Trouble Relating to in Laws

Hi V.,
Try not to care what they think. I agree, your hubby loves you and that is all you should be worried about. Have you asked your hubby if they have any special interests that you could talk to them about? I find asking questions about someone's life experiences tend to open them up a little. Who DOESN'T like to talk about themselves? I work in a dental practice where the majority of our patients are seniors and have found that once you get them talking about themselves you can't shut them up!lol My mother also gave me some good advice when I started in the dental field 18 yrs ago. She said "treat the people who are the most difficult with the most kindness and you will see a difference." She was right, some of the most difficult/unfriendly people I've used this advice on have become the nicest to me. You could always talk about your daughter and what she has been doing.
Good luck!
L.

Just be yourself. You did not marry them, you married their son. Don't think your situation is special. After no less than 28 years of marriage, my mother in law (father in law is long dead)still can't have a civil conversation with me- after all- I took her son away from her-I guess that makes me the "other woman". Just bide your time and don't take it personally. I learned from my mother in law and her wonderful treatment of me that I will NEVER treat my childrens spouses the way she treats me. And the funny thing is- now that my own children are aldults they see what goes on (without my input) and they choose to stay away from her. Her loss- now she has no time with her great grandchildren. It is true- what goes around, comes around. I know it can be VERY painful while you are there, but in the end it's you that shares the bed with their son. He chose YOU and moved away from them. Be strong. You can do it. (so why am I on a "mama" site? Grandchildren!)

Dear V.,

Did you ever think that wall, may actually be you? I am not saying that in a mean way, but if you are constantly in fear of them not liking you, and you are always on guard, then you are not really open to a relationship either.

Remember, your husband loves you! They raised him, so chances are if you relax, and let them get to know you they will like you too! Don't worry so much!

Hi V.,

I don't know if I can be much help, but my own parents are just very anti-social. (I am complete opposite!) Only me, my brother and sister can relate when it comes to them!!! I've never known anyone else like them! I've been with my hubby for 17 years and he still doesn't understand them, although I've tried to explain them. Its just how they are.

Have you talked to your hubby about this? Maybe he can give tips or a better perspective. I'd say just be yourself and really don't overly worry about it. Your hubby married you because he loves you, if they love their son they will/ should love you too. I'm sure you are an awesome mother and person to be so concerned, try to focus on your daughter while there if its really uncomfortable.

Good luck!!

Dear V.,

You are the second wife of their son and stepmother to their FOUR grandchildren. They may still have a close attachment with their son's first wife and feel you are part of the reason they are no longer together, whether it's true or not. They now have another grandchild to love and hopefully a new daughter-in-law to love. Give it some time and just continue to be nice to them.

For two hours of work on the computer, you don’t HAVE to go unless you want to. If you don’t want to, send some cookies or something that you think they might enjoy, along with a note to say sorry you missed the visit and hope you can get together soon. Keep it light!

Maybe if you ask them to show you family photo albums, that will help give them something to talk about, and will allow you to ask questions about what your husband was like as a child. People love to talk about their kids, even if they've long since grown up! Alternately, you could bring any scrapbooks or photo albums you may have. If you have any photos they haven't seen, they may enjoy that. Or... you can always take a field trip with them. The last time my grandmother came to visit, we took her to the zoo. She had a blast watching her great-grandchildren and it gave us all something to do. Good luck!

They may just be quiet people.

All you can ever do is be yourself, you can't control whether they like you or not. I spent the first 25 years of my life wondering and worrying about whether people liked me, and it never changed whether they did or didn't. I finally decided I didn't care if they liked me or not, and I found that the less I cared the more they seemed to like me (or at least they acted nicer anyway).

Just be yourself. If you're a nice person and they decide not to like you then THEY are the ones with the problem.

p.s. - Notice that THEY are not spending their time trying to open you up and make you like THEM -- it's a two way street.

V.,
I work with the public on a daily basis. I sometimes feel that way, and all I have to do is say something funny, or
pass on information, or even talk about an ariticle you recently read. That should break the ice, and maybe get you started on the highway to conversation. Being quiet and reserved has it's moments, but where your inlaws are
concerned, it has not served you to much benefit.
Enjoy your time together, and some day they may be your best adversary.
W.