Trouble Getting Toddler to Stay in Toddler Bed to Sleep

Just keep bringing him back without any positice or negative reinforcers. Do everything you can to get out of his room for naps! People need alone time- both of you. Soemtimes my daugther just sits around in her bed playing/singing/reading but eventually she falls asleep. I saw some people said use gates, you could also use one of those door knob locks. Is it that he keeps getting out of his bed for naps so thats why he won't sleep? Or is it because you are his crutch?

I know some of the moms and many others may get a little upset with this but it works.
My kids slept with me when I was breast feeding then slowly moved them to a playpen or whatever I had that would fit next to the bed... as it progressed I slowly moved them to their own room. They always knew that if they had a nightmare or something that scared them safety was the area on the floor near my bed. (always extra pillows and blankets there just in case) They knew if they needed the security that they did not need to wake me ... just lay down there and they would be safe. I told them they were too big now to fit with mommy and daddy on the bed but would be safe in the safety area. As time went on they were seen sleeping there less and less til I now miss seeing them there every now and then. They are all now secure and sleep in there own beds. My kids are now 15, 14 1/2, 11 1/2 and 9 1/2. Even the 15yr old stepson found comfort in that safety area when he was between 9-11yrs.
Not sure if it will help but it was worth a try.

K., I empathize with you as I also have a 3 year old that has had her share of difficulty getting to sleep and staying asleep. At age 3 she's sleeping really well all night long with only occasional wakenings (this is normal through age 5 says the experts). Why do you think it's not a good idea to stay with your 2 y.o. while he's falling to sleep? He needs you now for security during this time of big transition, but there will come a day soon that he will not need you so close. There is nothing harmful about being with your child at night or naps when they need you. I'm personally horrified by the thought of locking a child in a room at night or even during the day. First of all, it's unsafe and second, it sends the message to the child that you are unavailable. Parenting is a 24 hour job, not just 12 hours as many parents believe. So if you want a secure child later, you must make him secure now. Go with your gut feeling, establish a bedtime/naptime routine, and don't feel guilty for doing things different from other parents. R., SAHM of 2 married 7 wonderful years yesterday.

Hi K.,
We had the same problem with our son. We put him in a toddler bed at 26 months and initially it went really well. But after a trip back home and my laying with him since we were in a strange place, he wanted the same thing when we returned and it was a nightmare so my husbnad put the crib back up and the first night he cried for ten minutes and that was it. We bought him a full size bed at 31 months and he has done great. If your son was not climbing out of his crib, I say put him back in it and try again when he is 2 and a half. Good luck.

Put him back in a crib! I leave my kids in cribs till they're at least 3 for that reason. I'm more afraid of them getting up in the middle of the night and wandering around putting themselves in danger. Obviously, he was not ready for a big boy bed yet. Good luck.

When we transitioned my daughter from a crib, we decided to put a gate across her door because we were afraid of her wandering around the house in the middle of the night. Now if we forget to put the gate up she reminds us to "get the gate!" The first few days are always tough--particularly during nap time. But after a few days of us being consistent about it, she realized that we were not going to give in and she actually started sleeping better and more soundly in her bed than she ever did in her crib.
Good luck and best wishes!
N.

Try putting a gate up. He can still call out to you if he really needs a drink, potty (if potty trained), etc. Reassure him that he will still be able to get your attention for these sorts of things. Under no circumstances do you let him get away with climbing over, so let him know that would be very dangerous as he could fall. If you don't have a gate right away, bring him back to his bed and let him know that he has to stay there for sleep. This may take firmness, but you don't want him roaming the house while you sleep, which could be an even greater danger.

Good luck!
B.

K.,

Locking your kid in his or her room-TERRIBLE IDEA! What are you really saying to your kid when you do that? I don't care how many mothers have done it, it's not a kind thing to do to your child. I wonder how comfortable an adult would be to be locked in his or her room at night. Not a nice thing to do-period. I think Golden had a great suggestion with the safety area in your room. Your two year old son is learning something new, and it's
going to take time for him to learn to stay in his bed, maybe. So what? Is your boy going to be in your bed when he's 18? Nope. Your boy wants to be close to you-that's really pretty awesome if you think about it. You're a comfort to him-his security, and this is as it should be. If you are still laying down with him for his naptime, what's wrong with that? Why isn't that good? How many more years is he going to be napping? Not as many as you'd like, I guarantee you! You're a sahm. You have the luxury, the luxury, of being able to hold your boy as he falls to sleep. He will learn to stay in his bed, he will learn to fall asleep on his own, and he will be a Harvard grad....okay, maybe I can't guarantee that part, but the other stuff I know for sure. Please don't lock him in his room. Please be patient and know that this is a moment that will pass as do all moments. Let him work it out, and help him do that compassionately and lovingly.

Take care,

Al

sounds very mean but we locked my son in his room (after the full good night routine and making sure he had a sippy cup (it's regular water bottles now) of water, etc. He cried and banged and shook the door with more power than we knew he had (he was a little 3yo at the time, and we put a hook & eye at the door so it was still open a crack so that we could still see each other though the door)

Only had to do it for about 2 weeks and haven't since because he knows bedtime means stay in his room. I think it was 2 years before he ventured out of his room after bedtime, and just the threat of hooking his door was enough. (I just hear Mom, mom, MOM, MOM, moooommmm a lot now but he stays in his doorway)

Set the limit, be firm (even if it is HARD!) and then it's easy after that.

I know there are a lot of 'shoulds' associated with this. However . . . I allowed the crawling into bed, etc. Just ask yourself, "Do I really believe that he will still be sleeping with us when he is 18?" The answer is 'no'. You still need to put him to bed in his own space in case (or for when) the magical moment happens, and he starts sleeping alone. For me, that began at about age 5, although, in strange places, he still had a tendency to join us until 8 or so. I believe that children are supposed to sleep with us, and be in as much contact with their mothers as possible. That said, the way to wean to a pallet on the floor in your room is to lie down with him when it is time to sleep, 'sleep' with him until he actually falls asleep, then slip away to your own space. He will feel insecure when he wakes up and can't hear/feel you, so the process will need to be repeated if he wakes. Just be careful not to get to entangled. They are incredibly sensitive to your withdrawal. Rhythmic back pats are very helpful.

I know how frustrating it can be when our children's sleep schedule changes...just when you thought you could sleep through the night - yes? :)
My question for you is, why do you feel that staying in his room during naptime is not good? Is that something you really feel strongly about, or are these judgments based on what our highly independent culture says about it? The reason I ask is so that you really do what YOU FEEL in YOUR maternal instinct is best for YOUR child. Check in with your assumptions on how you really feel about it (or any other parenting matter). It's the only way you can parent in your own truth.

My suggestions? He is only 2. Going from a crib to a bed is a BIG transition for him. Even if he did sleep through the night for the first few nights, waking and wanting to be with mommy and daddy is very very normal. HE just wants to feel safe:) What is his bedtime ritual like? When children have a pleasant experience with going to bed, it's less scary. Keep it simple and consistent.
You will probably have to keep taking him back to his bed every night for a while before he gets used to his new big boy bed. It's not easy...you are tired, I know. Be patient with him. It will pass.
As far as naptimes. Did he start this new thing of not napping before or after he moved into his bed? If it's after, then I'm sure it's because of this transition.
As far as staying with him while he naps? How about sitting on his bed reading a story for a while until he falls aslepp. Then you sit in a chair next to his bed for a while. Eventually, he will fall asleep on his own. You can probably try rewards for going to sleep by himself...but really, toddlers are IN THE MOMENT little creatures:) Us thinking that he will sleep now to get a goody later??? Isn't very realistic for 2 year olds. (I'm not a big one on rewards, but that's me). Or if you really don't have an issue with staying with him, why not try just laying down with him and having some snuggle time and getting a few zzzz's yourself? I'm thinking that he just needs a little reassurance now....the best way to give that to our precious wee ones? Love and attention - but you know that:)

Much good energy to all of you for sound sleep.

A.
Mom of 4, birth and parenting mentor.

I somewhat agree with some of the other comments about locking the door. I don't know if would lock the door myself, but my idea would be to put up a kiddy gate in the bedroom door and let him cry it out. At least he can't get out of the room. As long as his room is child proofed he should be safe!

My first response is about the naps - does he need them or do you need the downtime? At home I ended enforcing a "quiet time" between the same time period that my daughter takes a nap a day care (which apparently she does without any issues). I do give her a choice of her bedroom with books or the couch with a movie... naturally the choice is usually the couch and she is usually asleep quickly. Some days are harder then others for quiet time, but my husband and I both enforce the time period (of about two hours - like I said it matches up with her nap time at day care) and we will both do quiet activities at the same time so the whole house is in quiet mode.

As for bed - we only ended up with a couple of times our daughter slept with us and usually it was me bringing her to bed because I was to tired to rock her in her room, which is my usual method since I enforce a bedtime is a stay in bedroom activity. I have NEVER locked her in - and frankly that shocked me to read. I have never rushed out of the room, and we've always tried to make her room a special place for her to dream by. We have some Moon and Star lights on her wall from Ikea I believe (they were gifts) that we took the blubs out of all but one star and I painted glow in the dark paint behind them. At night, I would tell her to wish upon her star and we would turn the light out and she would see her glowing moon and stars. Right now she likes to see when she wakes up so I leave the light on and it produces very little light - just enough to light up the dark corners of her room. But she also knows that if she calls, I will come in and rub her back, give her a hug, or rock her in the chair - but we will not leave the room.

We swore by the baby gates on my daughter's door. It was better than putting a lock on the inside of the door because she could still open the door. We would stack one on top of the other and it worked great. She is almost three now and we don't have to do that anymore but on a rare occasion. We would take them down after she fell asleep, but you could also leave them up all night. She got used to it real quickly and it worked wonderfully!! It allowed my husband and I to get some much needed sleep. I have a friend that is having the same problem and I keep telling her to use the gates and she keeps hesitating. Meanwhile, her and her husband have not gotten a good nights sleep in quite sometime because they are getting up all night putting her back in bed. Use the gates, they WORK! Good luck.

We "locked" my son in his room. I was not comfortable knowing that he could roam the house though the night and possibly hurt himself. We started this around 20 months (he was climbing out of his crib at 18 mos). He is now 26 months, and we can leave his door wide open for naps and bed.

Also, try wearing him out in the mornings. My kids are going to grandma's house or a neighbor's house to swim, and they fall asleep when they get home because they've exerted so much energy. If you can do this, it should break the cycle of you having to be there for naps.

Good luck.