Too Much TV and Computer Time

Hi M.,
Self-discipline is a great goal! However, at 3 they need lots of help and direction from us. I have not done the best job on this particular issue myself, but have some friends that have given me some great ideas I am trying out. One friend used poker chips. At the beginning of the week each child got so many poker chips for the day/week (whichever increment you'd like to use - daily might be better for a 3 year old as time concepts are not there yet). Each chip was worth 30 minutes of tv or computer time. The child must give you 1 token for 30 minutes of tv/computer time. Once they have used them all for the day they have to wait until the next day to watch/do more. It might be good to use two colors of chips, one for tv, one for computer time so they get the idea of budgeting for each. That way they can't use up all the chips on one or the other and then be frustrated that they did not get to do both. You get to decide how many tokens to start the day with, and can choose to give extra tokens for good behavior or rainy days and sick days. It is a concrete choice the child makes and they have a concrete idea of how many choices they can make and how much time is involved. It worked really well for my friend! Hope it at least gives you an idea to work from.

M.,

With all due respect, a three year isn't quite ready for self-discipline. You're the mommy! Mean what you say. Set a limit and stick to it - no matter what!! It won't take long - I promise - and it won't even be a debate! Most importantly....be consistent!!

At 3 yrs old, he isn't going to have much self discpline and he'll have to be taught. It may be you'll have to be more drastic and just turn it off for longer. There is no law that says he HAS to play or watch anything. Eventually, if you take it away completely, he'll find other things to play and do. Otherwise, you're kind of expecting him to do something, self discipline, that a normal 3 yr old isn't really capable of. I actually grew up without a TV at all...and of course back then no one had a computer. It doesn't hurt them....in fact, it'll probably make him more creative.

Good luck.

Maybe this will help: There is absolutely no scientific research that so-called educational games really boost any type of brain activity. There is research though that has been done on children, teenagers and adults that showed that playing most video games actually slows brain activity to the point where brain waves measure the same as those of people in a coma or in a trance! You are mom, you make the rules. Certainly, when the weather gets nicer, you can take your little one outside and play with him there. It's hard not to allow TV or computer when the weather is bad and/or when you have other things to do. The other moms had some really good ideas. I just thought of you picking an amount of time that is reasonable for your son to be on the computer/watching TV and telling him in the morning that he has this many minutes for the day. He can divide them up or use them all at once, but once they are used up, that's it for the day. Maybe you can give him some visual tools to help him. For example, if you give him thirty minutes, then you can cut out 30 circles (or triangles or whatever). Each one represents a minute. As he uses up his time, you can take the appropriate number (maybe 10 of them every 10 minutes)and put them in a container. At the end of the day, the container is filled and can be emptied again the next day. Or you can set a timer for every ten minutes, just so he gets a feel for time... Good luck on this one. It gets worse when they get older, so it's best to nip it now. My stepsons are on their computers sometimes 12 hours a day or more! I'm not kidding. They don't live with us anymore but when they did it was always a point of contention between us. Anyway, it was a battle I - as stepmom - usually lost.

How about playing interrative games...like CHUTES AND LADDERS.... MEMORY....etc. READING.....

How about making schedules WITH him that include reading, computer time, games-NOT on the computer, etc. People of ALL ages need structure. Interract with him about your structure and help him plan his own. MORE interraction with parents and siblings. When this happens......they stop enjoying it so much.

Our daughter gets little to NO interraction when she's with her birth mom. When she's with us.....she could care less about watching TV, movies, computer games, etc. At her mom's that's ALL she gets! They enjoy and NEED the time with parents and siblings!

3 years old is too young to expect self discipline. Before you turn on the tv tell him how long he can watch such as one show or movie. Then when it is done, turn it off. Do not give in even if he has a fit. Have a book or activity ready for when the tv goes off. By limitimg his time now it will be much easier to control when he is school age. Another way I did it was to give my kids 2 hours a day of electronics and let them chose when they wanted to use the time. You have to stick to it or they will take advantage.

You're the parent, don't forget that, and if you don't want him to watch/play so much, then simply don't let him. Sure, he will get upset, but he'll get over it. You're not there to grant his every wish, but rather to be his mother and set rules and limitations for him to follow that watch out for his wellbeing. If he wants to throw a fit about it, then the next day, say "you know, I'd let you, but you acted badly yesterday when I said it was time to turn it off. Because of that you can wait until tomorrow until you are allowed to play again." He's 3, but he understands.

I gave my 3.5yo a 2 hour limit for tv/computer. It may sound like a lot, but it is a limit that we BOTH are comfortable with. I have a friend who's limit for her kids is 30 minutes, and he ds seems obsessed with the tv. It causes a lot of tears and struggles.
I would much rather have my ds watch more tv, and it be easy for him to turn it off. There are days when he watches an hour, and turns it off (himself) for the day. There are other days that he'd like to watch tv/play on the computer for hours and hours. I do insist on the 2 hour limit on those days (though I do wait until the current show or game is over, even if it goes a little over the 2 hours). He accepts it pretty easily those days.

What I'm saying, is try to find a reasonable limit, then stick with it. I'm sure there would be exceptions to the limit (when sick, etc). When the limit is up, offer to play or read. That might help make the transition easier for him.

My son is 7 and we made the deal that he can play video/computer games for as many minutes as he reads in a day. I know your son is only 3 and not yet reading, but you could try something along those lines. He can play his game for as many minutes as he helps with a chore, or for as many minutes as he sits and colors or does something educational. It has worked out fantastic for us. No fighting because he is the one who gets to pick the time allowed to play. I don't give him a set time. He chooses which makes him feel like he is the one calling the shots! It has also helped him advance in school to a 6th grade reading level when only in the 2nd grade. Lots of benefits!! Hope that helps!! Good luck.

Dear M.:

You have a three year old, not a thirty year old. He should have no choice of how much TV or computer time he has. You are the parent. At three, I know I would not allow my three-year old on a computer, and I would allow NO TV unless he shows you he can control himself when you shut it off.

Read to him, encourage him to play with his toys, play music for him, join a play group, send him to preschool, take him to Kindermusic classes, get him books on tape to "read" and listen to...whatever it takes to teach him he has abilities away from the Tv and computer.

If you don't nip this in the bud now, you will be in real trouble when he is an adolescent. I am a retired teacher of 36 years (7th and 8th grades), and I cannot begin to give you a complete picture of what excessive use of the computer and TV watching have done to the students of this country. They have difficulty attending to any tasks in school, their reading comprehension is often considerably below grade level, their spelling and writing skills are abominable because they never learned to have a love of reading, they have an inadequate vocabulary to express their ideas, they have a great desire to be entertained all of the time, and their imaginations are dwarfed.

Good luck, M.. It will be difficult at first, but if you and your spouse band together on this, you will be successful and happier in the long run.

C. P.

If I had it to do over again, I would never have a TV while raising our children. It takes more discipline than most parents have to limit it without confrontation. There is absolutely nothing on that promotes our family values and the time wasted would have been better put to use had we spent more time doing family things and being out doors.

As an educator, I don't see the need for children to be on the computer until they start to school - and then with restriction and parental guidance. In other words the parent sits beside the child during the duration of the computer time.

It's not an easy road to travel. Good luck.

My sister "broke" her TV permanantly and they never got it "fixed." They just ended up moving the TV out and putting in a fishtank. My sister said it was wonderful and the kids just played. We decided to have no TV or video games during the week(my husband and I watch a little Tivo after the kids go to bed) and it has been the best parenting decision I have made. It was difficult at first getting them used to it but after a few days they stopped asking. They will ask every once in a while and I stop them short and say "no- best decision I have ever made- don't even ask." I don't think most kids, especially at age 3, can have self-discipline when it comes to TV.

I applaud you for "breaking" the TV. I really think taking things away completely is the best choice sometimes. Like you said, some of those computer games are great and educational, but in moderation. I really would encourage shutting down the computer for awhile. No games at all until he obeys when you say "time's up." It'll be harder on your for a while because you'll have to be very creative and patient during all that time he normally spend on the computer. He's 3 so he can remember things from one day to another. I might let him play and say, if you do not get off when I ask you to, then no computer tomorrow. The next day he'll remember his disobedience when you say "no computer today, remember?" It should begin to click that he will get to play more often if he'll obey you when you say get off. Hope this helps. Tough love is the key! =)

Be encouraged. You are soooo not alone in this battle! My son was a bit older - and so excited to learn everything he could. I used to tell myself that it was "educational," but when it began to affect his attitude and self-control became an issue, we did the timer thing. At first, it went well, but then became resentful ... and "why can't I do it longer?" sort of thing. So, finally, my husband and I decided togther that this was unacceptable. We shouldn't be questioned and our son needed to play outdoors. So, the computer and TV rights became a special thing. They were only allowed if asked for. 4 hrs max per wk total between TV and computer. That helped a ton. Don't get me wrong, he still wanted it. But it wasn't healthy...and would have caused him problems in the long-run for life. I will not kid you and tell you the problem isn't re-visited on occasion - trying to use it too much, since he has to use it to type papers now (11 yrs old now) ... but when his homework on the computer becomes too drawn out, we go back to handwriting papers before getting to do drafts on the computer. That has helped us. But i know you're a bit away from that with 3 yrs old. :) Just be encouraged to stick to your guns. If he automatically logs on without your permission, you can do one of two things: keep the pc turned off at all times....OR....install logon names where you must enter a private passcode. There are also egg-timer things you can install on the pc for a different user...I don['t remember what my hubby had used. Kim Komando always has great tips for parents. Perhaps her website can help!

Blessings!

My two boys are now grown, but I wish I had NEVER purchased that first Atari or Nintendo. Please don't let your childen get hooked on them. It will control their lives. Both my boys are now hooked on internet interactive computer games. They have no social life.
***Please take the electronics away now*** Our grandparents grew up withou a TV or electronics games. They had toys and played outside activities. They didn't need an electronic device to keep them quite in the car. I feel if a parent or sitter needs the TV or electronic device to keep their children quiet or entertained, then they are doing something wrong. Who's the boss ? You or the child??

You've taken the first step by unplugging the cable. You're the M., so you need to be in control. Think of this...If you can't control him now, what are you going to do when he's 15? Take over, M.. Turn off the games and tv and get him outside, go to parks, the library, museums, the mall, friends' houses, relatives, read to him, play board/card games, jump on the bed...anything to get him moving and thinking and interacting with real people. Children were fine before video games and tv. They just played together more. My children didn't watch much tv growing up, and they don't as adults. Neither do their children. Books will be really great for you both if you talk about what you've read and carry on the stories. Good luck.

why let a 3 yr old play at all? arent there other toys he could play with. send him outside!

you are the adult, expecting a 3 yr old to have self discipline is a little young don't you think?

this is a link to a "ministry" for families, run by a married couple.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

read the articles about discipline.

E.

You are right to limit his computer and TV time. I would reccommend 0 minutes of both, but that is unrelaistic. As people have said, you are the mother and you make the decisions. Look at this long term....are you never going to say no when he wants something? If he is 6 and wants to stay up all night are you going to let him so he does not throw a fit? Set limits now!

Distact him, take out a special prject or treat, talk up the "great thing"-whatever it is, that he gets when he is done with his time.

do you wonder how it got this far?? after all who is the parent? you restorted to lying to your child to get him away from the t.v. in these days children have way too much freedom in what they do Rules are Rules and need not be broken you as the parent need to set and keep them after all it is your job to teach discipline ,,he has ni idea what it is. t.v. and games have become babysitters, easier to get things done we need to do.. limit the time and tell him this is the way it is,, never lie to your child at three there shouldn't be explanations it should be just because I said .

The computer is extremely addictive. I say that, knowing that I am on the computer now!! :) Of course, it is stimulating to a child. It does things, and responds to him. Also, TV is very stimulating, I am home sick but have watched it all day. Now watching repeats from earlier today - too little energy to do anything else!

Your child may have trouble with making a transition from TV or computer to something else. TV / computer puts you into a trance, to change focus can be jarring. Try sitting with him for the last few minutes and commenting on the screen action, so there is already an adjustment by adding a new person, then when it goes off you continue to stay with the child (go TOGETHER to brush teeth, wash face, etc.) so the "leaving" the electronics is more subtle because you have added a human into the interaction.

Asking a 3 year old to have self-control over electronic stimulation is a bit optomistic. There are adults (yes, me!!) who have problems with that!

Good luck with a more interactive transition process!

Hi M.,

Your son has no self discipline because he is three. That is why you are the disciplinarian and you are teaching him self-discipline. It really isn't that hard to do just by setting a few boundaries. It seems like a huge ordeal and right now I am sure it is. You have my utmost sympathy.

I would do two things I would allow him to earn time on the t.v. or games according to his behavior and chores. If he has listened today and done the one or two things you asked like pick up his toys or looked at so many books. You could make up little tickets that he gets "paid" with for each accomplishment, with a maximum earnable of, say, four tickets. They could be good for 30 min. of t.v. or 30 min. of game time. He then uses the tickets to pay in turn for the time and gives them to you when he is ready to play. When the tickets are gone, t.v and games are done for the day. This will teach him to earn the time and to use it wisely.

For the other time you could have a cookie jar filled with slips of paper on which you have written other fun stuff to do. He can draw from it at any time of the day when he wants something to do or says the words every mommy dreads, "I'm bored." You could put things in there like, play with bubbles, ride your trike, cut paper, play ball with mom, read a book, or anything else to fill up time. This way he has other alternatives that are more what you would like him to do and he will have your help in seeing what all else there is that is fun to do.

I will say that the greatest invention ever for mommies is the egg timer. Once he sees you set it, he knows. You really can't fight with that ding. They are even great for timeouts because it allows him to keep track of the time, too.

M.,

It sounds like you have already had some sucess in taking the "bad guy" Mom out of the picture by "breaking" the TV.

At this age, they will have no self dicipline, if it feels good, they do it and if they see it, it belongs to them.

If you want to use the TV as a reward, you can do so by purchasing a Time Machine from the Addwearhouse.com (under $40.00.) It is a device you attach to the TV and the child earns tolkens (they come with it) for 30 minutes of veiwing time (can be used on the TV, DVD or Computer).

Worth a try. You can't turn it on with out a token, so it is not up to you, it is up to him, and you control how he earns the tolkens.

M.

Hi M....
To me it sounds like the tail is wagging the dog. Your the parent, you set the guidelines and rules...not your 3 year old. If you have to "break" the tv or computer on a regular basis so be it. Set limits to what and how much he can watch. At three year old doesn't know self disapline...it has to be taught. Good luck