Trouble Going to Bed

I have a 14 mo old and she's just recently been objecting to laying down at night also. She tries to grab a few more books, etc to stall going to bed. I just have to stick to the routine and put her to bed and let her cry it out. She's been crying less and less every night to where it was literally about a minute long last night. I know it's hard but you're doing the right thing (in my opinion) by letting her fall asleep on her own. All the books say so any way!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck.

Have you tried laying down with her? I just read that kids who go to sleep with a parent there actually sleep better (contrary to all those "sleep help" books, I know). Try staying with her and rubbing her back for a while. I am guessing it's teething or something that will pass soon.

Hi A., my 15 month old son is in the process of getting in his molars. Try feeling her gum if she lets you and see if they are bumpy. It might cause her discomfort at night. I give my son Infant Tylenol which helps him tremendously.

I saw two postings that made me think that there might be a couple things you want to try.

First, since you know her cries and it sounds like a pain cry, then I would explore that first. It is possible that she has some degree of tolerable pain all day long whether it be from new teeth, an ear infection, or sinus infection, but the pain will increase once she lays down. I know ear infections and new molars often can feel worse when your head is down - there is more pressure and the blood flows to your head causing throbbing. Plus, since she is irritable from being very tired, she is even less tolerant of it at night. Give her Tylenol about an hour before she goes to bed and see if that helps. I would also take her to the doctor to rule out an ear infection .

If it ends up not being pain-related, then I would lay in her room with her. Maybe take your study materials with you so you are killing two birds with one stone. Still let her self-sooth, but maybe just knowing you're there by her will ease whatever is upsetting her and you won't have to let her cry it out.

Hi A.!

Unfortunately, it could be multiple things: molars, headache, nightmares, etc. I know my son had a HORRIBLE time going to bed and sleeping when he was getting molars. Fifteen months is also the age when I switched my son to his twin bed (on the floor, no frame) because he throws himself around at night and was hitting his head on the crib rails and/or getting limbs stuck.

My boyfriend and I have very different views on parenting as well. I couldn't stand to let him cry (and still can't!), but my boyfriend has no problem. So, my boyfriend has become the disciplinarian. When I have ruled out that he's not in pain or something is seriously wrong, Dad takes over. He knows Dad means business. All Dad has to do is tell him it's night-night time, get back in bed, lay down, and close your eyes. And my son listens. Maybe something like that can work for you. It has also somewhat eased the tension between us due to our different parenting styles.

Good luck!

Hi A..

I am guessing you've got a couple of things going on. Separation anxiety, which usually happens between 7 and 18 months. For this, you got the routine down. Just keep giving her the oppertunity to work the sleep thing out herself. I totally agree with you. My 8 month old just went through this last month. IT WAS AWFUL!!! I found a happy medium between letting him cry and fixing my guilty conscience. I started out giving him 5 minutes, go in. DO NOT make eye contact. I'd rub his tummy and put his pacifier in. Let him quiet, then leave the room. If he started crying again, I'd give him 10 minutes and repeat. Then 20 minutes, 40 minutes, etc. Until he crashed out. We had several BAD days, but I can lay him down and he soothes himself to sleep now. THANK GOD!

The other thing I'm wondering is could it be her teeth? You said it is a pain cry, not a mad cry? I think my first child started getting his molars around 15 months. It was very painful. He was miserable until they cut. I'd say if she sounds painful, try some orajel, and maybe even some Tylenol or Motrin. I've always found my boys teeth pain got significantly worse at night. I don't know, just a thought.
Best wishes to you. I know how frustrating this can be. Hang in there!!

I have a 3 year old, a 17 month old, and a newborn. I think this is just a phase. With both of my older babies, they would do similar things for a few weeks and then it was over. How you choose to handle it is up to you. I tried letting my oldest girl cry it out when she was around one and decided she hated bedtime. We would let her cry for certain intervals of time for like hours on end. It ended up taking all of our free time together trying to get her to sleep. My personal opinion is that its just not worth it. Then I'd hold her until she fell asleep and I don't think it ruined her. By the time she was two, she'd go to bed on her own again. Like I said, I think its just a phase they go through and you won't be committing to rocking her/holding her to go to sleep until shes 10 by giving in to her when shes only 1.

Children start to enter a separation anxiety stage around 2 years old.

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separa...

Perhaps try starting your bedtime routine earlier. I had to adjust mine as the boys entered different stages. I turn off the lights a half hour before we go upstairs to get ready for bed. We lay out their clothes for the next day, get changed for bed, read stories, sing lullabyes. All this is done with the lights off and only a little light when reading stories. I've put in shades and heavy curtains in their room to block the light since it's still daylight when they get ready for bed. I also try to calm my boys down before turning off the lights. Sometimes we sit and watch TV, read a book or play on the floor with dim lights on. Try to find calm activities. I might also reduce sugar and liquid intake as well.

It is so very hard to let them cry themselves to sleep, because we do feel guilty. I have yet to meet a man that feels guilty about that. If you know that she isn't sick or wet and all is okay, i think your only option is going to be lettting her cry it out. It is very hard but it is the only way she is going to learn.
Good Luck!
Jenn.......

Hi A.,
I have been down this road with my 3year old when he was your daughter's age and my 9month old has done this as well. It's very difficult! These kids are so SMART! My advice is to let her cry it out. IT might take 2-3 nights, but it does work. Try laying her down after your usual betime routine. Let her cry for 5min. then go in and lay her back down and pat her back. IF she sleeps with a blankie or pacifier give it to her and then leave. Try not to talk or make eye contact. She most likely will continue to scream. Maybe even louder! Next time wait 10 min and do the same thing. Keep increasing the time by 5 min. You will be tortured during this process so try putting your I-Pod on or call a friend, watch a TV show and keep a timer/clock nearby. Believe me...in 2-3 nights your little girl will be back on track and you will have your mommy time again. GOODLUCK!

Be careful - they are smart at this age and if you start giving in now, she will end up sleeping in your bed until she's 4 (like a lot of kids I know). One of my kids always cried themselves to sleep, that's just what they did. One never cried themselves to sleep. Eventually, when my oldest daughter learned to talk, she would talk for 30 minutes before falling asleep. We had the 10 minute rule (and walked outside in the backyard so we could not hear the crying). We had a timer on, because 10 minutes feels like 1 hour when your child is crying. You may have to wait up to 30-60 minutes the 1st night (especially since you've started the pattern) - I guarantee after 3 days she will not cry for more than 5 minutes. But the first 2 days will be very hard. If she's fed, she's dry and she's in a safe environment and you know she's tired, why do feel guilty letting her fall asleep? In fact, I find my kids cried harder if I put them to bed TOO tired - try putting her to bed earlier.

With my 3rd child, she started crying around 10 months old when I put her down and after about 5 minutes, I did go in and say, "it's o.k., it's night time, nighty night" Rubbed her back or hugged her (while she was still in her crib - never picked her up) and walked right out. I only did that twice. If you do that every day, they know you'll eventually get them and they will never stop crying.

Best book ever - "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Dr.Weissbluth. It has been my sleep bible and all 3 of my kids are fabulous sleepers! It's short term pain for VERY WONDERFUL long term gain. I think teaching a child how to fall asleep on their own is the absolute best gift you can give your child, because a well-slept baby, makes a healthy & happy baby which makes a happy Mom, which makes a happy husband and wife and family overall. Good luck!!

Hi A.,

As the your daughter grows & develops she will change her behaviors to figure out her boundaries, (what she can get away with). That is what she's doing now. I know how you felt the first time she did it, as it was not her usual behavior. Once you realized she was not sick you needed to re-establish the routine.

A good bedtime routine helps her learn to calm down for sleep, which it sounds like you have. To help prepare her for bed also tell her it's time to go to sleep, or whatever you words you prefer, as I'm sure she's able to understand words.

Once you put her down in her bed, the only time you should go back is about every 10-15 minutes to look in on her. Remind her to lay down to sleep, or perhaps lay her back down. Don't get her out of bed, to hug or hold her. It's very hard to do and may take a few nights of crying a couple hours at first, but will shorten over time. It may be up to a week for her to fully cooperate. Hang in there!!!

She will realize you will not get her up once she's put to bed and not waste her energy. If you get her up, you are encouraging her behavior by rewarding her with what she wants, which is to get up, and not go to bed at that time.

My questions to parents are, Who's in charge"? Is it the parents or the child. Who should be in charge? At this point it sounds like she is the one in charge when it comes to her bedtime. You as her parents know whats best for her & need to take charge for everyone's sake.

This is not the last time she will test her boundaries. She may test you again in the future once you have her back into a bedtime routine, or it maybe something totally different. If you give in, it will take longer to break the habit.

I hope she cooperates without much fuss!

Good luck to you!

K.

definitely sounds like an earache. don't lay her down, that's what makes it hurt. try letting her sleep upright-- in a recliner or put some towels under her mattress to prop it up...

put 1 drop of olive oil in each ear to help it drain. works every time!

also might be teething, that causes lots of night pain too.

sounds like you know her well and are in tune to her needs. keep it up mama!

Sounds like you're a very caring and attentive mother...but you might just consider what her father is saying about letting her cry it out. My doctor told me to do the same thing, and as hard as it is....and trust me, there were times i cried because i felt so bad....you have to let your baby learn how to self soothe. It will help her later on in life too because she will gain independence and self-esteem from the ability to self-soothe and work through anxieties. Yes, it's hard for a few nites, but it's worth the work for the baby's sake:)

I wish you the best of luck with this hard situation...parenting is one hell of a hard job, but it's totally worth every second:):)

it's sounds like you know what is best for your daughter. it seems that something is going on with her. you are not babying your child you are just a good mamma who is listening to your baby. can you rock her to sleep before laying her down? also, i've heard that seperation anxiety peaks at this time. maybe she is afraid to go to sleep without you. i would continue reassuring her. i would not take her back downstairs to play. also, some of the other moms had good suggestions about putting her mattress on the floor. i definitely would not let her "cry it out" especially because "it" is always something that can be fixed and should not be ignored. also, my husband and i don't always agree either and it makes it even more difficult to handle without their support. just follow your motherly instincts.

Don't think that your daughter is too young to play you.
Give up on the wondering why...you are doing the right thing with you bedtime routine and all.
Keep that up.
If you must come into her room to comfort her, do NOT speak, and keep your eyes cast down if possible.
Just lay her down, pat her a little, and leave.
You might have to do this many times before she gets the idea that you mean business.
Don't give up!
If you do this, I know that you will be successful, though it might take several nights.
I know you can do it.
Dad and any other caregivers must follow the same routine as well to avoid confusion.
Insist on it.
Best wishes.

This is about the age when I had to put my two girls into a toddler bed. They just refused to sleep in their cribs all of a sudden. If your crib has a rail that you can remove, try that first before you go and buy a toddler bed.

Well, unfortunately, she has developed her control skills very well and is using them nicely. This isn't a judgement, it is just a life lesson we parents all learn.
You have to be a little tougher with her and not feel guilty about it and that is hard.
Put her to bed, read her a story, turn on the night light, a little soft music and sing a song with it then leave the room. If she starts the screaming go back in, check on her to make sure she is all right, tell her it is time to go to bed now and mommy is very tired too. Tell her a very short story and again leave the room. When she starts crying again wait from 3 to 5 minutes before you go back in to check on her. Tell her you understand she doesn't want to go to bed, but it is bed time now and leave the room, no story, no getting back up, no extensive time coddling her. When she starts the screaming again have your husband go in to check on her. He needs to tell her it is bedtime, mommy is sleeping, taking a bath, or whatever. He needs to tell her he loves her, pat her back or rub it for a second and then leave the room as well. It is going to take a couple of nights but once she realizes mommy is going to come back to check on her only two times, then daddy is going to come and check on her one or two times and she is not going to get back up, be allowed to play, or get rewards for getting back out of bed she will stop.

Kids are smart. She knows if she cries long and hard enough that you will go back and get her. Look at what happens when she does. She got to get up and have a snack. She is playing you and she is winning. Be firm and let her know that it's bedtime. It will work itself out but you need to be strong. You might have to let her cry for a little bit but she will be fine.

Sorry to say, but it sounds like she is not tired and she does not want to go to bed. I would cut out a nap and do some outdoor play before the nighttime routine. I bet you will find out how much energy needs to be burnt before bed time is quiet.

BUT you are the mother, and you need to do what you feel is right. If you think there might be something wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to the doctor. I am embarassed to go when there might not be something wrong, but in the end I enjoy the piece of mind.

Good Luck!

As you say, by letting her scream and cry only upsets both of you. A child or adult can only get so upset before they cannot calm down without medication or being up a long time to try to settle down to even sleep. I'm not quite sure of your situation, but when my daughter started that, she then started clinbing out of her crib. I put her mattress on the floor until we got our new mattress and box springs for our bed. I then left her crib up for awhile, but put blankets in it and put our old mattress and box springs on the floor of her room for her. I made a big deal about it being a big girl's bed and we would pick out new furniture later for her. She actually loved sleeping on the BIG GIRL makeshift bed. When I could afford to get the frame for the bed, the transition went smooth. Because of starting her that close to the floor (didn't really have youth beds when my daughter was that age) she has never fallen out of bed. We very rarely had any bedtime trouble with her after that. She was in a big bed by 16 months after I spent a month worrying about her falling climbing out of the crib. Hope this helps some.

My daughter went through the same thing. At first I did the same thing and gave into her. I did this for a couple days and decided to go ahead and let her cry it out. She did the same thing with screaming and sobbing. This lasted about a week, now she goes to bed like she use to. The main thing is do not give in. If you give in even if it last for hours she knows you will go get her. Usually after three to four day she should break the habit. Good luck.

If she was in any pain she would scream every time you laid her down not just at night. She is giving you a run for your money because she doesn't want to go to bed. Cut out one nap during the day and see if it helps her to sleep at night. If she still screams let her go for about 20 mins. and if she is still screaming then get her up for a few minutes talk to her and explain it is bed time and she needs to go to sleep. Then put her back in her crib and if she screams some more just leave and let her cry it out. Don't let her cry and scream for more than 20 mins. at a time though. She will eventually tire herself out from screaming and crying that she will fall asleep. You are not babying her by going in to sooth her but do not get her out of the crib more than once or twice.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

have you tried sleeping in an old shirt & then putting it on a stuffed animal of hers & letting her sleep with it? babies have a great sense of smell & your scent next to her could help comfort her into thinking she's sleeping with you. good luck & god bless.