyway because my daughter was quite large. And I did not feel a thing when they cut! There is sooo much adrenaline and so much going on that pain almost becomes an afterthought. At least it did for me. I had planned to give birth naturally and made it to 8.5 cm dilation but my daughter was large and in a face up position so I had all back labor. I tried my best with the breathing and natural pain methods for many hours before opting for an epidural and for me it was a blissful few hours of rest before the pushing began. They asked if I wanted another epidural prior to pushing and I declined because I wanted to feel when to push. And pushing for me was not painful, it was very much about endurance. You become so focused on pushing and being in the moment and people are coaching you... The one thing I wish I had known more about was HOW to push. It was very confusing when it was happening and I ended up pushing for nearly two hours because of my baby's size. I would hear things like "Bear down" and "Push upward". I still am not quite sure what either of those mean. I think I expended a lot of wasted energy pushing incorrectly. If only I had read up more about how to do it. But one thing is for sure, your exhaustion and pain disappears the instant your baby is born. Be prepared, but don't worry yourself too much as when the day arrives, you will know what will be right for you. Best wishes to you!

R.,
It's wonderful to hear you're wanting to give yourself and your baby a natural birth! I live over in Bar Harbor and I had a great natural birth at the hospital in Ellsworth with a midwife. My baby boy is 6 months now and I wouldn't have changed a thing except I might have tried harder to find a comfy position in the birthing tub. My super-supportive husband as my birthing partner and we spent TONS of time spent in prayer (and in doing homework) about the birth during my pregnancy. These things come to mind in response to your message. I'm pretty much a wimp when pain is involved.
1) having already committed to not take meds. They weren't on my mind as an option and we asked that they not be offered.
2) finding my breath early on after my contractions began helped keep me calm the entire time
3) moving to different positions frequently helped both me and my son
4) stretching the perineum beforehand--knowing the sensation to expect really helped me know I was nearing the end. It was great having practiced relaxing that area and I ended up with just a superficial tear. The midwife said it was similar to having a split lip.
5) believing and praying throughout. God put part of a song in my head that gave me the focus and comfort I needed right when I needed it most.
I had music on but didn't notice it so much. The room remained dim, which was nice and soothing. I kept moving to different positions. The midwife massaged my perineum during crowning with oils, too. The best part about it was when his head and shoulders came out and my midwife directed me to reach down, put my hands under his little arm pits and pull him out and up on to me. Bliss!!! That moment was worth every bit of it. He didn't cry until hours later when his diaper was changed for the first time, but was calm and alert and looking around while we snuggled for the first time. We waited until the cord stopped pulsing completely so that our son could get as much of his own blood as possible and he has been very healthy.He's just now getting over his first cold. I should definitely mention that that he was 9 lb and 7 oz and 21.5 inches long. I'm not very big at 5'5".
Do some soul searching and your homework! I wish you the best. Motherhood is GREAT!!
I almost forgot--I took a Hypnobirthing class and, although I found it very encouraging and educational in terms of birthing naturally and calmly, and filled my mind with a bunch of beautiful birth videos, I knew that it wouldn't work for me. I knew that in just relying on myself and my own ability to remain calm, I didn't have what it would take. Thankfully our faith in the Lord reminded us that he would give me what it took and he did. My husband did try to lead me in a visualization during my labor and it just did not work for me, but I do believe it can be very helpful.

With my 1st birth I did no research and had no help and ended up having a FAST uncontrolled unmedicated horrendous birth that tore me end to end. Knowledge is power, so you are off to a great start!!!

I learned with my 2nd and had an intrathecal and naturally delivered a 10 pounder out of my 110 pound frame with no tearing. Slow and steady gets the credit for that. My body had a chance to slowly stretch.

With my 3rd I feel I finally got it right. I had an unmedicated water birth. It was WONDERFUL. It kept all the weight off of me, the warm water was soothing and it's the tried and true best method to not tear.

If you don't choose a water birth really express concern about doing anything to "speed you along". Your body knows what it is doing. Having a baby tear out of you will do just that...tear right out of you.

Nubain is great to take the edge off of early labor (if you have any medication though you cannot do a water birth). I did that for my second and I was able to rest so when it was game time I was strong enough to handle it.

Best of luck to you, darling!! Remember, your contractions are not more than you can handle because they ARE you!

"There is a secret in our culture and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong"

Hi R.,

I did have an epidural, but I didn't get it until 9 cm, so I guess that I did manage most of it on my own (that wasn't the plan)! I did play music, and although I hadn't done perineal massage at home, the dr. did it during labor. I think it is a great thing to do, as although I did tear, it was VERY small and I was out of pain after only a couple of days. I would recommend asking your dr. to do it. Best of luck; it is amazing!

R., take the drugs!!! then spend every second afterwards enjoying that baby. After you rest, and are by yourself in your hospital bed, put your nose right up against your baby's skin, take a deep breath and enjoy the most amazing, incredible and indescribable scent -- find a place to store that scent in your heart and memory forever, it will always be there for you for the rest of your life, but your little one will grow and move on. so please, make it a point to remember the littlest detail of your new baby boy. and definatly, take the drugs!!! It is amazing how quickly your body heals after birth, so don't worry too much about ripping. My biggest fear was pooping on the table, let me tell ya, when it comes that time, there could be stadium seating and you would have the biggest bm of you life in front of them all!!! It's all so irrelivant at the moment. just try to remember, the pain of birth completely goes away the instant that baby comes out. best of luck to you!!! L. C.

R.,

I used the HypoBirthing techniques for natural delivery. It is all about relaxing and indiviual methods that work for you. I was very happy with this method for my delivery and long (27 hours) labor.

One thing that I can say to avoid ripping is to let the baby decide when it's time to come out. Don't push, your body and the baby will come out without you pushing and this will avoid most tearing.

-M.

Hi R.,

I used the breathing techniques I knew from my yoga practice and together with sitting in a warm jacuzzi with the bubbles on, I managed to wait as long as I could to ask for the epidural. I was able to get to 7.5 cm before the epidural and it was amazing. I was exhausted and had started to get double contractions. Two back to back without a break, then a break, then another two. This really drained me. Getting the epidural gave me a chance to sleep for about an hour and get more energy for later. I ended up pushing for four hours.

I really wanted to avoid an episiotomy and I made it clear to my doctor. I also told her that I trusted her judgement. My son's head was huge (family trait). I was seeing everything through a mirror and could tell that at one point he would not go forward no matter how hard I pushed. This happened for two contractions. Finally my doctor said that he would not come out without an episiotomy. I said OK. She made a very clean cut and my son came out after two more contractions. She also did a very good job sowing me. She explained that she made the cut diagonally just in case the cut tore a bit it would no go down to my anus. Sorry to be graphic but this is the kind of thing some women never talk about...

What I learned from my experience is that you really have to trust your doctor or midwife because you need to put yourself in their hands. Otherwise you end up fighting your body and that can make things worse.

I almost forgot... She did massage my perineum but it did little because of the size of my son's head. A good friend of mine ripped even though her son was much tinier than mine. each woman is different.

Good Luck and I hope this helps,
A.

During my pregnancy I decided I wanted to go all natural, no drugs and definately no epidural. So, I practiced relaxation techniques and I did massage my perineum some, but not alot. I took child birth classes as well to learn how to breath and relax. I would have to say that the more relaxed you are the less you will rip if at all. I had no ripping at all and went completely natural. Another suggestion is to listen to the nurses, they really do know what they are doing and are there to help you to deliver safely and with the least amount of stress and pain. You will probably feel like pushing before you should, but hold off as long as you can, until they tell you to.
But mainly RELAX!!!! If you are relaxed your body can do most of the work for you. Concentrate on yourself and listen to your body, not all else that is going on in the room. Dim the lights and put on soft music if that relaxes you, whatever is going to help you relax do it.

I hope you have a happy, healthy little boy!! Congrats!!

I had both of my children naturally. My first was only 6 lbs 3.5 oz, but my second was 8 lbs 1 oz. I had only one tiny tear with both. For me the best thing was focusing for pain management.
I found a very specific object and focused on nothing else. I would tell myself, "See the screw. You are that screw. Nothing exists but that screw..." I was using a screw in the switchplate when they had me in the shower during labor with my first. You have to learn to keep your body completely relaxed because tensing up only redirects your focus to what hurts.
With my second I labored almost completely at home. I sat on the couch in a comfy position for serveral hours and used my technique. When I finally went to the hospital my contractions were less than 2 minutes apart and I was dilated to 7! He was born about 30 minutes after we got there and my doctor arrived just in time to "catch."
In early labor you want to take long, slow, deep breaths. Then later the short, shallow breathing. I learned about this in my childbirth classes. To prevent tearing I worked on exercising my pelvic muscles. The elevator lifts are great for this. You should be able to get this info from your doctor, midwife, doula, etc.
Your relationship with your husband is absolutely important as well! Make sure he understands that you don't know what you want and you won't until the time comes and you want it. You may want to be massaged or you may not want to be touched at all. He must know that you may indecisive or short-tempered and he is not to take offense nor attempt to rebut.
Good luck...enjoy every minute! If I had it to do all over again, I'd do everything exactly the same. It's wonderful to be clear-headed after delivery so you can enjoy those first minutes!

Please, PLEASE find and take a hypnobirthing class. We are doing it and it is fabulous!
It teaches self-hypnosis for relaxation, and is amazing. We are learning to use the techniques to relieve stress in all areas of our life and most women who use this technique have completely natural births with no tearing, screaming, etc. They emphasize perineal massage for weeks prior to delivery so you are supple and stretchy for no tearing. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I don't know where you are but there are classes offered at Newburyport and Beverly - the hypnobirthing homepage has lists of practitioners by town that you can search.

Hello R. B I have had 3 children and all were natural birth what i found worked for all 3 was a hot tub or just a warm bath i hate pain and cry when i cut my finger so imagine

I know you already have gotten a ton of responses, but I had to share! My daughter was born at home in our tub July 17, 2006. I never needed to forcefully push my baby out, and hence never tore! My body naturally did all the work for me. She was 8lbs. 6oz. and I am a five foot 120lb. woman. Most women are rushed through their births at hospitals which causes these painful and highly medicated experiences! HYPNOBIRTHING...I repeat: READ HYPNOBIRTHING THE Marie Mongan Method! Tons of information in this book on the history of birthing, meditations and strategies for healthy birthing. Buy the practice CD's to go with it if you can afford it. (www.hypnobirthing.com or try amazon) Women have been doing this for centuries, you'll be fine! Water, rocking, the ball, breathing, massage, meditation and anything else to keep your mind distracted will help! I also highly recommend the birthing stool. After two and a half hours of the "pushing" contractions my midwife put the stool in the tub, three contractions later my daughter was out!

Hi R.,
I would recommend hypnobirthing. You can look up the web site to find someone who teaches in your area. I would then interview and talk to the person. (not sure where you live) but it is available in a lot of places. I had an epidural with my first, and an episiotomy. It was not fun, and I said never again...... my second delivery went better. I didn't have any pain meds or epidural. He came fairly quickly, and I had had preterm labor one month before. With my third, I decided to do hypnobirthing. It worked for me, and I was able to stay relaxed during the contractions. The nurse at the hospital couldn't believe how well I was doing. I think she was impressed with the hypnobirthing! It costs around 300.00 for the classes. But, it is well worth it. Especially if you consider the cost of the epidural or pain meds. You do get tapes to listen to at night before sleep. I hope you will look into it! If you have further questions feel free to email me privately. Good Luck!

Hi R.,

There is a LOT of advice that you could get because each experience is unique, and everyone will want to tell you how THEIR way is the best way. :-) Even now, I'm tempted to do it. I want to say - DO WHAT I DID - IT WAS AWESOME!! But ultimately, each of us sharing our experiences and in turn you doing some research and asking questions to your doctor/midwife will ultimately determine the route that you feel comfortable taking. I agree with much of the advice that I have read so far, in that a lot of it is your mindset going into it. With my first, I was PANICKED (before I even started labor) so when I arrived at the hospital with my contractions piggy-backing and coming every two minutes and found I was already 9+cm, I said, "CAN I HAVE AN EPIDURAL?!?!?!?!?" The reason it was the first thing I said despite being so far along in the process was b/c it was actually not as bad as I had feared, so I assumed the worse was yet to come and BEGGED for the epidural. I had NOT talked with my midwife (I HIGHLY recommend midwives, by the way) at length beforehand (not b/c she didn't try but b/c I didn't know what to talk about...I thought there was no way I could manage the pain so I automatically decided I wanted an epidural and knew that my midwife would encourage me otherwise and didn't want her to b/c I was so terrified of the process), so they pretty much just told me that I might not get one before my body was ready to deliver but they would at least start the process. Well, I got one and had it for about an hour before I was fully dialated and ready to push. It had its benefits in that I could relax and joke around with my hubby and midwife, but the negative side to it was that I really didn't know how to push. I mean, I tried my best, but not having the sensation down there really inhibited my ability to efficiently push. I pushed for quite some time and had some pretty rough tearing, which took MANY MONTHS (almost a year) for me to feel "normal" again. So, it's something you'll have to research b/c I'm sure that doesn't happen to EVERYone. My second birth, on the other hand, I was VERY open with my midwife (I go to a group, so this was a different midwife than my first delivery), explaining to her that I was more afraid of the tearing than I was of anything else, and that the healing process was so long and complicated and all sorts of other horrors that accompanied it... WHAT WERE MY OPTIONS?!?!?!? I had heard that warm compresses during labor/delivery were helpful and perineum massages prior, etc., so I asked many questions the second time around. I also told them ahead of time that I wanted to do the natural route this time, etc. etc. Well, my second experience (although 2nd births can often be easier) was SO much better. I had minimal tearing (like another post said - comparable to a split lip) which I never even felt during delivery OR recovery. I felt SO good afterwards that I was ready to just go home (although I still stayed the standard two days). One of the things that my midwife did to keep my relaxed was having the lights dimmed and she put some lavender oil on my clothes/hospital gown. I don't know how much that helped, but I certainly appreciated it and her overall demeanor was SO calming. She did use the warm compress as well, and I believe that also contributed to the overall "easiness" of the delivery. Breathing definitely helps during the contractions, although for me that fast breathing never did - just slow and concentrated. But then again, I never TRIED the fast breathing b\c the deep and slow was working so well for me. I would count how long I would breathe in and out for b/c the counting would distract me somewhat from the duration of the contraction. Anyway, I digress... Sorry about all the details! Another thing that I had discussed with my midwife prior to delivery was birthing positions. She knew that I was terrified to tear like I did the first time, so she recommended other positions than back lying. She said that position is MOST conducive to tearing. You'll have to discuss this with your midwife, but I did deliver on all fours. I know - strange! When she first mentioned it I thought it was WAY out of my comfort zone, but when the time came, I didn't even think twice about it. She asked me if I wanted to try it and I think I didn't even answer her. Just moved into that position between contractions. There is less gravity on the perineum in that position, so less likely to have intense tearing. Lastly, work with your body and LET IT deliver the baby and you will likely have minimal or no tearing. Often that is a midwife's approach as well. Not just pushing b/c you are fully dialated, but letting YOU determine when to push (for the most part) b/c your body really does it for you - it's like it just goes into autopilot and works that baby out for you. This isn't an option with the epidural though...
Anyway, long story short - do some research online and read up on everyone's posts and see what might seem to be a comfortable (mentally, of course) option for you. Talk to your midwife (if you don't have one, see about finding one b/c I think their approach is very different than that of a dr), ask lots of questions, and just enjoy the process. No matter what happens, it will still be one of the BEST experiences of your life, simply b/c you are meeting your little child for the first time and its just an amazing experience overall.

Best wishes for a healthy and happy delivery! Sorry for being so verbose!

Hi R.
Although I planned for a 5 hr labor and natural child birth. I ended up with a 33 hr labor and an epidural after the first 30. I never would have made it that far without the amazing support and direction of my husband and HYPNOBIRTHING. As for music i used an ambient sund focus and relaxation c.d. It was great. Good luck!!!

Hi R. massaging works! i was blessed to have a mid-wife/nurse with me during my first delivery and it really works! I'll never forget her telling me it's time to push then telling me you're doing it wrong! I went natural for both deliveries. Second time no massage and i din't rip any more or less than the 1st time. Good luck and try t remember that it will soon be over and you'll have a bundle to hold. R.

Hi R.,
My first child, I delivered him naturally, but with my second we had an emergency c-section. I am so against surgery---epiderals---pain meds, I am a big worry wart--so when preparing for both births---I just new what I wanted and did'nt want----just like you.
You may think that you don't have a high tolerance of pain---but this is a different type of "pain". Each contraction, each push, brings your child closer and closer to you. Even if you did nothing-- the contractions themselves, would guide him out.
Try not to listen to negative advice---read books, prepare yourself mentally---The prize you get at the end. Some people will tell you "I was in labor for 48 hours" It does not mean that they were pushing for 48 hrs. From the first twinge (actually alot of woman have begining contractions for hours and don't even feel them) to the end result.
If you try to massage, to avoid ripping--if you're not sure if your doing it right, ask your obgyn--I had great sucess, with the massaging--I only needed one stitch (I tore a tiny bit--and they put the stitch in just as a precaution) I told my doctor from the begining I did not want an episiotomy. He agreed to tell me if it needed to happen--before he did it. And I didn't!!
Go to Lamaze class if you haven't already--great place to ask questions. And remember to ask questions, to your doctor, the nurses--everyone. When you are in the hospital stay educated--it will help you focus---to get the job done.

Believe in yourself--you can do it!!!!

I have had 3 children. With the 1st I labored in the jucuzzi. The pain got too intense and I had an epidural. It was WONDERFUL! With my 2nd child I delivered with just a shot of Nubain in my IV there wasn't time for an epidural..boy did I feel the difference!! With my 3rd I was induced and had the epidural. I commend you for wanting to go natural. GOOD LUCK with that! I NEVER tore or had to have an episiotomy(sp). I didn't prepare by doing any massage or anything like that. My doctor was WONDERFUL in just letting the baby come out slowly and stretching my skin over the baby... I was AMAZED as was my mom who had NEVER seen a doctor be so gentle. She had 3 kids and a doulbe episiotomy with one...OUCH!!

Hi R. -

I had an unmedicated birth and the labor part was fantastic - I truly hardly noticed the contractions because I was in the tub, which helped immensely. However, the dr. hurried me through pushing, and I ended up needing 5 stitches. I'm a small person and tearing was unavoidable, but my sister-in-law (who's perhaps 105 lbs.) just gave birth, and barely tore after pushing for 3 hours. I would've preferred that to pushing hard for 30 minutes just to please the doctor!

So try the tub, *don't* let them hurry you along, and if the hospital allows it, try different positions. I was not allowed to do anything besides lie back with my legs up, and I was too exhausted to argue. Neither my husband nor I knew enough to fight about it.

Best of luck - in the end, no matter what happens, your sweet little one will be with you!

Some say that massaging the perineum doesn't help, but everyone I know (myself included) who has done it has managed to give birth without stitches so I think there's something to it. You might get grazes, but hopefully won't tear bad enough that they have to stitch. Grazes heal quickly and aren't a big deal. It works better if your spouse will do it and it's not fun but I think worth it. All the evidence says it's much more likely to help with a first birth than with subsequent births. Also let whoever is delivering the baby know you really do not want to tear - they can coach childbirth to avoid this.

I've had two kids, no epidural the first and epidural the second time round. First kid was born in the UK and they offered entonox ("gas and air"), but that unfortunately isn't usually an option in the US. Second kid was the epidural. Music and breathing help a lot, I never tried hypnobirthing. My epidural was awesome, but it's true that if they aren't done right they don't always work (if you get an epidural and this is the case, see if they can reposition it).

Good luck!

Hi R.,
Good for you for taking charge of your body and what you want. I won't repeat alot of the great advice on this board.....all good advice. I had a midwife she was wonderful. I think a lot more women could do natural childbirth if they weren't so scared of "the pain" and had the encouraging words of a knowing person beside them.

I had all 3 of my babies without any drugs.
Baby 1 was 7 lbs 10 oz.
Baby 2 was 9 lbs 4 oz.
Baby 3 was 8 lbs 13 oz.

I did a lot of positive self talk....deep breathing...walking....moving around....Get in the TUB if you can. Not all hospitals have them but I highly recommend getting in one. My 3rd was the most pain free and quickest labor and I think it had a lot to do with how relaxed I was in the water. Relaxation is key...if you are relaxed your body will know what to do. I could literally feel my body trying to expel all 3 kids. It was beautiful...more awkward of a feeling getting them out then painful. My body wanted me to push if that makes sense.

You can do this! You will do great. I hear a lot of women say that their epidural didn't work and I think a lot more women do end up delivering more naturally then not.

One more word of advice....I did do stretching the whole last month of both pregnancies....Now this isn't fun and it somewhat painful but if you do this in the shower and just start getting your body ready for the stretching it will endure it might help like it did me. You will find it in your reading and research.

With all 3 babies I had no tearing whatesoever. I was up and walking and showering within hours of labor.

I don't know if my situation is rare and sounding too glorified but it really was a miracle. Good luck to you!!

there's no real guarantee against ripping.. that's why episiotomies are done - to prevent further damage and to make more room for baby to come out. I've heard of massaging the area during labor to help, but if baby's head is big, it's probably going to happen anyway.. ripping if controlled, heals. I ripped just about the entire way you could and with everything else that happened, it's all just part of the healing process.. take the pain meds and lots of ice and everything is fine.. my second child I tore again (both times with episiotomies too) but healing was much faster and easier.

My nurse massaged so much I swelled like crazy and ended up having to be cut anyway after 3 hrs. of pushing. We had a fantastic dula as our lamaze coach and it help so much-- breathing, focusing, relaxing. My goal was to get to 5c before any drugs and I got to 6c before an epidural. I could have gone longer but my doc was going into surgery for 4 hours and I didn't know if I'd be able to wait that long. I did lots of walking and brought a Yoga ball which lessened the pain. My husband was an awesome coach. Bring your ipod with small speakers so you'll have music, too. Your body will heal no matter what happens.

Hi R.,

Please let me start with the following:
1. I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED being pregnant with my first child--not a moment went by that I wasn't in awe and just absolutely thrilled with this baby inside of me and what was happening in my body. Any and all negative symptoms of pregnancy were non-existent and I couldn't imagine anything but perfection. My second I was not so lucky--but that is another story.
2. I do have a naturally high tolerance for pain.

This being said, I know that you wrote that you are looking for natural pain remedies. Even with my high tolerance, I used music, TV, walking, back/shoulder massage from my husband--literally anything that was available. I will spare you the details (unless you write to me and request them), but sometimes all of those things are just not enough. I finally caved in and agreed to an epidural (feeling somewhat dejected, but figured, if it has to be, it has to be). My epidural did not work (I believe that happens 1% of the time or so). Therefore, I did experience all of the pain and there was no help for me once I was pushing. Believe it or not, letting myself throw up was the ONLY thing that relieved me of any pain. And, I did rip--it really isn't as bad as it sounds.

What you need to remember is that you can and should prepare yourself. You can arm yourself with natural remedies. You must remember that there may be a time when that isn't enough, and it really is okay to ask for help--I know there are others who will criticize this train of thought. The last thing that you should remember is that there are things that are out of your control and listen to the advice that you are receiving while in the moment. I had a very unusual birth for my first. In fact, 3 things happened all at the same time that have a less than 1% chance of happening at all--let alone at the same time. I am here to tell about it, but had I not taken the medical option when I did, I may have struggled. I applaud anyone who is able to take the natural route, but never rule out the medical route as a last resort if needed.

I had an unbelievable doctor who massaged my perineum during childbirth and I did not rip, not one stitch in me after birth. Even though I was told it was rare, it does happen! I would talk to your doctor about what you can do beforehand as well.

Hi R.,
I'm about to deliver my seventh any day, and I have to say, I have no horror stories to give you. I have had six beautiful, complication and drug-free births, with only the slightest, superficial tears. And not one of my babies was under 8 pounds 3 ounces. One was 9 lb. 7 oz.! I remember my midwife at least during one labor doing the massage, but I've never done it myself. Although I was just given info. about prepping yourself by doing it in the weeks preceding your delivery. It makes sense to me. Honestly, though, I never went into labor telling myself that I was absolutely not going to have any drugs. I didn't want to, but I knew that there may be situations where they could be the better choice. With that being said, I got through without mostly by deep breathing and consciously focussing on relaxing the rest of my body during the contractions. With my last four, I found that being in a hot tub during hard labor really helped me to stay more relaxed so my body could be more efficient. Once I got in the tub, I seemed to go from 3 or 4 cm to 10 in only about an hour, and then had almost no pusing phase. My body did it all. Also, my husband and I have a strong faith, and I would choose ahead of time who I would like to pray for during labor, so that each contraction I could offer up that pain for whomever it was I had chosen. This got me out of myself a little bit, and I really believe that God would take my offering as the most intense prayer for that person or people, so it gave even more meaning to that pain. Other than that, just trying to focus on seeing that little baby, and reminding myself that each bit of pain was bringing me one step closer to meeting my newest gift. Congratulations on your first. I pray your experience is as beautiful as mine have been.

Hello & congratulations,
I've had 2 children, both using hypnotherapy. I highly recommend giving it a try. Although my experiences were both very different, hypnotherapy was a great help. I would even go so far as to say labor with my second was pleasant. I would strongly recommend that you spend as much time in the water as possible (the shower, tub, juccuzzi), it makes a world of difference. I also used the perineum massage with both children & had no tearing or episiotomy. My children were both close to 8 lbs. One last recommendation I would have is to make sure you have a birth plan in place. You can find them online. Good luck to you. Regardless of how your little man comes into your life, it will be the best day of your life.

Don't try and be a hero & get the epidural! I got an epidural but it did not work well at all! I was in painful labor for 18 hours before needing a c-section. The only thing that got me through it was to breath (I had a habit of holding my breath during a contraction) that makes it so much worse you need to breath. For me music, people talking to me ect aggravated the hell out of me. I needed quiet, no tv, no music, no one talk to me ect. Everyone is different, it depends on your personality. Now I have a high tolerance for pain and I would still get an EPIDURAL! So since you don't deal well with pain just get one and pray it works for you (I am a rare case, anesthesia rarely works for me). But I am sure it will work for you just fine and you will thank God you got one TRUST ME.

i didn't do any massage... i couldn't reach! and i didn't have a partner. but i delivered on my hands and knees which supposedly is the best way to keep from tearing (i didn,t plan it that way, that's just what my body wanted to do), and with help from my midwife oiling me during birth i didn't teaR at all. i guess that's not usually the case... but i hope that info helps!
~river's mommy

Hey there, Congrats!
I took a hypnobirth class via Harvard Vanguard Medical 4+ years ago, I learned that hypnobirth experiences run the range from <did the techniques, was in labor for a long time, ended up needing a C-section> to <easy, fast labor, no drugs>; it really does depend on the mom and the baby!

We were lousy about practicing every week, though I was alittle better about reciting my affirmations. The other thing that helped me was changing the “vocabulary of labor” --
instead of saying or thinking “contraction” (negative connotation= ‘pain’) : I would use the word “pressure” (In class, they would say “surge”, but I felt that was kinda hokey for me)
When the contractions really started to hurt, I thought or said to the nurse “That last one was really hard” or “They’re getting more intense” instead of saying “That last one was really painful” or “They are getting painful”

I also liked visualizing that I was biking up a big hill (when a contraction was coming), then coasting downhill... Worked better than the rainbow exercises for me.

My daughter was born 3 weeks early- I had to be induced b/c my water broke (well, trickled was more like it- I thought I was incontinent!). From the time they gave me the pitocin to being 1 cm dilated, it took 7 hours, and I knew I needed medication to get some sleep and to get me through labor, otherwise I’d have no strength to push. I was in labor for 23 hours! I was still glad my husband & I took the class. My goals were : do not panic, do not scream, and do not to yell at my husband. And I did achieve those goals :-)

I did end up with an episiotomy AND a 3rd deg tear- talk about major stitching required. Long postpartum story short: pelvic floor physical therapy was a GODSEND.

everyone is different, i had 2 epi's with my girls, 1st worked, 2nd didnt, and I have had alot of pain in that area ever since. They say to massage with olive oil etc. never did that! ripped with #1, I didnt listen to slow down so the midwife could stretch me, I just pushed that lil bugger out! I WAS NOT trying to listen and got 2 stiches for it! #2 i didnt tear (no stiches) but i do think i had lots of microscopic tears (which most women get im sure). I cant tell you if the massage will work, but I have heard less complaints about all of it from women who had water births, I have sworn if I put my self through it again I will skip the meds and do the water, so that may be an option to look into...good luck!

I too thought natural was the way to go. I took classes with my husband, watched videos, etc. Once I went into labor I couldn't believe the pain!!! I held off for hours & hours on the epidural. Once I had it though I was in HEAVEN! I couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be able to enjoy the rest of it because the pain stopped! I suggest having a shirt made to wear to the hospital that says "give me an epidural!!!" :-) Good luck!! ha ha.....

R.,

I had two drug-free births and one virtually pain-free drug-free birth. What was different with my third? HypnoBirthing! My third child was my biggest baby (8 lbs 11 ozs) and not only was there no pain, but no tearing and little if any swelling; I didn't even need any ice. I'd be happy to give you further details if you are interested. You can find a local HB practitioner at www.hypnobirthing.com.

Enjoy!

J. (-:

Hi R., I have had three children, two are twins, all naturally. I used power of positive thinking and self-relaxation to do it. I did go to hypnobirthing classes during my first pregnancy, I used all of the relaxation techniques, but very few of the visualization techniques. I found it much nicer to think of my own "happy thoughts". My advice be proactive, practice self-relaxation a lot before you get to the actual "birth"day. And remember...many women have come before you! You can do it too! Good Luck and enjoy these next few months! M.

I practiced the perineal massage for the last month or so of my pregnancy, daily for just a few minutes while in the shower. I don't know if i'd swear by, it's hard to tell if it helped or not, BUT.... I didn't need an episiotomy or stitches, i tore just a teeny bit, little fissures rather than a tear. I'm still skeptical of it, but I will do the same thing for my next pregnancy, definitely worth a few minutes of my time each day.

Good luck!
S.

R.,

First thing I would recommend to you is a good, independent childbirth education class. The best classes are NOT hospital classes. They do have great intentions, but neither the time nor the focus to give you a broad based experience. If you are looking for natural pain management, you might try hypnobirthing. It is a wonderful technique for gentle birth and has great natural birth success rates. You can also do bradley, though they are very strict, or find an ALACE teacher (through their website). Yes, massaging perineum in the months before birthing does help very much with preventing tears, and works best when combined with a "breathe the baby down" method during the second "stage." Feel free to write me a private message anytime. I'm a childbirth educator, doula, yoga teacher and reiki master/teacher.
Wishing you the best,
S.

There is a great book called "Birthing from Within". I used it for both of my pregnancies/labors. It gives you a lot of different ideas for coping w/ the pain, and you can practice the different methods ahead of time (may sound silly, but definitely reccomended) and find out what works.
The tub was a life saver for my second labor...
during my 1st preg. I did massage on my perineum, not sure if it helped, I think more important is your doc or midwife being willing to birth slow, and do massage as the baby comes, my doc was great, both times I had only very minor tearing.
Giving birth is such a wonderful, fun experience,
good luck!
L.

Hi R.,
I delivered both my babies naturally. Both with midwifes - which are the best and my sister present. Having an experienced mother there as a coach was so helpful. She and the midwives were able to point out ways to relax that you don't remember or see because you when you are in the middle of the contractions. The first I just huffed & puffed through the pain but the second time I used a home hypnobirthing program called Hypbirth. I would really recommend this pogram. You can do it at your own pace and use your own imaging to help you relax and "shut down" when contractions are happening. My siter could not believe the difference between my two births and how calm and relaxed I was the second time. I also used a tub prior to pushing which is suppose to help soften everything and prevent tearing.