My 14mo old daughter gets frustrated very easily. I have tried to tell her its okay and explain why she's having difficulties, example, "the big cup doesn't fit inside the small cup let try it the other way" I've also tried telling her to ask for help, but she although she talks very well for a 14mo old, she is still learning to communicate her needs. So I don't see that working for a little while, but I will still encourage it; she may surprise me.
How do you teach a 1yr old patience and how to work through frustration??
I just wanted to add- it's not that I expect her to not get frustrated. I merely wanted advise on how to handle this in a healthy way. Thank you.
Thank you all for your suggestions. It's nice to know this is a normal stage she is going through. We have taught her some basic signs from an early age, but she was only using one. She seemed more interested in using word so we kinda left it at that, but now we are trying to use both again and she is using a couple more signs and sometimes saying the word at the same time which is great. She's a smart kid. I have also taken some of the toys away that have been a constant source of frustration and plan to reintroduce them later.
Hi Megan, I take care of an 18th month old full time, and I can relate to you! She is a pretty good communicator, and it wasn't really until about a month ago that I've been able to start reasoning with her. I LOVE it! You might try and non-verbally help her by pointing or showing her without words. That way she'll be drawn to the non-verbal instead of maybe being confused with words she isn't familiar with. Just an idea!
Frustration is a very important part of her development and learning. Don't feel like you need to rescue her every time she gets frustrated. That in a way teaches her to give up. When you see she is frustrated because she can't fit the big cup inside the small one, just leave her be. Let her fuss and try everything she can think of (slamming them together, pushing harder, yelling at them, and even throwing them). Be calm yourself and say "do you want help?" Don't help her or suggest what she is doing wrong unless she asks for help or agrees that yes, she does want your help. Sometimes, it is more frustrating when you help because they want to figure it out on their own. If you find that she eventually starts asking for your help immediately, I would encourage her to try her best first, and then you will help her. What you will notice is that after she tries everything she can think of and cries for a minute or two, a new idea will come to her... what if I try it the other way around. Encourage her to try again even if you know it won't work. By doing this, you are teaching your daughter that frustration is not bad. It doesn't mean you have to give up, and she will learn how to work through it.
I know it's hard, but kids need to learn how to deal with all emotions and come to peace with the fact that life is not supposed to be easy and fun all the time. make sense?
I am in this exact stage with my almost 14 month old as well. Its hard for us as parents to watch our kids get frustrated when the problem seems so simple to fix. Unfortunatly, I have discovered with help from my older two, that only time eases this phase.
She will most likely be on a roller coaster with frustration in one way or another for a few years, sorry. Just keep your patience and try to help her out as much as she'll allow. Most kids at this age are wanting to do it on thier own, so "helping them" sometimes frustrates them more. Just smile and be ready with praise when she succeeds (sp?) at whatever she has been trying so hard to accomplish!
PS If you are finding a specific item, ex: the cups you mentioned, are a constant item of frustration, put them up for a few months, or use them as bath toys instead so she finds another way to be successful with them!
My daughter does the same thing. Just keep in mind that they are at a tough age. They know what they want, but it's really hard for them to make it happen. I found it very frustrating with our daughter in the beginning, but we taught her just a few baby signs like "help", "juice", "milk", etc. (the ones she really needed) and she started doing much better. She still gets REALLY frustrated when we don't understand her, but it's getting better. Just keep the big picture in mind. If you just try and be patient and consistent with her, eventually she will come around and it will get easier. It's not going to happen over-night, but it will if you hang in there.
please just give her time, she is not even close to being able to master her feelings and the part of the brain that handels reasoning isnt there yet, but your working on it now!!! and will be for 18 + more years. I have 4 little girls 12,8,4,3. you have a work in progress, but she is 14 mo old, shes a baby still, I dont mean baby as in swaddle her and babytalk her but still talk and explain short lingo for the age , shes a baby still, she will reason soon enough and you will BEG to have a 14 mo old.LOL
Dear Megan,
I have a son who was very much like this. I think perhaps a little more extreme. It may get worse before it gets better. One thing that worked pretty good when he was young was to interrupt his frustration. Start singing a song she knows while clapping or twirling and get her to join in. Then when she is not feeling frustrated over the situation anymore go back to it with fresh enthusiasm and have her "help" mommy do it. Or have her show you what she is doing. We sing a lot at our house so music helped. If you don't sing perhaps saying some of her favorite nursery rhymes or try hopping up and down together while holding hands. Anything physical that will help "burn" the frustration off before going back to the task.
Then when she has been successful, clap, make a big deal over how good she did by helping mommy. This will encourage her to go to you in the future.
I hope this helps. My son was in the 6th grade before he was able to control this issue. It took LOTS of patience on my part, but we broke through!!!
Sherri
I found with my son that just teaching a few simple signs for words really helped calm him down. even though he could say that words he really like having a sign to go with it. If you aren't familiar with sign they have a lot of baby books at the library. Or you can pretty much make up your own as long as you are consistently using the same one.
On earlier suggestions: Sign language - excellent! My 22-year-old is now a sign language interpreter, you never know what it will turn into! Letting her BE frustrated sometimes - solid advice. Teachable moments on vocabulary come at times like that, "Are you FRUSTRATED or MAD?" My son felt better when he could assign words to feelings (around 2-3). He's been noticeably articulate since then, appropriate wording just connected with him when we supplied it. Sense of humor is helpful even if she doesn't totally understand you, "Those things annoy me sometimes, too! Tell me if you want help." Being available and watching, but not interrupting her process, is also very good practice for when she is a teen. She can see you and knows you're available, but is not required to interact with you while she's focused on the issue at hand. No need to let her frustration become yours, she's growing and learning, all healthy stuff. As a preschool teacher, we also used to constantly research activities to expose the kids to as many medium as possible so that their skills and experiences grew rapidly, like walking in jello (in the bathtub), fingerpainting with pudding (in zip-lock if you want to keep it neat), playing instruments, a petting zoo, stacking nesting boxes, cooking, and especially reading books.
Hi, my daughter is 18 months and went through a similar period from 14 months until recently, and still sometimes she gets frustrated if her dad or I do something that is out of her sense of order. From what I've read and experienced, this is normal and will pass. Children at this age are building their perceptions of the world in a very concrete way, and they will learn more flexibility as they incorporate more data - and talk more. So hang in there!
It is really frustrating to be 14 months old. You have lots of great new skills and yet you still can't get much of the world to behave in the ways that you want. Don't worry. She'll get more skillful. You can't really teach patience at 1 year old except by example. Be patient with her frustration and allow her to stay with it. We learn to work through feelings by having experience being in them. Also there is a series of books that are great at describing what is normal and can be expected developmentally for children. They are titled: Your One Year Old,
Your Two Year Old, Your Three Year Old etc. and go up to 12 or 14. The authors are Ames and Ilg.
From what I've read (I have an 18-month-old), it's still a bit early to be able to reason with a child--that belongs more to the 20-24 month set. Sign language has been a very big help in our house, and might be a bigger help than you anticipate: our daughter has been picking up vocabulary, both signed and spoken, very quickly these past few months. Yours might be on the verge of such an "explosion," so now is a good time to start.
Beyond that, what the others have said all makes sense. Letting her experience frustration and work through some problems is good practice. If she's really hitting a wall with a particular thing, stash it for a month or two and let her tackle it a bit later.
With another sib on the way, it's best if she learns to deal with it now. :-)
