Toddler Patience

Talk through what you are doing while you are preparing whatever. It engages him so there is no boring waiting, as well as exposing him to language and teaching him how the world works.

Someone will probably disagree with me, but here goes...

You are going to have your child's whole growing up to help them understand patience. What might help is to understand how a child's brain works. Toddlers, for example, do not process waiting for a desired object in the same ways that we do. Their brains are not developed enough for them to cognitively understand "I see mama getting the milk in the cup, I know it is coming"... instead, their lower, more primitive brain actually processes his perceived deprivation as actual pain, just like it would if he slammed his fingers in a door. It just goes to 'pain central' and of course, he hollers.

What helped me (and I have nannied a lot of toddlers, was a toddler lead teacher and a mom) has been to do a lot of narration. "Oh, I see you want the milk. Let's find the cup. Here's the cup. Now I will pour the milk... here it is for you." Sometimes, talking the little ones through what we are doing conversationally is helpful.

I would try not to get upset with him. Little kid aren't known for their self-regulation and are often impatient and frustrated, both with their world and themselves and their limited abilities. One book I highly recommend is "The Science of Parenting" by Margo Sunderland. This book is an easy, very informative layman's discussion of infant/child brain development and will give you insight into how your son's brain is actually working. The sense of urgency in his need is common, and while some parents might punish for this or withhold the item until the child has calmed down, I wouldn't do that personally. The NAEYC handbook for developmentally appropriate practice for toddlers and twos has this succinct statement:"Toddlers rely on adults to help them deal with their intense feelings and rapid fluctuations in moods." It may also very well be that your son is angry that he can't help himself and get his own milk, meet his own needs, in his own time, and lack of ability can also lead to a great deal of toddler frustration.

I highly suggest finding the book I mentioned and getting to know your baby's brain... he actually sounds pretty typical. For what it's worth, giving empathy "Wow-- you really wish that milk were right there, right now, huh?" is helpful. And if I was in the middle of another task, perhaps helping another child or putting away groceries or something, the way I taught the kids to be patient was to acknowledge their need AND to finish the short task I was attending to. If we drop everything immediately (and they aren't hurt), then we do set some unhealthy "you are more important and your screaming gets you immediate gratification" precedents. However, at sixteen months, your little guy is still really little. Knowing what reasonable expectations are for this age will help you out a lot. Good luck!

Toddler patience is an oxymoron. Toddlers are all about living in the moment and not thinking things through. What they understand when they have to wait is that their needs are not being met within their time frame, which is NOW. To them their world HAS ended.

I agree with you that patience is taught and the sooner we learn the better for everyone. Continue as you are with having him wait and he will learn in his timing, just don't expect it to happen quickly and learn to tolerate the crying and screaming...which will require patience on your part. My guy turned 3 in April and though we've been working on patience for a couple of years, he still gets impatient at times.

Patience is something that is certainly learned over time.
Sadly many even older children (and adults) seem to need instant gratification. Whenever my kids start acting that way I always say, okay Veruca, knock it off.
Referring to the character Veruca Salt, from Charlie and the Chocolate factory, who always wanted everything NOW.
They HATE it when I do that, but it's true, lol!!!
A child can't really get what it means to wait for something until they are developmentally older. Once they really get what it means to "wait a minute" THAT'S when you can start teaching them. A 16 month old doesn't have the mental capacity to understand time, distance, etc. which explains their incessant need for fulfillment and (often) separation anxiety. For now, in the mean time, just try to anticipate the need before it happens and you will have fewer meltdowns and tears. You can read your child's cues and signals better than anyone else, you know when to start getting that snack together, or when it's about time to lay down for a nap. Be proactive about it, as much as possible :)

Never get upset at him, but don't allow fits! Be FIRM about it. Don't teach him to pressure you by allowing him to pressure you with fits. It's a toddler's SPECIALTY and totally up to you to allow or not. Good work identifying this EARLY when it's EASY to fix. It's TOTALLY normal so don't wait until he's been succeeding at massive meltdowns for months to try to get your authority back. He's wondering, "Can I get this faster by screaming? I really want it! Am I in control?" The answers are "No, you may not freak out in order to get your way, and I am in control." He'll appreciate that security as he grows and he can earn his independence closer to three when he can appreciate it. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson to prevent a lot of of trauma in your life :)
There are entire cultures full of patient well-behaved toddlers (not so much here in the USA outside of Amish and Mennonite and fundamentalist communities). But check out Tokyo-I've never seen so many nice toddlers around. "The correct standards for what parents should expect from kids" according to experts vary drastically by culture. My friend from Kenya made the comment she's blown away how undisciplined our kids are here. Even France is pretty good at keeping the kids in check. It's taught with effective discipline and love.

Yeah, about 25 more years. ;)

Good luck!

Uh, he's a toddler. He's crying and screaming because this is what evolution has rewarded - in other words, a baby who does not make clear his needs will die of thirst. A baby who makes his needs clear, and keeps up the alarm until his needs are met, will not die of thirst. We haven't been out of the trees that long, in the grand scheme of things. The child who "gets" delayed gratification at this age is by far the exception, and not the norm. He will be ~3 years old before he will be able to understand that when he asks for something nicely, and waits politely, it will be delivered (and even 3 is fairly young for that).

I feel your pain! I don't have much advice for you besides "hang in there." My youngest is 20 months and I'm trying to encourage her to say "please" when she wants a drink, or more of something at dinner, etc. So far it's not working, and usually results in a screaming tantrum. If she wants to read a book and I say "just a minute" she throws the book and tries to bite me. I know it gets better though!

I've had good luck with involving our 19 month old son in the process. When he demands something, I start by replying with 'please' which he is now slowly incorporating into his demands. Like others have suggested I then talk him through the steps. Sometimes it distracts him and other times not so much. Honestly I don't give into getting upset with him over his demands nor withholding what he is asking for. Both add fuel to the fire. I believe it's part of his age and also with consistency he'll gradually learn patience but that's not my focus. I am trying to keep him somewhat manageable while I get his drink, snack or what have you. I have noticed our son responds more calmly when I am less frazzled so I maintain a calm demeanor regardless. When he does have a meltdown, I carry on as if nothing is amiss so he doesn't think he's getting a different response with the meltdowns. Good luck.

My third is now 19 months, and I'm rather thankful you posted this. We're going through some rougher times right now--I think it's 2 year molars--but I recall with my first that around 22 months--when he had enough words to express himself and his teeth were done, that things got much better. With my second, it was 20 months. My third has been better since about a year, but we'll see--she's just winding up now to start wanting HER way, NOW. Anyway--it does get better. IMO, babies start out easy (we just don't know it if it's our first, or if there are particular challenges), and get harder until they hit about 2. At about 2 you can start to reason with them, and they understand cause and effect, which makes a lot of things a lot easier. Hang in there--you can start teaching reason and cause and effect now, but it might not take hold for a couple months yet--but it won't be time wasted, either!