Too Controlling?

I would be upset too. Like others have said, a quick run to the grocery store is one thing, but all day to the mall is completely different! If I had needed to go out for the day, I would have taken the guest child home - my kids are not allowed to have friends over if no parents are home, and they aren't allowed to go to friends houses without a parent/adult there. Just too much scope for trouble!

not at all. i do think that 12 is old enough to be left alone, assuming that the girls in question are all well-known, reliable entities. but this would only work IF the mom had let you know in advance, and with the assumption that she would be gone for a short amount of time. just jaunting off and leaving them alone all day without any prior communication with the other parents involved is not only rude but irresponsible. i would put a moratorium on visits there too.
khairete
S.

No, you are not overproctive. Once both of my girls hit Middle School, no more sleep overs. They can see their friends as much as they want during the day, but sleepovers are for younger children. Too much trouble, exposure to different parenting techniques (maybe unblocked internet and TV, older siblings that can drive) and such. I know they have to grow up sometime, but it does not have to be all at once. I now have a 16 year old who respects her freedom and open discussion of curfews and where she is going.

You establish curfews as your children get older, and sleepovers do not have curfews. A good night's sleep and a schedule are essential, especially during the growing years.

Rationalize it this way: do you go over to your friends house to sleep over when you want to see them? You gather together during the day, and everything wraps up and people go home unless they live really far away.

You are absolutely correct in this situation. They are 12, so a quick trip to the grocery store with mom's cell phone on is completely within the realm of "okay". A day trip to the mall with someone else's child in your home- NOT OK!

I know your daughter will be upset, but I would not allow my child to be at that home again. The other child would be welcome at my house, but not the other way around until they are old enough to be unsupervised.

It is not being overprotective to be sure your children are safe. You might have arranged a time for the Mother to bring your child home before she went over. While 12 year olds can be left alone for a while, I would agree that all day without any supervision may not be the best choice. If you allowed your child to visit again, perhaps you should have some specifics established before she goes. My daughters are adults and from experience, young teenagers can get into trouble without supervision that they may not have tried with better supervision.

You are 100% right and not too controlling at all. You are acting very responsibly and I commend you. This mother was completly disrespecting you by not making sure you were aware she was going to be gone and oking it with you first. She obviously has different standards than you do. My kids were about 14 before I started leaving them home with 1 long time and trusted firiend for short periods of time. (Less than one hour) I always made sure that the parent of the friend was aware and ok with it. I'll share a story with you about my wonderful oldest sone, 32 now. When he was 12 his father let him go to a friends(unknown to me)while I was at work. There was no adult there, three 12 yr old boys and a 9 yr old sister. The boys decided it would be fun to tease the little sister by taking her Barbie and having her chase them around the house to retrieve it. My son's friend decided to add to the excitement by geting his BB gun and pretending he was going to shoot the doll. My son knew better and should of declined, but peer pressure is heavy at this age and he gave in to it. Long story short, he ended up in the ER with a BB in his pinky finger. I was just thankful it wasn't his eye. Stick to your guns (pun intended) and your little girl will thank you some day.

That is HORRIBLE! You are NOT being "too overprotective"! Wasn't there ANY adult in the house all of that time???? I'd be freaking out, too.

Keisham

I would have probably would have agreed on a time to come home before hand. I do think you deserved a phone call. I do believe 12 year old girls should be supervised. I still would let her visit her friend, only when her mom is home and only if you can pick up and drop off. Your a good mom and you should keep tabs on your children.

UNACCEPTABLE, we need more good parents like you

Absolutely not. My son is allowed to stay home by himself but absolutely no one else is allowed to be over when we are not home. That mom was responsible for the kids and should have been around. I wouldn't let my son go over to that house again either. I would tell him exactly why so if it is ever asked by that parent or his friend he will tell them exactly why. I do not think you are being overprotective at all. We are here to protect our children. That's our job.

I think that is positively ridiculous! I cannot believe that mom did that! I would be furious if it were one of my boys. It's one thing for her to go shopping, and I'm sure her 12 year old is fine if she does, but no way do you do that with someone else's child there. It was very irresponsible for her to leave like that, stay gone so long, and not even bother to take your daughter home before she went. Not even a phone call to see if she could stay or if you approved of them being home alone is bad on her part.

I don't think this is an issue of being controlling. The fact is, the other mom should have told you she was going to be out of the house. I remember being left at a home with a friend plenty of times before I was 12, and we were good kids, so nothing ever happened. However, my mom always knew if we'd be alone, (either before hand, or via a phone call I had to make to tell her and ask her if it was ok). Anyways, I would consider this a learning experience for next time - better planning on your part (what time did you want her brought home), and better planning on the other mom's part. I also wanted to add that it's completely legal for 12 year olds to babysit without an adult around. Obviously it depends on the maturity of the child, but there's nothing inherently wrong, immoral, or illegal about leaving a child that age home alone, you just should have had the option to say "no," which maybe your daughter should have known as a rule about going to friend's houses.

honestly i dont think you were being too protective, i think that if the other women was going to be going out shopping the next day then it was inconsiderate of her to invite your child over when she knew she wasnt planning on being there in the house that day. just in case there was an emergency, dont leave your child over at her place again because, it may very well happen again, that she just decides to leave the kids behind for the day while she goes out shopping.you might also want to consider calling child protective
services the next time she decides to pull this stunt on someone else.
K. h.

Absolutely not! You have every right to be furious with that women. I would be mad as hell. If she leaves her daughter alone at 12 that is her business but she should not assume that you do also. The least she could have done was called and asked if you mind.

Hi Keisha,

I think that is ridiculous. Although, I would have made sure that we had a plan for when my daughter was to have been returned the next day, so there aren't any surprises. I don't think she should have left the girls unattended, especially if you weren't aware of her intentions. I probably wouldn't allow my daughter to go back over unless a plan was in place, such as asking the adult if she planned to be there the entire time and when she planned to bring my daughter home. It sounds like a lack of communication between the two of you. I don't think your being overprotective.

Best wishes,
D.

II think you have every right to be irate. You expect your child to be supervised when they are at someone else's home, especially at age 12. This woman was irresponsible and owes you an apology in my opinion. Stick to your guns and don't allow your daughter back there. If the mom calls and asks why be honest and tell her the truth. It's not easy raising a child through the teenage years and if you don't set the ground rules now it will be much harder in the years to come.

Keisha:

You are SOOOO not being over-protective!! I would be FURIOUS!!

While the legal age of leaving a child home alone is 12 - I would NOT leave several girls (or boys) home alone for that period of time. That is just plain irresponsible.

TOO many things could've gone wrong. Simple stuff too - what if they were playing make up/dress up and one had an allergic reaction to the makeup? What if one had been laughing so hard and stuck the mascara brush in her eye? REALLY?! I know it sounds far fetched - but things like this have happened. 12 year olds can panic and panic kills. Or worse yet - party time!! Mom's away - come on over!!! THAT would've been bad - VERY BAD!!

What if the mother had gotten in a car accident? There are just way to many things that could've gone wrong - they didn't, thank God, but they could've very fast and very easy!!

Stick your ground!! If the mother questions you - simply explain that even though they are 12, too many things could've gone wrong - you EXPECT an adult in the house with the girls.!!

I think it is unanimous that the other mother was in the wrong. Even if the girls are responsible enough to be left alone, she should have cleared that with you ahead of time. And especially when you were counting on her to drive your daughter home, she should have spoken with you about the timing before she abandoned them for the day. It's just rude and thoughtless. I'm not saying it's always a bad idea to leave 12-year-olds alone. I started babysitting at that age, where I was the responsible one in charge. But there was a lack of communication here.

I completely agree with you. That was unacceptable behavior by the mother.

No you are not being too overprotective. Your child is your treasure. For your 12 year old, friends are very important. I may modify the visit thing by letting her visit with that friend for a 4 hour period of time. I would also host more things at my place so this way you know who the friends are and who their parents are.

Yes that mother was irresponsible but not every parent is going to parent like you do. We don't all share the same values, principles or standards.

I think the other mother was completely irresponsible in this situation. If she was going shopping for an extended period of time, she should have called to let you know what was going on - especially since she already knew you didn't have a car.

12 year olds are on their way to maturity, but they're not there yet, and the mother should have at least asked if you minded that she would be going shopping and leaving the girls alone.