Trouble with Bedtime

I HIGHLY recommend reading Parenting with Love and Logic or watch one of their DVDs or go to a class in your area. http://www.loveandlogic.com
See it from his point of view. Of course he doesn't want the day to end. That means he has to stop playing. And it's time he gets to spend with both of you, and it's hard to share you with a new sibling.

Now that you can empathize with him try to set some limits around bedtime and firmly enforce them with love instead of yelling. He's running the show at bedtime with all the runaround he's giving you guys. He knows that and it's a way to have control. He's testing his limits and pushing. Try to set up a simple routine and make it very clear to him so he knows what to expect. Explain that after A, B, C, then lights out and you're leaving the room. Obviously you can't force him to fall asleep on command, but leave the room (childproof the door from the inside if you have to so he can't get out. Pull the string on the light so he can't turn it on with the switch). Draw pictures of his routine or print them from the computer, maybe laminate them. To give him some control that you're okay with, let him decide the order that he gets to do the routine. He can pick the toothbrush picture or pajama picture first, or whatever he wants as long as he does all the pictures. He'll like to be able to feel like he's calling the shots and making his own decisions. We all like to feel independent and it's an important part of developing. Then when you're done with the whole routine (after my kids are ready for bed I read a book, talk a little about their day and say what we're grateful for, sing a song) lay him in his bed and lovingly leave the room and shut the door. Leave a sippy cup with him before you go so he won't beg for water. Of course he'll cry. It's worked in the past for him. It will be extremely difficult, but BE CONSISTENT and he will learn that when the routine is over, he's in his room for the rest of the night. It will carry over and he'll respect you in other areas as well. He'll obey better when he knows that you enforce the limits you set. And your relationship won't suffer because even though at first he'll be sad, you will no longer be ending the night in tears and anger. Soon the bedtime routine will be looked forward to by all of you as a time to bond and cuddle.

Hi A. -

Does your son still take naps? If so, try putting him down earlier. Also, give him baths a couple of hours earlier before bedtime. While reading to him, turn on some classical music and only read a few books. Keep the music low or don't have it on at all.

Has he been doing this since the baby has been born? He may just want more attention so try to give him your full attention well before bedtime.

I hope this helps.

My son just turned 3 and he goes to bed every night at 7:30. You didn't mention if your son is in a bed or not, I am assuming he is, which can make bedtime a tough one. We put my son to bed and he has a baby safety handle on the inside of the door, so he can't get out. It could take a week or more of him pounding on the door, walls, screaming whatever, but you just need to put him to bed and call it a night. Don't worry about what he is doing. Eventually he'll get the hint and give up. I think the biggest thing is you need to resolve how you will handle it before starting this. Make a deal with your husband, put him to bed and that's that. Everytime you go in his room, you get yourself and him worked up and it sounds like that is not working. Good Luck!

My son did the same thing when he turned two. He still won't stay in his bed unless we sit there with him till he falls asleep. I used to get frustrated that I had to sit there with him, but I'd rather sit quietly with him for 10-15 mins (sometimes longer or shorter) then fighting with him and getting us both upset. I just hope it's a phase he'll grow out of but till then I'll just be patient with him cause I don't know what else to do. If you find a better way let me know!!

We had the same problem. Then we finally found the answer for us. We would give our son a bath, one little snack (no sugar) and read the usual book. Then I would allow him to pick out two books like a "big Boy" and turn on a specail big boy lamp. He could read the books and when he was done he could toss them on the floor and turn off his lamp. The first night or two he was up for more the 45 mins. Then slowly but surely it got down to around 10 minutes and he would be fast asleep. It think giving him the power to go to sleep was the answer.