Too Much Daycare?

Updated on July 24, 2012
S.P. asks from Montebello, CA
22 answers

I'm not sure what to do! I'm off WEd Thur and Fri and I work Sat Sun Mon Tues. My son goes to daycare MOn Tuesday and FRiday(day for running errands and lunch with husband) his school suggested he come more often and he is always wanting to go, so i am sending him on thur as well, and i hate it! I dont spend as much time with him as i'd like but he has such a good time there and is advacing in his communication! With hm going the extra day I can now start putting some volunteer hours in but I just can't shake the feeling like I'm being a bad mom and at the same time I miss him sooo much! What do you think?

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So What Happened?

hello ladies!
I just want to thank everyone for all your encouraging words. Ethan is now only going 3 days a week and I love it!

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Honestly I think that it is more important for you to spend the time with him. Not trying to be harsh but I wonder what you do with him when you are together that he prefers daycare? Esp since he is already going quite a bit.
He needs interaction with a caregiver that loves him more than good 'communication skills' right now. Also-you are going down a dangerous road if you give in to everything that he wants. Make this a special time with him-soon enough he will be gone all day, every day and not want to hang out with you anymore.

1 mom found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Are you talking true "daycare" or is this a preschool? There is a difference. My 4 yr old son went to 3 day a week preschool, but LOVED it so much, and there was an open slot on T/TH so they said he could come those days too, without additional charge if he wanted to.
He did. He loved it! BUT, he was 4, it was preschool (not daycare) and it was only from 9-noon.

I would NOT do it, if it were a 2 yr old (for example) and it was merely a day-care.

1 mom found this helpful

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

When he is in high school and busy as can be are you going to say to yourself, "I wish I had him in daycare more," or will you say "I wish I would have had more time with him?"

That's how I would make my decision. Childhood goes by so fast.

6 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Honestly, I think 3 days is plenty! He is only going to be little once. And you don't want to miss anything! As far as his education goes, there are things you can do with him to. Spend as much time with him as you can and take mommy breaks when needed! :) But, only you guys know what is best for your family! Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful
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K..

answers from Phoenix on

If I had that schedule, I would keep my child home as much as possible. How old is he? Not going for an extra day is not going to hurt him. They just want to make sure they're making as much money as possible.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

If you want to keep him home, keep him home. You're the mommy.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I am still so mad at a marriage counselor of twenty plus years ago who told me, a stay at home mom at the time to send my son to daycare. Which I did because it was supposedly supposed to help my marriage. I was supposed to be able to make myself happy, when my original premise that my husband wouldn't help at all with anything and turned out we got divorced later down the line, he had actual problems that I truly was unable to do anything about. But there I was, believing the counselor, thinking I should do that and it made me feel terrible. That was the part of my life I loved. No one can tell you what to do but you, but if you feel you don't want to then don't do what they say. It's great that your little one is happy while he is there, but he also loves you and you sound like you would enjoy the time with him. Just sayin...

2 moms found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

That's too much time there IMO, if you have a choice. Furthermore, I know if my daycare pushed to keep my child for an extra day, I'd start looking for a different place. I'd start wondering if it were a kiddie-mill as they're sometimes called, when the center's goal is to pack as many children in there as legally possible so they can make a profit. No daycare worth it's salt would push to "unnecessarily" monopolize a child's schedule. It is daycare, not an academic program that will benefit their entrance into a college.

I think young kids need to be with their mommies. Daycare is only necessary for those who must work, but they're NOT necessary for a child to properly develop emotionally, socially, or academically as they're NOT actual school but can be a preparation for school.

We sometimes forget a parent is a child's primary teacher and a parent is truly the only one who can best love and nurture their own children. For those who don't have a choice, sending our children to a daycare that offers more than a place to stay such as a montessori program, or is an opportunity for our children to play with others can be comforting. However, the truth is, when they (children) are small, it is always best if they can be home with their parents. The more time a parent can spend with their child, the better. Not to mention no one wants to miss those once in a lifetime milestones and memories. If you are blessed enough to have a choice in the matter, and more daycare hours are not a necessity, then go with your gut and spend that time with your child. Volunteering can wait for when your child is in high school and no longer wants to be home with you because they're itching to spread their wings and start their own lives. It comes quicker than you know.

2 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

I would keep him with me as much as possible!
They're only young once! another option is sending him half days on Thurs and Fri, maybe? I work during school year and dont want to send my son to camp at all during summer, to have all that time with him!!

1 mom found this helpful
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P.N.

answers from Denver on

Not sure why you would send him JUST because the daycare said he is happy there?
Seriously, keep him with you when you are able to. You are his mother.

1 mom found this helpful
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V.P.

answers from Columbus on

You have to go with your gut -- if you're not happy, your baby won't be either. But for me, I could never put my kids in day care if they didn't need to be there. I'm bothered that his "school" is encouraging it -- why? You didn't mention the reasons why they think it's necessary or desirable. And I'm sure he gets benefits from it, but that means then you are working four days and he's spending two additional days at day care so you spend one day a week with him? You don't mention his age, but my kids are elementary age, I've been home with them their whole lives, and I still wish they were home with me during the school year. They are growing up just way too fast!

1 mom found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

If you are not happy doing it, don't do it. You'll never have these years back, and your son will have fun with you too if you plan a fun Thursday.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.W.

answers from Billings on

Just like the last poster.. You won't regret NOT sending him. So I say go with your gut and keep him home.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

It's not working for your family.

Of which, you are a part of.

Yes, he's happy at daycare. That's a good thing.
He's ALSO happy with you.

As many others have said: which will you regret?

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Heck if I worked Mon and Tues those are th only days he would be going to
daycare. They are only small once. He has his his whole life to be in a
school type setting. Just my opinion.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Boston on

Sounds good to have one day for errands but don't do the other day. Come up w fun ideas to do w him.

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L.M.

answers from Cleveland on

if you are playing with him and taking him places and spending him with him on those days off I would not send him,

if it were a case of you working a weird shift and sleeping when he was home, or you being fed up and plunking him infront of the tv, xbox, ds, then yes send him.

Also i would want more info on his behavior at school if the jump from tues to fri was hard on him and he fussed about going on fri but had to for your work, then maybe, maybe i would add an extra day, but not just because he was having fun, he can have fun withyou

I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

by school do you mean preschool? I wouldn't care what the teachers say. Preschool is for moms who work or need a break from their kids, it plays zero roll in long term academic advancement. Preschool is something that teachers often like because it makes them "class room ready". Well who cares, they have their whole life to get "class room ready" but the window of time you have to spend at home with your child is closing very quickly.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

In most cases child care charges by the week so you pay for the full 5 days whether you take your child or not so I discount more money being the reason they would like your child to come that extra day.

The staff gets paid whether your child is there or not, they do not get paid by the child nor do they get a day off if a child does not come. That is why child care is paid by the week.

I think kids need consistency. If it were me I don't know what I would do. Since Thursday and Friday are your days off I would try to find a comfortable decision and stick with it.

I am used to working and if I am off during the week the kids go to their "school" and I use the time to clean house and do something for myself like scrapbook or sew.

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

My son was in daycare 5 days a week as I worked full time.

Sometimes I worked Saturdays (I ran trainings on those days) - when he was old enough I brought him with me. Sometimes I was out of town from one to 4 nights - at least once every other month - then he had a sitter come to the house or stayed with friends.

When I was home my time was spent with him - he was my sole focus. So evenings, weekends, holidays, etc.

He is 16 now - a well adjusted teen who does not seem to have any adverse issues from being in daycare, pre-school, and with sitters when he was a toddler.

Your son is going to day care 4 days a week - I don't think it is too much.

But, if you are unhappy with it - then you don't have to do it. You are not a bad mom. :)

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Do they get paid more for more time??? If so, think about that.

I sent my first son to preschool 3 days each week for 3 hours. They told me I could leave him for lunch and into the afternoon. Nope. I actually like my kids. He was the only one I sent to preschool, because I promised him. He'll be big soon enough. Do what you feel is right for you both. I cherish the time with my kids. My first son is almost 10. It goes way too fast.

We now homeschool and they are all together all day long....and love it. No fighting. No wasted schoolwork time. It works for us, but I love spending time with my kids. I work and do 90% of the homeschooling. My husband is with the kids all day, so I make sure to give him a break and get him out of 6 hour motorcycle rides. Do what works best for you.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

If it doesn't work for you and your son, nevermind what the daycare says. If MTF works, then it works. He has a good time - and you also get time with him at home and time to do things with him. I think the PT gig is win-win. Don't feel like you have to put him in daycare if YOU do not want to put him in daycare.

I work PT and also worked FT with DD in daycare. I totally understand the push-pull. He'll be OK 3 days a week. And you can tell them that you tried it, but it doesn't work for your family and leave it at that.

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