Traveling with Friends - Will Others Feel Left Out?

If you would like them all to come along you could say "We are planning a trip overseas this spring. It would be nice if you guys could join us." If they are interested, available and can afford to do it then they can make the arrangements.

Since you guys are all friends with kids the same ages and you hang out a lot, I would invite them. Think of how YOU would feel if two other families did this and didn't invite you? Sometimes we think one way about a family's financial situation and don't know the truth - so maybe they can afford it.

Offering them to join the trip doesn't cost you anything....so I'd extend the offer. Then it's not on you.

Yes, invite them. If they can go, they will, if they can't, they won't. They will only feel left out if you don't invite them.

If you'd really be fine with the others coming, definitely invite them. We have a similar set-up and we usually invite all so there are no hurt feelings. I'd prefer to be invited and say no than not be invited and kind of wonder why we weren't.

I err on the side of inviting. I know travel is expensive, but I also think it's not my place to speculate about what my friends can and can't afford.

So, if the choice is to make others feel included by extending an invitation they might not be able to accept OR having them feel as if I don't value their friendship, I'd rather extend the invitation, and have the person know that I thought of them and let them turn me down if they can't do it.

Hey, Fred and Ginger: We were having dinner with Stephanie and Andre and were talking about going to Germany this year for Otobkerfest. Would you be interested in going?

For all you know, your other friends may be gotten a big bonus which will enable them to travel to Germany if they chose, or they really have no interest in going to Germany. They may say: Hey, we can't afford Germany, but what do you say we have an international beer party with all the gang as a send off for you and the other couple?

Unless every single activity in which many of the group is included is too expensive for this couple, I wouldn't worry about it.

Invite them. You never know. We went to Europe in May. We put the invite out to everyone who was interested in going. We had two that went in addition to us. I had hoped my brother and his family would go but their kids were still in school. Boo!

We had a blast. I didn't think they would go but they were so excited to go. Ask!!!

I don't think you can worry too much about how others will feel. You're not responsible for them and it's ok to take a trip with another family.

However, if it's a case of the more the merrier, what's the harm in just extending the invitation?

Our group is planning some things we may or may not be able to attend. No hard feelings.

Definitely invite them and give them the chance to say no. To not be invited can definitely cause hurt feelings.

I would send them all an email and say something like, "hey, Bill, Suzie, Bob and I decided to go to Wherever on This Date and we wanted to include you guys too in case you could go." I would keep it simple but only ask them if you really don't mind if they do go.

That way there shouldn't be any hurt feelings because you invited and they couldn't go. And if they can, then the more the merrier! Good luck!

If you genuinely want them to come then absolutely invite them. I would just send an email or FB message to the group and put it out there. You are probably right that others might not be able to swing it but you never know! I'm sure the other friends will understand that your two families have the means to go and will not begrudge you! Sounds awesome!

No.... do not invite them.

I have friends who travel together or do stuff with their kids together. I'm not invited to everything. I don't feel bad about it, either. I'm an adult. I will survive.

It sounds like you are only inviting the others because you are worried they will be upset with you. That is not a good reason to do it, in fact,.it's kinder to not invite them if A. they weren't originally part of the plan and B. you know they would have to say no. Because then, you are putting them in the position of having to make *you* feel okay. Not good.

Plan things with them that they can afford. It doesn't need to be a big-deal outing. It would be far more considerate to arrange a potluck dinner party at a park or host a fun gathering. Let the kids have a sleep-under/pajama party with movies and games and the adults can chat and hang out.

Most tactful-- don't invite, don't brag, and don't feel bad about it.

In general, I'd say that you should invite anyone you want to invite when you're running the show. In your particular circumstance, you should discuss it first with the family you're already engaged with to make sure they are onboard with a larger group.

I have many friends in different social circles. I do not do things with all of them at the same time, all of the time. If someone feels left out about not being included in everything that I do, they need to come to terms with it because it is an unrealistic expectation.

i must have some sort of cranial disconnect. i'm always startled to hear that anyone is butthurt about not being included in all of someone else's activities.
i just assume that i'm not the center of everyone else's universe.
i had a cousin-in-law call me once, angry that she and her husband had been 'left out' of a gathering for the other side of the family. after i explained that it was just XYZs getting together on that occasion she said 'it's okay, i'm not mad, just don't leave us out again' and i had to clarify even further that we sometimes get together with the XYZs, sometimes with the 123s, and from time to time with everybody. and that we get to decide, and will not feel obligated to include everybody every time.
she was taken aback, i guess, but it hasn't ever come up again.
it would never occur to me to be peeved that some friends went on vacation with other friends and didn't invite me.
i think it's normal, natural and human to have friends you do some things with, and other friends you do other things with.
i guess i'm the weird one.
:D khairete
S.

I would invite. Yes we are adults but it doesn't mean we can't feel slighted. To me is safer to invite. And cost isn't the only reason someone might not take a trip. It could be timing or the desire to go to different countries too. So assuming the other family feels the same as you and would be happy to have them, I'd send a note that it's early but you guys started talking and now really planning to go to xyz these dates. Then I'd say you guys might have other thoughts for spring break or don't want to go to xyz, but you'd love it if they wanted to join. People can make all sorts of excuses besides money. Some people would blame fear right now. There have been incidents overseas. Since you feel awkward now, it's going to be to show and then they will really wonder.

My initial response is to say invite everyone so they can say yes or no. It's great that you are being sensitive to everyone's feelings.

But, do keep in mind that just because you have a group of friends doesn't always mean that you have to do everything together.

If you are so inclined, invited everyone else, but make no mention of cost. The others will know if it's cost prohibitive.

I agree with Nervy. The time to have invited them is at the beginning of making plans. I suggest that if you've already made plans for date, transportation, housing, it makes no sense to issue a group invitation. I would begin talking about your trip now so that it won't appear you're keeping secrets.

My friends often do things without including me. I don't expect to do everything with them. Perhaps everyone in your group are close with every other member? And all of you only do things with the whole group? I really can't picture that. I'm in a group of 6 friends. We all do things with just one or another of the group and also get together with all of us.

If you don't have set plans, talk with the other family and decide about inviting the others. If you decide to invite them, just talk up the trip with the group. Mention that the plans are open. Say, Gee, I wish we could all go. No need to put them on the spot for an answer.
Whether or not anyone goes, it is their decision. You are not responsible for how they feel.

You, as a friend, need to be open about your trip. As you said, the information about the trip will come out eventually. Talk about it. Stop trying to protect their feelings. Each of us are only responsible for our own feelings.

Are you planning a large vacation house that will need to be a certain size depending on the number of guests? The would need a real commitment and possibly having some one end up paying more than their fair share because another family can't afford the 5 nights and only 3 night or some other issue.

Are you going to a place that each family can decide lower end or shorter duration (hotel)? This option would be a casual invitation and the family can decide and coordinate without impacting your plans too much.

Going over seas would be fun to coordinate with friends. Some may want to meet up for a few days and the other family may stay with you the entire time.

I would first discuss with your original friend to make sure they are okay with a large group traveling together vs just one other family and take it from there.

talk with the family you ARE going with and tell them your feelings. Tell them that you would like the others to feel included.

These other families might not have your financial situation and might feel funky at not being able to go.

Do you mean the itinerary is in place? If so, you probably should have invited the others before the actual plan was set, in order to prevent hurt feelings. Anyone invited now will feel like an afterthought. I would open it up to everyone, if you truly want their company, but they may be a bit hurt. Your friends are also adults and know the reality if they have the means to travel overseas or not. They will get over it, but it is always nice to feel included.

I'm with Marda and Nervy Girl. If the plan has already progressed to actual booking of flights, hotels, etc., it's already too late to put out an offer to others. If you do so, you and the other family could end up in a mess of people saying--in all good faith--"Oh, we can go but those hotels don't take our frequent flyer points, can we stay at X instead?" and so on and so on. People will want input in the actual details for something as big a deal as an overseas trip, and if any details are already planned you don't want to get into reworking things. Even if you have not done firm bookings yet, bear in mind, the more of you there are, the more compromises everyone has to make so that everyone's satisfied with each detail. Of course it's easy to say we love our friends and want everyone along, but that just isn't necessarily realistic when planning an overseas trip. Keep it simple.

If these are all truly good friends, they are not going to be bent out of shape by not being part of a group invitation. They won't expect to be part of every other family's plans. Your family and another family both found you could make this trip; it's not a matter of one family "hosting" some trip and then inviting or not inviting others. To me, an invitation implies I'm a host who is paying for things or at least taking on the work of arranging things for everyone. That's not the case here, right?

Do bring it up casually among your friends -- because after all, you're friends, and it's nice to know what our friends are doing. Don't keep mum out of some worry about offending anyone; if you say nothing it appears as if you were hiding the trip.

As one who has never been invited, please invite them. It's nice to feel included even if you can't go.

If you routinely go on trips together then why aren't you comfortable saying "Hey, we're going to XXXX in a couple of months, just spontaneous plans, anyone else want to join in the group?"

I think hearing about a dear friend that I travel with and have fun going place with planning a trip and not telling me about it feels wrong. That's what would be painful to me.

Since you genuinely want them to go, invite them. If they can't afford it, or if they have other reasons for saying no, you don't need to feel guilty about that. It isn't your job to even bring up the money with them. Just tell them you're going and they are welcome to join in if they would like to.

What I do recommend is pin down your plans first - if you want to stay in nice hotels, don't compromise and stay in cheap places so they can make the trip. Make sure you are taking the trip that you and your friend want, not the trip that makes it so the others can go.

I'd mention it to them and tell them that if they'd like to join you you'll be glad to send your itinerary.

You have to keep in mind what will happen after the trip. Inevitably you'll end up reminiscing about the trip, and the families who were intentionally excluded will feel the sting each time. If they're invited and choose to opt out, then at least they'll know that it was their decision.