Touchy-feely Little Boy

The worst thing you can do is to be secretive about it. Be open and honest. The more matter of fact you are, the less mysterious these things are and he will lose interest really fast.

I agree with most of the comments - open and honest and age appropriate - but I would also add BOUNDRIES. I have a nephew (16 now) that mom just tells ALL too and can remember 2 summers ago being asked about my daughter and MY period!!!!!!!! I had to explain to the young man that was NOT a topic that HE was allowed to bring up or discuss and it caused some serious problems between his mother and I when I called to tell her that having open discussions were great - all the more power to her - but she needed to ALSO tell him what the boundries of that knowledge were.

J.,

You may want to take him on a window shopping trip to Wal-mart and explain the difference between girl panties and boy underware. We have started that with my 3 year old. Whenever I go clothes shopping we talk about why mommy and Mara (his little sister) gets certain things and he gets different ones. I point out that girls wear lace and frills and boys wear super heros and monsters and such. We laugh about what the clothes and it seems to be going ok. Just like your other poster said, if you don't answer his questions he will find answers elsewhere. At least you can help control his learning. You could always get an anatomy book from the library and show him pictures and explain the difference between boys and girls, maybe you have a budding Doctor on your hands. :)

R.

As with most things, if you make it taboo, children will press on. What is he asking? Can you not just answer his questions? If you respond casually, maybe he'll take your response and leave you alone. Maybe sometimes you can ask him why he's asking. He's old enough to follow that.

We all tend to be more curious about what we don't have everyday. Maybe he's curious about the shape and lace, etc., the differences between yours and his. Keep in mind that you are the first "girl" in his life and the one to answer his questions.

With children, we never know just what triggers a tangent line of thinking. Try to find out. If you don't answer him at home, you might count on him to some strangers when you least expect it.

Okay maybe I'm crazy but we are talking about underwear! You don't need to buy a book about this topic. People have been talking about undies and bodies for centuries. I'm all for educating but sometimes we take it overboard. Ask him why he is curious about it. See what his thought process is. I would not make the subject taboo. Just talk to him.

Hi J.,

Why not just answer his questions? He's learning about the world and he has no other way to learn aboutwomen/ girls. It can't hurt him if you don't make a big deal out of it. He will still learn to respect women, and because he isn't so terribly curious, he'll probably be more respectful.
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I answer all my son's questions and still teach him boundaries. It seems to work fine for us.

Good luck.

I have a 7 Year old and did not experience that but my 5 year old neice was always curious about body parts from around the age of 2 or so. It is best to explain it as innocent as possible with him as it may only be a phase he is going through. Boys as you may now or more distracted by other things, then one day the look up and realize things are different. I have a 6 week old at home now and was breastfeeding which my 7 year old thought was curious. Just explained that that is where his brother gets his food from for now and that he did the samething when he was a baby and that was that. Hope this helps.

good job momma! your doing the right thing by telling him not to touch you there. also i wouldnt hang around in your undies! not that i think you did and keep your undies to yourself ( dryer to the drawrer make no stops to fold anywhere but your room) have dad step in and really talk to him, at five he should understand that people dont like this and other people shouldnt touch him either. this is about the age where kids play " you show me yours..i ll show you mine" but usually its always with other kids of the opposite sex. boy i am not looking forward to this stage. gotta love those boys!

I think you should answer your son's questions openly an honestly. Most definitely get a child's book on anatomy of males and females and discuss with him the differences. Just remember to tell them that it's not appropriate to talk about private body parts in public.

I have a story to tell you ladies,I am trying to remember how old my son was, I am thinking maybe 7 or so. He, myself and his daddy were sitting on the couch and just interacting, he had his head on my lap and I was wearing a white (Wife beater) muscle shirt (no bra). and he looked up at my breasts, and his eyes got big and he said "UMMMM"! I freaked! I felt totally violated! It was so sexual, that it made me feel dirty! ( I never allowed him to see my body in that way again) I couldn't help it, it was my natural reaction. BUT... My husband, who was right there and saw the whole thing, handled it so perfectly well! I had jumped up off the couch, and was not feeling good at all about it, and my husband simply sat my son up, looked him square in the eye and told him with a perfectly calm and understanding voice...that what he was feeling was perfectly normal, but that he had to not share those thoughts, and that he had to push them aside and try not to dwell on them! WOW! He totally defused the situation, and made my son feel completely normal instead of like a dirty monster( Which I am sure that my reaction had started to lead towards. ). As my son got older, when ever there was any laundry going on, he would not even touch my clean underware, as if they had germs on them. He grew up completely normal, not having any sexual perversion , or being too physically drawn to me, yet we are very close, and hug and all that is normal. Boys are curious about girls and their bodies, and how they are different. They are naturally sexually aroused easily by things we women don't even think about. I reacted very badly, luckily my husband was there and handled the situation perfectly. My son needed to know that he was normal, and those thoughts weren't really bad, but that he needed to curb them. (Boundaries). Hope this helps.

My 9 year old was the same way. He's very affectionate, touchy-feely also. I think he's just curious about things and he has always liked soft materials. It was worse when he was younger and now when he's folding clothes, he puts my underware aside and lets me fold them. He stills plays silly w/ them on his head, but not putting them on like he used to. As he's gotten older, he doesn't make a big deal out of them.

Answer his questions simply. Don't ignore him. But, don't indulge him either. Be firm with the touching issue. Explain that it is private and he shouldn't touch you there. Use it also to remind him where no one should be touching him. Don't let him, tell him no if he persists. Remember, he's only 5. If he picks up your underwear and plays with it, then just simply say "no, silly." Take it away and put it away. Don't overreact. It embarrasses you and he shouldn't play with it. Enough said. But, your emotional reaction will only add to his fun. It will pass.

My almost three year old has always been fascinated about body parts. I think it's because she senses that it provokes a reaction and that must mean it is important. We explain that some parts are private, but she still tries to peak at my husband in the shower. I think when we say something is private it makes it MORE special and therefore provokes more curiosity. Your son is still young and fascinated about the differences he sees in the world. I agree that more knowledge, not less, will diffuse the situation. If you show him an anatomy drawing and then show him which parts are private and tell him WHY they are private (My body is private and for me to keep safe, or something like that) he might understand better and translate it to his own situation later on. But good luck with this, my daughter announced at the airport the other day that the little boy who was getting a diaper change next to us had a Very Very Little Penis but that it would probably get bigger when he grows up. I swear I never told her that! Some kids are just more aware and curious about bodies than others. Good luck!

You have a great variety of responses to choose from already so I'll just add one thing. Which ever route you take, try to NOT make it sound dirty. There is no shame in the human body or even in underwear. He sounds curious. My stepson was five when I got pregnant with his little brother and he always seemed to ask me about how the baby gets in there and how he will get out when I was alone with him. Boy, that was tricky. I thought I had a few years to get my feet wet before handling those questions. What worked best was being honest. I gave him the general idea and he now knows that boys and girls are different and have different parts. You don't need to show him any parts for him to understand that you look different under your clothes. In our wonderful country there is a lot of shame surrounding the human body and while we don't want him go running naked through the streets, we want him to have a healthy image of himself and others.

I assume he is potty trained so he is wearing underwear. You might feel more comfortable getting a pair of his and a pair of daddy's underwear to show him that underwear just looks different for different people and ages. When he gets bigger, this is what he will wear. Just calmly keep reinforcing that what you see if what you get and that what people wear under their clothes are just for them, like super heroes and their hidden outfits. We wouldn't want to reveal the identity of any super heroes and it's not for us to know what others are wearing.

If he is really aggressive then I would step it up to some of the more harsh responses but he's only five. He sounds like he just wants to know what it going on. What's this? What's that? I don't look like that. I mean, breasts have been fascinating men since Adam and Eve left the garden, you know? He's probably thinking, "What is up with those things?" You can pretty much say anything you want as the mommy but I urge you to keep it calm, keep it healthy so he doesn't think it's dirty, and keep it consistent. He may repeat what you say and it will shape what he thinks of women and their parts so don't do what my friend did when she told her kids that breasts were really just purses and some women have big purses and others small purses. At church her daughter asked her to carry her toy in her breast purse--and she was 11 already. I mean, she started developing breasts already herself but had held onto that information and never thought differently. It's best to be honest, clear, and try to not look too embarrassed. Best of luck!

He is curious and you should just listen to him...and answer his questions...but also let him know that he does not touch there and things like that!

I suggest that you use some type of anatomy pictures and tell him what everything is. My son started at 2yr. I explained everything to him on his level. He's 14 now and with the sex thing approaching, it's much easier to talk to him about it.

This is normal and also most likely he is hearing things from other boys. It sounds like it is almost time for that father son talk about the difference's. Check with your family Dr. and see if he has any reading on this that can help.