Hi Mamas. I have a VERY loving and affectionate almost 3-year-old. He's a big, happy ham and people generally love him. However, we've noticed that he will forcefully, and without warning hug kids. He will sometimes forcefully hug around the neck, which a cousin his peer has interpreted as my son strangling him. Yikes. We've been talking to our little guy about personal space using the bubble visual and have also started to tell him we save hugs for family members. I'm planning to write a little social story about this... something I found effective when I used to work with kiddos with autism. We're an affectionate family and son/dad horse around a lot. Hoping we don't have to stop being this kinda family to curb this behavior. Sigh.
Any moms out there who have or have had a toddler like mine? What did you do that helped him/her "get it" other than good ol' repetition? I understand my son is young and his ability to reason is limited. I have to fight the urge to scream -- "people are going to hate you and you're going to turn into a heeby jeeby adult people avoid!" :) A secondary issue I'm having is that I find myself apologizing for my son a lot. I realize he's a toddler and is still learning what's socially appropriate. How do I deal with feeling bad about his behavior without apologizing for it?
We just taught him to ask someone if they wanted a hug BEFORE he gave one. It worked really well.
I HAD THIS PROBLEM W/ ONE OF MY TWINS (woops...caps lock on!) and she did grow out of it. I think it was about 3 that it got "bad" - she would grab kids hands / arms..
If a girl was wearing something sparkly she would stand 2 inches from her and rub her hands, play w/ it (bow, jewelery, studs on a shirt). at around 4 ish kids start to kind of 'freeze' and then pull back from kids who do this so it is very hard to watch as a parent.
Someone on this site told me to get a hoola-hoop and put it on the floor and stand her in the middle of it. You then kneel on the outside (so you're at a child's height) and demonstrate to her/him how far apart he should stand to someone. it worked well... she's now 5 and only does it occasionally.
I never apologized for my daughter, BUT I would very lovingly (and loud enough for the other child &mother to hear) direct my child on what is appropriate. "sweetheart, we don't ever touch someone else or grab their bow. We need to give her space (I would gently move her back a little) and ask permission before we touch anyone/ thing". I would then introduce her to the other child and get them playing together.
For me, when I see this type of behavior in another child, as long as the parent is there - as in physically close (dare I say hovering??!) over the child trying to assist them I never get upset. A.K.A - they are aware of the situation and are working with the child.
Just keep reminding him of it. My son was the same at the age, but now that he's 5, he very rarely just reaches out and hugs other kids. It is an impulse that he'll start to control--no need to feel bad about it--totally normal.
Mine also gave inappropriate hugs (and I would get embarrassed). Her preschool teachers were really good about teaching "personal space." Even then, it took her a while to figure it out. She rarely does this anymore.
Keep explaining and give it time. (And use Dana K's suggestion.)
I hear you. My kid (2 y/o) is either inapporpriately hugging someone (usually small babies inside carriers) or whacking someone upside the head...I can't win with him! ;) Dana's suggestion was a good one. I also sometimes encourage him to do a wave or a high five instead of a hug, and that does work, but not all the time. I think it'll just be a time issue. As far as feeling bad...ugh. Technically you are right, you should not feel bad b/c he is still little and still learning, but I feel horrible about my kids' behavior even though we are CONSTANTLY working on it, so I can't give you advice in that arena! ;)
You might also strongly encourage the huggee to tell your child that they don't like the hugs & ask your son to stop. Sometimes when it comes from peers it has more of an effect. You could also role play as the huggee & tell your son to stop. This way, your son can be prepared when a child tells him to stop.
