Toddler Won't Stay in Bed - Tucson,AZ

We just put our 2 yr old in a toddler bed also and had this problem until someone suggested putting a baby gate on her door. She now knows once its up shes not comming out. She will usually get out of bed once and see the gate ask to be covered up and then shes down for the night. She gets up and plays in her room sometimes, but we ignore her and she'll go to sleep when she gets tired enough. HTH! good luck

She might be going through this even if there weren't a new baby, but the new baby makes her much more vulnerable to the restless-bedtime syndrome. Expecting her to get drinks of water herself because it's next to her bed isn't really going to work, as you've found -- it's you she wants, not truly the water itself.

Your husband needs to help out if he isn't already. One you takes the baby for bedtime, the other handles your daughter, so just one of you is not doing all the work every night. Be sure you both handle things the same way, though, or she will be confused from one night to the next.

I wouldn't treat it as reason for discipline; she's not trying to manipulate you or be "naughty," she's realized her world is rocked and she's looking for reassurance. Yes, you do have to work on a routine. Try putting her to bed, returning in five minutes, then 10 minutes after that, then 20 minutes after that last time. This way she knows you're there but knows she's not to come after you, you'll be checking in on her instead. Some kids stay wakeful through this for a while but do get to sleep once they learn that mom and dad really do return.

You could check in with the SuperNanny books by Jo Frost. She's really sensible about bedtime routines. But again, I'd not let this become a discipline issue -- that will be tough, since it is sure frustrating, but she does indeed need to "re-routine."

We went through something similar with our son (almost 3) when our daughter hit about 3 months old. I went in over and over for a few months, and then decided it needed to stop, as I couldn't be with 2 "babies" at the same time. We decided to just go in and check on him, to make sure he wasn't hurt or on pain, but then leave his room with a "love you and we'll see you in the morning" and slip out the door. He cried the first few nights, but then realized we were serious and not going to come back in over and over again (kind of reminded me of getting a baby to sleep though the night). There were a couple of nights that I came in to wake him in the morning and he was on the floor by his bed with some books, but it worked quickly, just a few nights.
Wish you the best of luck!
B

This behavior is typical for her age and after addition of a new sibling. About 1/3 of all kids ages 2-4 wake during the night according to some recent research. Sounds like your 3 yr old is feeling a bit insecure and desires more of your attention. Please be patient and firm as this will soon pass. Comfort her and take her back to bed, show little emotion other than TLC. I've been through this with my first and am currently experiencing it with my 2 1/2 yr old. Kids need us all day and all night long--parenting is a 24/7 committment. That's why it's so exhausting--and rewarding. R., nurse-midwife mom of 3.

It sounds like my daughter after the second was born. She was 2 1/2 at the time. Before the birth, she would spend some of the night in her own bed, but after the second was born, she had no interest at all in her own bed. I guess this is the point where you re-evaluate your priorities. If it is really important to you then stay consistent. But if you decide there are more important things, then be understanding and give her a little "baby-ing" - and don't feel bad about that. Personally, it wasn't a big deal to have our older daughter back in bed, so we just went with it. Now, 8 months after the birth, she's starting to go back to her bed.

I know some people are opposed to this idea, but I don't see why not to childproof her doorknob so she cannot get out of her room. I've heard people say its like locking them in, but how is that any different from when she was in a crib and was "locked" into that small space? We have one on my son's door and I really don't see the problem. He has puzzles and books in there and we have a monitor (he's on the second floor so we can't hear him otherwise) so we would know if he really needed us, but if he's pulling the old "one more drink" game no way. We tell him that he's welcome to get out of bed and read if he's not ready to sleep when we leave the room or if he wakes up, but that when he's done he needs to turn off his light and get back in bed. At first he did it a lot but then the novelty wore off and now he only gets up out of bed when he wakes up in the morning or from nap and no longer when we've just left the room. I would say make sure she can reach her water like you said, maybe even buy her one of those self-back-scratcher/massager things and show her how to use it just to validate that part and she'd probably think it was pretty cool, but tell her that everyone sleeps in their own places and you love her and you'll see her in the morning. You will be doing everyone a favor - yourself, your baby, and even her by instilling good sleeping habits and setting boundaries. Good luck!

Hi B.,
The first thing to come to terms with is that you cannot make someone fall asleep, BUT you can work on keeping her in her room. Create and stick to a routine. Have her go potty, read a book, rub her back and ask her if there is anything that she needs.Then let her know that she is to stay in her room. If she is not tired she can read a book, listen to book on tape, or whatever you decide. Put a small light that she can control by her bed. If she is reading in bed she is bound to fall asleep faster than if she is fighting with you or popping in and out of bed. If she comes to get you say, "It is time to be in your room," and lead her back, give a kiss and walk out. Keep it short and sweet. The longer you stay in the more likely she is too keep coming out for you because it is working for her. You are spending time with her.

I would love to hear how it works out,
B. Davis

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

I would try giving her a 1/2 hour of quiet time in her room before bed, and then it's time for lights out and stay in bed ( or at least in her room). We needed to put a gate up across our daughter's door frame for a while until she got the idea that she couldn't just come back down and hang out with the baby. The baby is still a novelty and if she likes to be a helper, let her know she needs to get good sleep so she can help again the next day. It's just another phase!

Hi, B. -
I think what you are experiencing is completely, completely normal. Your older daughter needs more of your attention. Difficult, I know, because there is only so much to go around. Try not to be too hard on her or yourself. I know re-routining is normal when a sibling comes into the home. I had to re-potty train my almost 3 year old when her twin sisters came home. She would suddenly take off her underpants and poop on the living room floor! Welcome home, little sisters! I'll get Mom's attention one way or another. Good luck, and congratulations on your two beautiful girls.

Dear mom, it may be the arrival of the new baby. I am going through the same thing with my 2 year old since her 2 month old brother was born. I am exhausted going back and forth between my bedroom where the baby is and my daughter's room. After much thought, I have decided to make it easier for everyone and just bring my 2 year old into my bed when she wakes up. I firmly think she's having a hard time sharing me with the new baby and I want to be sensitive to her during this time. She's not emotionally mature enough to understand baby needs lots of attention and priority and don't want to give her the impression she's second place. Good luck!

I agree with Mamaof3 M. We put a baby gate up and our son knew that meant he was not allowed out of his room until morning. He would get out of bed sometimes, but he usually got a toy and went back to bed. He would play in the bed until he fell asleep.

If he really needed something he would call me and that was fine. We just made sure that he understood he couldn't call for us for silly things.