Toddler Kicked New Baby!!!

Well it was clearly an accident so I think you handeled it perfectly. Your hubs on the other hand needs a little talking to. Really he hasn't been around, his 3 year old misses him, is a little clingy and he can't handle it? I'm sure he is tired because of the new baby but he is an adult and needs to handle his frustration better. Make sure you schedule toddler an daddy time together and tell hubs, get it together!!!

I'm so glad you didn't punish your daughter for this accident. She's feeling seriously displaced and anxious. It's wonderful that she actually caught herself when she kicked the baby, and if I were there, I would have commended her for noticing she had accidentally hurt him and stopping her kicking.

Empathize with her strongly that you KNOW she's afraid right now that there won't be as much room for her in your lives and hearts, and assure her that she's always going to be as important to you as she ever was, even though it sometimes seems you are focused on the new baby. Tell her you had to be that focused on her in her first few months, too.

I just recommended two books to another mom, and I think you'll find them both wonderful: I've heard raves from several young families who have used this one when they had babies number two or three, and I'm guessing it will be just as useful in your household. It's Siblings Without Rivalry, by Faber and Mazlish.

I personally rely heavily on another wise and practical book by the same authors, called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You may find this one even more helpful. The authors have a long history of leading parenting workshops, and teach parents how their children can propose their own solutions to all sorts of classic problems, including attitude, responsibility and trust issues. Once the child is invested in her own solution, she is really empowered to make it work.

My grandson, now 4.5, has responded wonderfully to this approach. I'm reading the book for the 3rd time, and it's so sensible, calm and effective.

It was an accident. If the baby was okay, I wouldn't think it was that big of a deal. Age 3 is a rough age, and introducing a new sibling is very hard on her. (my oldest was 3 when his brother was born) If this is the first time that Dad has been around for that long, then I think he should be a little more considerate and understanding of his 3 yr old daughter. I'm not sure what you mean when you say that he got "slightly frustrated" but it sounds like it really upset your 3 yo. Parenting is so tough, but when I try to see it from your daughter's point of view, its understandable she got upset. When a new baby is born, the 'only child' often feels like they are being replaced. It sounds like Dad's negative attitude towards her made her feel even more insecure.

I think your response--to give yourself a moment and then to correct--was just right. It's important to separate the action from what your daughter was feeling (anger and frustration at her father), which you did. And she showed a very mature response for her age--she was able to stop expressing her anger in a physical way and was moved by what she had done.

I think you handled it very well. You were able to contain your emotions and give her feedback (why her actions were dangerous and what their effects were) while not blowing it out of proportion.

I have experienced this, and it is the containing of our emotions that really allows us to make a better impression on our children. Older kids definitely can feel less important to their parents once the baby arrives, and their actions in acting out are often directed at the parents, who are not giving them entirely what they need. (whether or not we adults feel this is the case, it's the child's feelings we are concerning ourselves with here) Studies of the developing brain have shown us that children need to have their degree of stress and emotion reflected back to them. Ideally, when they are clingy and needing us, there is a biological 'survival' function being triggered in their lower, less-socially developed brain. (Think of it this way--without her understanding it, she's responding to having her resources limited in some way.) Thus, when we don't meet them or pull away, they experience this loss as Very Real Pain in their brains, and thus the tantrums begin.

If you want more information on this, check out The Science of Parenting. It's an easy read and extremely eye-opening. Much of our children's actions are deeply influenced by their juvenile brain development (or lack of it...). Your response was perfectly supportive in helping your daughter. It might also be that when she gets very clingy, to the point that you or your husband want to run out of the room, you could try some distraction techniques to help her come down from that space of neediness. Hug on her a lot physically, give her lap time as much as possible, and then get her started on some independent work if you can. Set her up at a table of playdough or another solo activity before leaving the room and give her a chance to refocus before taking parental attention away. In other words, finesse the transition however you can.

Regression happens, for all sorts of good reasons. Keep up the good work--your response was so great. By not overreacting, and by keeping the direction grounded in "this can hurt others" instead of "You Almost Hurt The BABY!", your daughter can keep moving forward into a positive relationship with her brother.

When my baby was about a year old, my youngest also almost 3 accidentally dropped a matchbox on her head, and I got it on tape..he was talking to her and it happened. She cried for a little bit but was fine. I just made sure to tell him the rules about being careful when babies were around again. It never happened again, and she was fine. I would just make sure to tell her again and make sure you tell her you love her and you know it wasn't on purpose. She will understand and most likely keep her distance or tantrums down(for a while anyway).

It sounds like your daughter knew instantly what she had done. I think you handled it great, and I wouldn't do anything further than what you've already done.

I think she's fully old enough for that lesson to be driven home. I know my 2 1/2yo boy has already gotten this talk and I reinforce it from time to time.

It sounds like you handled it just like I would have. I'm also sure that the baby is just fine. An accidental kick isn't going to do any damage. Babies are soft and flexible (including their heads at this age) with many built-in protections against minor bumps and bruises. They're more resilient than we sometimes give them credit for.

You're doing just fine. :)

Your dear daughter. She sounds mature beyond her years, actually, and like a sweet and loving person. This must be a scary time for her, and it sounds like she has a close relationship with Daddy (which is especially understandable right now because Mommy is very busy with the new baby). She needs that Daddy time, and you might talk to your husband about his part in this. That your daughter stopped when she hurt the baby is really good, too. Watch for signs of bullying or striking at the baby in anger, but recognize that accidents will happen between siblings. I think you handled the whole thing well, and wouldn't change a thing.

My son was five when I had my next son so he was used to all the attention. It was actually like raising two only children til recently. They grew into fine young men and are friends. But I will never forget the day I put the baby in a bouncy seat on the floor, heard crack and a cry and ran to see what happened. Older son looked at me, said I don't like that baby! And admitted he had hit him. I was shocked. I remember sitting him down however calmly as I could and explained to him how important he was still. I guess that is what you have to do is just continue to let the older one know they are not replaced by a newer version of themselves and that hurting is unacceptable. There will be jealousy from time to time. Heck, my sisters and brothers are in their thirties and forties and everyone still has goofy jealous things going on. Never ends. Just gets different.

I think you did a great job handling it. I had something like this happen with my newborn and year and a half old. my older son wanted the newborn to play cars with him. when the baby didn't take the car my older son got upset and thew it at him. After making sure my newborn wasn't hurt I took the cars from my oldest and had him sit in my lap for a while and explained that his baby brother can't play yet.

Great job Mamma!! Now I think daddy should have a talk with his little girl and smooth things over!