Toddler Won't Sleep in Her Room

I think most kids go through a phase where they don't want to be in their room. We rocked our oldest to sleep from the day she was born, and until she was about 2 that wasn't a problem. however, by 2 she was finding reason to stay awake, i was pregnant again and being in her room for 45 minutes each night and naptime was unreasonable. We had to make a change. She was already in her big girl bed which made getting up easier for her. She usually didn't get up though, but she's scream and wail if I left her there alone.

I'm not a fan of the cry it out method (although I don't disapprove either if that's your choice) so I made a decision, 2 of them in fact. The first was that we ceased calling it "nap" time, the N word was enough to set her off, so I told her since she was such a big girl (we used that term a lot, enough that she actually thought her name was "Big Girl") she didn't need a nap anymore, she could have a quiet time!!!! I told her that only big girls had quiet times, and that she could have her favorite song playing (it's actually kids stories/songs on cd) chose 5 books - we went to the library for books that were only for quiet time, have her baby doll and rest for quiet time. If she fell asleep that was ok, and if not that was ok. She had to stay in there for a set amount of time, you can even set a kitchen timer, leave it in there and when you check on her if she's asleep remove it, if not then she'll know when to come out. The other kicker with our daughter was to leave her door open, I told her if she came out for something that wasn't an emergency then I'd have to close it, but if she stayed put then I would leave it open. It took a few days but that worked for 'nap' time. On the days she didn't nap she'd be tired, and sometimes even grumpy but by bedtime she'd fall asleep no problem.

As for bedtime, I had to work my way out. I started off by sitting beside her bed, then 3 days later closer to the door, 3 days at the door, 3 days, outside the door, 3 days down the hall, 3 days in our room and after that she was good. She'd cry a bit, but again the warning came, if you make a fuss and will wake up the baby then I'll have to go and I'll have to close your door. If you're hush quiet then you can leave it open.

Just remember no matter what you chose, whatever you try be consistant. make a plan and stick with it. I know how easy it is to give up, but give it 1 month. Whatever you choose, 1 month of a solid try. If it doesn't work then try something else. We set the patterns for our kids and sometimes we forget that the change in routine, can be a little traumatic, and hard to adjust!

Good luck! And let us know how it goes!

Both my kids, at 2 years old, went through that "phase."

My daughter, would nap, but it was a phase where she would nap somewhere ELSE besides her room or bed. So I let her. She'd often just want to nap/sleep on the floor next to her bed, or on the sofa, or on the floor of the living room. Fine. She slept that way, and slept well.
Then that was quiet time, where I did my things.

My son did that too.

It was phases. At 2 years old, sleep/naps gets tweaked. But still have a nap time and sleep time, with a regular consistent everyday routine, everyday the same.

Then one day they went back to their normal sleep/nap habits.

All the best,
Susan

My kids both gave up naps at 2 so instead we did quiet time. I would allow them to get their pillows plop on the couch and watch a disney movie. The rule was if they didn't stay on the couch then they had to go into their room for a nap. I am not sure how you feel about tv time but it did work for us and to me it was better then fighting. If you do not want to do tv then tell her she has to stay in her room for quiet time. You can give her some books and tell her she doesn't have to sleep but she does have to stay in her room for a while.

I agree that quiet time may be your best bet.

Your child doesn't understand that you need to work. And honestly, that's why many employers don't let people work from home...it's too difficult to balance work and active children and stay really focused on only one, and be available during 'work hours'. (I worked in HR for many years and had to have this discussion with many a moms who wanted to "work from home" with their baby/toddler there.) If you REALLY need to work, then maybe you need to consider daycare, a helper or preschool so you can get your work done.

Otherwise, if you are set on having your daughter at home, then maybe she can 'read' in her room, listen to music or play with her dolls? We had to put a pedal gate on our child's room when we got to this same point. Otherwise we had CONSTANT interruptions, no relaxing, etc. The gate helped make it clear that it was quiet time until the gate was opened. I think 45 mins is PLENTY of time to expect her to play quietly...you may even have to ease into that amount of time. Start with 10 mins and build from there. Give lots of praise about how well she played, how quiet she stayed, etc. Once she gets over the 'being alone' issue, then she may even start playing long enough to fall asleep. If you make being/staying in her room optional, then she'll keep fighting you. You may have a week of her "screaming" for attention from her room, calling you, crying, etc. JUST be the boss and don't give it. It's just a tantrum.

As far as nighttime, again, it may take some effort, but she needs to understand that coming out of her room isn't optional nor is your sleeping next to her. My kids have learned, "Mom says 'goodnight' and that's IT." I have told them they get plenty of hugs and kisses during the day, and at bedtime, it's time to sleep.

I know it's hard to hear your little one fuss and fight. She's just learned that she can "play you" and tug on your heart strings. You need to make it clear that YOU are the boss and that her fussing will not get her extra hugs, kisses and attention. You will 'reward' good behavior.

Good luck!

I used to have a swimming coach a few years back, who, right after her baby was born, she used to put him on a backpack and kept working actively. I used to think I was that kind of mom but i was not counting on my baby being a different kind ;) Truth is, as much as I tried all "techniques" I often ended up having to adapt to her schedule versus the opposite. My daughter also went through that around that age, so i ended up taking a quick nap with her (actually it was not too bad for me), and then going on with my business while she continued hers. Then gradually i put her in pre-school 2 times a week. When she stopped napping around 3 i started 3 full days. BTW, she always napped when with her dad, or in school (and still does at almost 5). Wanted to share my story. I sure hope you find what works for you - well, for the time being - til she finds another way to get to you, mama ;)

Can you bring your laptop/work in her room, then just sit on a chair in her room while she naps?

HI R......sorry I'm a little late on a response, but I feel your pain. My daughter who is 3 is awful about napping at home. The weekends are tough, but we manage. What I have found works best is to either let her nap in my bed and turn on animal planet (or what show works for you) and set the tv timer for 15-20 minutes. I tell her that when it goes off she need to have quiet time and rest....I always tell her that she doesn't have to sleep, but she can't get up until I tell her it is time. Needless to say, she never makes it past the tv timer. The other thing that I sometimes have to do is let her sleep on the couch while she watches a dvd.....I figure, like one of the other moms said....I don't really care where she sleeps, she just needs to sleep at least an hour or so. I can work around her location. Best of luck to you! :)