Trouble Getting Son Dressed...

Maybe you're over-rewarding him? You mention that you give stickers for brushing teeth, cleaning up toys, putting dishes away...maybe he thinks he needs to be rewarded for everything he does and he's resisting the dressing because he thinks he deserves something bigger and better so he puts up a greater fight?

We have a 2 1/2 year old too and yes, he frequently resists getting dressed. I pull out an outfit and if he balks at it, I ask him ONE time if he'd like 'this shirt or that shirt'. If he can't pick or says no to both of them, I pick for him. Same thing with the pants. Then, I just dress him as quickly as possible, which sometimes means a wrestling match and a meltdown, but I flat out ignore it. No comments and absolutely no attention to the tantrum he is throwing - I don't want to give any attention, positive or negative to the fit he is throwing. It's morning, he needs to get dressed before he can go about his day because that's part of the routine. I do not beg, plead, nag, or yell. We just get through it as quickly as possible.

My girlfriend is going through a similar situation with her son-he only wants to wear PJ's all day. But my guess, since you work, is that this is a control issue, because he gets all your attention when he won't do as he is told. I suggested my girlfriend tell her son that if he won't put his day clothes on that he has to stay in bed-I haven't followed up, but I know he is one of those children that loves to be awake and active, so I am guessing this solution would work for them.

Most likely you need to break his control of the situation. Having worked in day care, you could explain the situation to his provider and ask if they would be opposed to him arriving in PJs for a few days to show him that he will go to school with or without day clothes and that you will not allow him to manipulate you.

(It may or may not work so I'd reserve that for a last resort).

He could also be frustrated at the change in seasons and the heavier clothes he has to wear (my 5 year old has been fighting me about pants and socks and shoes because she HATES being hot) If this is the case, maybe try a t-shirt with a jacket he can take off at school (most centers stay very warm during the day) and lighter shoes?

That is just a guess, but I am guessing the real discomfort is his attempts to delay and prolong his time with you in the morning. If you refuse to fight him or refuse to allow him to start his day until he complies, he'll most likely give up the fight.

I don't have an answer for you, but it is sure good to know that someone is going through the EXACT same thing I am going through!!!

Sometimes letting him choose "where" he gets ready helps. He will sometimes let me change him in the living room in front of the t.v. I will say where do you want to get ready and he will walk around the room and pick a spot. I'd say it works at least 2 or 3 times a week!

You say this just started in the past 2 weeks or so. Is there any chance the clothing has changed due to the weather? We do dress our kids warmer now of course but ask this because I had this problem when my son was about 2 years old. It was a fight whenever the seasons changed until he seemed to accept the change in clothing, about 3 or 4 weeks. He hated changing from long sleeves to short, short pants to long, etc. It was not a sensory issue but but more a change in parts of his body that were covered up, or not. He still sometimes takes longer to accept shorter sleeves in the srping and summer. I had to make him change his shirt on an 80 degree day this past summer-he heavy sweatshirt on. Just something to think about. Maybe he could wear short sleeves and take a sweater with for cooler times if this could be the case.

S.,

Read the other posts here are some thoughts and things that work for us:

1. I wouldn't send him to daycare in PJs. I think that's starting a bad precedent and putting the "problem" on them to handle.

2. I agree the change of seasons/clothing is probably part of the problem. What about asking him? Don't lead him with your questions, try to leave it open ended and see what he says is why he keeps fighting you in the morning.

3. What about after your talk if you take him shopping and let HIM pick out some new clothes that he can wear to school and 'show his teachers'? Again, let HIM PICK without a lot of input from you.

4. Pick out his clothes the night before. Do it together. Lay them on the floor and have a plan as to when it's time to get dressed, i.e. before breakfast, when a timer goes off, etc.

5. Maybe if he has a "morning routine" like checking off a chart of things he has to do in the morning will help (if he likes those)? Wake up - check. Get dressed - check. Brush teeth - check. You get the idea. Enlist Dad's help! Maybe he gets to call Dad on his way to daycare to tell him how he did on his chart that morning?

6. If all else fails, I'd pull the Big Boy card. If he wants to act like a baby then you'll treat him like one...no choices, mom picks everything, breakfast, clothes, etc. WHEN he behaves, he gets choices back, like picking out his clothes and breakfast. Surprisingly this REALLY worked in our house...our kids love making their own choices, so losing that privilege was a BIG loss. There's no yelling, no fighting, just Mom said so.

I hope something helps!

Good luck!

How do you feel about letting him wear his pajamas to daycare? You can pack his clothes in a backpack and take them along. Here's the conversation, "Honey, if you want to play outside at daycare, you will have to wear your clothes. You can change at daycare."

On the weekends it's, "Honey, if you want to go to the store (or out to eat or visit a friend) you have to wear your clothes." If he doesn't want to change - leave him at home.

Pretty soon, I think he'll get tired of staying inside or at home and will do as you ask. You're attitude will be, "I don't care whether you get dressed or not, but you will not do fun things if you are not dressed."

Good luck!

I'm not sure what will work in the end for your son but make sure that when you try something, you give it time to work (or not). This current issue you are having with him has only lasted about 2 weeks with you trying many things; give it time. You know your son best. Good luck!

It depends on what is causing the resistance. Is it that he wants to dress himself and doesn't want to be babied? Is it that he doesn't like something about the clothes (too tight, too hot, labels, high necks)? Is it that he feels too rushed in the morning? Unfortunately the only way I know is to experiment with different things and see what seems to be triggering this resistance. With my kids, there is almost always a reason when I figure it out. With all of the suggestions above, you can work around by choosing loose, comfy clothes that are easy to slip on.

My kids didn't respond to charts and stickers that young - not saying it won't work for others, but I found it a lot easier to figure out the issue and try to work with it. Morning is a high-stress time even for adults, so it's not surprising kids (who hate to be rushed at the best of times) are also at their worst then. When we ran into a similar issue with my son at age 3.5, I got up early for a week and just spent 15 minutes cuddling and playing. Even just that week helped.

Good luck! I hate mornings, especially rainy October mornings!