I have one of those awesome husbands, I really do. Just when we have company over his lack of time management skills shine through. I should say in the summer when smoking meats is involved. In the winter I prepare the foods and everything walks to the table a right o'clock. My husband, corn is done 20 minutes after the meat which is done two hours after we are supposed to eat and the dishes I needed to prepare were done.
I mean he cooks! I can't complain but damn if that man needs to study the amazingness of a gantt chart! Seriously!
So is this my only cross to bear or is there perhaps something about men that they can't manage to get multiple things to finish at exactly the same time?
Okay, had to snicker, he just tried to get in the back door that I locked knowing he would try to get in the back door where the floor is wet from mopping.... Yeah, I really do think women are hard wired for these things.
Mary, he is also a hoarder but we have a lot of storage. Both things drive what makes him amazing so I am really not complaining. All a gantt chart is is taking each task needed for a project, allotting time for each task, overlapping those that can be done at the same time, making sure everything ends on time. He really would be happier if he got that, not for home but for work.
It is just making me laugh that on the first hot day in forever he is hiding outside rather than run the risk of me asking him to clean the toilets or something. :)
Jill I wish I could help him but this man can smoke like a pro! I have no idea how much time any of this takes. He is great with timing overnight smoking but the day stuff, not so much. It is worth the wait though at the moment he has nothing going and is sitting next to me petting the cat.
Ahh One yes, we have had many appetizers of vegetables with the main dish meat with a side of meat.
Marda, I lock the back door anytime I mop the kitchen floor and someone is outside. Our floor is ceramic tiles, not something you want to step on wet. He has almost killed himself several times so I lock it, then he asks why I locked it every time, then I say why, and he says oh. It just makes me laugh because you would think after a while he would remember I lock it to protect people.
It's a pretty well known fact that women are better at multi-tasking while men focus O. on action at a time. Hence the cold meat or scalding hot corn.
My husband is pretty amazing too--he cooks dinner several nights per week, but sometimes we have meat with a side of....meat.
The timing of multiple foods for meals is a skill that came to me with time and practice. Occasionally grilling in the summer does not give him the practice he needs to time out a whole meal. It isn't about being a man or about hard-wiring, but about not having the need to develop the skill because you're the one cooking most of the time.
Because he does not have the sense of timing you possess, it is still up to you to help with that task. Teach him that corn should be started x-minutes before the meat is put on to cook, for example.
My husband has skills that I do not possess because they are things I do not do. It isn't that I am not capable, just that I don't have a need or an interest to pursue them.
I'm so happy you don't have a worse problem with your husband than that!
Maybe you can show him that sort of chart - but not until he asks. Meanwhile, keep on asking him what you can do to help; not just help with the cooking - help to have all the meal ready at the same time.
Not all men have this particular disability. My husband can get a party menu worked out so that everything's done at the exact moment. But he has other, um, quirks. (Of course, I'm perfect, right?)
Well I learned about a Gantt chart today...
When my husband bbq's I still manage the time for him. I tell him when to light the bbq, when to put the meat on, when to turn it and when to take it off. That way the meat is done exactly when I need it to be.
My husband likes to start a big project right when we are packing the van and rushing out the door. Sure, we are in a hurry to drive three hours to our camp site and get set up, but I thought it might be a good time to clean the garage. Duh!
too funny. we have the exact opposite situation here. my husband is very organized and punctual, while it doesn't matter how much lead time you give me, i'm always flailing at the last minute.
:) khairete
S.
I think that getting a meal to the table on time is an art form to be mastered with experience. I'm a pretty experienced cook but even I have to literally chart out the big meals (Christmas Eve, Hanukkah, family parties) to make sure that I have things ready at the same time and even with that planning, something usually falls through the cracks. That said, it took me about 10 years of hosting to finally figure out that I needed to write it all out, and I'm pretty organized.
Sounds like something he could use a little coaching on...the next time he plans on cooking something that takes planning, is he the kind of guy who wouldn't mind if you said "OK let's take 5 minutes to plan and time everything" and would welcome your organizational skills? If so, then that's what I would do. My husband is rather touchy about feedback so unless we're having company other than his family, I let him learn through trial and error. If we're having my family or some friends, I go right ahead and "offend" him by doing a timeline with/for him.
Pretty funny. We had company over last night and if it wasn't for the fact that I was jamming on getting skewers done, our fish would have been finished significantly before the veg.
I don't think it is necessarily males, but I think some of it has to do with the proficiency they have with making a 'meal'. I'm the main cook in my house so I'm the one who can time everything to be done around the same time. I think it's just a sense of familiarity with doing a task within certain conditions (like having to not just cook, but cook each dish as part of the bigger picture.)
Interestingly enough, I think mine would rather clean the toilet than do yardwork. When we first got together, he was working on the house a LOT, so much so that I would get furious because he'd be ready for dinner 'when I get this done in a couple of minutes'... which ended up being a half-hour plus because he didn't account for cleanup and he tends to underestimate times. Once I explained all of my observations back to him, we agreed that maybe it was time to defer to a clock and make a plan to break off work significantly ahead of meal time.Then we had time for cleanup and much harmony was regained!
ETA: oh, Canuck, that brings to mind the trip we were taking to the beach, Kiddo's three or four, I'm packing bags of food, loading the car, and out of nowhere Joe starts vacuuming. Thought my head was going to come off, I was so incredulous!
Send him On An Errand. Then you won't trip over him so much while you're doing everything else.
:)
I'm actually pretty lousy at time management, so it might not be a male thing :) Our meals usually don't have more than one thing that's getting cooked at a time (we do lots of reheating stews/etc), however the food usually is on the table at least 10 minutes after I thought it would be ready. Maybe your husband and I and all the people like us are missing the same gene?
For most people, managing a meal time wise is difficult unless you've had lots of practice. The menu you suggest and the division of labor makes getting it all done at the same time difficult. I suggest you make this a cooperative project. Start by making a list of foods; then estimate how long prep will take and when to start each one. You probably already do this automatically. You have cooked all year for years.
I don't understand why you think him coming in the back door is so off. Did he know when you'd be finished and tge floor dry? Sounds to me that you expect him to automatically know how to manage time. More than that. You think he's a toddler when it's more likely it's just not his thing. I suggest he's good at doing some things you're not as good at.
I dislike the way men and women put each other down because they expect each other to be a like in the way they think, feel and act. Your husbands poor time management skills are not gender specific. Women have difficulty too. Some differences are real because our brains and bodies are physiologically different. I suggest time management is not one of them. Look at all the cooks/ chefs who manage large kitchens.
And...I've yet to see a toddler get a meal on the table or remember to not go in the back door.
We don't need to make our husbands inferior so that we feel superior. We just need to realize that we are equal with everyone being good in their own way.
BTW I'm a home economist who was in classes that taught time management and who taught time management. Not everyone can figure it out for themselves. You listed the steps in your SWH. Have you humbly shared those with your husband?
So funny! Enjoy the smoked meat, but don't let him do the rest of the food dishes. He can't deal with the rest! Hiding from cleaning toilets! Hilarious!
I'm so glad you locked him out. The last thing you need to see is his feet up over his head on the wet floors!
My hubby is a fabulous cook. He can never time it right. He just cannot multi task. I can't even talk to him when he's in the kitchen. But he is a fabulous chef. You just. Ant expect all the food to get to the table at the same time.
That is smart to lock him out.
Men fall on wet floors, yes.
Wow, sounds like you guys really cook.
I've never worried about stuff done at the same time. Mostly we just steam some chicken or fish, throw some berries and cut up veggies and done. 20 minutes tops for a dinner that's not-processed. It'd be nice to mix things up with recipes but nobody eats anything fancy if I try, and I hate to waste food.
Does it matter to him? You talk about being hard-wired "for these things". I don't think that it's about man versus woman. I think that some people are hard-wired to care about that and some just aren't. Or, more specifically, they are hard-wired to not care about that. He doesn't need to remember why the door is locked. You've got that covered, so he doesn't need to retain that information; it would be a waste of brain space for him. I'm the same way with certain bits of information. Once it's been memorialized, my brain just might toss it out, to make room for something that I care about.
I actually encourage my husband to "forget" certain things that I can't help but remember. There's no need in both of us remembering that friend's birthday while neither of us remembers to renew the car registration.
He might think that as long as you are all enjoying the fellowship, it doesn't matter when or how the food comes out. It doesn't sound like you are angry about it--thank goodness, 'cause some people would be. It just sounds like, maybe, you haven't learned to fully appreciate who he is and how he is made. My husband and I are PERFECT when we complement each other. We fit together just that well and balance each other's extremes. When one of us feels unappreciated, though, it turns into more of a competition: I'm out to prove why MY way is better, and he's out to prove why HIS way is better. That isn't so harmonious. I have to remember to snicker at our differences while actually respecting that having him think that way in one area (which might bug me) allows him to treat another (more important to me) area with the same (and desired)care. If I'm only laughing at HIM, I'm not really respecting that each of us brings a different perspective to our shared table. I'm only thinking that my way is better and wishing that he'd be more like me.
PS. I had to dump a quarter of an onion just this past Sunday evening because I'd put it into the skillet first (timed well with tomatoes, spinach, eggplant, garlic) and then got busy with my 3yo. I was still cooking, but he was incorporated into my activities. I used to be able to chop as I went, creating all along. Now, just about everything needs to be prepped and sitting out at my fingertips before I turn on the fire, in anticipation of a distraction like "Mommy, watch THIS!" I ate the charred onion--still yum--but had to start all over with cutting more.
