Trusting Others with Your Child

This was me! I hired someone at 18 months- felt like the right person from the local, private university - but still was with her for a week or two, watched when she didn't know I was there and would come home at odd times - all to a happy, contented child & babysitter. It was SO, SO hard, but she was wonderful with my girl and fit right in with our family. She had the same basic philosophy of healthy living and loving nature. The best part was opening my daughter's world to another person who loved her and increased her trust in others. I went back only part time. I'm still the mom that will show up at odd times to her preschool to spy: )

When interviewing I asked off the wall, tough questions: "What would you do if you suspected my husband (at the time) or myself were sexually abusing our daughter." This question answers questions about honesty, her support system, her ability to rationalize - tells a lot about who someone is.

BTW, this babysitter now has a beautiful boy of her own and called me to get the list of questions I asked because she was thinking about going back to work.

The whole, it takes a village, is so true. Not just for the child, but as a family. The child's confidence in their immediate world is vital to how they later perceive the world at large. And, that you allow great people to influence your son, all the better. Again, NOT EASY, but the outcome can be another person in your "chosen family."

I only had 6 weeks off when I went back to work and YES, I had to work. We found a wonderful woman who kept very young children in her home. Bonus, she was close to my office only about 3 minutes..

Her home was immaculate.. One morning when we arrived, she was on her hands and knees scrubbing her front porch!.. I liked that the children were always engaged in something. She made organic homemade baby food. She gave us hints about helping our child with transitions..

When our daughter became older we found a fabulous day care.. It is now Nationally recognized. I loved the energy, and all of the care takers had degrees in child development or were in the process of obtaining their degrees.

For baby sitting I had these daycare providers numbers.. many of them baby sat! Also We were fortunate to have some family in our city so that always helped..

Yes, in the beginning it was extremely difficult to not think of our daughter all day. But my husband and I were professional and knew we had to get our jobs done. Our daughter was happy when we picked her up and dropped her off, so that made it a lot easier.. There were mornings during her toddler years when she switched classes and teachers when she might cry for a little while, but she knew other children in the class so that helped. We got to know the other parents and other children, we even had a class reunion when our kids finished their first grade.. Allof our kids had no problems attending kinder and I am sure it was because they knew how it all worked..

I also think I became a better mommy. I was more patient with our daughter, I was able to keep her on a schedule. I had the freedom to take our daughter to events and give her experiences we would never have been able to do if I had not worked at that time.. I saved a lot of that money and once our child started attending school, I never have had another full time job. I was able to be as involved in all of her schools as I wanted.

So follow your mommy heart and Brain.. If you know you need to work, you can do it. I was raised by a single working mom and we are very close. I saw how hard she worked and was always so proud of her. I learned to help her and I learned to be independent.. I was never a clingy frightened child. .

We have left our two children, 3 and 5, only with immediate family members that we trust. Our comfort level with day care and babysitters is not very high. Is it necessary to go back to work? If you run the numbers and it's financially possible to have you or your husband stay home I would highly recommend that as a course of action. But I also think it's a good practice to let your son interact with others and to also play alone; he does need his space to become independent and learn how to occupy himself. I'm sure as much as you love your boy, you don't want to have to be his sole source of entertainment. I'm so interested to hear what the other moms have to say!

Actually I grew up with the BEST woman in the world to who took care of me from 6months until I was 11, it was daddy that needed convincing about starting day care! I would however start slow find a child care center tha does part time, do half days for a few days a week and then build up from there if you can not then jump in and be confident but wise about where you place your son.

my mom watched my daughter at first, so i got used to being away from baby during that time (from 6 months to 2 years) she told me about 1.5 she wouldn't be able to care for my baby for me, but would go look with me at daycares....at the last day care we looked at, i FINALLY broke down on her, and cried so hard cause i STILL hate daycares and will do what i can to keep from putting her in one...i never did get comfortable with leaving her at one...was really left with no choice...my husband has been out of a job for over a year and partly because neither of us want to put her in a day care again.

I have similar difficulties trusting others with my baby. What I have done is to have 2 people babysit at a time (good for my son because he loves being social, and good for me because if one person isn't sure of a situation, the other might have ideas to problem-solve, and if one person is stressed, the other person can relieve)...I worry less.

The other thing I've done is to get on a wait list for my community university day care. I feel safest with a university because most everyone working there is there for child development experience on top of their education, and because there is LOTS of supervision. Private daycare's, and even some church daycare's, can't offer as much supervision for staff and I firmly believe having a lot of supervision makes one more conscientious about how they manage stress.

Not sure if this helps...good luck finding answers that work for you:)

Your son is still a baby. He still needs you. If you have the option, I would recommend not going back to work yet. Of course, if you don't have the freedom of choice here, that is different. I could never convince myself to trust someone else to be the primary caregiver of my children at any age, to be honest. They were given to me. :)

That is hard, and luckly you had a whole year to adjust cause i only had 2 month and i'm a first time M.. I trust know one I live in Baltimore, Md and there has been so much stuff on TV about what people are doing to this babies, I was rasied by my grandmother who has been gone since i was 16. and threw my whole pregnancy i wish i had someone like her to look after my daughter. but that was not the case. i am a person who needs to know who's around at all times. My husband's godmother is watching her now. and i really don't know her to well but he trust her and from what i know she's a wonderful person. so my daugther has been going to her for 2 weeks now and it's going get but i find myself still checking my daughter out everytime she comes home. lol i know every mark, scar, and bump that is on my baby trust is a big issue for me to i know where you are coming form. but as parents we have to do what we have to the provide for our family and if that mean you have to go back to work then you have to start somewhere and if he can't be watch by family then make sure you take all the time you need to research the person or daycare you are going to send him to. good luck. and if possible let me know how it goes

What did you end up doing?

Start with people he knows, and if you find someone that you feel comfortable with, hang around them for a while and let your son get accustomed to them and then trust your instincts and eventually let him branch out. You didn't say if he was going to be in a daycare setting!