Trips

So why does he get the final say-so on vacations? If you both aren't into something, you find something you'll both enjoy. If you don't want to go to the retreat -you don't go, and if he doesn't want a Disney Cruise you don't go. Sit down and find a few places you both want to go. He sounds a bit inflexible to me, and he needs to realize that his word is not the final word.

Your kids are too young for Disney next year -- they won't be tall enough to ride most of the rides.

It's time for him to come clean as to why he doesn't want to spend time alone with you and why your desires come last. It's time for heart to heart to resolve these issues.

And it might be time for counseling. You don't have to be at the brink of divorce for counseling -- it actually works better if you aren't. If you can't afford counseling, then at least get some marriage help books. Gottman, The Divorce Remedy...

We will be going on our 18th cruise in January 2012.

A 900 foot ship is claustrofobic? A 2500 person restaurant is too confined? Of course some people are afraid of flies and moths or cracks in the sidewalk. You have a hard time changing a closed mind.

I'd call all of the other families and tell them you are having a milestone birthday next year and would like to go on a cruise instead of going to the retreat and get as many as possible to go with you. When you meet with these peole have them all talk to a travel agent (hopefully your travel agent) so they can make their presentation and sell the group the cruise.

There are bound to be people you know that have been on a cruise and enjoyed it. Arrange to have them over for dinner or a game night or play date for the kids. Let them talk about their last cruise vacation.

As far as Disney goes, I'm a Disney fan. All but your one year old will enjoy it.

BTW, My wife wants to go to Yellowstone. Been there done that, don't really care to go back. BUT because my wife wants to go I'll arrange to go and do my best to make sure she has a real good time.

Good luck to you and yours.

What about going to a travel agent together to talk about possible vacations? You'd get a neutral third party's input on what makes the most sense for your family and most likely, the cruise is what's going to come out on top. A travel agent can also counter his concerns about what cruise life is like (most travel agents have been on tons of cruises).

I am not a fan of either disney or a cruise. but that really is besides the point. this situation reminds me of the movie The Break up. While she wanted him to want to do things she wanted to do. I am sure there is a guy perspective on that movie also but I am a gal and thats the side I understand. I would think the best comp would be to have a big birthday this year for you. Find out why you MUST go to this trip. Does he have a time share, will the price go up if he skips what is the big deal about having to go every year. Once you truly understand then it might make more since. Perhaps he just looks forward to it every year? As far as the cruise he needs to suck it up just like you will for disney. I think all these things can be achieved but you need to talk about it and organize the times best to go. I think vacation and cruise this year. And next year Disney. Or Disney at christmas! That would actually be much more fun than regular disney! Talk about it and organize it. Dont get your feelings too involved so you can think logically about this and not have a heated discussion over a topic you both can figure out. We as women put our emotions into things ... like a milestone birthday and have our feelings hurt when something important gets swept under the rug. Let him understand how important it would be for you and how much you would appericiate if he did this ONCE .. WITH you . Good luck. I really think this is a matter of women are from venus and men are from mars...we just dont speak the same language. :D

I was going to mention the Disney Cruise, but you already did. I agree that he is acting like a poopy head. I think that the family should all agree on the family vacation and everyone should be willing to compromise. I live near Disney and there are lots of other things to do around here. You have Cocoa Beach about an hour east and Clearwater Beach about an hour west. There is also Kennedy Space Center and lots of other amusement parks. You could find a sitter and go for a nice romantic dinner just you and your hubby.

I understand your point, but not his. Can you eleaborte why he is being such a poopy head? Why is he set on going to Disney and why doesn't he want to go on the cruise? It sounds like a great compromise to me? What's the other side of the story?

Okay I feel your pain. I'm in same boat. We only go where my hubby wants to go: which are 3-4 visits to see his family every year since I've
known him.

I quit fighting it. Luckily I traveled extensively before I met him.

Having said that, I would Disneyland w/the kids when they get older.
I have a very open personality & am very social & can self entertain: went on 2 cruises and they were hard even for me. He'd probably hate it. Which in turn means you will have an awful time. His bad attitude will ruin it for you and you'll be stuck.
My theory now is don't make him do anything he doesn't want to do (well
you can't do that anyway).

My hubby & I went to counseling, he changed for a bit but is back to
himself. He's now over 40 and I have seen him change drastically into that grumpy old man.

Luckily I have a great group of friends that give me support, fun & laughter.

One friend has a similar hubby & she has decided to just get/keep a positive attitude.

So that's what I've decided to do. I can't change him but I CAN change my attitude . I've decided to keep a positive attitude, change what I can, go with whatever it is I can't change, try not to swim upstream & buck the system. It is a constant struggle but I can say that I am much happier since deciding to do this and live this way.

You sound like me: you like change. Your hubby sounds like mine: he
hates change.
So work "with" what you have. I think you'll find yourself happier. I finally figured that out and I am finally happier.
I get my way in other things but on the vacation thing: I've onceded.

You know the saying: "Happy Wife, Happy Life" (Seal says that about his wife/life w/Heidi Klum" well in my instance it's "Happy Hubby, Less Trouble for me-Wifey". ha ha.

I take my happiness where I can get it. So hang in there. If you end up going on this trip, try to make it as fun as possible for yourself: buy yourself a small, inexpensive trinket there, take fun pictures of your kids, try some new foods there, call a close friend on a day you need a pick me up while you're there etc. Good luck sweetie! :)