Trouble at Dinner Time!!!!!!!!!! HELP

My youngest son (9) is very picky too. When we do have something new I do expect him to at least try it. There are some foods that he shivers at, I know how that feels so I don't expect him to eat that. If I am just getting the "I don't want to" attitude, I do expect him to eat it BUT not all of it. Then I will tell him to take 4 full bites (or any random number that is acceptable for what the food is) and for whatever reason... that works with him. I guess if he thinks he has to eat all of it, he just can't bear to eat it, but when I put it in those terms, he will eat it. I don't if it will work for you but I wanted to mention it.

Just keep doing what you're doing. At that age, it's practically their JOB to hate everything that isn't mac and cheese, burgers, hotdogs or pizza. Eventually (and it could take YEARS), they will eat what you serve without a fight. It might take a while, but if you give in now and start making them special meals, they will NEVER learn to try new things or be happy with what you give them. Don't worry, they will NOT starve, although they will try to make you think they're "STAAAAAARRRRVIIIINGGGGG!!!!!" Don't even fight with them, just serve them, if they eat it, great, if not, no big deal. And maybe they should start having consequences not only for not eating but for the attitude they pull at the dinner table...It's ok to choose not to eat the meal that's served, it's NOT ok to complain about it and be disrespectful of your efforts. They're old enough to be taught that lesson, I think.

Kids get such funny ideas in their heads! And when you get all stressed about it THEY get all stressed about it. Fortunately it's just a phase.

When my SD was 6 she got it in her head that she didn't like cinnamon. Which is funny because she LOVES cinnamon. For example she ate up cinnamon applesauce, apple pie, etc. But if she heard it had cinnamon in it she wouldn't touch it. And if we did make her try it she'd spit it out and pretend to barf. One time we lied and said that the waffles didn't have cinnamon in them and she said they were the best waffles ever LOL! They DID have cinnamon.

Anyway, talking to her about it didn't help. Proving to her that what she just ate DID have cinnamon in it. She refused to eat applesauce once we showed her it was cinnamon applesauce...and she had been snarfing it down for years. She barfed on the table. Pretty soon she didn't want to eat much of anything for fear of it containing cinnamon (our "proving" method backfired majorly! Don't do it!)

So we ignored it. Completely. If she asked if something had cinnamon in it we TOTALLY ignored the question. We made no comment about her food whatsoever. And we totally ignored whether she ate it or not. We put tiny portions of food on her plate and then we ate ourselves and had lively conversation. When dinner was over we took her plate to the sink with no comment as to how much she ate or did not eat. If she asked for seconds we gave her seconds but in a nonchalant way and made no comment.

If she said she was hungry later we said "we already had dinner" and then made no further comment, even if she repeated herself.

It took less than a week for her "cinnamon drama" to disappear. In fact, she now openly loves cinnamon. We make no comments about the past.

I would say ignore your kids. Put small portions of food on their plate and ignore the rest, no matter what they say. When dinner is over clear the table without comment. If they turn up the drama then you know it's working and keep at it. I would imagine it will take about a week or so and they'll be eating fine.

Have them pick a meal and help prepare it. If they enjoy that meal, you can make extras for next time and freeze it. When you do decide to make a spicy dish, pull it out for the kids or make some hot dogs. Our kids like beef, carrot and potato stew, kebab, hot dogs, burgers (parents get a special burger with either mushrooms, bacon or chipotle mayo), steak, chicken with rice, yogurt and saffron, taco or burritos, breakfast for dinner, pasta carbonara, or regular pasta, breaded fish, parmesan chicken (chicken dipped in butter, then breadcrumbs or stuffing mix with parmesan and salt and pepper and garlic powder baked for 1 hr). I think that kids will get used to what you serve them. It may take a little while. Keep searching for some family favorites or your own.

Oh I know how frustrating this one is! My kids would say they didn't like something..........at the age of your kids I would ask them to try it. If they didn't like it I made them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something fairly healthy. As they got older I finally just told my kids if they didn't like what I made they could make something healthy for themselves. No desserts though until they ate something I approved of.

I don't really believe in the go to bed hungry thing. I tried to force my one son to taste things and he just wouldn't. He would sit there two hours if need be. So I gave up. It didn't seem to be doing anything but make him dig his heels in.... and damage our relationship.

Also, maybe it's time to teach your kids to cook. If you have the time to let them help you then let them pick and get them working. They may prefer your food if they don't have to work so hard.

Good luck!

Hot dogs and burgers are not the best choice nor individal meals. If your cooking a variety and not having the same dish several times a week. Tell them sometimes you get things you like and sometimes you don't another night you'll get your favorite. Ignor some of the protests, expect manners, put small portions on their plates and talk about something else. Make some meals they like occasionally and no dessert without dinner. Cook a favorite meal ocassionally and ask what they might like as a vegetable. If the one that said that's to juice, juice it for himand lett him drink his meal. Keep a sense of humor. Be creative , eat healthy, eliminate packaged snacks.If they say I don't like that , just tell them I am sorry, you'll get some thing you like another day.
It isn't necessary to eat it or go to bed hungry. I sat for hours at the dinner table when I was a kid., 11 Pm and still there. I don't remember why I did that. I know I hated asparagus! When I left home I tried all sorts of foods and enjoyed almost everything. I am not crazy about oysters on the half shell.
Don't let meal time become a power struggle. I watchmy grand daughter not eat at mealtime and say no to so much but then her mother is the same way. She came from a famiy that had siblings and the pickest eaters. She only ate corn, salads with home made french dressings, ( mayonaise and ketsup, no vegtables.
Cook what you cook , be creative and enjoy your boys, they grow up to soon. Evey situation is different. I had five boyswith 17 years between the oldest and youngest, the older boys did that when they where 4 & 5 , the nest three ate most anything. We did alot of home cooking and lots of fruit and vegetables. They all cook and for the most part enjoy it. They do grow up. Fix meals occasionally they pick, enclude them in helping to prepare a meal, talk about the items you are buying at the store, let them measure ingredients and stir, wash potatoes, etc creative things. That'll eventually learn to accept your ways, avoid power struggles, laugh and enjoy your meal. Talk about their day and yours and friends, next part of the day, keep a routine and follow through. Good Luck! Children and life are an adventure.

I read a book where a 5th grade teacher told her students 'I don't mind if you have a problem, but come to me with a solution too. If you have a better way of doing things, that's fine, tell me. But if you're just coming to complain, I don't want to hear it.'
I'm thinking maybe they can some how be apart of the dinner process. If they only pick unhealthy things, make a chart where they have to pick from each food group. Also make a list of everyone's favorites and explain that everyone gets a turn to eat what they like.
My 5 year old like broccoli more than cauliflower, so I give him twice as much as the other. It makes us all happy.

I think you've gotten very good advice. Make what you make, and they can eat it or not. Do try to avoid making it a battle. The less emotion on your part, the better.

I just wanted to add that a little bribery goes a long way. My daughter eats everything, but my son, not so much. But I can often get him to try bites of things by saying that otherwise he can't have dessert. So he's a terrible vegetable eater, but as long as he has one bite (and a reasonable amount of the rest of dinner) he can have dessert. I figure, at least then it's getting in him, and there's a greater likelihood that he'll eat it next time. Good luck.

There is a great book by William G Wilkoff, MD called Coping with a Picky Eater that every parent or provider of kids should read and have a copy of. http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Picky-Eater-Perplexed-Parent...

This book has what I call the Picky Eater Plan. I have used this plan with kids that literally threw up at the sight of food and within 2 weeks they were eating normal amounts of everything and trying every food.

First you need to get everyone who deals with the child on board. If you are a provider it's ok to make this the rule at your house and not have the parents follow through but you wont' see as good results as what I described up above.

The plan is to limit the quantities of food you give the kid. When I first start with a child I give them literally ONE bite worth of each food I am serving. The book suggests that every time you feed the kids (breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner) you give all 4 food groups. So, for lunch today I would have given the child one tiny piece of strawberry, one spoonful of applesauce, 3 macaroni noodles with cheese on them, and 2 oz of milk. Only after they ate ALL of what was on their plate would you give them anything else. They can have the same amounts for seconds. If they only want more mac and cheese, they only get 3 noodles then they would have to have more of all the other foods in order to get more than that. If they don't eat, fine. If they don't finish, fine. Don't make a big deal out of it, just make them stay at the table until everyone else is done eating. They don't get more food until they are sat at the next meal and they only get what you serve. When I first do this with a child I don't serve sweets at all. So no animal crackers for snack but rather a carrot for snack. Or one of each of those. I don't make it easy for them to gorge on bad foods in other words. Now if they had a meal where they ate great then I might make the snack be a yummy one cause I know they filled up on good foods.

Even at snacks you have to limit quantities of the good stuff or else they will hold out for snack and just eat those snacky foods. I never give a picky eater the reward of a yummy snack unless they had that great lunch prior to it.

It really is that easy. ((disclaimer - does not work on husbands))

I think just keep at it. My 5 year old was giving me trouble with every single dinner I made-and I always try to make a variety of dinners-but she HAD to eat it or go to bed hungry. I was sick of making her different things than the rest of us. It took a while, but she is finally starting to eat what I make. We always have veggies-some she hates, but she trys them each time I make them and it really seems like she is starting to like them...she even ate asparagus last night!!

There are a few, I know she doesn't like tacos, so I will make her cheese quesadillas, and she hates lasagna, so I will figure something else out for that too, but for the most part, unless its spicy she's eating it. And the battle is finally going away-just took a little time!

Good luck!

Who is the parent and who is the child? Who makes the rules? Who has to obey the rules?

I had 8 kids. We didn't run a restaurant where they selected something from a menu. Can you imagine making 10 different meals? NO WAY!!! My wife and I cooked and they ate. Later, each of my older children were responsible for making a dinner one day a week. I made dinner on Sunday and my wife made dinner on Saturday. Before 12 they could make simple dinners like hot dogs, mac & cheese. After 12 they had to have a meat, a starch and a vegetable. My kids didn't pick and choose what they would eat or not eat until they graduated high school and then if they didn't like what they were served they could volunteer to make dinner the next night. At least once per month they were responsible for making dessert.

We also didn't allow them to select their bed times or whether or not they would do their chores or clean their room or do their homework. Its tougher to be a parent than a friend, but when you choose to bring children into this world you should recognize the responsibility that comes with the territory. That's why I, as a man, a father, a husband, revere women that choose the toughest job in the world, a sahm (If its done correctly).

If you think you have problems and need help now, wait until your sons become teenagers, unless you become parents and gain control NOW.

To get a sample of what misery your children will bring you, read some of the posts from parents that wonder how they are going to gain control of their teenagers. Its so much easer to gain and maintain control at 2 or 3 (or 5 & 6), rather than trying to get control when they are teenagers.

Recommendation: Tell your children they will eat what is put on their plate, even if they don't think they like it. Life is full of having to do what you don't really want to do. Eating what you may not like is part of that. I worked with a man that liked just a few foods. When we went out to meetings that included dinner, he acted like a child and had to have "special meals". The bosses passed him over for promotional assignments because they felt his refusing to try new foods was an indication that he would refuse to try new business ideas and techniques. How sad his parents stunted his business promotional possibilities.

I'm sorry if this came across as harsh, but a mind and life is a terrible thing to waste. Good luck to your becoming a loving parent.

BTW, get your kids involoved with the Boy Scouts of America. They will get to try a lot of new things. Some times those new things lead to productive and profitible careers. Example: Steven Spielberg earned the cinematography merit badge and became an Eagle Scout.

kids eat what we make. it should be like that. not a battle, no discussion nothing.
i always say, as this has worked with mine, i say choose two things you don't want me to ever cook (our battle used to be about veggies not meals), and they both have chosen two veggies for me to 'never ever cook.' i still do but they're hidden in foods. so simply asked your sons to choose two meals that you will never make, and the deal is they have to eat everything else.

Please don't fall into the trap of cooking special meals for each child or you will regret it. I promise you.
I have a friend who did that and now her sons are 15 and 20 and they still won't eat anything that is cooked at home. They will make her drive to a fast food restaurant to get them something which is completely ridiculous. She is afraid they won't eat otherwise. She's done it so long that now it's routine and she doesn't even get to eat her meals half the time for running her kids around.
She NEVER would have tried the, "If you don't want to eat or at least try it, you can go to bed hungry." This has caused many arguments between mom and dad. They won't even eat turkey on Thanksgiving if someone stuffed it with onions and they will sit at a family function eating nothing and declare that they will get something to eat on the way home. Meaning, any fast food place that's open. It's rude to their hosts, it's disrespectful to their parents, but they have gotten away with it. All their lives.
I just made a solemn promise to my children that I would never make anything for them that I wouldn't eat like liver or hearts or cow tongue. I never made anything gross. My husband ate bizarre things, but I wouldn't touch it and the kids never had to try it unless they wanted to because I certainly didn't eat it. But anything I ate, they had to try and eat several bites of it. Luckily, they liked it.
Your kids are old enough to help you cook so I would really try getting them involved in the kitchen as much as possible and that might help them be more eager to eat what they helped cook. Take them to farmer's markets and have them pick out two new things to try. Show them how to prepare it and have them taste it. If they are just getting bored with certain things, try mixing things up a bit. There are so many good recipes. Have them take turns...one night one kid helps with dinner for the family and the next night the other one does. That includes picking things out. Get a cookbook and start trying different things. I was lucky that my kids are adventurous eaters, especially with vegetables. And they like all foods. Boys need to know how to cook too so you might as well get them involved.
My son is 14 and he can throw down an entire turkey or roast dinner all by himself. I've taught him since he was little. He wants to be a chef.
There are lots of good websites for recipes....I would just engage them in the preparation and see how it goes. You might lose the "Oh no...not again" comments.

Have fun and best wishes!