Toddler Running Away from Mommy

"Room time" sounds good, but at this age 1 minute is more appropriate. (A good rule of thumb: 1 minute per year of age.

Good luck. :o)

Blessings,

P. <><

I would consider this a major offense - what if she ran away from you into the road? So whatever you choose to do for a major offense, I would treat it that way.

I agree with offering her a choice. This stops my kids short. Instead of 'come here and lets change your diaper' ask her do you want to hold your doll of your bear while I change your diaper? then she will come to you because she gets to be involved. offer her a choice of two outfits or two pairs of shoes. At nap time I offer my twins the coice of trying to climb in the cribs (with the sides down) or having me lift them in (they don't think they can climb in or out with the sides up). In public it's harder to do this, I offer holding hands or riding in the stroller or holding hands or being carried. If my older kids run off in a store, they immediately go in the cart and I ignore their pleas for the rest of the trip. Those kid harnesses are great. I love the book Parenting with Love and Logic, it eliminates a lot of those power battles.

My son will turn 20 months this week and he too has started to "run away" but normally when we are outside- so yes this could be dangerous. He has immediately gotten a time out- you can do it anywhere- not just in her room. At 22 months- she should be at close to 2 mintues of time out. I wouldn't put her in her room with toys to play with, or in bed- as it confuses them.

We do time out on the stairs most of the time, or in a corner. I stand right there and turn my back slightly to him, and I count to 90 seconds. We have been using time out since he turned 1 for big behavioral issues- like temper tantrums and hitting/biting- it has worked wonders.

Good luck.

Just last Saturday, I was at Walmart, and I had all of my 3 kids with me. When I thought I remembered everything I needed to get, I realized that I needed to get a harness for my 2 year old. I got one with the monkey backpack because I thought it look so much like Curious George who was always getting into trouble. Since I am deaf (hearing impaired), I told my oldest two children that I have to keep my eye mostly on the youngest because she is a darter, and as many times I have told her not to run from me in the public, she still hasn't learned so this is why I got the harness because safety is so important. Well, when I was done, and went outside to walk to the parking lot, my 2 year old suddenly started running to our van (it was probably about 20-30 feet away), and my oldest two were behind me (they know how to watch for cars because I taught them) so I really had to start walking fast to make sure there were no other cars coming near my 2 year old. When I got to the van, my poor son ran to me and said some one yelled saying "Lady! Hold your children's hand !!!". He was so upset about it, and although I heard none of this, I felt so bad for my son. I told him not to worry about it and that I was doing my job. Although someone meant well, but I was a little furious for having to yell like this and my son had to hear all this without knowing that I really was doing my job !!!

My 27 month old does this from time to time. There is a possiblity that she has PDD which explains why she doesnt acknol. her Name when I call her. It is often as if she doesnt hear me at all. When we are out and about she is usually pretty good by staying right next to me but there have been times she starts to run off.

I can only say that I have learned to always keep one hand on her at all times or my eyes on her at all times. We also use the stroller everywhere we go or we use the leash. Since most days she doesnt want Mommy to hold her hands.

I would just say be persestant she is just testing you out. Mommy is the boss!

She's most likely doing it as a game. We used a child harness when on vacation, we used a cart when at the store, and we held hands everywhere else. At home, I stopped telling or asking them what we were going to do. Rather than "let's get dressed" I started asking my son if I should choose his shirt or if HE wanted to choose his shirt. Fostering independence became a great way to limit the run-from-mommy game. It doesn't work for everyone, but it might be worth a try. Good luck!

I know that this probably won't be a popular response but it's what worked for us when my dd starting doing the same thing. We got one of those kid harnesses. That way she could wander but could not run away. This kept her safe in public. She thought it was funny to run and hide in a store and it just freaked me out! as far as running into the street (we had an issue with that too) it is an automatic spanking. It is the only thing that gets an automatic spanking but after she ran away from me into the street and almost got hit by a car that was backing out of a driveway I felt it was justified. As far as her running from you in the house I think that taking away a story is a good idea. Also, if you ignore the behavior then she'll probably stop. My daughter thought it was hilarious that I would chase her through the house and she did it b/c it was funny. hope this gives you some ideas! remember, this too shall pass!

Your daughter obviously understands that she won't get story time if she runs from nap time. In knowing that, you might want to up her 'room time' in order for her to understand the consequences of not doing what she's told.
I don't reccomend coming up with "If you come here then you will get...such-n-such..." because that seems like a bribe and soon that will be the only way you ever get her to do anything.
You need to be firm because like you said, it could be dangerous in public if she doesn't listen. If she takes off...walk to get her and take her to her time out spot. Don't chase her because she will think you are playing a game. Explain to her that it hurts Mommy's feeling when she doesn't listen and that it's not nice when she doesn't mind.
Best of luck!

it is a test of wills, & will you do what you tell her you are going to do...she is old enough for time out, i use a corner & one minute for each year, so for your daughter a one minute time out (then when she is two, two minutes). it is perfectly fine to give her a chance to come to you when you ask, then after asking nicely if she doesnt come give her a warning of if you dont come here then you will get a time out ( i do the count to 3 but she is young so you might want to count to 5?) then if she doesnt come it is straight to time out. (i dont use the bedroom for time out bc thats where their toys are)

but in public it is a different story, i did not let my child walk in a store at this age just for that reason, it's too dangerous. but if you are in a place where she is walking i too used the harness. & let me say i was a person that before i became a parent said i would "never" use one! however my child is social & will talk to anyone! (scary!) & she likes to be able to walk, so this was a way for me to feel safe & for her to feel she had some "freedom" but this is a touchy subject & everyone has their own opinion/experience, this is what has worked for us!

but also through everything keep in mind that she is 22months & this is something that every child does! talk to her & always make sure she knows why you need her to come here & what you are doing. even if you think it doesnt make a difference it does!

Tell her if she runs she won't get(some treat she likes) . Also try just explaining to her, see if tht could work yet, and time out if she runs, is a good idea also. I had one child that a time out didn't work, because she wouldnt sit in her chair, the others would, so I ended up giving a swat. I see no harm in a swat, and it worked with her.

Number 1 - there is no here and there. IT is every time, all the time, no matter what else is going on. Otherwise, don't bother.

Number 2 - a leash. You think I'm kidding? I'd have a monkey on that kid and be holding the tail in public - especially until this gets under control.

You might also stop saying come here
instead - lets get ready for bed, lets change your diaper, whatever.

S.

My dd just turned 25 mo., so I'm there too. She does it to get me to play chase. It can be funny, but she has to learn when it's ok and when it's not.
When we're in parking lots, she'll start to pull away and I'll say not here, it's not safe.........there are too many cars moving. She hands me back her hand and I hold it tighter.

I too use a harness, it's got a dog "backpack" on it and she LOVES her doggie!!! She's known how to put it on for quite a while and I tell her that she can't walk if it's not on. I thought people would stare (because they did at first), but now I have people walk up and ask where I got it because it's such a great idea. It allows her to walk and stay a safe distance from me instead of being locked into a stroller or cart, esp. if someone stops me to talk. I'm surprised though to see how many here have used it though.

I have a funny though. My dd stood up in the cart seat the other day and I started counting to 3.........she continued to 5 and we NEVER have worked on the numbers. I rarely count during discipline because as someone in education I see how kids shut it out after a while............but in this case I was so stunned that we spent the rest of the walking around time in Walmart working on her numbers instead of just rushing around and basically not really thinking much about anything but her safety.

Definitely a war of wills and is a 2/3 year old thing. You need to count to three each time this happens or backwards from three and with a stern voice. When she doesn't respond, you go get her. Don't ever let her get away with it. Show her that running away doesn't work. Be firm. Use a firm tone with her at this time. Make sure you do whatever you called her for (changing diapers, going potty, naptime). She'll get tired of this game after she finds out she won't win. She's definitely ready for time-out. This is the beginning of the most important time for setting boundaries. The most important one is to listen. That's why your tone of voice is important. Of course, she will lapse and test you from time to time. Don't let her get away with it.

My daycare children come to me for diaper changes...on their own when they see me lay the changing pad in the floor...they fight over who gets to be first. They range in age from 14 months to 2 1/2 years of age. We sing songs while changing diapers...songs from Potty Power. Same way with potty time for the ones who are potty training. They also walk to the naproom when it's naptime. We have a set routine and it makes a difference. But they have all tested the limits from time to time.

ADDED NOTE:
******You do NOT give her a choice. Asking her will continually get a no answer. You do NOT sit still and continue to demand or yell at her to come to you. That's an entire problem in itself. She runs because she doesn't think you will go after her. You do go after her and take her firmly by the hand or shoulders and walk her back to where you were originally. You get on her level and tell her that running away is inappropriate behavior. She will not continue to run from you when she realizes you are not happy with her, if you are consistent. Be sure to praise her when she does begin to come to you on her own. Believe me, I've had over 40 years experience teaching/working with toddlers. I'm a 60+ year old daycare provider and granny. :>)******

YES, Runnung away is dangerous and needs to be nipped in the bud. what ever your punishment is, be consistant and if you treaten a punishment, follow through EVERY time choose your battles, once you let them win you start all over again. There is a winner and a loser in every battle, make sure if you choose a battle that you are the winner or you will be the loser. :o)

HTH
A. J

We went through the same thing. What I had my daughter do was every time she ran away, I told her we needed to practice coming when Mommy calls her. So I would have her go across the room, or in another room, and then call her. She would come immediately then. We would do this ten times or so, enough that she was starting to get tired of it. Then I would tell her that if she had learned to come when I called her we wouldn't have to practice anymore. It worked pretty well.

Hi E.,
I agree with most of the posters her regarding consistency, a firm voice and NOT chasing after her. The minute you do that it becomes a game, and you do not want that in her head as you're out in public.

When I was working with my daughter, I would pick a safe environment (like the assisted living facility where my MIL is) and always bring the stroller. She was told she could walk as long as she listened and stayed with me (in the car and again as we walked into the desitination).

Once inside, I again reminded her of the "rule" she could walk holding my hand or holding onto the side of the stroller but the minute she ran off, she was told (not asked) to come back. If she chose not to listen and not come back she was buckled back into the stroller. Period.

Of course, there were times she chose not to listen and was buckled in there mad and yelling, but I kept on.

When she would consistently respond to my voice, the stroller/cart was removed from the equasion and the rule became we held hands or she had to stay in my line of vision.

Inevitably, she would wander and again, in a safe environment, I would let her get slightly ahead or behind me and call her name telling her to come. If she chose not to listen, I would tell her again and tell her I was leaving/going this way, etc., and then disappear from her line of site without breaking stride (again, within reason and in a safe place and she was in my line of sight).

When she saw that I was not waiting for her, she got scared and came running. It took about 3 of these episodes to teach her I wasn't playing or kidding and the behavior stopped.

Each child is different and mine tends to push. She needs a firm and unmistakeable voice and action/consequence to get it down. Good luck.

My 5 yr old daughter did the same thing when she was about your daughter's age. We used the bottom step of our stairs, which we call the "naughty step" and would make her go sit there for a determined amount of time. This seemed to work well for this an other more minor disobedience acts. Good luck! It looks like you got some other great advice! :)

As far as out in public, you might consider a harness for your daughter. They make them very cute now, with animals for backpacks. Some people turn up their noses, but if your child's safety is a concern then you have to just ignore them. I used one and just ignored the looks. Your child's safety is more important than their opinions.

You could teach her red light green light. I know a few people that's worked for. Then it becomes a game for her to stop and not just run. But teach it to her during play time when she's not running away so it starts out as a fun thing. Then you can use it to keep her from running away from you, particularly in public or into the street.