Told on for Leaving Child in Car!

Sounds safer than me letting my 2 year old climb the giant swing set in the backyard while I go inside to go to the toilet ;-)

We've gone nuts as a society. Truly nuts.

I like Jill T's suggestion.

Private lot, you can see car at all times, car licked you have keys. I do same thing. Do you know the mothers there. By Jan everyone knew each other. Since this woman is so concerned, maybe she can sit in car for you. We have gone so crazy. A kid in a booster seat car licked is safer than walking the streets. You did nothing wrong IMO.

Here is my input: If it's against the law, as in, you are breaking the law, don't do it. If you're not, then you get to make the decision.

This may help you: http://www.dmv.org/ca-california/safety-laws.php Scroll down. Doesn't appear like it is illegal to me.

If we were talking about a baby, or even a 6 year old in a grocery store parking lot, I could see it. But really--right in front of the class window?

You did nothing wrong. Our society has gone crazy.

Do I really think it's that dangerous? No. Personally, I think everyone is over sensitive about the things that could happen. Yes, something could happen, the child could injure themselves, someone could break into the car..... These things could also happen if you were standing right next to the car.

What is the law in your state?

Here in IL it is a crime to leave children unattended IF they are younger than 6 years old AND are left for longer than 10 minutes without a child at least 14 years of age with them. Knowing that law, I have started to leave my kids in the car when I run into the gas station to buy a gallon of milk, or if I need to check my son into the school office for days that he has an appointment before he goes to school.

So, before people cast stones at you, they should consider whether the law agrees with their opinion.

My van has remote start, so when I do it my kids are in their 5 point harness seats, the engine is running, but the keys are with me.

By the way, I think my mom was a great mom, but she regularly left us kids in the car when she went grocery shopping.

I don't think you've done anything wrong. You made very responsible choices. I think our society is way too afraid of legal recourse.

Puh-leaze!!!! I'd be totally annoyed too. Personally, I don't think you were doing anything dangerous at all. But I think Shannon R. is right - preschools may be a little more cautious about this type of thing. Totally annoying though...

I do this every day. I leave my 7 yo in the car while I go in and get my 3 yo from daycare. He sits in the car for all of 3 minutes playing Angry Birds. I lock him in, take the keys, and make him tell me every time "I will not open the car door for ANYONE!" . The latter gets an eye roll every single time. :)
I would never do this at any other place, though. The lot is safe and has camera surveillance.
Good grief, I was 8 years old when I became a latchkey kid. People are out of their minds these days.

When I was about 6 my mom left me in the car (it was the 70s, so no big deal) while she went grocery shopping. A man walked by, turned around and exposed himself....so yeah, you can't leave a young kid in the car like that. Stuff happens. Stuff you can't predict. I don't think you are a bad mom though...

Society has gone nuts...geez. If you felt the situation was safe, you could see him the whole time, private parking lot, etc, and it helped your little one have an easier morning....people need to STFU!! Ugh. Move to Europe? Idk. My friend used to take a city bus (with transfers) to school alone at age 7. He was fine. Of course I would never want anyone to put their kid at unnecessary risk , kid napping, etc, but COME ON, people!! :)

No, I do not think your situation is dangerous. Walking 2 kids through a parking lot with over sized SUVs is more dangerous (especially if the mom driving just had botox and is texting).

Many schools and daycares have policies to not leave children under the age of 12 alone in the car even to do drop offs and pick-ups. Ask the director what the age limit at her preschool is.

I would have done the same thing you did. Honestly, it's not a big deal. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Absolutely ridiculous. You lock the door no one can get in. Your child cannot drive away. You are watching the entire time. I do not see the problem. I would be annoyed. My question to people who find it a problem is when you get gas and have to pay inside do you take your kids in with you? I do not see the issue.

I would have done the same thing. You're not going in his classroom and hanging out either. He was in plain sight the whole time and it is a semi secluded area, not like it's Walmart parking lot at 3:30 in the afternoon when every single parent in the world remembers what they forgot for dinner that night. I swear that's the busiest time of the day to check out!

I think it's a bit silly of them to tell you what you can and cannot do with your own child and in your own car. It's not really their business.

I wouldn't be inclined to *tattle* on someone for leaving a child in the car IF the car was parked up front and the destination was super close to the car and had large windows. I'm assuming since this is a preschool, the building isn't very large and there isn't much traffic.

Sounds like this person is a busy body, goody two shoes.

Sorry this happened to you, but you will have to pull your 6 yr old out of the car. At least your not in the frigid cold ;)

I do not think it is wrong either. Sigh. People can be very carried away. It sucks but it is what it is.

I have left my kids in the car while I ran into the ATM or drycleaner when a) weather was not hot or cold b) I was parked directly in front and could see right out and c) I could see there was no line and d) I asked the kids if they wanted to sit in the car a second and they much preferred to...

If any of those conditions were not met such as when I had to go return a movie at the library and the parking lot is out of sight of the front door - I made the kids come in with me. My kids tried to argue more than once - not understanding that 30 seconds directly in front of the glass doors of the ATM is not the same as out of view of the door!

Sucks that someone had to "tell" on you.

Honestly, I am surprised you ask what would happen and surprised you are a regular on MP. I really looked to see if you have asked questions before.

I will start with the best case scenario as to what bad can come of leaving your child in the car. Rather than the parent notify the director, they could notify the police. (Or they are a parent/police officer dropping their own child off) There happens to be a police patrolling the area and they pull in to find your child in the car and call CPS. I probably don't need to say any more there.

Here is a scenario that happened to my mother's friend. She left her children in the van while she ran into the 7-11. The kids knocked the van or took the van out of gear and it rolled back. The 7-11 was on a busy street and the van was full of kids. No one got hurt.

And here is my personal experience. When I was 4 and we were on vacation, my parents left me in the car with my two older sisters who were sleeping in the back seat. I decided to light a match that I found on the dashboard. Then I tried to put the match out by shaking the match with a flick of the wrist like I had seen my dad do. The match began to burn my fingers, so I dropped it. The carpet lit on fire. I got scared and hopped in the back seat and pretended to be asleep with my sisters. Two men came and banged on the windows until we woke up and unlocked the car. My parents, just inside the glass doors saw the men trying to take their kids, ran out to run them off. Only to find their little girl lit the car on fire. I never asked if they thought I was pretty responsible for a 4 year old.

Since you work at a school, you know kids.

2 to 3 minutes I wouldn't think is that dangerous. I have been guilty of leaving kids in the car. I make sure everyone is hooked in, car off and locked. There have been a few times I've had to drop something off at the school office or pick up my son from prek and baby is asleep. I have not done it when it's hot. In fact it's been pretty cold and trying to keep them out of the cold as much as possible. Anything longer than that I would say pushing it. Society has freaked us out and we are guilty of giving in to it. I remember as a kid being in the car with my brothers during the summer with the car on so ac was blowing or windows down and that was usually more than a few minutes.

Your child is safer sitting in a locked car than he is walking through a busy parking lot at drop off time (assuming it isn't too hot or cold out). If someone was interested in snatching a child it would be a lot easier to snatch him away from you in a parking lot while you have your hands full with your other child. If someone wants to expose himself he can do that whether you are standing there or not. If someone is stealing a car they don't want to steal one with a kid in it, because it then becomes kidnapping.

ETA: Cars are now made so that children cannot accidentally put them in gear. If the car gets hit it will get hit whether mom is in the car or not.

Updated

Your child is safer sitting in a locked car than he is walking through a busy parking lot at drop off time (assuming it isn't too hot or cold out). If someone was interested in snatching a child it would be a lot easier to snatch him away from you in a parking lot while you have your hands full with your other child. If someone wants to expose himself he can do that whether you are standing there or not. If someone is stealing a car they don't want to steal one with a kid in it, because it then becomes kidnapping.

I leave my just-turned-8 year old in the car while I pick up my 5-yr old too. We've had general reminders from the school not to leave other kids in the car, but I've decided that mine is responsible enough to be left for a few minutes. We talk about what to do in emergencies, I lock the doors and I know there are countless moms walking by keeping an eye on things too. He attended that school for four years so he knows where everything is and how to get help.

Good luck! It's a tough choice!

I don't think its a big deal that you did. However I would be nervous to do so even for a short time..someone would definetly say something.
In NJ its now illegal to leave your kids in the car. I heard of a women that got reprimanded by the police. Get this her kids were 13 yrs and 15 yrs. Nuts.

Wow Christy Lee, blaming the kids that die in hot cars because they are not "smart enough" to roll down a window or open a door? That's a new low. Children that die in hot cars are small enough to be strapped into a carseat and do not have access or the physical and cognitive ability to roll down the window. If opening the door is an option for the child, then how can the justification of "I locked him in, he's safe" be accurate? If the child can open the door, then others can open it as well or will have access to both the child and the vehicle thus nullifying any safety you've established by locking them in. Leaving a 6 year old in the car for a few minutes is most likely harmless, unless the kid decides he needs to get out (and at 6, they are still young enough to not fully understand what can happen if they don't follow instructions to stay put) and is running around the parking lot. It's just a bad idea, all around. Don't make decisions on your child's safety based on what makes things "easier", make them based on what's best for the child.

Even if it was 100% safe, it's on school property and a liability issue for them potentially. Why not explain to the preschool the issue that you're having and brainstorm with them ideas to help you out on tough days?

Here is why I would never leave my child in a car in the parking lot for even just a couple of minutes. Between my husband and I, our cars have been hit in a parking lot about 6 times. Most of those times we were not with our car. At least once the car was hit hard enough to push it into another car. In all but one case the person who hit the car just left. A couple of times notes were left on the car. Recently a woman here suffered a medical emergeny and crashed her car into the front of Target. Since I have lived here there have been at least three other buildings and at least two houses where similar things have happened. Thankfully every time they have hit the building and caused no injuries. If they were to hit a car with a kid in it, that could be bad! If a kid is buckled up there might not be injury, but I can't imagine how scary it would be. And if they are hitting the building hard enough to go into it, there would be injuries to a child in a car.

Last winter there was a case near us where a parent loaded his son into the car, left it running in the driveway while he went back to grab his son's shoes. While his back was turned, someone jumped in the car and stole it. His son was found a couple of hours later in his carseat. The person who stole the car had set the carseat on a pile of snow near some garbage cans. It was by the grace of God that a couple heard him crying and found him. It was just a couple of seconds that the child was left alone in the car. Yes, a rare thing and not likely to happen often, but it does happen.

A couple of years ago our neighbor across the street started her car in her driveway and walked her older child a 1/2 block to the bus stop. When she got back to the house her car was gone. Sometimes, she left her younger child in the car. That morning she hadn't.

A private parking lot isn't going to make a difference. We had a rash of cars that were broken into in church parking lots on Sunday mornings. Our daycare has had a problem with people breaking into cars in their parking lot.

Yes, extreme cases, but they do happen often enough that I won't take a chance.

This is what I ask myself in this type of situation: IF something bad happened, how am I going to feel about the decision I made just to save 5 minutes (or a small tantrum, or whatever)?

Honestly I don't think you were wrong at all. If there is not a law against leaving a 6 year old in the car where you live then I would talk to the director of the Preschool and let her know what is going on and the reason for leaving the 6 year old in the car.

The mom that raised the fuss and made this an issue is a busybody who obviously does not have enough to do other than stick her nose in other people's business.

Please don't feel bad about what you were/are doing. You are not doing anything wrong in this situation.

I wouldn't leave my kid in the car.

http://www.dmv.ca.gov/pubs/vctop/d06_7/vc15620.htm

That is the link to the law in your state.

So good news you can leave him next year when he turns seven. It is just while he is six that you cannot leave him in the situation you described. But who would know how old he is anyways.

I am usually okay with a quick trip while children are buckled in and you can see the car...like dry cleaning, etc. I will be looking into Texas law and making sure I know what is what...thanks!!

Nope, you are not wrong at all. This is totally ridiculous. He's six, it's for 2 minutes, it's not hot and you can see the car. Please! I would do the same thing.

When the weather is rainy, or severely cold like it is right now here in Chicago, I leave my 4 yr old in the car when I pick up my older kids. I arrive early so I can park up front in order to be able to see my car the whole time. The car is turned off and I have the keys. One of the parents is a cop, so I've been a little nervous, but I know that I'm not breaking the law in IL. I'm only away for 5 mins or less, (the limit is 10) and I can see the car.

Too bad a busybody has now made your life more difficult.

I personally think it's fine and I do it too. (The law does not agree with me, though). I put your situation into "people need to mind their own business".

I think what you did was in the gray area--at best. But, definitely not wrong! As long as you could see him or hear him at all times, I would consider that supervised!

So, let me ask you this: If you know better, why are you doing it?

A solution I used when my kids were little, I would look around at the other parents dropping off or picking up around the same time as me & suggest a trade, I'll watch your kid..still in his car seat for this 5 min, while you take in your other kid, sign him in & then if you will wait while I do the same, the time it takes is just normally the same as if I got all my girls out, walked them in & out. In the morning especially, it was always a rush & some afternoons I'd have a sleeping toddler, who would wake up extra grouchy if I woke her up.

I agree that even though there are many stories of what can go wrong, most of the time it's safe. If the area you are in is safe, you are parked under shade, the windows cracked, doors locked & it's just a fast in & out, it's pretty hard not to do it. So I'd be annoyed at the parent who is such a busy body too! And wonder why she couldn't just approach you & ask to watch your car while you took in your younger son.

It doesn't take much for something to happen - someone hits your car, the kid puts the car into gear, etc. Just be glad someone told the school and the school spoke to you vs someone calling the cops for the next drop off.

If the 4 yr old doesn't like to say good by to his brother, then what about the brother getting dropped off first?

I personally think what you did was fine. It sounds like a safe spot to do that. It's not long. And it was not hot outside. Be careful though. I have a good friend who did this and someone called the police on her. They came and spoke with her. They ended up calling cps who came to her house and interviewed her! She did exactly what you did...she was in a safe place, it was not hot, she could see the car from where she was standing. The doors of the car were even locked.

I'm on the fence. I can truly see both sides of the situation. From the Director's point of view, it's her property and she is liable for what happens there. While I highly doubt you would blame her if something did happen to your child in the car, I'm sure there are people out there who would find a way to blame the school and sue. So I get where she's coming from.

For the person who tattled, I'm sure she was trying to make sure your child was safe. She probably should have approached you directly, rather than taking her concerns to the Director. But, she may have been afraid that you'd get angry and it would ruin a relationship, so she opted to keep it anonymous.

Anyway, if you can truly see the car the whole time, it's probably ok. But, if you're saying a nice goodbye to your little one, your attention probably isn't on the car the entire time you're inside. I lived in West LA for 14 years - there are some crazies out there.

I get it. You are in a building but can see the car. Do you look away for a 20 seconds? Sure. But aren't kids not watched other places for longer? Stuff can happen at home unfortunately... I remember being home sick and not sure how old I was but got ahold of matches. My mom was home and luckily nothing really bad happened yet I lit a match or two. And my mom was not negligent. A kid in his car seat is just as safe. So either the mom who told didn't know how long it was and where you were so was legitimately concerned. Or she's hyper safety conscious or a busy body. But the director has to tell you or I'm sure she could face liability so I wouldn't be annoyed with her... Maybe you 6 year old could stand on the sidewalk outside the building? Not sure why him not coming in mattered so much to your younger but since it did, maybe you can still take advantage of it somehow. No law against a kid on a sidewalk I know of. :)

I think that you are trying to rationalize a decision that you knew was wrong. In the state that I live, it is not legal to leave kids alone in a car...period...no exceptions. You can argue the validity of the law, but it is still the law. When I am stopped at a red light and there is no one coming in the other three directions, I don't actually think that it is unsafe to move through the intersection... However, I don't run the red light because it is against the law.

I think that your child was probably safe, but where do you draw the line? What about the person that had to run in for 5 minutes, 10 minutes etc... That's why there is often a line in the sand for stuff like this.

I think it's fine. I get why the director needed to follow up, though.

A child that young is too young to be in the car alone. You knew that but did it anyways, no point in being annoyed that someone called you out on it. I am sure they were just concerned.

I probably would not have told on you but I would have felt guilty for not doing it. I think maybe people wonder if you are doing it all the time or in more dangerous situations. It just worries people that something bad might happen.

Yes, I took my kids in to pay for gas..every time.

I think if you can see the car the whole time it is not so dangerous.... but you are entering a building so I find that kind of hard to believe.

Pre-schools are a little more strict about those things, I think because it's like where do you draw the line, a 5 y/o, a 2 y/o a baby? My daughters pre-school has that in the rules somewhere (don't leave other kids in your car while you drop off).

I might do the same with my 6 year old if I was parked right by the door and could see out the whole time... however, not after being ratted out. Gotta respect the rules.

No you are not that bad. But you are really opening yourself up for criticism. I say if you lose a visual on the car, you should not do it. If you can keep a visual I can see the temptation.

Yes and yes.
Sorry---my opinion.

I think 6 is a little young for you to be so confortable with this. and I do think it is a question of rationalizing it in this situation making it so much more easy to rationalize it next time in a situation that isn't quite as safe. This wasn't a one time thing it was on going. and it sets a bad precedent for other families.

I think you could have avoided this whole problem by dealing with what ever anxiety your youngest has about his day care. maybe by making sure a smooth drop off gets rewarded with something fun the 2 boys can do together after school. Or by walking in with one of his buddies. I'm sure you can come up with something that is less worrisome than leaving your kid.

I don't see the big deal, if you can see the car the whole time, and tis locked, and you have the car keys. I have done it, many many times over the past 14 years, for various situations. Sorry some snarky, nosey mother had to make an issue of it.

If you are really in Santa Monica then yes I think that is crazy dangerous. Cops tell you not even to leave your purse in the car so I can't imagine why you'd leave your baby. Bad idea.

I think the problem is that it became routine. It's not like it's something you did once because the weather was really bad, or you were running really late, or the 6 year old was sick, or anything along those lines....you're doing it for convenience and daily. The problem with that, is that other parents are watching (obviously) and then it becomes a danger.

So yes, I think it is dangerous and I would have also told the director...with the safety of your child in mind - not to get you in trouble.

i don't think this is so heinous.
there are places where it's NOT okay (like everyone else, gas stations are the first thing that spring to mind) but under these circumstances i'm not going to toast you. he's in your view the whole time.
khairete
S.

Someone is just a busy body aren't they!

Although I know the law is written differently, it is not like you are leaving an infant unattended. You are in a safe location, your 6 yr old is old enough to blow the horn if something is wrong in the very few minutes you are gone.

Hopefully the busy body will leave you alone. I understand the director probably said something because the busy body probably made the director feel like she would be responsible. Busy Body needs to get a life.

I dont see it as wrong either. He's 6yrs old and I am sure he knows not to get off the car. Plus you were just signing in your little one and going back to him. It would be wrong if you had left the 2yr old, or lets say it was a HOT Summer DAY etc. I think we have all done that...either because we are just dropping off real quick, etc..as long as you take the keys and take all the pre cautions I say its fine. But since you were at a School, I can see why the Director had to say something to you.

My daughter is 10 and I have never left her unattended in the car. Sure, there have been many times it would've been much more convenient to bring her with me when I run into the drycleaners or drop something off at her school, etc. But I'm not willing to risk anything happening, no matter how rare it may be, for my convenience. I realize that anything can happen to anyone at any time. If I have an opportunity to make sure that I prevent a random yet possible kidnapping, car smashing, car jacking, whatever, then you better believe I'm going to.

Wow, did someone do it to "tell on you" or to make sure your child was safe? Your title kind of speaks to where your priorities are.

I totally understand what you are getting at... and yes, I used to do that ALL the time... just leave them in the car while I run into the post office (very small town, I parked RIGHT in front of the post office while I got my mail from our box.... there was no delivery to homes in that town.)... I could see the kids the entire time I was in there....

Anyway, no matter WHAT the age, things can happen. A very sad incident happened several years ago.... 4 kids in the car, M. ran back to their apartment to get something...(kids ranged from 2 to maybe 7?) ... anyway, don't know the whole story, but one of the kids lit a lighter, and caught the car on fire. Major burns on all of them...... infant lost most of his fingers.

http://www.myfoxaustin.com/story/20078373/family-overcome... (The fire happened in 2002, this story ran in 2012)

The M. was gone for just a minute........

Anyway....... I know it wasn't easy to have someone point it out to you, but I'm sure she has her responsibility for what happens on her property, too.....

If it wasn't hot out and the door was locked and you were only dropping off your child and you could see your son in the car the whole time then no, I don't think it's dangerous.

I do it all the time while running into the post office my kids are 9,7 ,3 and 1 …..so no I do not think its dangerous :)

Got to say I have left my ten year old in the car. Only when I am parked within a few feet of an ATM and there are glass windows in the ATM for me to see my child as I get my money. I lock my car doors and she knows not to unlock them for anyone.

Your child most likely would be perfectly safe. But why risk it? Check this weird story out. Oct 2012 Ballston, NY. 4 kids left unsupervised in mini-van. Ages 2, 4, 11, and 12. What could happen? Well somehow the van rolls down the driveway (it's on an incline) headed towards a road. The 11 year old panics and tries to stop the mini van. And it rolls over the boy with the other 3 in the van, unhurt. A freak accident for sure.....

i see moms do this all the time at the daycare i drop my son off in the morning. But obviously it goes to saying what risks are involved in leaving ANY child in a car, with or without the car keys. It takes a thief minutes to take your car, and your child is gone.

Yes, i believe we ALL are guilty of this in some form or fashion. I know i am and will admit to it. I don't even like leaving my son in the car in my own drive way, more or less any where else for that matter. Even returning a DVD rental and the car is next to me. Too many nutt jobs out there to risk my sons life or safety. Heck I lock him and my purse in the truck when I load the back of the truck with groceries. That even scares me!

times have changes and require us moms to be more aware of what we do out of pure convenience with anything we do. I dont shun you for what you did. Can understand your reasons, but for me, the risks are too high for that "WHAT IF". For the sake of my sons safety i will deal with taking him in and out of the car, even if he was old enough to stay. Just me though. I'm anal on knowing my son is safe. Cause accidents happen. PERIOD!

Heres why i say that...there was a mom in the SF Bay Area putting her kids in the car and was unloading the grocery from the cart into the back of her van. A truck up the hill brakes failed and the truck rolled down the hill, up the side walk and slammed into her vehicle. Killing her kids in the car :( No where is safe. And her kids were attended to. You just never know. So think with caution the next time you leave your kid in the car. Even when your stuck on the freeway with your car broken down. Things we don't think of.

I've done pretty much the exact same thing. Left the 6yo for 2 minutes while dropping off my preschooler. Not everyday, but when the 6yo is in an extra grumpy mood. I don't have to do it now, but I don't think it was that horrible.

Hi KW. i didn't look at all the responses below. The director is most likely concerned about liability issues while he's on school property and not about whether this defines you as a parent. I would be annoyed if someone ratted me out too but you have to understand they most likely have a written policy on this that they are legally bound to follow. My son's school is the same way but we are provided with this information in the welcome back packet in September. :-) S.

I understand why you did it but unless your child is at least 10-12 years old, it is not a good idea. I have seen other parents do it.

The only time I have ever left my child in the car is when they were real little and fell asleep on the way home (on a nice day). We would park the car in the shade next to our window (with our close neighbor on the other side), car window down, and we kept an eye on them until they woke.