Children are so important. She will be 5 in no time and she will be in school 6 hours a day and then you can have someone else taking care of her while you work and go to school. Then she will be getting an education while you are free to do what you need. Problem is, it sounds like you had a child when you weren't ready to care for her. She is 3. She can be in preschool, but that costs money. Perhaps it would be beneficial to wait on school (or at least cut back) for 2 years. You say you are working part time and going to school, but you say school takes 8-9 hours a day. I'm not sure how many hours of "Work" you are doing on top of that, but if you cut back on school you would have a few extra hours for work and you could afford preschool. Ours is $150/month for 2 days a week from 9-11:45. Once you cut the school work down from 40 hours a week to say 20, that would give you 5 hours a week to work with your child in a nurturing environment and 20 extra hours back in your week to live/work to make the $38 a week that it takes to put her in school.
I can't even imagine how stressed you must be and how hard this schedule must be for you. I think you just have to stop and think about your priorities. These are the most formative years of your child's life and you are missing them. Plus, she's missing you in them. Plus, she's learning almost everything from TV instead of from real relationships, trials, troubles and interactions. When we have children, we have to sacrifice some things. It all comes down to, how important is she?
Good luck making these hard decisions.
Liz
I think you have to lay out your situtation and think about your priorities. Staying at home saves on daycare, but are you really taking care of your child when you barely have enough band width to make her meals? The tv is a cheap babysitter, but at what cost to your child? Forget what the TV is teaching her, what are you teaching her by showing her your school work is so important to you that you can barely make her food?
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New thought... can your husband rearrange his time so he can be home to care for your daughter an extra 2 hours in the day while you are working on school? Can he afford a slight pay cut and take some leave without pay days? His boss may not go for it at all, but could he try to arrange taking the equivalent of a day off every other week? Then maybe he could cut his day short by 2 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and spend some quality time with your daughter while you work.
Maybe you could start your work day early (while hubby is home to care for your daughter) then let her have an hour of play by your self time, then take an hour for yourself and play/lunch/teaparty. Then you could let her watch an hour of tv and then have quiet time/nap time for an hour (2 more hours of work for you). Then you could read her a story and get her started on another activity (tea parties for dolls/animals is always a great imagination activity). Another hour of tv and you've gotten another 3 hours of work in. I realize some kids don't nap at 3, but instilling a "quiet time" in your room to rest/read/nap is a good thing. They have it in Kindergarten too, so it is a worth while thing to start. Spend another hour taking her to a park or running around the house/yard and get her some exercise. Then maybe your husband can cook dinner (or bring in takeout) a couple of times a week and you can study while he's getting dinner ready. Another hour after she goes to bed and you may get it all in.
Working (or going to school) 48 hours a week is a lot. It is a full time job, but most people with a full time job have daycare. I understand you don't have that option, so that puts you in a horrible and stressful situation. I think it is really important that you look for a good mom-share type situation. Mother's helpers are great too... a middle school child who doesn't get paid much but enough to make it fun... comes to your house to play with your daughter. You can probably get away with $2-3 an hour if the child is young enough and you can define the options of where they can play or what they can do.
I can't imagine trying to take care of a little one and concentrate on my school work. But you do need to find a workable solution that doesn't make your daughter always loose. Your husband is going to have to work out a good solution with you. Perhaps he can take your daughter to "Daddy and me" breakfasts on Saturday mornings while you get some extra reading/work done. That is a great activity that she will look back on with warm thoughts and it gives them some much needed one-on-one time. Bonus, you get some personal time.
I think it is important that your husband understand the importance of this time with your daughter and how hard it is for you to handle both jobs. Perhaps he is well aware, perhaps he thinks this is working out fine as is. I don't know. But for sure, it seems if you don't actually try on the shoes... you don't know how they fit.
Good luck. I hope you are able to work something out.
This time with your daughter is so special and so important.
Liz
p.s. I am realistic. I realize planning your day like this doesn't work every day and some days you'll be more tempted to stick her in front of the tv... just try to find alternatives so it isn't the only solution. The baskets with different activities for each day is brilliant. You can switch it up each day and she'll enjoy the new activities. You can replace some things periodically so it is new and different. Puppets and felt boards are great imagination activities too. Problem is, they like to show you everything they do so it is still disrupting. Consider listing where you live so people can determine if they can help you personally. Either with their time or their suggestions for others to help or even with their old used toys that would be a good diversion. Good luck.